Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

January 22, 2020January 21, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “Friday?”
“Long way off, Little one.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we all thought there was going to be a significant shoot-out. We were quite surprised that whoever was intent on shooting Larry, Andrew, and Jerry decided that since the police were on the way, they should take a powder (True Detective magazine vernacular) Let’s get back to Jerry’s apartment to see what happens next.

“What the hell happened to the door?”
“Who are you?”
“That’s my landlord, Larry.”
“Thanks, Jerry. Sir, we are going to ask you to step outside. This is a crime scene.”
“Yeah, and who the hell are you?”
“This ID has my name and the word detective on it.”
“I see it. It says, ‘Boston.’ What right do you have here?”
“Every right. Now, you going to step outside, or do I need to call the police.”
“From all the noise, it looks like the cops are headed this way. Okay, I’ll wait in the hall, but I think you are trespassing.”
“Look, little man. Jerry here invited us in. So, go away.”
“Geez, Larry. Give the guy a break.”
“I didn’t pull my gun, now did I?”
“Thank heavens. That’s all we need you threatening civilians.”
“So, Jerry. Any idea who those guys were?”
“I have a sneaking suspicion. The problem is if I tell you anything, I’m going to end up like Rafferty.”
“You know anything about his death?”
“W-well. I think I know who did it.”
“Come on, man. Spill the beans. Talk to me.”
“Uh, Larry. There is enough time for that. I think we had better think of what to say to the police who I can tell by the sound of silence, just pulled up outside.”
“Large termites.”
“What?”
“Just kidding. Sure would explain that splintered door.”
“We need to do better than that.”
“Okay. First off, Jerry. You are safe with us. We won’t let you get killed. Second, let’s just tell the truth.”
“The truth?”
“Yeah. Like those guys on the highway, someone has it in for you and me.”
“How did they know we were here?”
“Don’t know. Followed us, we guess.”
“Do we have any idea why?”
“Nope, but we sure would like it if the police would put a stop to it.”
“I hate to say it, Larry, but it sounds good to me.”
“We want to keep Jerry here out of it. We were here as a follow up to our questions.”
“Don’t mention Wentworth.”
“Oh, hell no. We can take care of him ourselves.”
“Wentworth?”
“Yeah, Jerry. We need to keep mum about Wentworth telling you to keep your mouth shut. You got the story now?”
“Yes, sir. I got it.”
“Okay, then I think we are ready.”
“I hear some noise in the hall.”
“They are in there, officers. Three guys, and I think they are trespassing.”
“Stupid landlord.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #246 by Keith Channing

January 21, 2020January 20, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6 pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The Photo.

Kreative Kue #246

“What are you doing up there?”

“I can’t seem to find anything.”

“What is the problem.”

“I have mislaid my bouncy ball.”

“Well, I don’t think you’re going to find it u there.”

“It could have bounced onto this shelf.”

“With the ladder in the way, I hardly think so.”

“It is possible.”

“Okay, I’ll admit the possibility is there I just doubt the feasibility.”

“You have a lot of bility. How about you giving me an idea of where the ball went.”

“Let me ask. Who was the last one playing with the ball?”

“Er. That would be me.”

“Okay, where were you playing with the ball?”

“In the yard, I think.”

“So, what makes you think it is on that shelf?”

“A hunch.”

“And you decided to follow your hunch?”

“Yes, that’s it. I followed my hunch.”

“The fact that a bag of treats is on that shelf has no relevance, huh?”

“T-treats. I don’t see no stinking treats.”

“Come down from there. Let me smell your breath.”

“Smsnbrrtlrthe brth.”

“Open your mouth.”

“Mmmbftth.”

“For heaven’s sake. You have a mouthful of treats.”

“Dgtjoegbthh.”

“Drop them.”

“Fine.”

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I’m a victim.”

“A victim? What are you talking about.”

“Dog abuse.”

“Come again?”

“The placement of the ladder was without regard to my natural instincts to hunt down the treats. Hello ASPCA.”

“I’ll ASPCA you. Bad dog.”

“Abusive language. I think I have PTSD.”

“Have a treat.”

“Bribery. Class D misdemeanor.”

“You’ve been watching too many cop shows. Go to your bed.”

“Solitary confinement. Against the Geneva convention.”

“So, sue me.”

“First how about a game of catch?”

