Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Going to Disneyland

This list has as inspiration the idea of spring and trips to Disneyland and Disneyworld

a disneyland

Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland

10 If you are going to Disneyland, do not tell the kids until you are there. If you do, at best there will be no hiccups, and you  will get there after what seems like an eternity. At worst, your fight has a detour to Fargo North Dakota because of weather, and the snow will melt in ten days. (And the kids will ask every three minutes when you are leaving for Disneyland)

9 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to navigate the park without a guide-book. If you do, at best a three-day visit will seem like three years of waiting. At worst, you and all the other uninformed visitors will be arriving at the same rides at the same time only to all decide to go to a different ride at the same time and so on and so on till you realize you haven’t ridden one ride in eight hours.

8 If you are going to Disneyland, do not think the weather will be the same in the afternoon as it is in the morning. If you do, at best there will be a little rain you didn’t expect. At worse, you may get caught in a monsoon-like downpour or a North Pole like cold snap which will also be the perfect growing conduit for the flu virus you picked up on the airplane.

7 If you are going to Disneyland, do not let your kids talk you into allowing a friend to come along. If you do at best, they will all get along and only cost an additional five hundred dollars. At worst, after the first day the friend are no longer speaking to your kids and insist they want to go home and have informed their parents you are holding them against their will. (The state police and FBI are very understanding on these kinds of situations)

6 If you are going to Disneyland do not think the breakfast with the characters is going to be anything but a trial. If you do, at best you will be dismayed at the lack of non-screaming picture-taking opportunities. At worst, your child will be the one who is afraid of a giant Mickey Mouse and makes a scene that is so traumatic you  hear people talking about the reaction for three days. (Luckily your child looks completely different when not screaming bloody murder)

5 If you are going to Disneyland and plan to eat in the park, do not think the cost will be reasonable. If you do, at best you will discover the three meals you are used to will need to be trimmed to one and a half. At worst, you will have a dinner the first night you are there and then will spend your time at the front gate with a cardboard sign that reads “will write for food.”

4 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to make the actors break out of character. If you do, at best you will simply be annoying for the kids. At worst, you may encounter a character like Jim Fink king of the river who will take great pleasure breaking out of character with a knuckles sandwich to your nose.

3 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to join the main street parade just because it looks so all-American, and you had one too many pops at dinner. If you do, at best you will be sleeping in the car tonight. At worst, the parade was a success and unfortunately it came to an abrupt end with fingerprinting and a drafty cell.

2 If you are going to Disneyland, you cannot think the rides are for adults only. If you do, at best your children will think you don’t know how to share. At worst, you will need to have a time out while your spouse explains the purpose of going to Disneyland in the first place.(the session in full view of the park visitors)

1 If you are going to Disneyland, do not forget the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best your family will have less of a good time.. At worst, you will find your family has made up a little game of hide and seek, and you are it. After you count to one hundred, they have all disappeared and the next time you talk to them is at the hotel through a locked door.

33 comments

  1. Several of these are why I’m waiting for the kid to be older before tackling Disneyworld. Either that or the other adults sign a waver that states I’m only part of the group when things are going smoothly. All other times, I’m merely the butler.

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    1. I prefer the title “cabana boy.”

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      1. One of these days I need to look up what a cabana is. :/

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  2. All good reasons why I’ve never gone to Disneyland 😉 (besides the fact that I tend to flip out in crowds …)

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    1. Me too. I begin to sweat in the company of more than two people.

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  3. Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
    If you’ve ever gone to Disneyland, this list of things not to do there is for you! If you’ve never gone to Disneyland, this list will validate why you’ve never gone 🙂 Enjoy, courtesy of John W. Howell.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Marie. Always nice of you to re-blog. 🙂

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  4. I recall a trip to Disney World where we rode three rides in eight hours the lines were so long. It was a free for FL residents day. Will never do that again.

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    1. Need to take supplies to survive the lines. (margarita, chips, salsa)

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  5. You’re not kidding about number seven…it’s so expensive. I remember my parents took my sister and I when we were teenagers. I’ll just say, it was a complete waste of their money. We didn’t want to hang out with our parents.

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    1. Of course not. Parents were a drag back then. They do improve over time.

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      1. Yes they do! I love hanging out with them now. 🙂

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      2. Wonder who taught them to become cool?

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      3. Funny…they just did it on their own. 🙂

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  6. We’ve done our time at Disney when the kids were younger. Now that they’re older, we’ve moved on to Universal Studios and I don’t know who has more fun – us or them!

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    1. I loved Universal Studios

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  7. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Going to Disneyland. […]

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  8. My only time at any Disney was as a honeymoon for my mistake marriage. I won’t be returning. Ever. 🙂

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    1. I don’t blame you. I have a couple of places where I don’t want to go as well

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  9. Numbers 7 and 8 win the prize. Thank goodness I brought extra money. We had to buy plastic ponchos when the rain hit, which cost as much as a real coat. 😀 😀 😀

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    1. Yeah I know I used to sell plastic ponchos. I split the take with the Rainmaker guy.

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      1. 😀 😀 You’re in top form today, John. 😀

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      2. Can’t help it. The idea of rain and ponchos made me do that.

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  10. Given that Disneyland is 15 minutes away and Angus will be at the age to enjoy it soon, I better keep this list handy…Thanks John!

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  11. Wonderful John, highly entertaining. I shall take note of your suggestions. You recall National Vacation where the Griswolds went on holiday to a park that was closed when they arrived? Well that actually happened to a friend of mine and his family who traveled a great distance to find the park closed for cleaning.

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    1. Love the Griswold movies. Wallyworld was the park. LOL

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      1. Yes that’s right…..My friend and his family were very Griswoldish that day….

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  12. Nice list. And if your family will let you go on Thanksgiving, you won’t have to wait in lines so long. 🙂

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    1. Sounds like a good idea.

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  13. Can’t sleep through a trip like that one… Best Place on Earth.

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  14. Another great list, John. Thanks for the lunch break chuckles. 🙂

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