Tuesday – Anything is Possible #RRBC Spotlight Author Tim Hemlin

May 26, 2015May 26, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 47 Comments

I am happy to welcome this week’s Rave Reviews Book Club Spotlight Author Tim Hemlin. He is on a tour, and you can see his stops by visiting Rave Reviews Book Club. Okay, Tim, the floor is yours.

Influences: Tolkien and a Middle School English Teacher

When I was in 7^th grade my English teacher, Mr. Perry Onion, handed out this thick paperback to the class and at first I groaned. The Hobbit? What in the world was a hobbit? It sounded dumb. The only books I’d read at that point had been about sports, and they had pictures, too. Mr. Onion introduced the book and read the beginning to us. He then told us to take it home and read the next couple of chapters. I read that and more. I couldn’t put it down. I decided right then and there I wanted to be Gandalf when I grew up. When I told Mr. Onion how much I liked The Hobbit, he mentioned there were three other books like it. My parents were shocked when I told them I wanted to read The Lord of the Rings, and they went right out and bought me the series. I read every word. Finding myself in Middle Earth surrounded by all these fantastical creatures not only made me want to read more, it made me want to become a writer. While I was teaching middle school, often students will tell me how much they enjoyed The Hunger Games or Divergent or any number of other titles. I wonder if it’s a turning point for them the way reading The Hobbit back in the 1970s was for me.

Author Bio:

Tim Hemlin is a marathoner, teacher, and has his master’s degree in counseling, but his passion for the environment sparked him to write The Wastelanders, a dystopian-clifi published in both e-book and paperback by Reputation Books. He is represented by Kimberley Cameron of Kimberley Cameron & Associates Literary Agency.

He has also published a Wastelanders short story called Black Silence as a bridge between the first book and its sequel. He is currently in the notes and brainstorming stage for the Wastelanders sequel.

Recently the Muse has kindly allowed him to tap into that creative magic and pen a young adult urban fantasy. If all goes well with the edits and revision, the final draft should be completed by early summer.

Finally, in the late 90s Ballantine published the Neil Marshall series of culinary mysteries set in Houston, Texas. These include If Wishes Were Horses, A Whisper of Rage (nominated for a Shamus Award), People in Glass Houses, A Catered Christmas (the one I most enjoyed writing), and Dead Man’s Broth. He has recently gotten the reversion rights and is planning on reissuing them under an elite publishing house out of New Orleans.

Hemingway liked running with the bulls. Tim enjoys running with dragons (that’s what he calls his grandkids.)

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The Wastelanders

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Wastelanders-Tim-Hemlin/dp/0991363574/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1431906067&sr=1-1

iTunes: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-wastelanders-tim-hemlin/1108613068?ean=9780991363575

Barnes & Noble: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-wastelanders/id874164149?mt=11&ign-mpt=uo%3D4

Reputation Books: http://reputationbooksonline.com/2014/05/22/wastelanders/

Top Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Bar

May 25, 2015May 24, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

This list was inspired by listening to stories related by our house guests who had made the bar scene during the Memorial Day Weekend. All of these are hearsay and not a matter of personal experiences. I hope you enjoy.

Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Bar

10 If you are visiting a bar, do not stand too close to someone expecting them to talk to you. If you do, at best they will move away. At worst, you might be surprised to find yourself an unwilling volunteer for a jujitsu demonstration with you as the victim.

9 If you are visiting a bar, do not order a flaming drink for any reason. If you do, at best you will confirm your narcissistic tendencies. At worst your concoction will catch the back bar on fire, and the four-alarm fire department cost will put your credit card into default.

8 If you are visiting a bar, do not join others in doing shots. If you do at best, you will fall unconscious. At worst, you will be on your feet but engaged in behavior that your will not recall at your trial.

7 If you are visiting a bar, do not get up on the karaoke stage for any reason. If you do, At best you will be coerced into singing a song that you have never heard of before. At worst, you will be idiot enough to tackle Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody and to attempt to sing all the parts.

6 if you are visiting a bar, do not join a discussion about sports if you don’t know anything about sports. If you do, at best your companions will have proof that you are an idiot. At worst, Beefcake Muldoon the guy who’s facts you were challenging will finally have had enough and provide you with your solo flying lesson. (That landing will be pretty rough)

5 If you are visiting a bar, do not insist that the band play your song. If you do, at best the band will ignore you totally. At worst, the huge guy with the word SECURITY on his back will be helping you to the exit to the amusement of the patrons and joy of the band.

4 If you are visiting a bar, do not take drinks and not offer to buy a round. If you do, at best you will soon be drinking alone. At worst, your companions will shame you into buying a drink and suddenly being surprised that the round includes a drink for everyone in the bar as arranged by your former friends.

3 If you are visiting a bar, do not challenge the house champion to a game to impress others. If you do, at best you will be beaten so badly that all those who you wanted to impress think you are an idiot. At worst, you will get into several double or nothing bets that will end up with you no longer having a car.