“Where’s the ball?”

“In the yard where it’s been all along.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at The Second Monte Carlo Auto Rally in 1912

January 20, 2020January 19, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Henri Rougier and the 25Hp Turcat-Mery before the inaugural Monte Carlo rally 1911

This week marks the anniversary of the second auto rally at Monte Carlo in 1912. We all know we want to go there, and as usual, we need to take a list of things not to do to stay out of trouble. So here is the list.

10 If you go, do not ask anyone when the first rally took place. If you do, at best, whoever you ask will think you are drunk. At worst, you’ll be considered an outsider and non-rally buff. (The first rally took place in 1911, Jan. It was won by Henri Rougier under a ton of scandal around the vague judging rules. You now have the officials nervous thinking you might be a hired Pinkerton agent.)

9 If you go, do not encourage Tiny the WWF champ to join a rally team. If you do, at best, he will ignore you. At worst, he will join, and since he weighs so much, his team’s car could not manage the 22 Miles Per Hour needed to win. (Tiny, who has missed over a year’s worth of self-esteem and body shaming group sessions, is now looking for you, Janus. He plans to practice his new hold. He loosely describes it as the ‘Backbreaker.’)

8 If you go, do not promise to enter a car in the race next year and pay the entry fee. If you do, at best, the price is low. At worst, the high cost of entry will be held for you until 1923. (You see, Janyl because of tensions surrounding the circumstances leading up to WWI the race was canceled for next year. The race did not resume until 1923. Let’s hope you can make it back. That entry fee was very dear.)

7 If you go, do not talk about Peugeots, Mini-Coopers, Alpine-Renaults, Lancias, and Porsches. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, you’ll give the impression that you need mental care. ( The cars of the day are Turcat-Mery, Gobron, Dunkop, and Berliet, Japheth. Yes, we know you’ve never heard of them but take my word for it. Here come some guys in white coats, and they don’t look like they have a very good sense of humor.)

6 If you go, do not ask to buy tickets to the pits. If you do, at best, no one will know what the pits are. At worst, someone will take your money and show you to an underground jail. (The rally isn’t the kind of race where you have pit stops, Jaran. Competitors come from several cities and end up in Monaco. The idea at this time is to get there first and have the most elegant car. I hope you enjoy your stay in the pit. Pay no attention to that guy hanging from the wall in chains. He’ll try to make you believe he is innocent. Maybe like you will with the next sucker.)

5 If you go, do not ask where the VIP tent is set up. If you do, at best, someone will direct you to a restroom. At worst, they’ll think you are part of a radical political element. (The person thought the letters VIP stood for Vendredi International Partier which they loosely interpret ‘do away with the monarchy on Friday.’ So now the special police are headed your way, Jaren. You may end up in the pit after all.)

4 If you go, do not ask for directions to the t-shirt stand. If you do, at best, someone will point to the North (for no real reason). At worst, you will be asking a secret service person who now wants to know where you came from. (Don’t tell him anything, Jarin. If he discovers you are a time traveler, you will break all laws of the time continuum. Huh, it looks like he is heating up a poker. Yeah, I would spill my guts if I were you. That thing looks like it might hurt.)

3 If you go, do not kick the tires on the Turcat-Mery. If you do, at best, nothing will happen. At worst, your kick just happened to hit the weak spot on the front left tire. (Good for you, Jaromir. You now have flattened the tire on last year’s winner. It looks like they won’t place this year since there is no spare. By the way, Henri looks a little upset, and that monkey wrench in his hand appears very big and solid.)

2 If you go, do not congratulate Von Eismark for his second-place finish. If you do, at best, he may just step on your foot. At worst, instead of confronting Jules Beutler, the winner, he may turn on you. (Looks like you are in line for a duel, Jarrah. It seems there was a dispute on the road, and ole Von Eismark just couldn’t get over it. Just a word of advice. Don’t choose swords as the weapon of honor.)

1 If you go, do not ask Jules Beutler the winner for a selfie. If you do, at best, it’ll happen before he knows what is up. At worst, the police will think you are holding a gun and come get you. (Why on Earth would you take a selfie anyway, Jarrel. Just pulling out that camera phone causes riots in this time zone.)

Views of the Neighborhood – More Plants

January 19, 2020February 29, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

Since not much is going on around the neighborhood, The Producer and I went out searching for signs of spring. Come walk with us.

