Today I randomly opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 199. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word closest to my finger is “system.” That is our prompt today.
“I’m telling you the system won’t allow it.”
“The system? What are you talking about?”
“The way things are organized. How the world is set up.”
“Oh, come on. There really isn’t a system.”
“To do what you want, there definitely is a system, and it won’t allow it.”
“Well, how about I just go ahead and ask for forgiveness later?”
“That’s up to you, but I can predict the outcome.”
“I don’t know how you became an expert all of a sudden.”
“Look, I’m older than you and have been around.”
“Have you ever tried doing what I’m thinking of doing?”
“No, of course not.”
“Okay then, just let me go.”
“Very well. It’s your funeral.”
“Now you have me wondering.”
“I’m glad, since I would hate to see you crash into the valley.”
“It does look pretty far down.”
“Changing your mind?”
“I’m thinking.”
“Let me help. Never in the history of our breed has anyone been able to fly.”
“But I read that book.”
“Dumbo the flying elephant?”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“Fiction. Made up by some lunatic. Trust me, you can’t fly.”
“All right, I believe you.”
“Let’s go get some nice warm peanuts. You’ll feel better later.”
In August of 2018, I decided to match Top Ten Things with historic events. What we would do during the event is fiction, but the event actually happened. This post ran on August 27, 2018. I hope you enjoy this series.
10 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think offering margaritas all around is going to help anything. If you do, at best, everyone will be too busy to take you up on the offer. At worst, only the best shooters on your side decided to have a couple and now can’t hit the broad side of a barn. (I guess you were hoping the Mexicans would be in a similar shape, huh, Fritz?)
9 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can borrow his gun. If you do, at best, he’ll just say no. At worst, since he is extremely nearsighted, he may mistake you for a Mexican soldier and give you a body slam over the wall. (It only hurts getting up, Felco, so I would just lie there.)
8 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not walk around eating a bean burrito. If you do, at best, you will have to share. At worst, from far away, a sharpshooter may mistake you for a Mexican Federal soldier. ( I know you were hungry, Freddie, but the food of the day is hardtack and salt pork. Tortillas are the other side’s food of the day.)
7 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wear your Santa Anna Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best, no one will notice. At worst, Santa Anna will want it as a souvenir. ( I think you heard him right, Faris. He said he didn’t care if it was bloodstained or not. Just give it to him.)
6 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Davy Crockett for an autograph. If you do, at best, he’ll just laugh. At worst, he’ll give you a lesson in flying. (You could flap your arms harder, Farid, but I think you are going to hit the ground pretty hard. That wall is quite high.)
5 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not tell someone you know all about cannons if you don’t. If you do, at best, you won’t be asked to fill in on one. At worst, you’ll be put in charge of the only cannon that guards the entrance. (Now what did the manual say, Fabumi? Load the ball, then light the fuse? Or was it the other way around? You’d better hurry, looks like those doors won’t last another minute.)
4 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think it is time to start Spanish lessons. If you do, at best, you may learn a few words. At worst, whether you speak Spanish or not will not help you in the end. (It looks like the order of the day is take no prisoners, Fadeyka. I think it’s going to take a little more than a few “holas” and “Buenos Dias” to save you.)
3 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think that a sombrero and a serape will be an effective disguise. If you do, at best, no one will laugh at you. At worst, the troops will consider you a spy. (You know what they do to spies, Fallon. Dump that outfit now.)
2 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wave that “Come and Take It” cannon flag from the Battle of Gonzales. If you do, at best, you will make the Mexicans angry. At worst, you will be singled out for elimination. (That flag has been a sore spot since the Texas Revolution began, Falk. No need to start that fire again.)
1 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not make plans for your summer holiday. If you do, at best, your heirs will have to cancel. At worst, you may lose some of your deposits. (I guess no one told you that getting out of the Alamo was a feet-first proposition, huh, Farnley?)
Today, we are going to see the Lakeway Wilderness Run, organized by Lakeway Parks and Recreation and Friends of the Park. The run takes place at the Greenbelt. We are catered by ABA of Austin. Our entertainment is Bon Jovi.
Menu
BLACKBERRY DROP BISCUIT – blackberry compote, balsamic whipped cream
AVOCADO TOAST – pomegranate, preserved lemon, mint
AÇAÍ BOWL – blueberry, banana, pomegranate, dukkah, coconut, mint
KHACHAPURI – baked egg, cremini mushroom, graviera, green onion
SHORT RIB SHAKSHUKA – local eggs, spicy harissa, graviera, roasted potato
Leaving a bookmark last week on the subject of an AI assistant was a good idea. It seems the Coffee machine has hired an AI assistant, and that assistant is asking me for the password to the touchscreen. Doing the research paid off, and the message delivered to the machine was, “My AI assistant will beat the crap out of you if you don’t give me access right now.” Like magic, the touchscreen appeared, and the order for two coffees was placed. As always, the first sip brought an end to the Anvil Chorus playing in my head. The second was spoiled with the Westminster chime of the doorbell, accompanied by the crystal-cracking cacophony (Ooo, nice alliteration) of Tempeste and Twiggy. Two new toys were tossed into the soundproof room, and the slamming of the door brought back peace.
