Top Ten Things Not To Do When Traveling by Plane

Photo by Gary Lopater on Unsplash

 

This list was authored by Marie Ann Bailey  and me, and ran on June 16th, 2014. Since people still travel by airplane, it might prove to be useful.

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Traveling by Plane

10. When traveling by plane, do not think that you can fake being 75 or older so you won’t have to take off your shoes, since you are self-conscious about foot odor.  If you do, at best, the TSA agents will just roll their eyes as you stoop and shuffle over, and then will patiently insist that you remove your shoes since your ID makes it clear that you are not as old as you claim.  At worst, the TSA agents will decide that you must have some mental health issues and flag you as someone to be examined in the TSA office, which causes you to miss your plane and totally gross out the TSA agents in the small examination room with your smelly feet.

9. When traveling by plane, do not expect that the happy, cooing baby seated behind you will remain happy and cooing once the plane takes off.  If you do, at best, the parents will attend immediately to the baby whenever it starts to cry.  At worst, the parents will ignore the baby, as apparently they always do, and it will be your eardrums that will suffer more from the baby’s ear-splitting screams than from the change in cabin air pressure that is causing the screaming.

8. When traveling by plane, do not assume that the carry-on bag you bought online for half price will actually fit in an overhead bin.  If you do, at best, you’ll be the first to wedge your bag into the bin and can ignore the other passengers whose bags are smaller but unable to fit because your bag is so large.  At worst, a big guy named Tiny will pull out your bag, drop it in your lap, and put his own in. You’ll be stuck having to check your oversized carry-on at the last minute unless you foolishly want to argue with Tiny.

7. When traveling by plane, do not think you can escape screaming babies by hiding in the lavatory.  If you do, at best, you’ll only face a long line of angry passengers when you finally come out as the plane is preparing to land.  At worst, the flight crew will summon an air marshal and forcefully extricate you at a most inconvenient moment.

6. When traveling by plane, do not think you can time your use of the lavatory to coincide with the smoothest part of the flight.  If you do, at best, you’ll be lucky and only be slightly jostled about on the toilet as the plane hits some minor turbulence.  At worst, the plane will hit an air pocket, causing the plane to drop sharply, you to accidentally open the lavatory door as you grab the handle for stability, and the flight crew to be forever marred by an image of your blue water-colored naked bottom half.

5. When traveling by plane, do not assume that the passenger behind you won’t mind if you put your seat all the way back.  If you do, at best, that passenger and all the ones behind will be doing the same thing, causing a strange but convenient domino effect.  At worst, the passenger behind you will show displeasure by choosing that time to pitch forward and have a sneezing fit over your head, making you wish you had brought an umbrella.

4. When traveling by plane, do not think it would be a fun idea to tease your fellow passenger’s cat while the passenger is in the lavatory.  If you do, at best, the cat will only hiss and growl as it backs into the corner of the pet taxi when you stick your fingers through the grate.  At worst, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do to the flight attendant and your fellow passenger when you ask for help in retrieving your hand from PsychoKitty’s clamped jaw.

3. When traveling by plane, do not think that you can imbibe several alcoholic drinks and somehow be sober when your 10-hour flight ends.  If you do, at best, the flight attendant will be aware of your naiveté and water down your drinks so you can disembark without assistance.  At worst, you drink yourself into a Bermuda Triangle stupor and wake up hours later in a TSA office, strapped to a wheelchair and not having answers to the questions being asked by Fritz, the head interrogator.

2. When traveling by plane, on your return flight, do not think your fellow passengers will find it amusing if you sing along with the movie Happy Feet, which you’ve seen several times already.  If you do, at best, all the passengers will choose to use headsets to tune you out.  At worst, you may be faced with a mass passenger mutiny, where walking the plank takes on new meaning at thirty-five thousand feet.

1. When traveling by plane, do not pull an Alec Baldwin and insist on taking a cell phone call just when the captain requests that everyone turn off their phones and other electronic devices.  If you do, at best, a flight attendant will gently but firmly take your phone away from you and refuse to return it until your plane has landed.  At worst, the captain and flight crew will pay a personal visit to your seat and escort you off the plane (after landing, if you are lucky), totally ignoring your claim to be a very important person.