As we get started we should read the famous signboard in front of El Arroyo restaurant in Austin. Pretty much describes Texas weather.

Yeah, this morning, lots of fog. Sure sign of spring

Views of the neighborhood

Last week we saw a couple of puny artichoke agaves. Here is the grandmother of all artichoke agaves. It is about eight feet across and I guess it to be over thirty years old. Not spring but thought you would like to see a big one.

Views of the neighborhood

Here is a bush that is beginning to bloom. The Producer and I cannot identify it. It is not a Forsythia. Any ideas? It is very prolific and looks like its branches grow up and then cascade down the plant.

Views of the Neighborhood

Here are some red berries of a Hawthorn. Not sure if it is a green bark Hawthorn or not. It looks like it started as a shrub and then trimmed to look like a tree.

Huge agave. Not a sign

A sign of spring is trimmed Crepe Myrtles. They flower from new growth so they need to be trimmed each year. These have been trimmed to within an inch of their lives. There is some debate about whether trimming them this radically produces the best results. Some people call this kind of trimming Crepe Murder. A swing by in a few weeks will tell the tale.

Views of the Neighborhood

Here is a Crepe Myrtle that has not been trimmed as yet.

Views of the Neighborhood

A yucca in bloom. Not necessarily a sign of spring since they can bloom anytime.

Heavenly Bamboo showing its berries

Deer out and about without worrying about those nasty bucks chasing them. Yup. A sign of spring.

Views of the Neighborhood.

The ever-popular Rosemary. Blooming blue flowers.

I hope you enjoyed the walk. Here have a margarita. You’ve earned it.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Last Movie Seen

January 18, 2020January 17, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and this week’s prompt is…well, let’s let Linda Hill explain it.

“Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “movie title.” Take the title of the last movie you watched (just the title, not the premise of the movie), and base your post on that title. Have fun!” I always like the ‘Have Fun’ part.

So if you would like to have fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2020/01/17/the-friday-reminder-for-socs-jusjojan-2020-daily-prompt-jan-18th/

“So, the last movie you saw was Midway?”

“Yeah. it was a good historical reenactment of the Battle of Midway.”

“How do you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“Were you at the battle of Midway?”

“No. It took place in 1942. I was still not even walking.”

“So how do you know it was, to quote you, ‘a good historical reenactment?”‘

“I read the reviews.”

“Oh. I thought you were going to say you have studied the history of the time and can vouch for the accuracy.”

“Well, I did a little, but that was so long ago.”

“The reviews were good, huh?”

“Well, some called the movie middling and too long, but no one took on a claim of inaccuracy, including NPR.”

“So, you going to use the movie in your prompt?”

“As the instructions say, just the title.”

“What are you going to write about then?”

“I am midway through my post.”

“Tell me what the post is about?”

“I am midway through my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

“More information in the TMI category.”

“I am midway through the day.”

“Oh, brother.”

“I am midway through my patience.”

“So, you aren’t going to tell me?”

“I just did.”

“That’s it? You talking about your midway positions?”

“Yup. That’s it.”

“Duck.”

“Huh?”

“I’m midway to a roundhouse punch that’s going to knock you off that chair.”

“Oh, come on. You know you are midway to respecting my art.”

“And midway to walking out.”

“And where we are, just midway to the bar.”

“Midway to inviting you.”

“Midway to accepting.”

“I’m Midway to asking the readers to forgive us.”

“Midway to a sign of weakness.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

January 17, 2020January 16, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

“Lucy. When’s it Friday?”
“Today, Little One.”
“Took forever.”

Another Friday and another weekend eve.

I don’t have a lot to report this week but was pleased to receive back three beta reader comments. These guys were way ahead of the due date, and I’m grateful for their attention to the book. I am looking forward to the others.

I am working on the marketing plan during this period. I think it will include a tour but more on that later.

We got a little rain this week. Not enough, but every little bit helps. We started the week with cold temperatures and have had record-breaking highs in the last few days. It is supposed to get cold again today. (Okay for you Northerners, cold to us is in the 50s)

Today’s JohnKu talks about the weather. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

It’s something we have,

When it is perfectly clear. . .

Talk subjects are nill.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy Outside After the Rain

January 16, 2020January 15, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy

“Hey, Twiggy. Where are you?”