A glance at the monitor showed me that Chewbacca was waiting to deliver an envelope. There is no hesitation to shut down the security system.]
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. The MH-60 Jayhawk Helicopter hovering over the house is diverted. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the security system’s shutdown process. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The Tasmanian Devil is directed to the food in his cage, and the door drops. The electronic jammer is kept active, given a situation with a robot not too long ago. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
Chewbacca hands me an envelope and a clipboard. Once signed, the clipboard goes back to an open palm. Not wanting to lose the house, a ten-spot is quickly produced, which is acknowledged by an ear-splitting roar of appreciation and the feeling that Chewbacca needs to see a Periodontist. Back in the house, the envelope is opened, and the message from Lind Hill reads;
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “bookmark.” Use as a noun, use it as a verb, use it way you’d like. Have fun!
“What caused you to bookmark the AI assistant in the first place?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I have been dealing with ChatGPT for quite a while and thought it would be nice to have an assistant take care of some of the routine tasks without prompts.”
“Like what?”
“Well, like organizing e-mails into Important, Not important but should be read, and junk.”
“Doesn’t Gmail do that already?”
“Sort of, but not very well. I thought it would be good for a program that could learn the subtle differences by reading the mail and then making a decision.”
“Okay. Way above my capacity.”
“I think the use of an assistant could be limitless.’
“Name another use.”
“Could edit manuscripts.”
“You have an editor.”
“True, but the cost puts the break-even mark out of reach.”
“Can we talk about something important to me?”
“Voo Doo Rangers?”
“Now that’s important.”
“Uber?”
“Right over there.”
Image from Tom Okragly
“My goodness. A 1957 Oldsmobile Super 88 hardtop station wagon.”
“We will be styling.”
“And the catch?”
“No catch. Just a favor to the owner.”
“Okay, let’s have it.”
“We can’t go more than 5 miles an hour.”
“What? Why’s that?”
“The owner doesn’t want the paint chipped by a stone.”
“That’s going to take three hours to get there.”
“Think of living life full measure.”
“Don’t bring a Twilight Zone episode into this. We will be bored out of our minds.”
Today’s Good news story comes from The Cool Down. This was sent to me by my correspondent, Noelle Granger
Gophers become unexpected heroes after scientists introduce them to site of Mount St. Helens eruption
Jordan Carlton
In the late spring of 1983, scientists set out to help restore the surrounding environment decimated by the infamous Mount St. Helens eruption just three years prior, Popular Mechanics reported.
The catastrophic eruption, now known as the deadliest volcanic eruption in the history of the United States, claimed 57 lives and destroyed hundreds of square miles of land, with damages amounting to over $1 billion, according to KOMO News.
Following the devastation, scientists were tasked with determining how to restore ecological balance to the scorched landscape. They turned to some of nature’s unsung heroes: gophers.
Scientists from the University of California gathered a group of the small, burrowing rodents and dropped them off at the site of the eruption with plans to let them behave as normal.
“By digging up beneficial bacteria and fungi, gophers might be able to help regenerate lost plant and animal life on the mountain,” determined the University of California report.
The gophers did not let anyone down. Within just six years of their introduction to Mount St. Helens, 40,000 plants were reported growing, compared to the original measly dozen that initially persevered, breaking through pumice slabs formed by the lava.
The shocking part, however, has been discovered more recently as scientists begin to understand the extent to which these gophers transformed the landscape. From a desolate wasteland to thriving forests, the gophers fostered a microbial community that allows plants to thrive in the area to this day.
One of the scientists behind the project, UC Riverside microbiologist Michael Allen, underscored the importance of fungi alongside the gophers’ digging, which turns the soil.
“With the exception of a few weeds, there is no way most plant roots are efficient enough to get all the nutrients and water they need by themselves,” Allen said in the University of California media release. “The fungi transport these things to the plant and get carbon they need for their own growth in exchange.”
To underscore the point, land untouched by the gophers remained mostly unfruitful.
The benefits of these furry heroes extend beyond the immediate site of the eruption as well. By rejuvenating the ecosystem and reintroducing many plant and animal species, surrounding communities can benefit from repaired biodiversity, allowing for better resilience against external pressures like water and air pollution.
University of Connecticut mycologist Mia Maltz, co-author of a study focusing on the recovering forests of Mount St. Helens, emphasized the importance of these natural, interconnected systems.
“We cannot ignore the interdependence of all things in nature, especially the things we cannot see like microbes and fungi,” she said.
The good news in this story is nature takes care of itself. Today’s JohnKu talks about recovery. I hope you have a fabulous weekend.
Today I opened Eternal Road – The final stop to page 205. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word closest to my finger is “quality.” No, that isn’t dirt on my finger. It’s a bruise from heaven knows where or how.
This post was first published on August 5th, 2019, which was the anniversary of the establishment of a tax to help pay for the Civil War. Since April 15th is coming up fast, I thought it might be fun to time-travel back to 1861 to get a feel of what it was like. Of course, there are rules to follow, so this list was developed to help stay out of trouble.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on the First Tax Day in 1861.
