Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have Spring Fever

March 7, 2022March 6, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

This post originally ran on March 15th, 2015. As we approach spring, it is worth another warning.

* * *

Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have Spring Fever

10 If you have spring fever, do not fall in love with everyone you see. If you do, at best, you will get a broken heart. At worst, you will need to deal with all the partners to whom you have been reported for inappropriate sighing. (Not to mention concerning behavior)

9 If you have spring fever, do not daydream at work. If you do, at best, your fellow workers will think you use drugs. At worst, the boss will believe you have a motivation condition that can only be helped with a six-week motivational seminar (Which is being held in Fargo, ND, where spring comes in July.)

8 If you have spring fever, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best, you may waste some material because of inattention. At worst, you may be deep in thought and run the heavy machinery through the shop wall or floor. (Better check to see what is under that 2000 pound wheel.)

7 If you have spring fever, do not operate a motor vehicle. If you do, at best, you may get a fender bender. At worst, you may be pulled over by the state police because you are going the wrong way on the freeway. (Try explaining the concept of spring fever with your hands cuffed behind you.)

6 If you have spring fever, do not lay in a bed of daisies. If you do, At best, you will be allergic. At worst, you might be in contact with a nest of fire ants or bees and will end up in the ER having to explain why you decided to lay in a bed of daisies in the first place. (The story will never come out right)

5 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take the day off. If you do, at best, you will miss some important phone calls. At worst, you will miss the meeting where your boss was going to announce your surprise award for attendance which now isn’t necessary since the office snitch explained that you just didn’t come in today. (I think you can guess who will get the award.)

4 If you have spring fever, do not decide to write poetry for the first time. If you do, at best, no one will ever see it. At worst, you will want to share it with your family and friends causing an immediate interdiction and a nice quiet room for you. (Can you still hear the laughter?)

3 If you have spring fever, do not decide to force the family on a picnic. If you do, at best, all of you will be wet and miserable. At worst, the park patrol will finally find you after several hours of your family being reported lost in the blizzard. (Guess who is not talking to you anymore?)

2 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take up guitar playing. If you do, at best, you will get good enough to be described as awful. At worst, you will be strumming and singing a song and wonder why all the people have left, and all the cats have arrived. (The fish guy started out this way.)

1 If you have spring fever, do not buy a convertible or sports car. If you do, at best, you will be forced to drive it alone. At worst, you will be asked kindly by your partner to return the vehicle to the point of purchase under penalty of a total and complete censure. (Guess how much the car is worth when you bring it back?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Concert Time

March 6, 2022November 5, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 81 Comments

Today we are going to a concert. It is about time we do some cultural things along with eating and drinking. The Band of the Hills which is a community band for all ages is having a concert at the Lakeway activity center. We are being catered Dim Sum by Wu Chow in Austin and our entertainment will be Thelonis Monk playing Duke Ellington’s Caravan.

DIM SUM FEATURED ITEMS

红油抄手 Sichuan Spicy Wontons (4 per order)

虾仁馄饨 Crispy Shrimp Wonton (4 per order)

盐和胡椒虾 Salt & Pepper Shrimp

麻辣排骨 Mala Ribs (3 per order) 麥

糯米饭 Sticky Rice (sausage or shiitake) 麥蔬 |

葱油饼 Scallion Pancake 蔬 |

黄瓜 Spicy Cucumbers 麥蔬 |

冷芝麻面 Cold Sesame Noodle 蔬 |

担担面 Dan Dan Noodles |

小籠包 | Shanghai Pork Soup Dumplings (5 per order) |

雞餃 | Steamed Chicken Dumplings (5 per order) |

豬肉鍋貼 | Pork Potstickers (5 per order) |

牛肉鍋貼 | Beef Potstickers (5 per order) |

香菜蝦餃 | Shrimp & Cilantro Dumplings (3 per order) |

蔬菜餃子 | Vegetable Dumplings (3 per order) 蔬 |

蝦餃 | Gulf Shrimp Ha Gow (3 per order) |

燒賣 | Pork & Shrimp Shumai (4 per order) |

雞燒賣 | Chicken and Shiitake Shumai (3 per order) |

鲜虾扇贝 Shrimp & Scallop Shumai (3 per order) |

Drinks of all kinds.