Views of the Neighborhood – A Visit to the Bee Cave Sculpture Park and the Free Little Art Gallery

A new art gallery has been established in the Bee Cave Sculpture Park by members of Lake Hills Service Unit Junior Girl Scout Troop 2065.
A ribbon-cutting ceremony was held for the Bee Cave Little Free Art Gallery on July 23.
As part of a troop project to create more accessible art for local communities, the gallery welcomes visitors to leave their own art to share with others or adopt art from the gallery to bring home, a troop representative said.
The Bee Cave Little Free Art Gallery, or BCLFA, has its own Facebook page and hashtag. The troop encourages individuals to use the hashtag when adopting or donating art, and to share the project on social media.

Since we missed the ribbon-cutting ceremony, we are going to the Bee Cave Sculpture Park to have a look. Additionally, we will examine some sculptures that have been added since our last visit in 2022. Here is part I and Part II.

We are catered by 1886 Cafe and Bakery in Austin. Our entertainment is from the movie Footloose.

Menu

CHILE RELLENO fried eggs, salsa roja

MIGAS scrambled eggs, cheese, tortilla chips, tomatillo salsa

HUEVOS RANCHEROS fried eggs, refried beans, avocado

GARDEN OMELETTE whipped feta, braised greens, green salad

STEAK & EGGS home fries, green sauce

BREAKFAST BUN steamed egg, cheese, bacon

CUCUMBER ZA’ATAR BAGEL

Picture of an old time school bus

So let’s go.

There’s the Sculpture Park sign.

Dedication marker.

Tangle by GD Wright.

A Tiny Library.

Emerging by Lys Santamaria

A favorite and a repeat – Ram by Sheryl Latimer.

Foam on the Waves by Karen Christian Alvardo

Knitted Washers by Michael Bennet.

Wren House.

Another favorite and repeat – Wanna Race by Marla Ripperda.

The Girl Scout Little Art Gallery.

A look inside.

A closer look.

Hadron by Kevin Bruce Stanford.

Birdview by Terry Condrasky. (has fallen from the tree)

I hope you enjoyed the tour. Now it is time for food and music. I hope you have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “at the beginning”

In the beginning, coffee in our house was made by dripping water through a filter filled with ground coffee from a can. The result was hot caffeinated brown water. Then, in a quest for better coffee, a French Press was (wait for it) pressed into service. It was more or less the same as water dripping, but was pushed through grounds that came from a bag filled with freshly ground beans. The result was a hot, brown-colored water that tasted more like coffee. Now, where are we? Today, it is a snark-filled monster machine that delivers any kind of coffee drink at the push of a button. You talk about first-world convenience. It has arrived. Today, the selection is a flat white. After delivery of the first sip, the Westminster chimes cause my gold fillings to vibrate and the hounds to levitate while demonstrating how they can bark an intruder to St. Louis.

Tossing a few chewy treats into the soundproof room and slamming the door brings back the silent pre-doorbell condition. Checking the security monitor, it is obvious that an Elmer Fudd look-alike can’t read the “Do Not Ring the Doorbell” sign. The usual exchange of greetings determines that the door must be opened. The security system needs to be disengaged.  With a sigh, the process is started.

The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away.  The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots are chained in the basement. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.

“Have you seen that wrascally wabbit?”

“No.”

“Sign here then.”

While signing, the shotgun in this guy’s hand causes some concern. “You hunting today?”

“No, I work for the delivery company. Just being careful, that’s all.”

Handing back the clipboard, the guy gives me an envelope and holds out his hand.

“Keep your powder dry,” is my tip, and the front door is slammed. Looking at the security monitor, the guy has gone.

The envelope is from Linda Hill (what a surprise). Inside is a message. It reads.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “at the beginning.” Use it any way you’re inspired to. Enjoy!

To see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link, https://lindaghill.com/2025/10/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-11-2025/

At the beginning by John W. Howell © 2025

“I enjoyed your at the beginning” opener.”

