This list has as inspiration the idea of spring and trips to Disneyland and Disneyworld

Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland

10 If you are going to Disneyland, do not tell the kids until you are there. If you do, at best there will be no hiccups, and you  will get there after what seems like an eternity. At worst, your fight has a detour to Fargo North Dakota because of weather, and the snow will melt in ten days. (And the kids will ask every three minutes when you are leaving for Disneyland)

9 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to navigate the park without a guide-book. If you do, at best a three-day visit will seem like three years of waiting. At worst, you and all the other uninformed visitors will be arriving at the same rides at the same time only to all decide to go to a different ride at the same time and so on and so on till you realize you haven’t ridden one ride in eight hours.

8 If you are going to Disneyland, do not think the weather will be the same in the afternoon as it is in the morning. If you do, at best there will be a little rain you didn’t expect. At worse, you may get caught in a monsoon-like downpour or a North Pole like cold snap which will also be the perfect growing conduit for the flu virus you picked up on the airplane.

7 If you are going to Disneyland, do not let your kids talk you into allowing a friend to come along. If you do at best, they will all get along and only cost an additional five hundred dollars. At worst, after the first day the friend are no longer speaking to your kids and insist they want to go home and have informed their parents you are holding them against their will. (The state police and FBI are very understanding on these kinds of situations)

6 If you are going to Disneyland do not think the breakfast with the characters is going to be anything but a trial. If you do, at best you will be dismayed at the lack of non-screaming picture-taking opportunities. At worst, your child will be the one who is afraid of a giant Mickey Mouse and makes a scene that is so traumatic you  hear people talking about the reaction for three days. (Luckily your child looks completely different when not screaming bloody murder)

5 If you are going to Disneyland and plan to eat in the park, do not think the cost will be reasonable. If you do, at best you will discover the three meals you are used to will need to be trimmed to one and a half. At worst, you will have a dinner the first night you are there and then will spend your time at the front gate with a cardboard sign that reads “will write for food.”

4 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to make the actors break out of character. If you do, at best you will simply be annoying for the kids. At worst, you may encounter a character like Jim Fink king of the river who will take great pleasure breaking out of character with a knuckles sandwich to your nose.

3 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to join the main street parade just because it looks so all-American, and you had one too many pops at dinner. If you do, at best you will be sleeping in the car tonight. At worst, the parade was a success and unfortunately it came to an abrupt end with fingerprinting and a drafty cell.

2 If you are going to Disneyland, you cannot think the rides are for adults only. If you do, at best your children will think you don’t know how to share. At worst, you will need to have a time out while your spouse explains the purpose of going to Disneyland in the first place.(the session in full view of the park visitors)

1 If you are going to Disneyland, do not forget the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best your family will have less of a good time.. At worst, you will find your family has made up a little game of hide and seek, and you are it. After you count to one hundred, they have all disappeared and the next time you talk to them is at the hotel through a locked door.

Okay for the most of the United States I’m rushing this list a bit. I have always thought of spring as a matter of the mind and not necessarily how the weather is behaving (or not as the case may be). Spring here in South Texas has definitely arrived. I can tell because when I walk on the beach I’m almost run over by big ole pickups filled with overserved youngsters all yelling “woo woo” at the top of their lungs. Last year one even said to me “Hi old man.” She said it in a kindly manner so I didn’t take offense cause after all I am an old man. So on to the top ten things not to do if you have spring fever.

Ten Things not to do If You Have Spring Fever

10 If you have spring fever, do not fall in love with everyone you see. If you do, at best you will get a broken heart. At worst, you will need to deal with all the spouses to whom you have been reported for inappropriate sighing.9not to mention behavior)

9 If you have spring fever, do not daydream at work. If you do at best your fellow workers will think you use drugs. At worst, the boss will believe you have a motivation condition that can only be helped with a six-week motivational seminar (which is being held in Fargo ND)

8 If you have spring fever, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best you may waste some material because of inattention. At worst, you may be deep in thought and run the heavy machinery through the shop wall or floor. (Better check to see what is below)

7 If you have spring fever, do not operate a motor vehicle. If you do, at best you may get a fender bender, At worst, you may just be pulled over by the state police because you are going the wrong way on the freeway.

6 If you have spring fever, do not lay in a bed of daisies. If you do, At best you will be allergic. At worst, you might be in contact with a nest of fire ants or bees and will end up in the ER having to explain why you decided to lay in a bed of daisies in the first place. (It will never come out right)

5 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take the day off.  If you do, the best will be you miss some important phone calls. At worst, you will miss the meeting where your boss was going to announce your surprise promotion which now isn’t necessary since the office snitch explained you just didn’t come in today.

4 If you have spring fever, do not decide to write poetry. If you do, at best no one will ever see it. At worst, you will want to share it with your family and friends causing an instantaneous interdiction and a nice white straight jacket for you.

3 If you have spring fever, do not decide to force the family on a picnic. If you do, at best all of you will be wet and miserable. At worst, the park patrol will finally find you after several hours of your family being reported lost in the blizzard. (Guess who is not talking to you anymore?)

2 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take up guitar playing. If you do, at best you will get good enough to be described as awful. At worst, you will be strumming and singing a song and wonder why all the people have left and all the cats have arrived.

1 If you have spring fever, do not buy a convertible or sports car. If you do, at best you will be forced to drive it alone. At worst, you will be asked kindly by your spouse to return the vehicle to the point of purchase under penalty of a total and complete censure. (Guess how much the car is worth when you bring it back)