So let’s get on the bus

There is the Activity Center.

Here is the program for today. We will hear Thelonis Monk’s version of Caravan later

We are here just in time. The band is warming up.

People are filing in.

More warming up.

The Band leader takes the podium

The concert begins.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Way to Go”

March 5, 2022March 4, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Drumming my fingers on the counter, waiting for the orchestrated process that manufacturers a cup of coffee to be complete, the memory synapses kick in before caffeine. That darned bunny was the message relayed to the heart, lungs, stomach, and legs. Mercifully the machine finally delivered the soothing syrup designed to smooth out the peaks and valleys of an overrevved reaction to the torturous memory interruption. “Way to go,” I whispered to the hot, steaming mug of dark frothy deliciousness.

In a more stable condition, the realization that the front door needs to be addressed sets in. Since there is no clue of anything on the Ring doorbell camera, there is only one way to determine if the grey carrot munching talking cartoon of a rabbit is gone. My prayer goes up that he is indeed somewhere else. The door is flung open.

“What’s up, Doc?”

My hair shoots up to its full length, which would be a good visual for a cartoon but an awful feeling in reality. My inclination is to slam the door but then consider that a mystery is to be solved. Instead, I ask the rabbit why he was here on my porch. His response is a classic out of the Warner Brothers studio. “The street is too busy,” he says.

I try to explain that the presence of a cartoon rabbit needs some clarification. He listens to me with interest then shrugs his shoulder. He goes on to say that he is not sure why he is there either other than to deliver the second message from Linda Hill. He then whips out an envelope which he tosses to me. Instinct causes the non-coffee hand to pluck the envelope out of the air. “Way to Go,” says the bunny and then disappears.

I open the envelope, and again the note floats out, and I snatch it as well. The message reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “way to go.” Use it as a phrase or use it in its literal sense. Enjoy!

If you would like to join this group, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2022/03/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-5-2022/

“You didn’t explain the mystery.”

“I was hoping the rabbit would.”

“Yeah, but he disappeared.”

“I have a feeling he’ll be back.”

“You know that for sure?”

“Well, no.”

“You make up the most frustrating stories. You know that?”

“I do now.”

“Why don’t you just do a normal into.”

“Like what.”

“You know. Here’s the prompt, and here’s my story.”

Then how would you and I have these little conversations?”

“We could just meet for a drink, and just maybe the drink would be a little more than an absolute necessity.”

“I drive you to drink?”

“Only if we take your car.”

“I hear a drum ‘bump, bump’ and a cymbal.”

“Yeah, that was very Henny Youngman of me.”

“Seriously, my stories cause you to need a drink.”

“Or a shot in the face.”

“Come on.”

“Okay, not that bad, but I think I do have a case of post prompt syndrome.”

“I know what fixes that.”

“You driving?”

“Yup.”

“Way to go.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

March 4, 2022March 3, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 105 Comments

Today’s Good News story comes from the Good News Network. Here is the entire story.

Former Marine Driving 1,000 Miles to Ukraine Border in Minibus Loaded with Supplies, Toys, and Blankets for Refugees

by Andy Corbley March 3, 2022

A former UK Royal Marine has loaded a 16-seater minibus with sleeping bags, pillows, and toys for refugees moving across the Ukrainian border into Poland and pledged to drive 1,000 miles to personally deliver them.

31-year-old Tom Littledyke from Lyme Regis began his journey on February 28th, saying he was inspired to act after seeing pictures of “families broken and separated by the conflict.”

Setting up a fundraiser, it took Littledyke just twelve hours to fill his minibus with supplies and collect £4,000 in donations ($5,300) for the trip.

“Too often do we think that we have to do something grand, and if it can’t be grand, what’s the point,” he told the BBC. “It doesn’t matter what we do as long as it’s something in the right direction. There’s so many of us who want to help. It will all build to this gigantic thing.”

The 1,000 mile (1,600 km) drive will take him and his cargo through England, France, Germany, and Poland before arriving at the border with Ukraine, where an alleged 500,000 refugees have fled. After unloading the supplies, he plans to utilize the bus to give rides to people who have a place to stay.

