I randomly opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 61. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page, and my finger fell closest to the word “exterior,” which became the prompt. (Excuse the blurred book content. I didn’t reset the camera, so my hand is the prominent feature.)
This post was originally published on February 24, 2014. It was co-authored by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since we all write reviews (or should), I think it will still be helpful.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When Writing a Book Review on Amazon or Anywhere Else
10 When writing a book review, do not provide a five-page synopsis of the book before you even start your review. If you do, at best, readers will just skip the synopsis, and your efforts will be wasted. At worst, readers will confuse the synopsis for your own work, tweet and blog about the review, causing it to go viral and guaranteeing a negative reaction by the author.
9 When writing a book review, do not simply say, “I liked the book. It was really good.” Readers want to know what you liked about the book. If that is all you say, at best, your reviews will simply be ignored. At worst, readers will ignore you in droves when they see you use the same response for everything from Fifty Shades of Gray to Five Billion Years of Solitude and decide not to take your reviews seriously.
8. When writing a book review, do not simply say, “I hated it. It was a waste of time.” If you really didn’t like a book, explain why so the reader can make an informed decision whether or not to read it. If you don’t, at best, readers will just ignore your review, shrugging you off as someone who probably didn’t even read the book. At worst, readers will take exception to your condescending attitude and begin to flag all your reviews as “Not helpful,” quickly causing your reputation as a book reviewer to go south.
7 When writing a book review, do not include spoilers unless you make it clear at the beginning of your review that it contains spoilers. If you do, at best, only a few readers will be disturbed by your spoiler review, and they may even kindly point out your error to you. At worst, a flame war among reviewers of the book will erupt, with you likely getting a call from the author’s pro wrestler brother-in-law, Tiny.
6 When writing a book review, do not think suggesting the author quit writing and take up dishwashing for employment is funny. If you do, at best, readers will take you for the troll you are and ignore you. At worst, you might find yourself suddenly and uncomfortably associated with bullies and brutes, a group of people who tend to eat their own.
5 When writing a book review, do not think the reader needs to know every typo, grammatical error, or other such boo-boo in your review. If you point all these out, at best, your annotations might simply distract the reader from fully understanding what the book is about. At worst, you may be hearing from the author’s attorney because you essentially duplicated the book in your review in your zeal to show your editorial prowess.
4 When writing a book review, do not think that speed reading through a stack of books and then spending a weekend marathon writing reviews will necessarily stoke your reputation as a book reviewer. If you do, at best, readers might be impressed but still wonder about your sanity for producing 60 reviews in 48 hours. At worst, near the end of your marathon reviewing, you conflate Goldfinch with the Peterson Field Guide to Birds, and your reviews become the laughingstock of Amazon reviews.
3 When writing a book review, do not think that just reading a book’s first and last chapter is enough to enable you to write an intelligent book review. If that’s all you do, at best, you’ll wind up just writing “I liked it” or “I hated it” because you really can’t say anything more. At worst, you get called out by another reviewer when you mention the hero survives World War II when, in fact, the book is about zombies, and the hero turns into one in the penultimate chapter.
2 When writing a book review, do not think you need to become an authority on the author of the book you are reviewing. At best, the author will be a stay-at-home mom with two-year-old twins who will feel flattered you think she actually lives a life of romance and danger. At worst, the author could be a lawyer trying his hand at writing fiction and who will not take kindly to your suggestion to the effect: Since he writes from the point of view of a serial killer, he must have experience as a serial killer. In this case, the lawyer may decide to role-play his novel with you as the victim.
1 When writing a book review, do not think you will gain fans and followers by being snarky and rude in your reviews. Okay, you probably will, but consider what kind of fans/followers they will be. At best, they will just be people with nothing better to do than be anonymously rude and snarky on the web. Eventually, you’ll tire of the negativity, change your Gravatar, and start writing constructive reviews. At worst, the people following you could hack into your account and download every Gravatar you’ve ever used and all your email addresses, blogs, and previous book reviews. You will never escape them, making your experience a riveting plot for a dystopian novel. (Whew)
Today, we are visiting the Heritage Center in Lakeway. They are having an open house. This is where all the historical artifacts of Lakeway are kept. Caroline’s of Austin is catering, and Ray Charles is entertaining us.
