Today, I opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 247. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. My finger was closest to the word”vehicle.” This is our prompt today.
This list, authored by Marie Ann Bailey and me, was first published on October 14, 2013. Since authors are still trying to get published traditionally, it might be helpful.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Trying to Get Published
10. When trying to get published, do not send a query letter to a publisher with the opening phrase “You probably have never heard of me, but that will change.” The publisher will no doubt get a big laugh, and your query will get a direct pitch into the trash can with the words, “Want to bet,” on the publisher’s lips.
9. When trying to get published, do not use cute gimmicks in your query letter to get the publisher’s attention. They will not appreciate whatever you send along with the letter and may charge you for the cleanup later. This includes: glitter hearts, artificial snow, two tickets to the Bruins hockey game, a six-pack of beer, sand from your beach story, or anything else not on paper.
8. When trying to get published, do not think a personal phone call to the publisher will make a difference. You will only risk sounding like an idiot, even though you have thoroughly rehearsed your pitch. If you happen to find someone to talk to, being able to locate your query letter to receive the feedback you need may put you on hold permanently.
7. When trying to get published, do not, under any circumstances, show up at the publisher’s place of business in person. The publisher will be extremely embarrassed since they will have no idea what to do with you. Your query might just be placed in your back pocket as you are shown the exit into the alley.
6. When trying to get published, do not tell the publisher in your query letter that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them. The only thing that may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is the one second it takes for the publisher to pitch your query into the wastebasket with the words, “I’ll take that chance.”
5. When trying to get published, do not try to build rapport with the publisher with words like, “If I were in your shoes, I would be looking for a talented writer and by golly, I just happen to know one.” The publisher will have a nice laugh at your expense and will probably use your query in the next seminar on How Not to Query. Of course, he will be paid an enormous fee, and you will get…well…nothing.
4. When trying to get published, do not send a query letter before you have your fiction manuscript finished. Unless you are Stephen King, there is not a publisher in business today who will jump at the chance to publish your story if it is in the concept stage. Describing in detail what might be will probably get you a response of what actually is happening, a flat “no.”
3. When trying to get published, do not assume you have only writing in mind. The publisher will want you to carry most of the marketing work on your shoulders. Your query letter should avoid self-descriptive words and phrases like: artist, literary principles, clean hands, introvert, higher calling, too good for others, filthy capitalism, save-the-trees activist, reclusive researcher, and only want to write.
2. When trying to get published, do not admit you are only in it for the money, even if you are. There may be a time when the publisher contacts you in response to your query. This is not the time to start pressuring the publisher for a tight timetable, as you need the money. Like banks do not lend money to people who need it, publishers know there is little money for authors and will pass on you for another more motivated by non-monetary reasons.
1. When trying to get published, do not give up. There are a million potential reasons to keep sending queries, and who knows, your manuscript just might be the next million-copy seller.
Today, we are visiting the Lakeway City Hall Art Gallery to view the fine art of artist Adriana Peña. We are catered by Siti of Austin, and our entertainment is The Foundations
Smoked la barbecue brisket nasi goren – Wok-fried jasmine rice with smoked La Barbecue brisket, infused with house rendang spices and herbs
Laksa – Aromatic coconut curry broth with rice noodles, Gulf shrimp, fish balls, and house sambal
Smoked char siu pork ribs wonton noodle – Housemade egg noodles in a soy-braised broth with charred pork ribs and pork-shrimp wontons
Arroz caldo with la barbecue smoked turkey – Silky rice porridge with smoked turkey, ginger scallion relish, fried shallots, and patis-kalamansi chili
Roti canai with lamb curry – Slow-cooked lamb curry, flaky roti, partaha, tamarind and mango chutney
Sautéed seasonal greens – Wok-tossed with garlic and soy
Claypot adobo with local mushrooms & confit eggplant – Filipino-style soy-vinegar adobo with oyster mushrooms and confit Chinese eggplant, served with garlic rice and achara
The bus is ready.
An overall look at the gallery.