Littledyke’s partner will hold down the fort in his absence, which consists of two pubs and an Italian restaurant.

While it is said that war is hell, Good News Network knows that during times when the capacity for human malevolence is greatest, the capacity for compassion is greater.

The good news here is one man decided to do something to help Ukrainians. Today’s JohnKu reminds us to think of those in need. I hope you have a super weekend, and maybe you can think of a small way to help.

Big efforts to help,

Can also use the support . . .

Of little kind acts.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Lucy Relax.

March 3, 2022March 2, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 95 Comments

“Well, Little One. It is a gorgeous day. What do you want to do?”

“It is beautiful for sure. I’m thinking sunbath.”

“Sounds good for a while. Any interest in chasing that bird?”

“Eh. I know him. He is way too fast. Bit of a tease too.”

“I get that. Anything we need to track?”

“Let me try a sniff or two here.”

No luck back there. What about the patio?”

“I’m getting a whiff of something but hard to put my nose on it.”

“What do you mean ‘hard to get your nose on it?’ Your nose never lets you down.”

“That’s why it’s so confusing. I would know Puma in an instant.”

“Where you going?”

“I think it has run along the fence. So I’m going to track it down.”

“Well, that was a big zero.”

“I know, right? Unfortunately, the trail stopped right here.”

“So you going for that sunbath now?”

“Yeah, feel how warm the sun is. This is great.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Where you going?”

“To see if the cabana boy is on duty.”

“He’s off today, darn it.”

“You can still stretch out and relax.”

“I was hoping we wouldn’t have to go all the way to the house for a drink.”

“You have such First World concerns, Lucy.”

“You think?”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Prompt – Kreative Kue # 349 by Keith Channing

March 1, 2022February 28, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”

The photo.

“See that pigeon?”

“What pigeon?”

“Over there.”

“Where?”

“For the love of heaven. The one sitting on the roof.”

“The brownish one?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“What’s the matter with your eyesight?”

“If anything, I would say my eyesight is perfect.”

“Then what can’t you see the pigeon?”

“I have had too much to drink, that’s why.”

“Now, who’s fault is that?”

“The guy who set up the reception, I suppose.”

“Free drinks at a reception does not mean you are duty-bound to drink the bar dry.”

“Who says?”

“Common sense would dictate.”

“So why is that pigeon so important?”

“He looks like he might be carrying a message.”

“From here, he looks like he escaped from Central Park.”

“Now come on. He has a regal look about him.”

“I would say he has a squab look.”

“I guess you are not a bird watcher.”

“I would say you are correct.”

“I just looked in my book, and it’s a dove.”

“What’s a dove.”

“The pigeon is a dove.”

“Even more reason to think of a roasting pan.”

” You are definitely someone not to discuss birds with. I guess we might as well get back to the party.”

“Did we ever leave?”

“Yes, we came for a walk to get some fresh air.”

“Oh, thank heavens I didn’t drive.”

“I think you are cut off.”

“Or at least should switch to something soft.”

“Now you’re talking.”

“A dry martini is pretty soft.”

“Give me the keys.”

“Someone else has them.”

“Who?”

“No clue.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Doing Your Taxes

February 28, 2022February 27, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 94 Comments

Since it is Tax season, I thought you would enjoy a post from March 2, 2015, giving hints on what not to do while preparing your taxes. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Doing Your Taxes

10 When doing your taxes, do not rely on the brother-in-law’s advice on what is deductible. If you do, at best, you may miss the audit lotto this year and be safe. At worst, you could be fielding several questions from several agents of the IRS. (Your brother-in-law has already received his whistleblower fee.)

9 When doing your taxes, do not ask your partner to find the receipts that you carefully put somewhere but can’t remember where. If you do, at best, you will have to endure a lecture about organization. At worst, the ensuing argument will consume the next three days until discovering the receipts in the back seat of your car. (See, a trip to the Mother-in-law has its benefits.)

8 When doing your taxes, do not think of waiting until the last minute, thinking there will be some miracle where the government will postpone the filing date. If you do, at best, you will overstress your already limited schedule. At worst, you will be so rushed that you will leave off-key required elements of the filing. The forms need to be signed, for example. (Forgetting essential elements will place you in the IRS slush pile of “those we want to talk to.”)