The Heritage Center was dedicated on November 11th, 2005. The new construction included restoring a portion of the original ranch house erected in the 1930s. The Center includes an archive storage room, the archivist’s office, public restrooms, a small kitchen, and a meeting room.
The Center is named in honor of Byron D. Varner, who wrote the first historical record of Lakeway. It is titled Lakeway: The First 25 Years.
The Rock Room is the only surviving piece of the original ranch house built in the 30s.
Watch your head going into the Rock House.
A fireplace to warm up after working the ranch all day.
A place to play cards and have meals.
Old church bench in the corner.
Now inside the Center itself, volunteers are honored
The walls are lined with historical documents.
The archive is packed full of artifacts.
A display case where more items can be seen.
Another display.
What is an open house without cookies.
A painting of the Fourth of July parade in 2009. (There is a parade every year)
The proud eagle telling us the tour is over
Time to enjoy brunch and the music. I hope you all have a terrific week.
The coffee machine gives me a message that it needs to be cleaned. It is an automated process that only requires me to drop a cleansing tablet into the appropriate hopper when prompted. Knowing full well until the machine is cleaned, there will be no coffee. So the button is pressed, which starts the twenty-minute cycle. What does one do for twenty minutes while a small devil attempts to beat a hole in your head for the lack of caffeine?
Looking at March 29th, 1925, it is one day when nothing much happened. Just as the coffee’s ready, the doorbell rings, sending Twiggy and Tempeste into fits of fur-shedding caterwauling that threatens to shatter the windows. Moving them into a soundproof room with a knuckle bone, the security system needs to be addressed.
Of course, the security system needed to be disengaged before going to the door. The control panel made the process simpler. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gattling guns disengaged, the moat net dropped, and the IUDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The locks on the door are thrown. The final camera check picked up the image of a rabbit chomping on an oversized carrot. “What do you want?” is my greeting through the loudspeaker system . “Hey, Doc. Open the door.”
Heaving the heavy six-inch door open, my first expression was, “Awe, aren’t you cute.”
“Cute smoot, Doc. I’m here on business.”
“What kind of business?”
“I have a message from Linda Hill.”
“Aww, that’s so nice of you.”
“Here, take it.”
The rabbit handed me an envelope and disappeared around the side of the house. Heaving the door closed and resetting the alarm system before opening the envelope. Once done, the message from Linda Hill read: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “awe/aww.” Use one, use both, use ’em any way you’d like. Bonus points if you fit them both into your post. Enjoy!
Fearing the worst after a prop plane was reported overdue for landing in Alaska last Sunday, search and rescue volunteers were relieved when news rang out that all three passengers survived.
The pilot and two children, who were in elementary and middle school, survived a crash landing on the frozen surface of Tustumena Lake and walked until they were seen.
The story first broke Sunday night/Monday morning that a Piper PA-12 Super Cruiser, which departed Sunday from Soldotna Airport near Kenai on a sightseeing trip, didn’t land when it should have.
John Morris, the father of the missing pilot, told CNN affiliate Alaska’s News Source that his son’s cell phone sent its final ping at about 5:00 p.m. Sunday evening over Tustumena.
Alaska’s News Source reports that a National Guard and state trooper search and rescue operation was augmented by volunteers from the community. One family friend posted a notice for help on Facebook that was re-shared 420 times.
Eventually, a Good Samaritan who saw the plane wreckage and three people walking on the frozen lake helped rescuers find them.
The three survivors were taken to a Kenai Peninsula area hospital and treated for “non-life-threatening injuries.”
Dale Eicher was one of the locals who heard the call for help. With a background in assisting search and rescues, he went up in his own plane to look for survivors but had barely arrived in the last known position before he heard over the radio that three people had been reported found.
“I called the troopers immediately because I was still in cell service, and I knew it was a really good chance that the guy who had found him was not in cell service,” Eicher said. ” I was really shocked. I didn’t expect that we would find them. I didn’t expect we would find them alive for sure…it doesn’t always turn out this well.”
The good news here is the community went all out to find the survivors of a plane crash even though it seemed unlikely anyone could survive. Today’s JohnKu talks about hope. I wish you all a super weekend.
