Tuesday – Anything Possible – Short Story

April 21, 2015April 20, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

I found this helmet while walking on the beach last week. Like most things, it prompted a story.

“Hey you there.”

“What do you want?”

“You know hanging off that structure is dangerous?”

“Yeah, but you ought to see the view from up here.’

“Look you there I’m ordering you to come down.”

“So who are you?”

“I’m the platform foreman that’s who. You come down before you fall into the Gulf.”

“I’ve been working drilling rigs for twenty years and never fell once.”

“There’s always the first time.”

“I’m not kidding you I think I can see land from up here.”

“Impossible land is over sixty miles away.”

“Well, one thing is sure.”

“What’s that?”

“If I did fall I could never swim that far.”

“You would never live through the fall. That’s two hundred feet to the water.”

“Yeah, I know. Whoa, it sure is windy up here. There goes my hat.”

“That’ll cost you twenty bucks now get down here.”

“Man that is a long way down. Okay, my hat convinced me. I’m coming down.”

“Watch that first step.”

Top Ten Writing Things Not to Discuss with Anyone Who’s Not a Writer

April 20, 2015April 19, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 30 Comments

This list has as inspiration personal experience in trying to discuss writing with non-writers. Hope you enjoy

Top Ten Writing Things Not to Discuss with Anyone Who’s Not a Writer

10 If you are a writer, do not discuss how hard it is to write. If you do, at best you get an eye roll. At worst, you be talking to someone who has to disarm bombs for a living and will laugh out loud in your face.

9 If you are a writer, do not discuss your characters as if they are real. If you do, at best you will find people avoiding you. At worst, you will be talking to someone who has an imaginary friend that they believe would be a perfect protagonist for your next book.

8 If you are a writer, do not discuss your latest plot breakthrough. If you do, at best you will be given laundry to do. At worst, the entire family will suddenly disappear knowing you can’t wait to tell them how you solved the plot hole.

7 If you are a writer, do not discuss your latest review. If you do, at best you will be talking to someone who could care less. At worst, you could be talking to a person who just finished your book and had not thought of the negative points brought up by the reviewer and has to leave quickly to downgrade their review on Amazon.

6 If you are a writer, do not discuss your book with friends. If you do., at best they will all pledge to read and review your book that you know they won’t. At worse, you will tell some spoilers and the person you are regaling with the tale now has no reason to buy and read the book.

5 If you are a writer, do not discuss how hard it is to market your book. If you do, at best the person you are talking to will not understand anything you are saying. At worst they may ask, “who forced you to write the damn thing anyway?” A

4 If you are a writer, do not discuss your book with your spouse or partner. If you do, at best you will get a smile and a head nod. At worst, you might get some advice that you know you are not going to follow and someday you will have to pay the piper when it is clear you did not take the advice.

3 If you are a writer, do not discuss your royalty arrangements. If you do, at best you will confirm your writing is a hobby. At worst, you will confirm for others that you have completely lost your mind in pursuing a writing career.

2 If you are a writer, do not discuss word counts. If you do, at best the person who is listening to your minimum production will be polite enough not to walk away. At worst, you will be talking to someone who thinks one hundred of anything is a lot and will be blown away with your thousands they will expect you to buy dinner.

1 If you are a writer, do not discuss formats, downloads, Amazon, Createspace, cover art, fonts, or KDP. If you do, at best the person will be so impressed they won’t fall asleep immediately. (only temporary, however) At worst, your conversation will be interrupted by a phone call even if you didn’t hear the phone ring.

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf.

April 19, 2015April 18, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

Here is the number three view of the gulf. As you can see if you look at number two below very little has changed. We still have cloudy skies and rain. The lack of Footprints is a clue the rain washed them away. Saturday morning was a frog strangler with lightning and thunder to rattle grandma’s teeth. One loud clap of thunder and a lightning bolt brought all four animals into the bed. Each wanted to be closer to me than the next. Hopefully next week we will have beautiful blue and sunshine.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Piece/Peace

April 18, 2015April 18, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and the prompt for this week is Piece/Peace. We can use them separately or in a combo. If you would like to know more go to Linda G. Hill’s site Here is my contribution.

“Hello, you have reached Millennium Link Phone company.”

“Hello, I would like to discontinue my service.”

“Please listen carefully as our menu has changed. If you want new service press one. If you would like more products press two. For billing questions, please press three. For all other calls, please stay on the line. So we may better serve you please say or enter your twenty four-digit account number. If you don’t have it, please say, “I don;t have it” or press one.”

“I don’t have it.”

“That’s okay we’ll try another way. Please enter your nine-digit social security number. If you don’t have, it say, “I don’t have it” or press one.”