7 When doing your taxes, do not have large cups of coffee or a Big Gulp near your worksheets. If you do, at best, you may only have rings from the containers on your return. At worst, the biggest cup will be knocked over and inundate the work. (Your tsunami of soda forces a redo, and like that Ikea chest, there is stuff left out.)

6 When doing your taxes, do not think all your expenses are deductible. If you do, at best, you will not be audited and have missed a chance to lose twenty pounds in sweat. At worst, your case will be turned over to an agent nicknamed “Big House Harry.” (So named for the number of convictions sustained with his investigative prowess.)

5 When doing your taxes, do not think the extra cash you earned mowing lawns is not reportable income. If you do, at best, if caught, you can always cite your failing memory as the excuse and beg forgiveness. At worst, you and the head of a drug cartel nicknamed “shive” will be prosecuted under the same money laundering statute. (Better make nice on the short bus transport while handcuffed together.)

4 When doing your taxes, do not find the cheapest tax preparer who claims the largest refund. If you do, at best, you may be disappointed when your refund turns into an amount you owe. At worst, you are watching the evening news to see your preparer being hauled out of his office in handcuffs. (It seems he leads a tax fraud scheme where refunds are redirected to his offshore account.)

3. When doing your taxes, do not fill in the boxes if you do not understand what is asked. If you do, at best, you may cause your return to do just that return. At worst, you may unknowingly set up a farm or other type of account that during the audit, you will be asked to produce evidence of the cattle and chickens for which you inadvertently deducted the feed and vet care. (Testing the sense of humor of the agent with a picture of your dog is a bad idea.)

2 When doing your taxes, do not write off clothing donated to a charity when you are still wearing the items deducted. If you do, at best, the agent will not notice during the audit that the fuchsia sweater listed on the return is the same sweater under your raincoat. At worst, the agent doing the examination of your return used to work at Ralph Lauren as an accountant and has noticed the descriptions of a few of your donations are still on your back. (That RL polo shirt is hard to miss.)

1 When doing your taxes, do not spend your refund before you get it. If you do, at best, it will be a little late, and you’ll be on the hook for interest charges on your card. At worst, the return magically turns into IOU when the government corrects all the math errors. (A bill collector named “Crusher” is pounding on your front door.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Mailbox Toppers.

February 27, 2022February 26, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

Today we were supposed to go to a charity walk/run, but unfortunately, due to the weather, it was canceled. So instead, we are going to visit some mailbox toppers. Some are old friends with changes, and some are new to us. We are being catered by Cavalier in Austin. Our entertainment is The Rolling Stones. (Yes, Mick owes me one.)

Full bar and beverage service.

Hop on the bus, and let’s go.

Our first stop is an armadillo we have seen before. He has a new sombrero and looks very distinguished.

Here is a new one. I call it the Hangover.

Let sleeping dogs lie. (The truth is overrated)

How about a flying pig or at least a pig with wings.

A blue turtle.

A naked armadillo.

Bluebird of happiness.

Siesta time.

The fox who had ice running off his nose last time now sports a plaid ribbon.

Here’s Bevo, the mascot of the University of Texas, in a different pose. I think the owner is upset at UT’s loss to Baylor that kept them out of this year’s Championship game (Which Baylor won against Oklahoma State.)

So relax and enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Rest

February 26, 2022March 4, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 92 Comments

After a decent night’s rest and a strong cup of coffee, the belief that permeates my thoughts is all the weird situations with Wilie E. Coyote have ended. The silence of the yard seems to confirm my conclusion. There is no little “beep-beep,” screeching, or implosion of a falling box as it terminates on the ground. But, just to be sure, a quick check of the Ring camera is in order. As I reach for my phone, a tone indicates something has entered the visual field. Looking at the screen reveals two grey upright things that look like plants.

Obviously, someone has placed something on the porch below the camera’s full view. This will require opening the front door to find out what is there. Having been burned in the past, it comes to me to use the speaker mode of the Ring camera to determine if anyone or anything is out there. “Hello,” I say.”

“Hello yourself, Doc,” is the reply.

The response causes me to ask about twenty questions answered with the simple phrase, “Open the door.”