To Joy – Acrylic on Canvas
Zinnias – Acrylic on Canvas
Springtime – Mixed Media
Spring Flowers – Acrylic on Canvas
Warm Reflections – Acrylic on Canvas Board
Winter Thaw – Pastel on Pastel Paper
Forever Green – Pastel
Early Spring – Pastel
Stevie R. Vaughn – Charcoal
Tuxedo – Mixed Media.
Here is information about the artist. Sorry for the crumpled paper, but Tempeste took it off my desk, and I was lucky to get there quick.
Today, we have seen about half of the collection, so we’ll be back next week. Time to enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a super week.
A coffee machine is not such good company until it spills forth that heavenly elixir that could be called the natural healer. When one’s brain is thumping on the innermost top of the skull, one sip can quell the monster trying to get out. As the machine delivers the goods, my mind wanders to a place where I wonder what it would be like without coffee. A shudder brings me back in time for that first sip. As the cup leaves my lips, the unmistakable cacophony of the combination of Westminster chimes and baying of the Baskerville hounds demands action before every window in the place is broken. A knucklebone thrown into the soundproof room, followed by the slamming of the door, brings back peace to the valley.
So another idiot could not read the DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL sign. Checking the security monitor, it is plain to see that the idiot is a large dog looking very much like Goofy. The usual conversation takes place over the intercom, and the predictable conclusion is that if I want my envelope delivered, I have to sign for it. I make preparations to turn off the security system.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots chained in the basement. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
I’m handed a clipboard and asked to sign on line twelve. In exchange, I get my envelope. The goofy-looking character holds out his paw in the classic tip-request mode. “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will,” I say as a tip before I slam the door. The envelope has a message from Linda Hill. It reads:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “company.” Use it as you see fit. Have fun!
Today’s good news story comes from the Associated Press. Thank you to Noelle Granger for sharing the story with me.
One of the world’s rarest whales that makes the Atlantic its home grows in population
Scientists have reported an encouraging trend in the population growth of the North Atlantic right whale
By PATRICK WHITTLE Associated Press
PORTLAND, Maine — PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — One of the rarest whales on the planet has continued an encouraging trend of population growth in the wake of new efforts to protect the giant animals, according to scientists who study them.
The North Atlantic right whale now numbers an estimated 384 animals, up eight whales from the previous year, according to a report by the North Atlantic Right Whale Consortium released Tuesday. Whales have exhibited a trend of slow population growth over the past four years.
It’s a welcome development in the wake of a troubling decline in the previous decade. The population of the whales, which are vulnerable to collisions with ships and entanglement in fishing gear, fell about 25% from 2010 to 2020.
The whale’s trend toward recovery is a testament to the importance of conservation measures, said Philip Hamilton, a senior scientist with the New England Aquarium’s Anderson Cabot Center for Ocean Life. The center and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration collaborate to calculate the population estimate.
New management measures in Canada that attempt to keep the whales safe amid their increased presence in the Gulf of St. Lawrence have been especially important, Hamilton said.
“We know that a modest increase every year, if we can sustain it, will lead to population growth,” Hamilton said. “It’s just whether or not we can sustain it.”
Scientists have cautioned in recent years that the whale’s slow recovery is happening at a time when the giant animals still face threats from accidental deaths, and that stronger conservation measures are needed. But there are also reasons to believe the whales are turning a corner in terms of low reproduction numbers, Hamilton said.
The whales are less likely to reproduce when they have suffered injuries or are underfed, scientists have said. That has emerged as a problem for the whale because they aren’t producing enough babies to sustain their population, they’ve said.
However, this year, four mother whales had calves for the first time, Hamilton said. And some other, established mother whales had shorter intervals between calves, he said.
In total, 11 calves were born, which is less than researchers had hoped for, but the entry of new females into the reproductive pool is encouraging, Hamilton said.