2 If you are visiting a bar, do not send back a plate of food o matter how bad. If you do, at best those who you are with will wonder why you had the poor judgement to order food in a bar in the first place. At worst, you plate will return from the kitchen with some additional ingredients courtesy of the night cook and his dog.

1 If you are visiting a bar, do not accept the pickled egg eating challenge. If you do, at best you will be finished for the night. At worst, you will be feeling the physical effects of too many pickled eggs for the next week including sleeping alone in the yard.

Memorial Day – Remember Those Who Have Given So Much

May 25, 2015May 24, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 4 Comments

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf

May 24, 2015May 23, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

As you can see it is a little overcast today. The sky to the right looks like rain in the photo, but it is merely clouds. The guy in the foreground is a tourist who I had hoped would move, but I think he fell asleep there. He was fiddling with his camera and the mosquitos were bad enough I could not wait for him to finish. You can see the tides are not coming in as far as they were last week and the beach is clear of any seaweed. The seas are still rough so I would expect more seaweed later in the week. The family in the back got here early to protect a space. Also, we have severe thunderstorms forecasted which will cause additional water on the beach.The morning glories on this side of the dune are sleeping in today.

Last weeks photo shows the effects of the rains and heavy seas.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “KE”

May 23, 2015May 22, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday and time for another prompt from the evil genius Linda Hill. Here prompt this week is ke. Yeah, you got that right ke, and it can be part of a word. What kind of monster person would have a prompt like that? If you want to know go here http://lindaghill.com/2015/05/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-2315/ and see for yourself. Here is my interpretation of ke.

“So I called the guy at KE and you know what he said?”

“You take me for a mind reader? No, I don’t know and what is KE anyway?”

“KE is Kendall Energy. I put in for a job there and thought it would be a piece of cake.”

“So what did he say for heaven’s sake?”

“Mr. Kendall himself told me to take a hike.”

“No kidding. I thought you were on the fast track. Why’d he put on the brake?”

“He said my resume was a fake.”

“How’d he come to that decision? Sounds like a muck rake.”

“I thought so too. Then he asked me what kind of metal used in a transformer bake.”

“What the hell is that? What does the bake make?”

“That’s the problem. I had no way to avoid the fact that I had no idea. It was like being in a wake.”

“Why didn’t you know? You are an electrical engineer? You even know the source of a lightning quake.”

“I guess my nerves made me shake, and I forgot.”

“Here take this sake and relax. We need to do something else.”

“I think that’s key. Thanks.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

May 22, 2015May 18, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

Looks like Friday is here. At least the beginning of Friday is here. Only about eight more hours until the weekend. Today is the last Friday before the milestone marking the beginning of summer Memorial Day. This year Memorial Day is a little earlier than usual due to the last Monday of May being the 25th. I have always had a thought that Memorial Day is on the 30th (or thereabouts). So summer is a little early this year. Hey, I’m not going to complain after the winter that we all have had. Today’s JohnKu ( a term coined by Words4jp) is a celebration of the transition of the seasons.

Spring blowing salty,

A welcome change from winter. . .

Nothing like summer.

Thursday – A Little Personal

May 21, 2015May 20, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

One thing I miss living on the coast is the profusion of flowers that are able to be grown away from the salty sea air. We have very few species that can withstand the salt and wind that is part of living by the water. We have tried to cultivate some standard flowering plants with little luck. This time of year, the flowers are few and far between. Later in the summer and through the winter we can look forward to the Birds of Paradise and others. I thought I would give you an idea of what we have right now and I think you’ll agree it is pretty slim pickings.

The hibiscus always does well and this year seems to be doing better than ever. I think several feet of rain has done wonders for them.

The lowly Oleander (we call them highway trees) takes on an unusual importance when it becomes one of the few flowering trees able to make it in the harsh environment.

Tha Natal Plums have little white star-like blooms.

And, of course, we can try to keep a plant sheltered from the elements and hope for the best.

This is the second year for the Portulaca and since it sits on the west side of the house (away from the water) it does well. Other plants in the same location have met an untimely end.

Here is another plant on the West side. It is an Ice plant and usually has a chance.

On the Eastern side we are going to try a Moss Rose. I can almost hear the eulogy now.

This little Jatropha has been with us for three years and lives on the east side. She faces the Gulf but has a lot of friends around her to keep the salt spray from causing harm. She is just beginning to bloom so I thought I would give her an honorable mention.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

May 20, 2015May 18, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

Wednesday story day again. Last week we left Charlotte and Bob as Charlotte got the news that Bob has a real book he wrote on a word processor. The only problem that caused Charlotte some concern was Bob has not written the first chapter. Charlotte went out for a glass of water and it now back. Let’s go back as well.

“Charlotte how was the water?”

“Just what I needed Bob. Now, what’s this about you not having written the first chapter of your book.”

“It’s easy really. I started the book at the second chapter.”

“I’m confused. How do you know it is the second chapter? Why can’t it be the first?”

“Oh, Miss Charlotte. Don’t you think the author knows if the second chapter is the second and not the first?”

“Well, I suppose─.”

“In fact there is no one more qualified to know a first chapter from a second than the person writing the book.”

