Top Ten Things Not to Do With a Smartphone

July 17, 2023July 29, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

Photo by Creative Christians on Unsplash

This was run on June 17, 2017. Since we still have smartphones, I think it still works. I hope you enjoy it.

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10 If you have a smartphone, do not use it to send a breakup message. If you do, at best, the message will fail to deliver. At worst, your message will be received just after the recipient has paid a no-return deposit on the condo you were to share. (Talk about awkward, Idiot.)

9 If you have a smartphone, do not use it to video record those embarrassing family moments. If you do, at best, you will be convinced to trash the video. At worst, your clip is now on YouTube with a million likes. (Yes, your family is well-known for its stupidity. Too bad they can’t show their face in public, Putz)

8 If you have a smartphone, do not think you must reach the last level of Candy Crush. If you do, at best, your phone will quit working. At worst, you will still work to achieve the level even as your family has finally given up all contact. (Can you say obsessed, Bert?)

7 If you have a smartphone, do not think anyone wants to see your pictures. If you do, at best, you may find a hapless victim who feigns interest. At worst, most people you show your treasures are sound asleep at the end. (Of course, they are now a captive audience huh, Buford?)

6 If you have a smartphone, do not think you can take pictures without permission. If you do, at best, you may be told to stop doing so. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ you just photographed, has confessed to his therapy group how camera-shy he has become due to being more open in the discussions. (You are very right to begin running, Buster. I think Tiny is gaining on you, though.)

5 If you have a smartphone, do not publicly ask the robot assistant a question. If you do, at best, you won’t be understood. At worst, your question was so inane that now everyone realizes you are an idiot. (“What is the temperature today?” was a real crowd pleaser, Goober. Go sit down and be quiet.)

4 If you have a smartphone, do not think you can watch a video and walk simultaneously. If you do, at best, a few bumps by passersby will convince you to stop. At worst, being airborne due to walking into a taxi will give you time to think about next time. (You must now prepare for the second collision with the ground, Tex. Here’s hoping there is a next time.)

3 If you have a smartphone, do not take any selfies you wouldn’t want your mother to see. If you do, at best, she’ll never see them. At worst, those little photos you made for your friend’s eyes only are now featured on the Instagram gross photo of the week. (And you thought the cloud was an iron-clad secure place huh, Dufus?)

2 If you have a smartphone, do not be afraid of that ringing sound. If you are, at best, you can stop it by answering with a “hello.” At worst, the distraction of the ringing causes you to take extraordinary measures that finally silence the ringing. (You did know that water is harmful to a smartphone, right, Bucky? And BTW, smartphones were initially designed for phone calls. That’s what all that ringing was about.)

1 If you have a smartphone, do not operate any other machinery while using it. If you do, at best, you will get one chance with no consequences. At worst, you may hurt yourself and others, especially if you are driving a car. (But you know all this, right, Bunion?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Topography and Rocks

July 16, 2023July 15, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

Today we are going to cruise the neighborhood. I want to show you two things. The first is to give you an idea of the topography and house placement in Lakewat. The second is to show how some folks use abundant rocks. We are catered by Quantos Tacos Foodtruck of Austin. (Mexico City Street food). Our entertainment is Alabama.

Tacos

Cachete – Barbacoa onion & cilantro Nixtamal tortilla

Buche – Pork Stomach onion & cilantro on Nixtamal tortilla

Carnitas- Pork onion & cilantro on Nixtamal tortillas

Longaniza – Mexican chorizo onion& cilantro on Nixtamal tortilla

Champiñones- Grilled mushrooms in Salsa Adobo, onion & cilantro on Nixtamal tortilla

Quesadillas

Suadero quesadilla – Suadero(brisket) 10-inch Flour tortilla, melted cheese, side of grilled onion & 1 chile Torreado

Cachete Quesadilla- Cachete (beef Cheek) 10-inch flour tortilla, melted cheese, side of Grilled onion & 1 chile torreado

Buche Quesadillas -Pork Stomach 10 Inch Flour tortilla, Melted cheese, grilled onion & chile toreado

Carnitas quesadilla – Carnitas(pork butt) 8 Inch Flour tortilla, melted cheese, grilled onion & 1 chile torreado

Longaniza Quesadilla – Mexican Chorizo 10-inch flour Tortilla side of grilled onions and Chile toreado

Champiñon Quesadilla – Grilled Mushrooms in Salsa Adobo, 10-inch flour tortilla, melted cheese, grilled onion & 1 chile toreado

Other

Frijoles Especiales -Charro style beans with campechano meat from pot in 8 oz cup

Cebolla Asada- Grilled onions of about 4oz

Cheese Quesadilla -10 inch Flour tortilla, Melted cheese, grilled onion

Picture of an old time school bus

The bus is packed. Let’s go.