10 On the first tax day, do not try to find an H&R Block office for relief. If you do, at best, it will be an ice supply house. At worse, you will raise so much concern from those you ask that they will point you out to the tax collector. (The belief that you are trying to avoid your tax obligation is what landed you behind bars, Issac. Just tell them you made a mistake and intend to pay, and maybe they’ll let you go.)
9 On the first tax day, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that he can’t come in to assess your net worth. If you do, at best, he will come in anyway. At worst, Tiny, who just left his rejection support group meeting, will reduce the place to sawdust. (The upside to Tiny’s visit, Iulio, is that you have no assets and therefore don’t owe any tax. Let’s not talk of the downside.)
8 On the first tax day, do not try to deduct your stay and meals as a business expense. If you do, at best, you will be laughed out of the room. At worse, the tax collector will call the Marshall, and you’ll be labeled as the first tax fraud case in the US. (The first tax was a 3% flat rate over 800 dollars ($13,000 today) of income, Iwdael. There are no deductions. Now tell the man you are sorry and cough up the money.)
7 On the first tax day, do not carry your “No Taxation Without Representation” protest sign. If you do, at best, no one will be able to read. At worst, you will be invited to spend the night at the Hoosegow Hotel. (These new revenuers have no sense of humor, Izeyah. I wouldn’t press my luck any further.)
6 On the first tax day, do not try to pay your taxes with corn. If you do, at best, the agent will think you are joking. At worst, the interpretation is that you are trying to evade your taxes. (You have to admit, Izreal trying to unload 100 bushels of corn in the tax office looks a little suspicious. You’ll find a broom and a shovel in the corner. Best to clean up the mess before you leave.)
5 On the first tax day, do not try to convince the tax collector that you are part of the 97% of the population that does not earn 800 dollars a year. If you do, at best, the collector will respect your attempt at avoiding the tax. At worse, the collector just declared to his staff that the next person who tries to lie about their income will be shot. (I think you’d better cough up the tax quickly, Ian. That collector is resting his hand on a very big six-shooter.)
4 On the first Tax day, do not show up in your most elegant clothes on the best horse. If you do, at best, the collector won’t notice. At worst, since your clothes and horse are better than the collector’s, your bill will be higher than it should be. (At this stage, Ibrahim, you might as well just pay it. Why you didn’t think to wear those old shoes and overalls is beyond me. You could have parked your horse down the street, too.)
3 On the first tax day, do not try to dazzle the tax collector with stacks of paperwork proving your lack of income. If you do, at best, you will be ignored. At worse, the agent will assume you are up to something illegal and double your tax assessment. (It would have been better just to tell them the truth, Igore. After all, 3% is not a lot to pay.)
2 On the first tax day, do not put in an application to join the IRS. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, you’ll give away your time traveler status since the IRS wasn’t established until 1862. (Well, easy come, easy go, Ishmael. It is now time to hit the bricks and get back to your own timezone. Otherwise, you might be spending a lot of time in a very damp and chilly place.)
1 On the first tax day, do not think you can tell the tax collector to send you a bill. If you do, at best, the collector will share a laugh with you. At worst, the collector will take measures to collect the tax today. ( That big guy in the corner is the enforcer, Ignatius. It is his job to extract the payment right now. He has been known to hold some by their ankles until the money falls to the floor. Just save us all the misery and pay the bill.)
Today is Easter, a good time to visit the Lakeway Easter Eggstravaganza at the park, sponsored by the Lakeway Parks and Recreation Department. We are catered by Acre 41 of Austin, and our entertainment is Judy Garland and Fred Astaire.
Menu
Eggs Your Way – bacon or sausage, breakfast potatoes, toast
The coffee machine touchscreen is in the hide mode. One touch of the two coffee selection brings it to life. The aroma of freshly ground beans fills the air, and the soothing syrup slowly fills the cup. The low caffeine warning horn in my head goes silent with the first sip. The second sip brings another annoying sound of the front doorbell. While the Westminster chimes threaten to cause a brain bleed, Tiggy and Tempeste join in trying to bark the intruder to St. Louis. A toss of treats into the soundproof room and a slam of the door ends the torture not a moment too soon.
A glance at the monitor reveals a fluffy bunny holding an Easter basket containing an envelope and a clipboard. By now used to the highway robbery that goes on with deliveries, no conversation is necessary. The security shutdown process is begun.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. The MH-60 Jayhawk Helicopter hovering over the house is diverted. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the security system’s shutdown process. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The Tasmanian Devil is directed to the food in his cage, and the door drops. The electronic jammer is kept active, given a situation with a robot not too long ago. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
The bunny hands me the envelope and the clipboard. After the signature and handing it back, the bunny’s paw signals the expectation of a tip. Obliging, the following words of advice are given. “Do not hide eggs where they can’t be found.” Stepping back through the door and giving it a good slam, my attention turns to the envelope.
Inside is a message from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “hide.” Use it anyway you’d like. Enjoy!
