Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have Spring Fever

Photo by Gábor Juhász on Unsplash

 

This post originally ran on March 15th, 2015. As we approach spring, it is worth another warning.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have Spring Fever

10 If you have spring fever, do not fall in love with everyone you see. If you do, at best, you will get a broken heart. At worst, you will need to deal with all the partners to whom you have been reported for inappropriate sighing. (Not to mention concerning behavior)

9 If you have spring fever, do not daydream at work. If you do, at best, your fellow workers will think you use drugs. At worst, the boss will believe you have a motivation condition that can only be helped with a six-week motivational seminar (Which is being held in Fargo, ND, where spring comes in July.)

8 If you have spring fever, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best, you may waste some material because of inattention. At worst, you may be deep in thought and run the heavy machinery through the shop wall or floor. (Better check to see what is under that 2000 pound wheel.)

7 If you have spring fever, do not operate a motor vehicle. If you do, at best, you may get a fender bender. At worst, you may be pulled over by the state police because you are going the wrong way on the freeway. (Try explaining the concept of spring fever with your hands cuffed behind you.)

6 If you have spring fever, do not lay in a bed of daisies. If you do, At best, you will be allergic. At worst, you might be in contact with a nest of fire ants or bees and will end up in the ER having to explain why you decided to lay in a bed of daisies in the first place. (The story will never come out right)

5 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take the day off. If you do, at best, you will miss some important phone calls. At worst, you will miss the meeting where your boss was going to announce your surprise award for attendance which now isn’t necessary since the office snitch explained that you just didn’t come in today. (I think you can guess who will get the award.)

4 If you have spring fever, do not decide to write poetry for the first time. If you do, at best, no one will ever see it. At worst, you will want to share it with your family and friends causing an immediate interdiction and a nice quiet room for you. (Can you still hear the laughter?)

3 If you have spring fever, do not decide to force the family on a picnic. If you do, at best, all of you will be wet and miserable. At worst, the park patrol will finally find you after several hours of your family being reported lost in the blizzard. (Guess who is not talking to you anymore?)

2 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take up guitar playing. If you do, at best, you will get good enough to be described as awful. At worst, you will be strumming and singing a song and wonder why all the people have left, and all the cats have arrived. (The fish guy started out this way.)

1 If you have spring fever, do not buy a convertible or sports car. If you do, at best, you will be forced to drive it alone. At worst, you will be asked kindly by your partner to return the vehicle to the point of purchase under penalty of a total and complete censure. (Guess how much the car is worth when you bring it back?)

71 comments

  1. Good ones, John.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Spring fever can be costly!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It can, Darlene. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. These are so funny, John. Number six cracked me up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so glad. Thanks for letting me know, Jill. Have a super day.

      Like

  4. I got the biggest laughs out of 3 & 4. Number 1 surely applies to down here in the land of mid-life and over-the-hill crisis’s.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it applies to me as well. Thanks, GP. Have a good one.😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sounds like a dangerous condition for sure. Do they have a vaccine for that?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Several VooDoo Rangers seem to do the trick. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  6. These are hilarious! Beware the spring-fevered poet . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Especially if the spring fever poet has never written poetry before. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Perish the thought.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Took me halfway through the post to realize this wasn’t about spring allergies.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. It could be. The results are probably the same. Thanks, Charles. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ah, spring, when the mind wanders off the paved road and ventures into the wonders of the wilds, 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hopefully avoiding any dangerous obsticles. Thanks, Tim.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Good list, John. Now, for my latest bit of poetry. Click on my YouTube channel if you want to hear the guitar in the background. It’s worth your effort, just ask these cats.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Can’t find your You Tube channel, Dan. I’m sorry to miss it.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Who knew there were so many pitfalls to spring fever?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I did for sure. Now you know. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I am familiar with these… and a few more 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Great advice, John. I may have been guilty of a few of these.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think we all have. Thanks, Maggie.

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  12. LOL! Good list, John! I’m so looking forward to things beginning to bloom but, my hayfever isn’t. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I know what you mean. We are wrapping up cedar fever here. Next is oak pollen.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Lol! Buying a new convertible got me.:) I think I’ll be able to resist that one. Oh yeah, and the falling in love too. 🙂 Great list!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw. Falling in love is the best one. Thanks, Jan. 😊

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  14. Number three is my personal favorite since I am guilty of that at least once!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks for sharing, Noelle.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Giggling over #1 — some things haven’t changed a bit since 2015, have they?!?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No they haven’t. Thanks, Debbie.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Gwen M. Plano · ·

    Hilarious, John. Reading the list made me realize that I’m getting old. My Spring Fever activities are definitely not as romantic or fabulous as some of yours. My spinach and kale seedlings are coming up and I’m super excited. And the garage is starting to shine. Yep — planting a garden and cleaning the garage always lift my spirits. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes garage cleaning is good for the soul.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. These are funny, John! Great list! Have a good Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have a super Monday as well, Lauren.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

    All good advice for that sure to come spring fever:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. # 4 I am the worst poet with any type of fever, writing verse like there’s a gun to my head. I can just see myself in the Park high on a breeze and the color green, talking to the trees deciding to put it all down on paper. Of course I don’t drink anymore, so I couldn’t blame my grandiosity on gin. Sigh

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You could say you were high on life though. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s true. Yes, the old your glass is half filled adage, poetic in itself.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You make an excellent point. The half full philosophy makes an easier perceived psychological transition to a full measure and so carries great poetic opportunity.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Snakes would no doubt show up if I tried to lay in a field of daisies. Not happening.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. petespringerauthor · ·

    Among many other pursuits, I tried learning the guitar in retirement. I ended up with an equal number of callouses and cats, and I still sound like a beginner. Arthritic fingers from years of painting houses in the summers haven’t helped. Oh well, there’s always the piano.😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. good luck on the piano.

      Like

  22. I fear I’m going to have to take #7 to heart — operating a motor vehicle at these gas prices is becoming less and less attractive!

    Here’s a tidbit for you–the TPWD report on the Rolling Pines fire is out. There’s a link to the whole report in the media release. It’s pretty interesting reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes interesting. Thanks, Linda.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing, Michael.

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  23. I fully agree, John! 😉 Have a nice day! xx Michael

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    1. You as well, Michael.

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  24. I think a lot of people in western NY have experienced #3. But I am anxious for Spring as I watch last night’s fresh snowfall melt…I hope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We are expecting freezing temperatures again on Friday

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      1. I want to tap ‘Like’, but that wouldn’t express my thoughts properly. Stay off the ice, it can be bad for imaginations…🥴

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So true. Thanks, Steve.

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  25. Thanks for the advice, John, although more snow arrives tomorrow.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know…

        Liked by 1 person

  26. This list made me laugh, John, because everything you say not to do… I want to do! Well, except the convertible maybe. The rest, I’m all in!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Go right ahead. Let me know how it work for you. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, maybe not lying in the daisies (ants), but the rest…

        Liked by 1 person

  27. See, that’s the deal breaker for me when it comes to daisies. You say fire ant or bee and I say No Sale!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you. 😁 Thanks, Marc.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Is this list all from personal experience? On a side note: Check out a movie titled “It Happens Every Spring” (1949). It’s not what you think.

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  29. Reblogged this on Nelsapy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing

      Liked by 1 person

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