This is a long uphill driveway.

This shows that houses are placed down the hill from the street.

This will give you an idea of the hilliness of the area.

This street goes steadily downhill. Houses in the hills too.

Because houses are arranged with either big back or front yards but not both, some folks have to place their pools in the front with a street view.

Another pool view from the street.

Cute little rock wall.

Random rocks pretty much left where they were found.

More substantial rock wall.

Fieldstone laid into a wall reminds me of the walls in the Eastern states.

Big ole dump of rock to keep the hill where it is.

Use of big rocks to retain the soil.

I hope you enjoyed the views and have some idea of our town’s topography. Now let’s enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – ‘Record’

July 15, 2023July 14, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

Waiting for my coffee to begin its journey from the bean hopper through the press and down the twin spouts, my thoughts turn to how nice it is to be in my own place. The aroma of the coffee filling the mug causes a reflection on how great the simple things of life are and how often they are taken for granted. Our brains don’t seem to be programmed to record the simple stuff but tend to make ample notes of the complex.

Jessica brought home that the fight or flight response is the record the brain plays repeatedly. When fighting isn’t possible, then the concentration turns to flight. That big bun and the big guy convinced me to take advantage of anything at hand for a getaway. Sipping my brew brings the total picture into focus. There has to be more time spent on the small blessings that are all around.

Feeling satisfied with my conclusion and getting to the end of my phone vibrates. Pulling the phone out of my pocket, there is a new text message from Linda Hill. It says, Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “record.” Use it as a noun, use it as a verb, use it any way you’d like. Have fun! Visit Linda’s blog to see what others have done with the prompt. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/07/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-15-2023/

“Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“No falling rocket or safe?”

“I guess not.”

“This has to be a record.”

“Well, you can’t have that kind of thing every day.”

“Yeah, but this is once a week, and I think I should.”

“Good thing this isn’t your blog.”

“Yeah, but I’m a reader and have rights.”

“What kind of right?”

“The right to be entertained.”

“And a falling safe does that?”

“You bet along with a cartoon character.”

“Anything else?”

“A description of your security system.”

“You sound like a broken record. I’ve done all those.”

“Yeah, so do more.”

“Or you find something else to read?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know. I did. Maybe a hint. What do you think?”

“I already ordered a Uber. He’s over there.”

“That flatbed truck?”

“No, the limo behind it.”

“The white limo with six rear wheels.”

“Yeah, it was on special. It has a pool.”

“For the record, I object.”

“The fridge is full of Voo Doo Ranger.”

“Objection overruled.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF -Fri-Yay Good News

July 14, 2023July 13, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network. I have purposely left in several links since they show other photos taken from the Webb Telescope. If you have the time, they are spectacular. Here’s the story.

Rho Ophiuichi – Credits NASA ESA CSA STScI Klaus Pontoppidan STScI

NASA Celebrates ‘One Year of Science’ From Webb Telescope with Jaw-Dropping Image

Andy Corbley Jul 13, 2023

It’s been a long and successful year for the James Webb Space Telescope, and to mark the anniversary of its entry into service, NASA has shown off Webb’s vibrant picture of a small star-forming region in the Rho Ophiuchi cloud complex.

“From our cosmic backyard in the solar system to distant galaxies near the dawn of time, NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope has delivered on its promise of revealing the universe like never before in its first year of science operations,” NASA stated.

The first-anniversary image displays star birth “like it’s never been seen before,” full of detailed, impressionistic texture. The subject is the Rho Ophiuchi cloud complex, the closest star-forming region to Earth.

“It is a relatively small, quiet stellar nursery, but you’d never know it from Webb’s chaotic close-up,” boasts NASA. “Jets bursting from young stars crisscross the image, impacting the surrounding interstellar gas and lighting up molecular hydrogen, shown in red. Some stars display the telltale shadow of a circumstellar disk (dust and matter), the makings of future planetary systems.”

Two critical differences single out the JWST as such a remarkable machine: the first is that it sees into infrared light—a spectrum which the human eye cannot see, and the second is that it orbits the second LaGrange Point a million miles from Earth, removing any light pollution of our world from diluting its imagery.