“I don’t have it.”

“That’s okay we’ll try another way. Please say your eight digit password that was given to you when you signed up for the service. If you don’t have, it say, “I don’t have it “or press one”

“I don’t have it.”

“That’s okay, we’ll try another way. Please say anything that you might have.”

“Peace and love.”

“I’m sorry but there is no account with the words peace and love. Let’s try another way. When someone cuts you some cake we say that is a________.”

“Piece.”

“Yes, sir. Please stay on the line while we transfer you to someone who is live but not necessarily in a position to help you much. If you would like to participate in a short fifty question survey after the call, please press one for yes and two for no.

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

April 17, 2015April 14, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Nice to have Friday come around. This week has been quite wet. We have had rain on and off since last Saturday. I’m not complaining since this definitely helps our drought situation immensely. We have been on water restrictions for about a year and even with this train we will probably remain. On Tuesday, I got a flash flood warning on my cell phone, and it brought to mind how sometimes there is too much of a good thing. I think those who would experience a flash flood might think such a thing is fairly ironic. Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) deals with the subject of too much of a good thing. I hope you like it.

Parched land, pray for rain,

The sky opens with bounty. . .

Drowning everything.

Thursday – A Little Personal

April 16, 2015April 14, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 30 Comments

Last week I showed some pictures of the beach where I live. This week I would like to give you a peek at what it is like to live in a beach town. I’m not going to give you a view of boats, fish, and tourists. That may come later. I am going to let you see some of the shops and sights we have in the downtown area.

This first photo is of two old salts that watch over the happenings of the town. They are over twenty feet tall and quite imposing. That boat in front of them is a cement Farley boat that I talked about a couple of weeks ago. Behind them is the Islander souvenir shop.

Here is another view of the Islander shop. It is one of the nicest looking buildings.

These shops are across the street, and the one on the right is a surf shop and the one on the left jewelry and gifts.

What would a beach town be without a Henna tattoo shop.

Here is another gift store and you can see a pink octopus on the roof. I mean everyone should have a pick octopus. Right?

This picture is also of a souvenir shop that features a giant shark. You can see the size when compared to the station wagon parked nearby. Yes, you can go inside the shark and pose for a picture. (which no one else has ever done. Ever.)

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

April 15, 2015April 14, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Wednesday story day again. As you may recall Charlotte was at a point of frustration with the idea that Bob would think a well-known author would steal his material. Charlotte asks Bob to excuse her while she makes a phone call. Bob goes out in the hall. Here is where we join Charlotte on the phone.

“Hello, Melissa?”

“Yes, Charlotte. How are you?”

“I have Bob here and I’m trying to help him with his manuscript as I promised.”

“How is it going?”

“Well, the reason I called was to ask if are you aware Bob thinks Hemingway stole his story?”

“Oh yes. He told me that a couple of times. It’s that fish story. Right?”

“Um yes, he mentioned the fish story which Hemingway titled “The Old Man and the Sea.”

“Yeah, I think Bob called it “The Dumb Old Dude and the Shark.”

“Melissa. You know Bob is delusional don’t you?”

“If you mean he’s a writer then yes I know.”

“No I mean I think he needs help.”

“That’s why I asked you to help him become a famous author.”

“Melissa I think he has more problems to overcome before he becomes a famous author.”

“Like what Charlotte?”

“Like he doesn’t want his manuscript typed. He thinks it is a piece of art.”

“I have to agree with him. Have you seen his handwriting? It takes your breath away.”

“Melissa. You need to concentrate. I promised to help Bob, but I think he is too far gone.”

“Oh, Charlotte. Come on now. You are the best. You can do it. I have faith in you. Just like that time you were out overnight with that Davis boy and your parents called me and I lied to protect you. I think this little favor is right up there with saving your butt. Goodbye, Charlotte. Nice talking.”

“Hello, Melissa. Hello. Damn, she’s gone.”

“May I come back. It sounded like you were finished with your call.”

“Sure Bob come back in. Oh my gosh.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything. Let’s start reading the first chapter.”

Tuesday- Anything Possible – Short Story.

April 14, 2015April 14, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

These pictures are not a setup. I found the little man perched on a piece of driftwood just as you see him. So that you get some context, the next picture is further away.

I was amazed by the fact that this little figure washed onto the beach and took up a spot as if to say, “I was on a mission.” I took the opportunity to use this figure as a prompt for the following story.

Transmission number 674. Captain Log Entry 321.