And any number of calves is helpful in a year of no mortalities, said Heather Pettis, who leads the right whale research program at Cabot Center and chairs the North Atlantic Right Whale Consortium
“The slight increase in the population estimate, coupled with no detected mortalities and fewer detected injuries than in the last several years, leaves us cautiously optimistic about the future of North Atlantic right whales,” Pettis said. ”What we’ve seen before is this population can turn on a dime.”
The whales were hunted to the brink of extinction during the era of commercial whaling. They have been federally protected for decades.
The whales migrate every year from calving grounds off Florida and Georgia to feeding grounds off New England and Canada. Some scientists have said the warming of the ocean has made that journey more dangerous because the whales have had to stray from established protected areas in search of food.
The good news in this story is after decades of being on the endangered list the North Atlantic right whale is holding its own and increasing in population. Today’s JohnKu talks about perseverance. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Today I opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 69. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. My finger fell on the word “we are,” but the visible words were “her” and “throat.” I made an executive decision and chose ‘throat’ as our prompt. Also, I apologize for the blurry words. My iPhone was set incorrectly, so I got a nice, clear shot of my hand, but the background took a hit.
“Oh, stop. Do you know how many times I have heard that line?”
“You must believe it then.”
“Well, it is graceful.”
“And so pure looking.”
“What is with you anyway?”
“Please pay no attention to me. I have a neck fetish.”
“But you mentioned my throat.”
“Well, that goes hand in hand with the neck thing.”
“How did you happen to get like this?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I have plenty of time.”
“It may be a bit disturbing.”
“Look at me. Do you think I frighten easily?”
“I must say you do exhibit a lack of fear.”
“So tell me the story.”
“Okay. One night I was walking by the lake—”
“This lake?”
“As a matter of fact, yes.”
“Go on.”
“I decided to sit and rest since I had been walking for a while. While looking at the full moon reflected in the water, I felt a presence—”
“A ghost?”
“No, it turns out it was someone who looked very much like me.”
“This is getting good. Go on.”
“When I turned, there he was. Very handsome with an air of royalty —”
“He had a crown?”
“No, it was the way he held himself. Very regal and confident. He asked my name and then asked if he could sit with me. Something made me say yes, and so he sat. I can barely recall our discussion, but at one point he leaned over and I thought he was going to kiss me —”
“Wait. A guy was going to kiss you?”
“Yes, as it turned out, that didn’t happen.”
“What happened?”
“He bit me on the neck.”
“What?”
“You heard me. He bit me, and I passed out. When I woke, he was gone.”
“You must have been terrified.”
“Actually, I was at peace except for the side effects of the bite.”
“What side effects?”
“I can’t stand the daylight or garlic, and I have this overwhelming desire to bite others on the neck.”
“You are a vampire?”
“Yes.”
“No wonder you liked my neck.”
“Such a beautiful neck.”
“I think you’ll have to excuse me now. I need to get going.”
Here is a list authored by Marie Ann Bailey and me. It was posted on January 14, 2014. Since there is still a need to go to a car dealer, it may be helpful
Top Ten Things Not To Do If You Go Into a Car Dealer
10. If you go into a car dealer, make sure you really want to buy a car. If you don’t, at best, you may walk away from a car that you fell in love with but can’t afford. At worst, you might end up paying for that car for the rest of your life.
9. If you go into a car dealer, do not say anything regarding your like or dislike of a car. If you do, at best, you will tip your hand. At worst, you may end up with the one you dislike since it is priced so well.
8. If you go into a car dealer, do not drink a big gulp before arriving. If you do, at best, you may need to interrupt your negotiations at a bad time. At worst, the sales rep may detect your uneasiness, interpret it as a sign of weakness, and hammer the negotiations until you agree to everything just so you can make a break for the bathroom.
7. If you go into a car dealer, do not wear any clothing with designer labels. If you do, at best, you will impress everyone in the showroom. At worst, you may pay thousands more for a car than the people at JCP.
6. If you go into a car dealer, do not bring the children. If you do, at best, they will get hyped up on the sugary donuts the salespeople will feed them. At worst, the kids will want to sit in your lap just as you try to negotiate a good deal and tell the salesperson that you are just kidding.