It’s made some important discoveries and snapped some incredible photographs. From our own solar system, Webb has clarified details on Jupiter, such as the planet’s minuscule rings, as well as the Jovian aurorae, on Neptune, where the telescope was able to clearly image the planet’s rings and moons together for the first time, and from Saturn where it was able to gather exquisite data on the effect of methane clouds in Saturn’s atmosphere.

Webb has also been studying Saturn’s moons and managed to record a plume of water erupting from the surface of the ocean world Enceladus that was 6,000 miles long.

Outside the solar system, the JWST has taken amazing photos of the oldest galaxies ever found, created just 500 million years after the Big Bang, of an exploding star in the constellation Cassiopeia, and also lent a hand to a European effort to study X-ray light in the universe with a 4-panel mosaic of technological artwork.

“In just one year, the James Webb Space Telescope has transformed humanity’s view of the cosmos, peering into dust clouds and seeing light from faraway corners of the universe for the very first time,” said NASA Administrator Bill Nelson. “Every new image is a new discovery, empowering scientists around the globe to ask and answer questions they once could never dream of.”

“Thousands of engineers, scientists, and leaders poured their life’s passion into this mission, and their efforts will continue to improve our understanding of the origins of the universe—and our place in it.”

The good news here is the human quest for knowledge is being met. Today’s JohnKu talks about the value of learning new things. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Like an ocean swell,

Lifts every boat the same way . . .

Learning lifts us all.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy in the Morning

July 13, 2023July 12, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 129 Comments

“Hey, Twiggy. What are you doing?”

“Just waiting to see what kind of day we will have.”

“Well, you know it will be hot.”

“On the walk with Mom, I could tell it will be a scorcher. What’s the forecast?”

“Looks like 104° F, which is 40° C.”

“I would say an inside day.”

“I think you are right. At least you don’t live in a dog house.”

“Whatever that is. Have to think of stuff to do.”

“There are your toys. Plenty to play with.”

“True. Some are a little long in the tooth, though.”

“You just got the Bee Mine toy.”

“Yes, I do find it interesting still. Also, Mr. Eel and Watermelon are good friends.”

“You and I can play tuggy too.”

“That’s true. I wish I would win more often.”

Well, I could throw a game or two.”

“Now, Dad. You know that’s not how we roll. What the heck is that stuff?”

“It’s my breakfast. Raisin Bran Crunch with banana. Want some?”

OMG. Looks like something left over from high tide.”

“So I guess that’s a pass.”

“You are very astute, Dad. Now if you had a spare Porterhouse steak, that would be a different story.”

“If this was a Porterhouse steak, we both would be in the wrong house and possibly in a different dimension.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like something you would eat. Would be fun, though.”

Do I Need to Use A Dragon #newbook by Charles Yallowitz

July 12, 2023July 11, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Charles Yallowitz is a prolific and talented writer who has published 42 titles in multiple genres. His latest is a book for the rest of us. He lays out inside tips on the writing craft, which are useful to all writers regardless of genre choice. For a limited time, the e-book can be had for 99¢. Here’s the cover.

Here’s the link.

Curious about craftwork? Tempted to try writing fantasy? Then grab a copy of Do I Need to Use a Dragon? as a 99 cents eBook!

Here’s Charles’ bio.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn’t working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. ‘Legends of Windemere’ is his first series, but it certainly won’t be his last.

His blog

Amazon Author site

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – Wine/Crackers

July 11, 2023July 12, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 77 Comments

You know the drill. I open a book to a random page and then, without looking, point to the page. The word or words closest to the pointing finger will be the prompt. Today I opened Eternal Road to page 111. There are two words under my finger; wine and crackers. So let’s go with those.

The old man sits on the bench and uses his two hands on the cane to hold himself upright. Tired would not even come close to describing how he is feeling. The years of work and worry have evaporated any remaining moisture of youth. The cane shakes in response to the hands upon it. His interest in continuing another day is about the same as taking a ten-mile walk home. He might like to do it, but the effort seems overwhelming right now. He wishes he could remember how he got to this bench, but like most of the fog of his days, the mystery is not worth taking time to solve.

Squinting to avoid the sun’s glare, he sees a group of men ambling up the middle of the street, raising small dust clouds with each step. He thinks maybe they will be able to help him get back to his house. He wants to wait until they draw closer since his old man’s voice sounds like a cracking whisper. Repeating what he says has become an annoyance and another drain on what little resources he has left.