“I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You never seem to like what I write.”

“Right now I like it.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.”

“What segway are we going to use to get to the subject of the day?”

“You mean VooDoo Rangers, I suppose.”

“You’ve answered my question. Uber is over there.”

Photo by Dan Antion

“We can’t fit in that.”

“You can sit on my lap.”

“Cold day when I would do that.”

“Why not. I’m not going to bite.”

“Just not comfortable.”

“Good thing I got a backup. Look.”

Photo by Resa MCConaghy

“Okay. I give up. Let’s take the truck. At least there is room for three.”

“One thing with the truck.”

“Of course.”

“We need to mow a couple of lawns on the way.”

“Sure, why not?”

“You okay?”

“One pint low on the VooDoo is all.”

“Here’s a cooler. We can mow and enjoy a VooDoo.”

“A perfect day in the sun. Hold on till I get my dew rag and overalls.”

“You are the best.”

“You have missed the subtlety of my sarcasm.”

“Just ignored it, is all.”

“Be right back.”

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good news

Today’s good news story comes from the Associated Press. This story was brought to my attention by The Producer.

Purrfect ending: Missing Virginia store cat found after hitching a ride to another state

Francine, the calico cat, is back home at a Lowe’s store in Virginia after going missing for a few weeks, hitching a ride on a truck that turned up at a sister facility in another state.

Two employees from a Lowe’s in Richmond made the 90-minute drive early Monday to pick up Francine, who disappeared in September and was recently discovered at the company’s distribution center in Garysburg, North Carolina.

She was back on the job Tuesday, playing with customers, posing for photos, and soaking in affection.

In this photo provided by Lowe's, employees welcome back Francine, the store cat, after she disappeared unexpectedly in September, at the Richmond, Va., Lowe's, Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2025. (Kevin Ridley/Lowe's via AP)

In this photo provided by Lowe’s, employees welcome back Francine, the store cat, after she disappeared unexpectedly in September, at the Richmond, Va., Lowe’s, Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2025. (Kevin Ridley/Lowe’s via AP)

Francine spends much of her time either at the customer service desk or in the store’s seasonal area. But things went awry in September as the store brought in items for the upcoming Christmas season. Store general manager Mike Sida said that disruption may have prompted Francine to seek comfort elsewhere.

After store employees hadn’t seen Francine for a few days, they reviewed past surveillance video. There were glimpses of her in the appliance section and then the receiving department, where she darted into a truck. An overnight manager is then seen shutting the truck’s door, and off it went to Garysburg, about 85 miles (137 kilometers) to the south.

“And then, of course, when she got down to the distribution center, she shot off the truck,” Sida said. “That’s when we found out where she was, and she was missing.”

An animal control office set up humane traps at the distribution center, where photos of Francine were posted throughout. The center had dozens of monitoring cameras, and Lowe’s brought in thermal drones to survey the area. An Instagram account unaffiliated with Lowe’s dedicated to finding Francine grew to more than 34,000 followers.

On Saturday, Francine was spotted on camera near the distribution center. After more humane traps were installed, a volunteer checked each trap throughout the night. Finally, one of the traps triggered, and Francine’s meows could be heard.

In this photo provided by Lowe's, a customer welcome back Francine, the store cat, on Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2025, after she disappeared unexpectedly in September, at the Richmond, Va., Lowe's. (Kevin Ridley/Lowe's via AP)

In this photo provided by Lowe’s, a customer welcomes back Francine, the store cat, on Tuesday, Oct. 7, 2025, after she disappeared unexpectedly in September, at the Richmond, Va., Lowe’s. (Kevin Ridley/Lowe’s via AP)

Francine was a stray when she started living at the Lowe’s store more than eight years ago. Cats are commonly seen around feed stores and garden centers, which contain large amounts of grain and seed that can be attractive to mice and rats. In New York City, cats are beloved fixtures of the city’s bodegas and delis.

At the Lowe’s store, Francine “just showed up,” Sida said. “We had a bit of a mice problem. So, of course, I’m like, wow. I like this cat a lot because it’s helping me.”