“Okay, Bob. I’ll give it to you. Let’s just start with the second chapter.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t? Why not?”

“You won’t understand what is going on without the first chapter.”

“Okay, let’s take a breath for a minute. Again I have to wonder why you didn’t write the first chapter first.”

“It was an experiment.”

“An experiment?”

“Yes. Everyone starts their book with the first chapter. I just wanted to see if I could complete the book without it.”

“So you have.”

“Yup and now it’s time to write the first chapter.”

“Dear God. How long will that take?”

“Not long. In fact, I’ve done it in my head.”

“Your head?”

“Let me write it down for you. Here this is the first chapter. Read it aloud.”

“Chapter one. He stepped off the ledge and could see the end was near.”

“Cool huh?”

“Oh, my gosh.”

Tuesday – Anything possible – A Story

May 19, 2015May 18, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

I came across this fifty-gallon barrel while riding on the beach. Although it is sturdy plastic, it still shows signs of extreme wear. As you can see, the bottom is completely ripped open. I can’t imagine how long the barrel was in the water but given all the bi-halves and algae it must have been a while. The discovery of a half-destroyed barrel naturally led me to a story that you will find below. Hope you like it.

“I like the barrel. what are you going to do with it?”

“I thought I would load it up with some important things and set it adrift in the ocean.”

“Why in the heck would you do that?”

“For science. I want to send a message to whoever finds the barrel that it is my barrel, and they should tell me where it is.”

“So you can go get it?”

“No. Just to see how far it traveled and where it ended up.”

“Couldn’t you do that with a bottle and a note?”

“Well, sure but what kind of statement would that make?”

“What are you putting in this thing.”

“I thought a computer so whoever finds it can see where it came from and can then just hook up and send me a message.”

“What happens if the barrel gets damaged or sinks?”

“Not going to happen. Look at this thing. It is waterproof and indestructible.”

“Okay, but I think you are taking a chance.”

“It will be fine. Oh, by the way, the computer I’m using belongs to my boss.”

“He let you use his computer? Is he nuts?”

“No. On vacation.”

Ten Things Not to do on Memorial Day Feat. Marie Ann Bailey

May 18, 2015May 17, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

Last Year Marie Ann Bailey and I did a simu-publish of what not to do on Memorial Day. I was constructing a new one for this year, and it occurred to me that last years was pretty suitable. So here is last year’s and I must say the advice seems pretty relevant. Thanks, Marie for helping with this one.

Top Ten Things Not To Do On Memorial Day

10 On Memorial Day, do not accept an invitation to your boss’ house for a picnic even if you think it will be good for your career. If you do, at best, you might just have an awful time. At worst, you might be pressed into service as one of the wait staff.

9 On Memorial Day, do not accept an invitation to your friend’s parents’ house on the lake. If you do, at best, you might be subjected to uncomfortable questions about why you don’t eat potato salad sitting in the sun for an hour. At worst, you won’t notice the potato salad and end up riding to the ER in an expensive ambulance.

8 On Memorial Day, do not try for the record number of drinks in an hour set by the Legend last year before he died. If you do, at best, you will feel awful the next day. At worst, you just might meet up with the Legend to compare notes.

7 On Memorial Day, do not show the crowd how many hot dogs or anything else you can consume in less than sixty seconds. If you do you, at best, you may get off lucky with just one. At worst, you may eat enough hot dogs causing you to go into a Nitrite and manufactured meat coma that takes days to wear off.

6 On Memorial Day, do not try to better any story being told by someone who has served in the military. If you do, at best, you might be telling the truth, but will look like a braggart. At worst, you might get in so deep that you will need to join up just to make the stories come true.

5 On Memorial Day, try to resist the beer bong challenge. If you don’t, at best, you will need to find a ride home. At worst, you will have lost all power to reason and the ability to talk which will make great discussion topics for the next day, not to mention the cell phone pictures on Instagram.

4 On Memorial Day, do not offer to light the fireworks display. If you do, at best, you will be contributing to an illegal act in most places. At worst, you may just set off the whole pile and be faced with trying to explain to Homeland Security exactly what your intentions were, hoping you can talk them out of a planned waterboard session.

3 On Memorial Day, do not decide to join in the volleyball game if you don’t know how to play. If you do, at best, you will slowly learn how to play and eventually stop making points for the other team. At worst, your team mates will decide you need elimination and will hire someone to take you for a long ride out-of-town.

2 On Memorial Day, do not wear any bathing attire that doesn’t fit or has a competitive racing design. If you do, at best, the rest of the party will try to ignore the sight. At worst, your picture and all the stuff that doesn’t fit in the suit will make the internet rounds on sites titled: “What not to wear in the pool this summer.”

1 On Memorial Day, do not think you need to entertain all your friends with stories of horrific behavior on Memorial Days past. If you do, at best, everyone will eventually walk away as they lose interest, and you’ll have a Golden Retriever as your audience. At worst, someone remembers your antics and is able to top your story with an even more embarrassing tale about you which you may or may not remember