A long sigh is followed by unlocking the deadbolts, releasing the chain, lifting the metal bar, and rolling the cage to the side. The door is opened to reveal a grey rabbit with white markings munching on a carrot. “What’s up, doc?”

The theme from Loony Toons goes through my head as the rabbit hands me an envelope. He indicates that I should open it and when I do, a letter floats out. The letter is from Linda Hill and reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “rest.” Use it any way you like. Enjoy!

The rabbit continues to stand there looking at me, munching his carrot. If you would like to participate in this frivolity, visit Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2022/02/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-26-2022/

“So you have started again?”

“What?”

“A cliff-hanging story.”

“Well, there is only so much reader attention time available.”

“Someone said that ever since you give up Wednesday Story Day, you’ve been writing these short preambles to the Saturday prompt.”

“Probably right. I miss the Storytime.”

“Why don’t you start again.”

“Time.”

“Come on. You don’t have anything to do all day.

“Blogs, emails, and novels. Nah, nothing at all.”

“Self-imposed.”

“I’ve heard that before. I still need to rest sometime, though. Not getting any younger.”

“Oh boohoo. So what’s with the rabbit? You seem focused on Warner Brothers.”

“I can’t help what is out there.”

“Turn around.”

“Why?”

“I want you to see there is no one behind you. You are it. Anything out there you create.”

“Do tell. If true, then the pub is my creation, too, right?”

“Yes indeed.”

“So if I say free drinks, that’s the way it is?”

“Yup. In fact, I would encourage you to do just that.”

“Free drinks. Last one there has to buy lunch.”

“Good job. Of course, you could create a free lunch too.”

“Give it a rest.”

“Gotcha.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

February 25, 2022February 24, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 82 Comments

Macy, the Golden Retriever, Was Trapped Beneath Frozen Ground. A Chocolate Lab and Firefighters Helped Free Her

Here is a good news story found in Daily Paws and authored by Austin Cannon, Associate Editor.

CREDIT: PHOTO COURTESY OF STREATOR ANIMAL CONTROL

A golden retriever who found herself trapped beneath the frozen ground has more than just firefighters to thank for her rescue. A passing Labrador retriever also played a vital role in reuniting Macy with her parents.

Macy went missing Friday morning at Marilla Park in Streator, Ill. As Streator Fire Department Capt. Fred McClellan—one of Macy’s eventual rescuers—understands she seemingly disappeared when her human turned away from her. The ground had collapsed beneath her, and unbeknownst searchers, including a drone, couldn’t find her.

Wrigley Photo: Streator animal control FB page

Before 7 a.m. the next day, Wrigley the chocolate Lab and his human were walking in the park when Wrigley ventured into the area where Macy was and stayed there, McClellan tells Daily Paws. He whined and barked, letting his owner know he found Macy, one of his park playmates.

Soon the Fire Department arrived for what would be a tricky rescue. Macy was only 4 or 5 feet beneath the ground, but she was bogged down in 4–5 inches of mud, McClellan says. The frozen ground was acting as a nearly unsupported roof to the hole. At first, the rescuers put a ladder down toward Macy to hopefully coax her up, but that didn’t work for the older dog with leg and hip issues.

McClellan had descended into the hole to secure Macy to a leash, so when the ladder didn’t work, they opted to lift her out using the leash. The attempt seemed to work initially, but the ground gave way under McClellan, who was standing right outside the opening as he tried to lift Macy out.

McClellan fell, but he was able to transfer full control of the leash to his engineer, Tim Redd, while he was semi-suspended over the opening. Redd and Wrigley’s owner were then able to pull Macy out as McClellan rolled away from the opening.

Macy, who’s about 11, seemed justifiably pleased to exit her cold, muddy prison after nearly 24 hours. She quickly greeted a woman who we’re guessing is her owner. She was very calm and helpful down in the hole, offering McClellan a paw when he was down there to affix her to the leash.

“She was doing really, really good,” he says.

A check from the veterinarian revealed Macy was unhurt—no doubt thanks to Wrigley, McClellan, and everyone else who helped out.

The Good News here is when friends stick together like Macy and Wrigley, good things happen. Today’s JohnKu talks about friendship. I hope you have a super weekend.

When there is just me,

A piece of us is missing . . .

You and I, a team.