“Over here in the rocks.”

“What are you doing there?”

“The grass is all wet and feels icky on my feet.”

“So, what is the attraction out here?”

“Look at that flowerbed. Nice black stones. Collect the sun heat.”

“Okay. I can see that. You think Mom would approve?”

“I’m not on the plant. Why wouldn’t she?”

“Now you are talkin’, A nice lay down in the sun on the chase.”

“Yeah, okay. I know you worry about the flower bed and me.”

“Hey, Lucy. This chase is wet.”

“It’s not that bad. We can still use it.”

“I’m not going to stretch out, Lucy. A quick sit is all.”

“You have to admit it is relaxing.”

“What are you doing now, Little One?”

“You should see how the chase bends under your weight.”

“For heaven’s sake get out of there. You coming back up here?”

“I don’t think so. It still is wet.”

“Where you going now?”

“I hear the sound of kibble in the bowl. Time for dinner.”

“Dinner does trump lounging. Wait for me.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

January 15, 2020January 14, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 47 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy — “What is it Little One.”
“Thought I heard Friday.”
“Nope. Just Wednesday sneaking in.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we were in Jerry’s apartment when all hell broke loose. Someone is outside in the hall shooting at the door. Larry, Andrew, and Jerry move to the back bedroom of the apartment, and Larry lays prone on the floor with a bead on the entrance. Let’s get back there. Since it looks like whoever is out in the hall has decided to come inside.

“Okay, Andrew and Jerry. Stay low.”
“I can’t get much lower, Larry. My buttons are in the way.”
“No time for the jokes right now, Andrew. This is serious shit, and those guys are coming in. What’s left of the door is moving.”
“You three in there. We don’t want to kill you. Just to talk. Throw out your weapons.”
“Not on my life, whoever you are. You want us? Come get us.”
“Don’t be stupid. We have enough firepower to level this place. Lay down your weapons.”
“Are you a history fan?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“General McAuliffe was asked by the Germans who had him surrounded to surrender at Bastogne. You know what he said in reply?”
“You are a strange duck, detective. I give. What did he say?”
“Nuts.”
“Nuts?”
“Yup. So I say nuts. Lay down your weapons and put your hands on your heads.”
“You must be joking. We have you outnumbered and there is no escape.”
“The way I see it. I can shoot anywhere and not miss. Y’all make a lot of good targets. You want to make my day or what?”
“Yeah, okay, Dirty Harry. I hear some sirens, so I am going to leave you now. I must say you sure are a wiseacre for a cop.”
“You still have the opportunity to give up.”
“Bite me, Detective.”
“Rather, shoot you.”
“Not today. See ya.”
“We are going to find you, and when we do, you’ll be sorry.”
“I think they are gone, Larry.”
“I was just getting warmed up.”
“Do you know who those guys were?”
“I have no idea. I wonder who called the cops.”
“That would be me. sir.”
“Jerry? Good thinking, man.”
“I was scared.”
“Yeah, we all were scared.”
“You didn’t act scared.”
“Just an act, my boy. Just an act.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #245 by Keith Channing

January 14, 2020January 13, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

In Keith’s words.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #245

“Why is he sitting like that?”

“I don’t know. I think he is trying to show me something.”

“Is that it boy. Are you trying to show us something?”

“Ask him if Timmy fell in the well.”

“Don’t be an idiot. There’s no Timmy around here.”

“Worth a try.”

“No, it has to be something else. Did you take him for his walk?”

“Yes, but he wouldn’t let me take off his sweater.”

“Is he running a fever? Did you feel his ears?”

“Yes, I mean, No. I mean, I felt his ears, and he has no fever.”

“Come on, boy. What is the problem?”

“Like he is going to tell you.”

“Wait, he’s pointing at you.”

“He hasn’t moved his paws.”

“I mean with his nose. Do you have something of his?”

“No. Although on walk, he wanted me to run with him.”

“Did you do it?”

“Yes, for as long as I could.”

“Uh-huh. What was that, ten feet?”

“No. I would say a half a mile.”

“Well, if I were to guess, I would say he wants you to sit.”

“How on earth do you know that?”

“Intuition. Sit.”

“Okay, then. There. Happy?”

“Now, he’s looking at me.”

“Maybe, he wants you to sit.”