Lowe’s doesn’t have an official policy about cats in stores. Asked why Francine wasn’t taken to someone’s residence after showing up, Sida said she is loved by employees and the community.

“Francine picked us. We didn’t pick her,” Sida said. “Later, we would embrace her as our store cat. But at the end of the day, she came to us. Where she’s at is where she wants to be. She does whatever she wants.”

Unlike Lowe’s employees, Francine does not wear a vest. She had been previously outfitted with several collars but escaped them all. Now they plan on fitting her with a harness that includes identifying information.

A local brewery will host a “Francine Fest” community event on Wednesday to celebrate the homecoming, while the store is planning its own team party.

The good news in this story serves as a poignant reminder of the attachment we have to those who love us unconditionally. Francine demonstrates that love every day. Today’s JohnKu talks about unconditional love. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Love by John W. Howell © 2025

Humans give and take,

Our pets consistently give . . .

Unconditional.

Thursday – Anything Possible – Twiggy and Tempeste Outside (A Little)

“Twiggy. What do you want to play?”

“We could do Puma and Panther.”

“The panther senses that danger is near.”

“The puma holds its breath cause clearly the Panther is confused.”

“The panther responds to the snap of a twig in the jungle.”

“Clearly the Panther is hallucinating.”

“The panther excuses herself and goes in search of prey.”

“Wow. What am I, chopped liver?”

“The panther picks up speed in pursuit of the scent.”

“The puma decides to take five.”

“The Panther rests on the prairie.”

The puma heads back to the den.”

“The Panther notices movement in the bull rushes by the oasis.”

“The Puma wonders if mental conditions are catchy.”

“The Panther begins the slow stalk to take the prey by surprise.”

“The puma bids her time till the idiot is in range.”

“The unsuspecting wild pig has no idea the Panther is in range.”

“Hey, who are you calling a pig?”

“The Panther ignores the wild pig and concentrates on the sound of kibble.”

“I think that sound is your imagination. It’s not dinner time.”

“How would a wild pig know?”

“You ever deal with an angry wild pig?”

I am with Teri Polen at Bad Moon Rising, Today

 

 

Today I’m with Teri Polen at her Bad Moon Rising feature. This is the tenth year for this feature and the following graphic contains a list of participating authors. Participants answer questions about themselves creating interesting and fun posts.

I have closed comments here but you can go to Teri’s post at https://teripolen.com/2025/10/08/badmoonrising-detour-on-the-eternal-road-by-john-w-howell-supernatural-suspense-bookgiveaway/

 

 

Teri’s books can be found at https://www.amazon.com/stores/Teri-Polen/author/B01MYOUA6V

About Teri

 

Teri Polen reads and watches horror, sci-fi, and fantasy. The Walking Dead, Harry Potter, and anything Marvel-related are likely to cause fangirl delirium. She lives in Bowling Green, KY, with her husband, sons, and black cat. Her debut novel, Sarah, was named a horror finalist in the 2017 Next Generation Indie Book Awards.

Teri can be contacted at tpolen6@gmail.com, Goodreads, or Facebook.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – Registration

Today, I randomly opened The Last Drive to page 181. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word nearest to my finger is ‘registration,’ which becomes our prompt.

Registration by John W. Howell © 2025

“Your license and registration, please.”

“But officer, I didn’t do anything.”

“You are under suspicion of speeding. Please give me your license and registration.”

“Speeding? You have got to be kidding.”

“I don’t kid, sir. I’m going to ask you one more time for your license and registration.”

“Okay, here they are. I just don’t understand.”

“Well, Mr. Ah . . . Tuttle. I clocked you at 40 over the limit as you came over that hill.”

“Wait a minute. You clocked me at 40 over?”

“I just said that.”

“It’s impossible.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Not only can’t I go 40 over, I can’t even go 40.”

“Very funny, sir. Wait here while I check these credentials.”

“I would take a look at your dash cam, too.”

“Why’s that?”

“I think you will see that it wasn’t me who was going 40 over.”

“Who would it be then?”