The mission report is being submitted by Captain Swain transmitting my first post hibernation update. My mission for those of you who have monitored this flight these many years was to go out from our world and find a new place for our people. . The trees and flowers could no longer produce the supply of fiber needed to sustain life. Our planet has become congested and sick as a result. We are doomed to suffocate unless I find a new place. Those of you who will receive this report are probably on the verge of existing on little to nothing, and my heart goes out to you. My ship was one of the newer types built to sustain interstellar flight and equipped with life support for three years. Blast off was normal and activation of deep hibernation complete. I awoke to find the auto systems all functioning normally. The testing protocol determined I was in excellent health after such a long trip. The speed log recorded the average speed of travel at light plus velocity. The ship has placed itself in orbit around a beautiful blue planet that seems very much like our own. I have checked the sustainability factors and am ready to descend to the surface. The remainder of my transmission will be using the voice remote systems.

I have put on the protective suit and am in the airlock. The atmospheric readings indicate an ample supply of oxygen and a healthy mix of carbon dioxide and other gasses. Although not proven until I reach the surface it looks like this planet will be our salvation. I have released the lander and am descending. The rate is gentle, and I will attempt a water landing as I’m not sure of the soil composition. Splash down in five, four, three, two, one splashdown.

I am floating with the current. the ambient temperature looks to be seventy degrees. I see land at my ninety degree mark. I have deployed the upright floatation device and am now on land. The sea is calm, and I have cracked the forward hatch. I am about to leave the ship. Now on the ladder I will step into the water. I need to say something here. “One small step for a plastic man, one giant leap for all plastic kind.”

Ten Things Not to do When Changing TV, Phone, and Internet Providers

April 13, 2015April 13, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

This list has as inspiration recently changing phone, internet, and TV providers. I wanted to get higher speed internet, and the local phone company had nothing faster, so I had to go to a new supplier. I bought a bundle including phone, internet, and TV.

Ten Things Not to Do When Changing Entertainment Providers

10 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not expect anything to work that day. If you do, at best you will be frustrated. At worst, you will need someone to apply some electroshock to bring you back from the heart attack.

9 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not let them touch anything until verifying the price. If you do, at best the price will be the same as agreed. At worst, some clod in the sales department quoted you a price on just half the equipment, and now the COD charge is twice. (and your other supplier is no longer your supplier)

8 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not let the tech leave until you try everything. If you do, at best there will be no batteries in the remotes. At worst, your internet and TV resemble something driven by a captured mouse on a wheel that hasn’t had a square meal in weeks.

7 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not let them come to the house until they have confirmed your old phone number will be ready to hook up. If you do, at best you will be given a temporary number until your old number is available. At worst, the old number will not be available for a few weeks and in the meantime your number is one digit off from an all night at home message service.

6 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not think all your precious recordings on the old DVR will stay with you. If you do, at best you will be surprised. At worst, you will sadly realize those episodes of the Mentalist that you were going to watch over the summer no longer exist and you will have no idea how the season and the series ends. (Spoiler alert, everyone is happy)

5 If you are changing entertainment providers, pay no attention when the tech says “Oh oh that’s not good.” If you do, at best you will lose confidence in getting service quickly. At worst, you will be drawn into a conflict between the tech and his home office over whether or not you need TV service.

4 if you are changing entertainment providers, do not plan on getting anything else done that day. If you do, at best you will be frustrated in having to cancel plans. At worst, you will have planned an important meeting that was to take place in the afternoon but since the tech is still working you have a decision between getting TV, Internet and phone service or keeping your job.

3 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not suggest to the tech that there might be a better way to install something. If you do, at best the tech will ignore you. At worst, the tech will follow your direction and because you were not clear you now have a major hole in the wall between your living and dining room and a highly attractive black cable running across the floor.

2 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not plan on downloading those large files from work. If you do, at best your temporary download speed will mean the job will be finished sometime in June. At worst, the documents and files you are attempting to download will show up on your neighbor’s computer who does not have ultra-high security clearance necessary to be in possession of the sensitive federal documents which you discover as the Homeland Security SWAT team is pounding on your front door.

1 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not plan on using the equipment for at least three days and twenty-four hours on the phone (cell) with the customer and technical support. If you do, at best you will be wondering why you are participating in this particular hell. At worst, we will be watching the late news seeing you on top of the provider’s customer care center blinded by bright searchlights and being ordered not to jump. (or even worse, to put the automatic weapon down)

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf

April 12, 2015April 11, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 9 Comments

For those who haven’t joined before, I plan on taking a picture of the beach once a week for the next year. The scene will be the same and the idea is to look at how things change over the course of the year.

This is picture number two. I have placed picture number one below for reference but will discontinue this since I expect the changes to be slight from week to week. (as you can see) Today’s photo shows the effects of the wind on the sand. The sand has blown up onto the cross over. Also, we have had rain all day.