Dean was gracious enough to ask me to stop by for a guest post on his blog. Dean is very creative and can handle any graphic assignment from a blog header to book cover. Give him a visit.
Margarita is as Margarita Does
Friday has finally arrived. If you are like me it is a welcome sight for sore everything. Even though I don’t have a traditional workweek, I still like to kick back and celebrate its close. In fact, someone asked me my idea of a good Friday. I said, “A good Friday is where I write my ass off, reward myself with a Margarita and then try to explain to my wife what I had done all day.” I wrote a little Haiku to honor that Margarita and the Friday celebration. Hope you enjoy and have a great weekend.
Margarita and Friday Haiku by John W. Howell ©2013
My Margarita,
Celebrate one for Friday. . .
Two; hurts tomorrow.
Wednesday is as Wednesday Does
Wednesday is upon us again. The mid-week always gets me into a mood to do something different. This week is no exception. I thought it would be fun to think of some new pitches for possible query letters on some very popular Favorite Fiction. The way this will be done is to take a book title and use it to make a new plot to be pitched to an agent or publisher. I do not mean to disparage any of the work that has been produced, but to have a little fun while I take a break from the edit chore.
- Fifty Shades of Grey – Action packed story of a pack of color challenged wolves who are seeking their own identity in a confused and competitive world of wild animals.
- Game of Thrones – Amusing romp through the wonderful and rock ‘em sock ‘em life of professional musical chair players on the ultimate tour circuit.
- Doctor Sleep – Taut tale of sleeping beauty and her personal physician as they work together to overcome her sleeping addiction.
- The Longest Ride – A compelling thriller that has an unwitting bystander being the only one to save an entire village trapped on a runaway roller coaster.
- Gone Girl – Tear wrenching tale of a young hopscotch champion’s battle with chalk addition and the team of loved ones who try to help her.
- Moby Dick – Thrilling story of a rock band’s foray into the dark world of private investigation to find the lost jewel of the Opera.
- Inferno – An epic story of a match and its struggle to be recognized in the difficult world of petroleum accelerates.
- Lord of the Rings – The round by round depiction of the struggle of a rope supplier to the world of boxing.
- Thankless in Death – Sad story of a young man who took care of and loved a herd of elephants at the zoo, but continued to eat his lunch on the spot where the big bull liked to sit.
- Angles and Demons – The step by step struggle of a new writer to gain acceptance for a novel that tells the story of the comparative strength of a tyrannosaurus versus King Kong.
Hope you enjoyed.
Publish is as Publish Does
I am very pleased that the Paperbook Collective has published one of my short stories in the third edition. You can go to the site: http://issuu.com/jaydeashe/docs/the_paperbook_collective_issue_thre/1?e=0 and read the story and look at the rest of the fine collection. My story begins on page nine, but you might want to look at the others.
The Collective is interested in other submissions as well. You can go here: The Paperbook Collective for more information.
Top Ten No No’s is as Top Ten No No’s Does
Here is the Fifteenth installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Trying to Get Published
10. When trying to get published, do not send a query letter to a publisher with the opening phrase “You probably have never heard of me, but that will change.” The publisher will no doubt get a big laugh and your query will get a direct pitch into the trashcan with the words, “Want to bet,” on the publishers lips.
9. When trying to get published, do not use cute gimmicks in your query letter to get the publisher’s attention. They will not appreciate whatever it is that you send along with the letter and could just charge you for the clean-up later. This includes: glitter hearts, artificial snow, two tickets to the Bruins hockey game, a six-pack of beer, sand from your beach story, or anything else not on paper.
8. When trying to get published, do not think a personal phone call to the publisher will make a difference. You will only risk sounding like an idiot even though you have thoroughly rehearsed your pitch. If you should by chance get someone to talk, being able to find your query letter to give you the feedback you demand may get you put on hold permanently.
7. When trying to get published, do not, under any circumstances, show up at the publisher’s place of business in person. The publisher will be extremely embarrassed since they will have no idea what to do with you. Your query just might get placed in your back pocket as you are shown the exit into the alley.
6. When trying to get published, do not tell the publisher in your query letter that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for them. The only thing that may be a once in a lifetime opportunity is the one second it takes for the publisher to pitch your query into the wastebasket with the words, “I’ll take that chance,” on the publisher’s lips.
5. When trying to get published, do not try to build rapport with the publisher with words like, “If I were in your shoes I would be looking for a talented writer and by golly I just happen to know one.” The publisher will have a nice laugh at your expense and will probably use your query in the next seminar on How Not to Query. Of course he will be paid an enormous fee and you will get…well…nothing.
4. When trying to get published, do not send a query letter before you have your fiction manuscript finished. Unless you are Stephen King, there is not a publisher in business today who will jump at the chance to publish your story if it is in the concept stage. Describing in detail what might be will probably get you a response of what actually is happening, a flat “no.”