“Come on. I have worked it hundreds of times and look at me.”
“I’m looking. What am I supposed to see.”
“A picture of health.”
“So you say you have worked these things and they are safe?”
“Yes sir. Safe as safe can be. Ypu do have to take precautions though.”
“Like what?”
“You can’t just rush in and grab the prize. You have to take your time.”
“Can you show me?”
“I suppose I could but then how are you to learn?”
“I could do the next one.”
“These things only show up once in a while. Next time may be a long time. You’re hungry aren’t you?”
“Yeah I could eat that whole thing myself.”
“You don’t want to do that. You’ll get a stomach ache.”
“Okay I do it. What’s the first thing?”
“See that bar and spring?”
“Yeah.”
“When you step on that pedal it releases that bar and a big ole metal thing is driven by that spring. If you are on the pedal the metal thing will trap you.”
“So what do I do?”
“You come in from the side and get a good grip on the cheese. Then you rip it off the pedal carefully. Done right you have the cheese and the trap is undisturbed.”
“Takes nerves of steel.”
“Yes to match that metal thing. Now go ahead and give it a try.”
This post was originally published on February 17, 2014 by Marie Bailey and me. Since this year’s income tax deadline is fast approaching, I thought it would be good to review.
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Doing Your Taxes
10. While doing your taxes, do not allow the cat to sit on your keyboard. If you do, at best, you may miss a couple of deductions. At worst, your kitty may just add a few zeroes to your tax bill.
9. While doing your taxes, do not have a hot drink sitting on some of your worksheets. If you do, at best, you could tip it over and ruin a few papers. At worst, you could tip it into your lap and jeopardize your love life till you heal.
8. While doing your taxes, do not allow your dog to play with the computer cord. If you do, at best, you may run out of battery. At worst you may need to run out to the vet to help Fido overcome his electro shock treatment
7. While doing your taxes, do not allow the family to play video games on your computer between sessions. If you do, at best, some memory may disappear. At worst, the IRS may get a Madden football game instead of your 1040.
6. While doing your taxes, do not leave your computer without saving your file. If you do, at best, you might have to remember all your half-truths all over again. At worst, you may be unable to reconstruct your perfect return and might end up owing more than you had planned.
5. While doing your taxes, do not think the IRS is okay with rough guesses or estimates of the numbers. If you do, at best, you will never hear from the IRS. At worst, you will have to explain your numbers during an audit to a disbelieving agent with a cattle prod.
4. While doing your taxes, do not forget to sign your return even if you don’t believe it to be true. If you do, At best, the return will bounce back. At worst, the lack of signature will trigger a visit from NSA who will want to know all about you.
3. While doing your taxes, do not try to get away without attaching a check if you owe money. If you do, at best, the government will send you a nasty note. At worst, you will find out how little a sense of humor the IRS really has as the gavel falls on the final auction of your house.
2. While doing your taxes, do not drink alcohol even if you think it will help. If you do, at best, you might be shocked by the amount you deducted. At worst, you may be shocked to find you have already mailed the return on which you took too many deductions.
1. While doing your taxes, do not be discouraged enough to decide not to file. If you do at best, you will never sleep again. At worst, you may get all your living expenses paid, but may have a roommate who wants to go steady.
Today we are going out and about to see if we can find signs of spring. We are catered by Eddie V’s of Austin. Our entertainment is Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole.
Menu
Chilean Sea Bass – Steamed Hong Kong Style with Light Soy Broth
Georges Bank Scallops – Seared with Citrus Fruit, Roasted Almonds, and Brown Butter
Norwegian Salmon – Mustard and Rye Whiskey Glazed with Baby Carrots and Spinach
Parmesan Sole – Parmesan Crusted with Heirloom Tomato Salad and Lemon-Garlic Butter Sauce
Jumbo Gulf Shrimp – Crab-Stuffed with herbs and garlic, Lemon Beurre Blanc
South African Lobster – Two Tails Broiled, Drawn Butter
Filet Medallions Oscar Style- Jumbo Lump Crab, Asparagus, Béarnaise
10 oz Center Cut Filet Mignon and 5oz Roasted South African Lobster Beurre Blanc
More bluebonnets.