5. If you go into a car dealer, do not park your car where it can be seen. If you do, at best, the condition will tip off the salesperson as to your trade-in before the deal. At worst, the salesperson will get a heads-up on how badly you need transportation.
4. If you go into a car dealer, do not accept anything to eat or drink if offered. If you do, at best, you’ll take on extra calories you don’t need. At worst, you may feel you owe the dealership something, and you don’t want to get talked into a thousand-dollar cup of coffee.
3. If you go into a car dealer, do not sign anything before you read it. If you do, at best, you may have some expensive surprises when the car is delivered. At worst, you may have sold your home for a dollar.
2. If you go into a car dealer, do not demand to see the manager if you’re unhappy with the deal the salesperson is offering. If you do, at best, you may be embarrassed to learn that the salesperson is the manager. At worst, the employees will use the videotape of you ranting at the company party as the leading entertainment.
1. If you go into a car dealer, do not even think of special ordering a car. If you do, at best, you may end up paying too much. At worst, you may be riding around in something that lost fifty percent of its value the minute you drove it off the lot, since Habanero Orange is not everyone’s favorite color.
Today, we are going to cruise the neighborhood and see what unique Halloween decorations are up. We are catered by Lenoir of Austin, and our entertainment is provided by Warren Zevon.
Menu
fried blue corn and pecan hushpuppies – sweet potato mole, creme fraiche
crab fingers – curry leaf leche de tigre, smoked chili oil
big tree oysters – chili mignonette, pickled shallots, chive
bulgogi lamb tartare – apple kimchi, rice cracker, scallion
honeycrisp apple salad – pecan miso butter, orange wine vinaigrette
house made pullman bread – fermented pepper pimento cheese
street corn panisse – black lime tajín, garlic aioli, cotija
jerk cabbage – ginger coconut soubise, creamer pea conserva, poha
peeler wagyu flat iron – koji parmesan butter, gremolata, hot peppers
I know it looks scary, but it will get us there.
Welcome to the neighborhood from a friendly witch
Whew. A not so welcome from a ghoul
Happy Ghosts and skellies.
Big ole spider ridden by its last meal.
Almost headless teamster.
A gaggle of ghostly characters.
More mayhem.
A large happy skeleton.
A haunting display in front of the Mary Kay Ash (the founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics) original house in Lakeway.
A spider that goes with the decor.
A happy spider with eyes for you.
A happy dog skeleton and Haunted Mansion blowup.
An amazing display too big for just one photo. Two more to follow.
The second.
The third.
Well, there you have it. There are many more, but it is time to eat and enjoy the music. I hope you have a Happy Halloween and a terrific week.
The klaxon low caffeine alarm in my brain is making me beg for a quicker process for the first cup of coffee. Along with the annoying sound is flashing red lights behind my eyeballs. Mornings are not usually this tense but it has been twenty four hours since my last hit of the nerve medicine. Finally the cup fills and the first gulp is on its way to quiet the noise in my head. The second sip is just swallowed when the familar but dreaded sound of the Westminster chimes tone of the doorbell means another idiot can’t read the DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL advice just above the button.
A toss of a ham bone followed by slamming the door on the sound proof room renders the crazed Pterodactyl like barking of Twiggy and Tempeste into silence. (Where would he get a ham bone? This is fiction and you’ll have to go with it.) Anoter sip and a check of the monitor reveals a scarecrow, a lion, and a tin man on the porch. “Who dares approach the great wizard of Oz?” is the high volume message out over the intercom. The answer comes back that an envelope is needing a signature in order to be delivered. With a prolonged sigh the security shut down process is begun.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
The tin man hands me a clipboard for a signature. After signing the scarecrow hands me an envelope. All three look like they want a tip.”If you pretend to be more confident, over time you’ll just become more confident and you won’t have to pretend anymore,” is my tip as the door slams.
The envelope has a message from Linda Hill. It reads:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “alarm.” Use it as a noun, use it as a verb or an adverb or an adjective, use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