“About a week ago, for whatever reason, I got into a race.”

“Ah, now we are getting somewhere.”

“It was a race with a hare.”

“A hare?”

“Yeah. It sounds stupid, but when the race started, the hare took a nap.”

“Then what?”

“Well, I think he overslept or goofed off and then had to hurry to catch up.”

“What does this have to do with the over 40?”

“I think it was the hare passing me who tripped your radar.”

“So what happens if you lose the race?”

“Well, the parable’s lesson of slow and steady goes out the window.”

“Let’s go to the patrol car. Here, I’ll carry you to save time. Ah ha. I see the hare on the dash cam.”

“So now he is going to win.”

“Not on my watch. Hold on, I’m going to ride you past the hare and then pull him over. This should give you time to finish.”

“You are the best Officer. From now on, you will be in the fable as well as the tortoise and the hare.”

“My grandkids will be so proud.”

Top Ten Things Not To Do on the Weekend

Photo by Carl Campbell on Unsplash

This post ran on June 9th, 2014, and was coauthored by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since we still have weekends, maybe it will offer some tips.

Top Ten Things Not To Do on the Weekend

10. On the weekend, do not attempt to catch up on all the sleep you missed during the week. If you do try, at best, you may miss a few meals. At worst, you might just find Monday morning arriving way too soon.

9. On the weekend, do not try to complete a week’s worth of exercise in one weekend day. If you do, at best, your body will remind you to take it easy next time. At worst, you will need to call the EMS to help you out of bed on Monday morning.

8. On the weekend, do not try to drink all the beer and margaritas you missed during the week. If you do, at best, you will still feel bad the following Friday. At worst,  you could have a monumental lost weekend and wake up naked,  restrained to a gurney at the county hospital with no idea how you got there nor how long you’ve been.

7. On the weekend, do not feel you must fill in every hour with an activity to make up for the sedentary week. If you do, at best, you just might need a vacation after the weekend is over. At worst, you may be in a position to regret not having a stress test a little sooner.

6. On the weekend, do not power shop to make up for the times you were at work during the week. If you do, at best, you may see the end of the available money before the end of the available time to shop. At worst, you ignore the end of the money warning and continue shopping until your credit card company mercifully cuts you off in the most exclusive store.

5. On the weekend, do not do a marathon of chores hoping to catch up on those you missed during the week. If you do, at best, you will run out of daylight before the work is done. At worst, you will run out of energy and be faced with the end of the weekend and the prospect of an exhausted Monday morning.

4. On the weekend, do not try to watch every show you recorded during the week. If you do, at best, you will feel you have worked all weekend just watching TV. At worst, you will show up on Monday with bloodshot eyes and pasty skin, leading everyone to believe you were in solitary confinement in jail for the weekend.

3. On the weekend, do not take a little work home with you. If you do, at best, you will have to sneak around to get it done before the family finds out. At worst, your boss will find out you are working during the weekend, so the little work will turn into two full days of business as usual.

2. On the weekend, if you are a writer, do not try to not write. If you do, at best, you will become increasingly grumpy until your family locks you in your writing room. At worst, you will be successful in not writing and then will be crushed by the guilt of ages simply because you are now two thousand words off your target, causing you to change genres from Romance to Horror Fiction.

1. On the weekend, do not forget to find time to relax and recharge. If you do forget, at best, your productivity for the next week will suffer. At worst, your nerves will probably be at the point of shattering, and all will let loose when your hapless boss asks you to stay for an hour more on Monday with significantly ugly results.

Views of the Neighborhood – Dedication of Lakeway’s Rainbow Bridge

Today, we are visiting the Lakeway Greenbelt to witness the dedication of Lakeway’s official Rainbow Bridge. I was on break when this event took place, so I would like to thank The Producer for taking the photos and providing the background information. We are catered by Ezov of Austin, and our entertainment is Judy Garland.