“No, I think he wants me to praise you. Here let me pat your head. Who’s my good boy? Such a good boy. There’s my good boy.”

“He’s walking away.”

“See, he wants you to behave like a dog.”

“I suppose next he’ll want me to eat out of his dish.”

“No, he’s pretty particular about his dish. Do you feel you bonded with him?”

“I’m not sure about bonding, but could we do that ‘good boy’ thing again?”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on the Day Prohibition Goes Into Effect in 1920

January 13, 2020January 12, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Top Ten Things not to do

This week marks the anniversary of the ratification of the 18th amendment prohibiting the sale or consumption of alcohol in 1920. For most of us, this might not be a trip we want to make, but for historical reasons, we should. Take this list with you so that problems are kept to a minimum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on the Day Prohibition Goes into Effect in 1920.

10 On that day, do not ask your server for a before-dinner martini. If you do, at best, they may remind you that alcohol is no longer allowed. At worst, you’ll get some variation of bathtub gin. (Along with the homemade gin, Jago, you’ll also get a visit from some guys that look like Elliot Ness. Yes, those are handcuffs. Enjoy your martini.)

9 On that day, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if he can find you a pint of whiskey to ward off the cold. If you do, at best, Tiny will bring you some cough syrup. At worst, Tiny just finished the lawman’s course on the ramifications of the 18th amendment. (You are in luck, Jahmar. Tiny has decided not to arrest you but rather to give you his famous helicopter overhead spin and body slam. It is guaranteed to make you incapable of drinking anything, let alone illegal booze.)

8 On that day, do not knock on the green door. If you do, at best it will be a flower shop. At worst, it is a speakeasy run by Bugsy Malone. (So you don’t know the password, Jai. Just tell em Joe sent you. Hmmm, wrong Joe? Yes, that is a gun. I think it is time to leave now.)

7 On that day, do not ask a prohibitionist for a sip of Old Dr. Kaufmann’s Great Sulphur Bitters. If you do, at best, they will refuse. At worst, they’ll gladly give you a jolt. (Don’t be surprised if you feel funny, Jairo. That Elixer was made especially for prohibitionists and contains 22 percent alcohol. How do you suppose they continue to appear happy?)

6 On that day, do not discuss the Mayflower Pilgrim’s drinking habits with a prohibitionist. If you do, at best they will not know anything about the subject. At worst, the prohibitionist will think you are mocking the movement. (The Pilgrims brought more beer than water on their voyage to Plymouth rock in 1620, Jajaun. So you can see that since they were drinkers the prohibitionist might take offense.)

5 On the day, do not bring up the fact with prohibitionists that the participants in the Boston Tea party had fueled up with rum before the event. If you do, at best you’ll get polite smiles. At worst, you will have to sit through another lecture on the evils of demon rum. ( You see, Jakub. The prohibitionist will point to the rowdy nature of the Boston Tea party as the perfect example of the rightness of banning alcohol. Also, they are asking you to leave.)

4 On the day, do not bring up Benjamin Franklin’s ditty about drinking. If you do, at best they will think you are kidding. At worst, you might be engaged in a fistfight. (so here is the ditty, Jalil. That virtue and safety’s in wine-bibbing found. While all that drink water deserve to be drowned. No wonder they got so mad. So next time, understand what you are bringing up. Here take this steak and put it on your eye.)

3 On the day, do not talk with a guy named Capone about driving a boat. If you do, at best he’ll want to waterski. At worst, he’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse. (How does it feel, Jameson. You. are now running hooch between Winsor Canada and Detroit. Sure, you want to quit. Turning in your two-week notice might get you a new pair of cement overshoes.)

2 On the day, do not start a joke by “a guy walks into a bar.” If you do, at best, the person will walk away. At worst, you’ll be telling the joke to Carrie Nation. (To say Carrie has no sense of humor about drinking jokes is to say a lion has no interest in meat. You’ll find the head of the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union has about the same reaction to people telling drinking jokes as a lion to a gazelle. I know you think she missed you with that hatchet, Jamin. Just try to shake your head.)

1 On the day, do not grab your guitar and start singing “Whiskey River Don’t Run Dry.” If you do, at best, the room will empty. At worst, you and your guitar will hit the street. (Sad thing, Jamon your guitar hit the road first and you on top. I think that last note it made as you landed on it was an A-flat.)