The men are abreast of his position, and he calls out, “Hey can anyone help me?” The men stop and look in his direction. One pulls away from the group and approaches the old man. “What’s the matter, pops? Lose your wine and crackers?” The others chuckle and shift on their feet.

“When I was your age, I had a little more respect for old people.”

“Aw, pops, I meant no disrespect. I’m sorry. What can I do to help you?”

The old man explains that he doesn’t know how he got on this bench and would like to go home but has no way to get there. The young man uses his thumb and pushes his wide-brim hat back on his head. “You have any family?”

“I think I used to, but I can’t rightly tell you if they are still around. I live alone.”

“I see. Well, we will be glad to help, but we have a job to do first. Are you going to be okay until we get back? Shouldn’t take more than a half hour.”

“Mighty obliged to you. Yes, I can wait a half hour.”

“Alright then. You stay here in the shade, and we’ll be going over to that corral there to arrest some rustlers.”

“You a lawman?”

“Yup, I’m the marshall hereabouts. Name’s Earp. Wyatt Earp. Them’s my deputies.”

“Pleased to meet you, Wyatt. I’ll be right here awaitin’.”

“Good for you, pops. Don’t you worry; everything’s going to be alright.”

“Bless you, son.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Your Spouse’s New Car

July 10, 2023July 9, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 95 Comments

This post was originally run on May 8th, 2017. I think the advice still holds true.

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The inspiration for the list was the rotation of an old car for a new car for The Producer. Yes, it was her turn for a new vehicle and brought to mind some of the things that I will never even think of doing in it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Your Spouse’s New Car

10 In your spouse’s new car, do not eat fast food anything. If you do, at best, the lingering smell will give you away. At worst, all efforts to contain the mustard will fail in one small conspicuous spot. (You never thought mustard could stain leather, did you, Ferd?)

9 In your spouse’s new car, do not park anywhere near the shopping cart return area. If you do, at best, all the returns will be in the slot. At worst, the car will collect shopping carts like a magnet. (Maybe you could claim you were attacked by zombie shopping carts, huh, Bosco?)

8 In your spouse’s new car, do not take the dog. If you do, at best, you’ll need to vacuum out the hair. At worst, the dog needed a nail trim and a bath, so now the seats are not only dirty but also scratched. (You could claim a wild raccoon got in an open window or just leave home, Buford.)

7 In your spouse’s new car, do not pick up anything from Home Depot. If you do, at best, the potting soil dirt can be cleaned up. At worst, the technician forgot to replace the oil cap on that chain saw, which makes the back seat area look like a CSI crime scene. (Don’t worry about the consequences Tex. You won’t live to see tomorrow.)

6 In your spouse’s new car, do not follow that gravel truck. If you do at best, you’ll stay back far enough to avoid the falling rocks. At worst, the replacement windshield is only $1200.00. (You better hope the guy can get it done today, huh, Bunky?)

5 In your spouse’s car, do not park in a tight spot. If you do, at best, your neighbors will take great care not to ding your car. At worst, you’ve blocked in Tiny, the WWF champ who has just arrived to attend his first counseling session on overcoming claustrophobia. (No telling when he will stop trying to get out of his car. Maybe when his door falls off, or the new car has been crushed enough to give him freedom, Putz.)

4 In your spouse’s car, do not change the radio. If you do, at best, you can remember to set it back to the original station. At worst, you will forget and be the recipient of a “no use” order. (Hard to follow that order when your car is blocked in, huh, Buster? Hint. Don’t even think about taking that new car. Get that old Schwinn.)

3 In your spouse’s car, do not exceed the speed limit when told not to do it. If you do, at best, no one will know. At worst, even though you tried to cover it up, your ticket is being used as a training event for the local police and covered by the six o’clock news. (Your best bet is to hit the circuit breaker at 5:59 and blame a power outage. Handling the neighbor’s phone calls will be a trickier matter huh, Ralph?)

2 In your spouse’s car, do not have a cup of hot coffee while you drive. If you do, at best, that small spill will be caught by your shirt. At worst, the unseen pothole makes the coffee go airborne, leaving some interesting stain patterns on the light-colored upholstery. (You now know that those OXY-Clean commercials overpromise, huh, Pal?)