3. When trying to get published, do not assume you have only writing in mind. The publisher will want you to carry most of the marketing work on your shoulders. Your query letter should stay away from self-descriptive words and phrases like: artist, literary principles, clean hands, introvert, higher calling, too good for others, filthy capitalism, save trees activist, reclusive researcher, and only want to write.
2. When trying to get published, do not admit you are only in this for the money even if you are. There may be a time when the publisher contacts you as a result of your query. This is not the time to start pressing the publisher for a compact timetable because you need the money. Like banks do not lend money to people who need it, publishers know there is little money for authors and will pass on you for another more motivated by non-monetary reasons.
1. When trying to get published, do not give up. There are a million potential reasons to keep sending queries and who knows, your manuscript just might be the next million copy seller.
Prompt is as Prompt Does – Community Story Board
It’s Sunday, and time once again for the Weekly Prompt at The Community Story Board. Go here for details
This week is to see what everyone can do with the word “Yesterday …”
Interpret it as you will, but the word yesterday must appear somewhere in your work, be it the title or in the middle of a sentence. Write poetry, prose, fiction, or memoir it is yours to create.
Here is mine:
Yesterday by John W. Howell ©2013
“Yes sir. Can I help you?”
“I’m not sure. I think I have lost my way. Is this a hotel?”
“No sir. This is not a hotel it is a reception area.”
“Well it looks like a hotel. You actually look the front desk clerk.”
“I can assure you sir this is no hotel and I’m not a clerk.”
“Then where am I?”
“Do you remember anything about yesterday?”
“Yesterday? Let me think.”
“Weren’t you driving your car? Going to San Francisco wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. I was driving. Wait a minute. I was driving down US One and there was a dog or goat or something in the road.”
“And the ocean was to your left.”
“Yes the ocean was─ wait, how did you know?”
“Don’t worry about that. The ocean was on the left and there was a huge cliff down to the water right?”
“Yeah there was.”
“Go on.”
“I swerved to avoid hitting the animal.”
“To the left or right?”
“What?”
“Did you swerve to the left or right?”
“Let me see. To the left I think.”
“And if you swerved to the left there was nowhere to go but over the cliff.”
“But if I went over the cliff, I would have fallen hundreds of feet to the water.”
“Um. Remember anything?
“Shit. I’m dead, right?”
“You said it not me.”
“Who are you anyway?”
“I’ll give you three guesses.”
Good luck to you all.
End of the Week is as End of the Week Does
Friday again. Man how the week goes by. I spent most of it editing my next book and I must say I like this one. I know you would like to agree with me, but it’s going to be a while till I get the thing out the door. Besides the fact that you will have to pick it up and read it before you agree or not, I have confidence you will.
The subject of my post today is to celebrate the week’s end with a quick Haiku that hopefully translates the meaning of Friday to most of us. Those of you who are lucky enough to avoid work can stop right here cause you will simply not get the meaning and social import of the words assembled. For the rest of us who must face the prospect of working each and every day here is my haiku homage to work.
Work by John W. Howell ©2013
For some work is play,
Work for others is judgment. . .
Drinkers work’s a curse.
Have a Happy Friday and Great weekend
One Day is as One Day Does
The Community Story Board prompt was posted by LindaGHill and can cover any interpretation the author wishes. So here is my view of One Day.
Life One Day by John W. Howell © 2013
One day the sun will bring,
One day the rain will fall.
One day the birds will sing,
One day the Robins fall.
One day the morn will dawn.
One day the night will fall.
One day the smile will spawn,
One day the frown will fall.
One day the child is born,
One day the soul will fall.
One day peace is not torn,
One day the bombs will fall.
One day we are here,
One day the tears will fall.
One day is always near,
One day not to fall.
October 6 Weekly Prompt – “One Day…”
Here is the weely Community Story Board prompt.
TGIF is as TGIF Does
Friday is a sweet day and even though I am chained to this key board, I look with envy to all the millions of workers who:
Get up before dawn
Get to commute on average two hours a day along with a couple of million of their closest friends
Get to reach a workplace filled with challenging and rewarding work
Get to take direction from kindly and intelligent managers
Get to hob knob with the cream of the crop of co-workers who all pull their weight
Get to fill out endless forms to request needed business supplies
Get to invent ways to get the job done with no supplies
Get to interface with interesting and sympatric customers
Get to eat lunch at their desk trying not to spill mayo on the Fisk report
Get to feel the pride of having produced great output for the day
Get to feel the accomplishment of surviving with no increase in pay for years
Get to work until well after sundown at the last-minute request of a grateful manager
Get to join the millions of friend on the commute home
Get to arrive home in time to pack on 2000 or so calories before bed on an already stressed body
Get to toss and turn all night in anticipation of a total repeat the next day
So here is to Friday and a wish for a happy weekend for all of you who have Friday as the end of the week. (if that same manager has not asked you to put in a few hours on Saturday)