Menu

Pan-fried Halloumi- Texas figs, spiced saffron honey, arugula

Traditional Latke – spiced apple compote, embered labne

Jerusalem Bagel – za’atar cream cheese, smoked snapper

Khachapuri – ackawi cheese, egg, lots of herbs

Loaded Latke – fried eggs, ackawi cheese, beef bacon, chives

Sabich Benedict –  crispy eggplant, poached eggs, amba hollandaise

Green Shakshuka –  zucchini, leeks, fennel, poached eggs, toasted.

Chicken Schnitzel Sandwich – Challah, Pickled Lemon Aioli, Cabbage Salad.

Steak Shish & Eggs –  wagyu beef skewer, two eggs over easy, fried potatoes

Background from Gretchen Vance – Lakeway City Council Member

The bridge mentioned in Ms Vance’s note.

Screenshots from a TikTok video of Rainbow Bridge in Lake Lure, North Carolina destroyed by hurricane.

Picture of an old time school bus

Let’s get going

There’s the sign

Before the ribbon cutting.

The original marker.

The bridge beyond the people.

Words from Mayor Pro Tem Louis Mastrangelo and City Council member Gretchen Vance, with City Council Member Kent O’Brien on the left

The ribbon is cut

An information installation at the head of the bridge next to the original monument.

A view of the monument and the information installation.

The first collar.

The next three.

Now it is time to enjoy the music and food. I wish you a lovely week.

 

Eternal Road – The final Stop eBook is now available in the US for free on Amazon today until 11:59 PM PST.  This is the last day. Here is the link.https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08GL135KQ

 

 

 

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Joke”

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

The joke is on me. Thinking that another disaster was forming with the coffee machine, a standby plan was put into place. The machine sat in darkness, with no sign of life. The first part of the plan was to run through the checklist of operations to diagnose the problem. Water? Check. Beans? Check. Turned on? Check. Plugged in? Oops. Well, there you are. The machine was not plugged in. In short order, that problem was rectified. The sounds and aroma filled the room. Salvation is at hand. The healing elixir pours forth into my cup. One sip, and the ever-present Westminster Chime of the doorbell triggers the Cerberus twins, in the form of Twiggy and Tempeste, to take up the ear-piercing, end-of-the-world warning.  A toss of an organic knuckle bone into the soundproof room and a slam of the door bring back normalcy and silence.

Checking the security monitor, a rabbit is holding a sign. The sign reads Envelope for Howell. Need to sign. Tips appreciated.  With a sigh, the security shut-down process began.

The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away.  The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.

“Eh, what’s up, Doc?” The rabbit hands me a clipboard and asks for a signature on the line marked with carrot juice. After signing, he hands me an envelope and holds out his free hand, paw. A clear sign that a tip is expected. My tip for the day was articulated to the bunny before slamming the door. “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

The envelope is from Linda Hill. Inside is the message. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “joke.” Use it as you see fit. Have fun!

To see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2025/10/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-4-2025/

Joke by John W. Howell © 2025

“Well, that was another tour through your madness.”

“I guess you could call it that.”

“Why don’t you just tip those messengers with money?”

“I think it is more fun to lay out a philosophical one-liner.”

“Well, maybe for you.”

“Besides, how is a cartoon character going to spend a tip?”

“Hmm. Never thought of it that way.”

“Also, I could add how a figment of my imagination is going to drink Voo Doo Rangers.”

“Hey, you hold on there, my friend. First of all, I’m no figment. Second of all, I can drink a ton of Voo Doo Rangers.”

“A ton? Don’t you mean a liquid measure like a barrel?”

You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do. I was just pulling your leg.  A joke as it were. You are a real as it comes.”

“Aw, thanks. Uber is over there.”

“A classic with custom wheels.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure, but it looks like a 1970 Mercedes 300D SEL.”

“You got me. All I know is there is room for both of us.”

“And we only have to make one stop.”

“One stop?”

“Yeah. The guy is also an Uber Eats delivery person.”

“So what is he delivering?”

“Chickens.”

“Chickens? How is that possible?”

“Well, a farmer needs some more chickens, and Uber Eats delivers anything.”

“So when we get to the pub, we will smell like chickens?”

“You know the pub. No one will notice. Let’s go.”