1 In your spouse’s car, do not drive on that new asphalt road. If you do, at best, a few spots will come off with mineral spirits. At worst, your spouse’s white car appears as if it is a prop in a new One Hundred and One Dalmatian film promotion. (The sad part is you were told to avoid that area, right, Pard?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Potpourri

July 9, 2023July 8, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

Today we are going on a trip to the unusual. Today’s collection is varied and not related to a theme. We are catered by Ezov of Austin. Our entertainment is The Eurythmics.

Appetizer

Crudo – albacore, pistachio, pomegranate, bay leaf oil
Smashed cucumber – smoked labne, nigella, amba, AleppoCampfire Kohlrabi – grilled, braised, fresh, chermoula
Halloumi – date molasses, dukkah, sorrel
Cauliflower – labne, Fresno chile, amaranth, hawaiej spice
Falafel – tahini, amba, green schug
Hummus – oyster mushroom, hazelnuts, tahini, red tatbila
Sigarim – sweetbreads, chicken hearts, yogurt, green schug

Main
Frena – mediterranean wheat, za’atar, lamb butter, beet horseradish
Tilefish – merguez spice, amba aioli, celery, olive gremolata
Sabich Sandwich – frena, eggplant, cucumber, egg, amba, tahini, SchugChicken Shawarma – laffa, caraway cabbage, green tahini, fixins
Kofta- lamb & beef, pine nuts, fire-roasted eggplant, spring onion
Texas Wagyu – muhammara, toum, sunchoke

Dessert
Coconut Malabi – strawberry, toasted coconut, Turkish pistachio, rose
Turkish Coffee Cake – cardamom chocolate sauce, mascarpone, nigella seed
Baklava – caramelized banana, tahini ice cream, texas pecan, pistachio

Picture of an old time school bus

The bus is ready.

A nice friendly welcome.

T-rex and the lamp.

The Octagon House.

Terra cotta turtle. (say that fast)

Have no idea what this is. Maybe a Pterodactyl.

Miniature gecko.

The start of a home expansion (or trash)

Octagon family room.

Froggy rain gauge. ( which has a useless aura about it, given our drought)

The Sand Dollar house.

A flock of Flamingos.

Well, there you have our tour. Now, sit back and enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a wonderful week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Acronym”

July 8, 2023July 7, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

My blinking SOS with my eyes had no effect on the clerk. WTF went through my brain as the clerk handed me my temporary membership card. Making faces and rolling my eyes did nothing to alert the clerk that my condition was SOL. Jessica grabs my arm and pulls me away from the desk. “Let’s get to the statue,” she says through her teeth. Seeing that the clerk will be no help, there is no choice but to enter the store.

My mind is racing as the checker waves us on. The only thought that comes is to stall as much as possible. Pointing in the direction of the last row clear across the store, we start moving in that direction. Wishing the opportunity to grab someone and scream bloody murder would come up, my objective is to move as slowly as possible.

“Quit stalling.” Jessica seems to be on to me. We pass the clothing displays, and Jessica does not appreciate me pointing out the terrific saving on bib overalls. We come to a woman holding a tray of cream cheese on cracker samples, and again, Jessica takes exception to my offer of trying one. She grips my arm with enough pressure to turn my hand black. “I’m not afraid to use this gun right here. Unless you want to be DOA, my suggestion is you get to the statue proto.”

A sigh passes my lips, realizing that my goose is now in the oven. Wait, an idea pops into my head. All that needs to be done is to go to the rotisserie oven and grab a couple of hot birds. Tossing them at Jessica and the big guy might be enough of a diversion for me to start screaming like a girl and get some help. With the plan in mind, I steer them toward the hot chickens. Grabbing two birds and flinging them catches both Jessica and the big guy off guard. Jessica starts swearing. The big guy decides to start eating my contribution is a scream that could crack the crystal.

A security guy comes over, and both the big guy and Jessica book for the exit. The security guy looks at my membership card and lets me know there is a message from Linda Hill. He shows me the message on his iPad, and it reads; Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “acronym’.” Choose an acronym and use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you want to see what others have done with this prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/07/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-8-2023/

“SOL? Do you think anyone will know what that means?”

“Yeah. So Outta Luck.”

“That is the family blog meaning. I mean the real one.”

“We’ll just leave it at that.”

“DOA is Dead on Arrival, right?”

“You got it.”

“We all know WTF.”

“Yes, and no need to expand that one.”

“So where did this throwing chicken idea come from.”

“Where most of my hair brain ideas come from.”

“You know I feel a little cheated with that solution.”