This list was originally posted on October 5th, 2015. I think it still is useful.
This list was inspired by filling in on a few occasions when I needed to venture into places I’ve never been. These examples are not necessarily places where you’ve never been. They are just the places where you are generally not found buying things.
Top Ten Things Not to do If You Don’t Normally Shop for Whatever You Buy.
10 If you don’t usually buy birthday cakes, do not take it upon yourself to alter the instructions you have been given. If you do, at best, those colors that looked so good in the store clash with the birthday party decorations. At worst, that nickname you think is so cute was not to be shared with anyone outside the house, and now 25 of your child’s friends have a brand new torture vehicle. (Don’t worry, the name will eventually die out in twenty or thirty years.)
9 If you don’t usually buy tires, do not listen to the guy wanting to sell four of the $300 super slick Michelins. If you do, at best, you will now have 60,000 miles of wear guarantee. At worst, your car has about 30,000 more miles before it dies. (The tires sure look good as the tow truck pulls it away.)
8 If you don’t usually buy power tools, do not pick up the first thing on sale. If you do, at best, the device might be on sale for a reason. At worst, the money you saved on the tool will be more than offset by the cost of the repair contractor. (You were sure the saw would work long enough to finish the project, weren’t you?)
7 If you don’t usually buy toys for Christmas, do not buy anything not on the list. If you do, At best, you may set the record for the most gifts bought for any Christmas. At worst, your preschool kids might be too young for the mini drone and Xbox games they find under the tree. (At least they will have fun with the boxes.)
6 If you don’t usually buy vacation airline tickets, do not think those add-ons are a bargain. If you do, at best, you will find you did not need that extra pillow or rancid can of nuts. At worst, you may find you may have the distinction of paying the most to go the shortest distance. (You must wonder why the airline keeps sending you letters asking when you will book your next trip.)
5 If you don’t usually buy appliances, do not go alone to buy anything in the appliance category. If you do, at best, you may have to pay a restocking fee for its return. At worst, you will have something in your house that no one will use. (And it is right in the hallway where you run into it every night.)
4 If you don’t usually buy automobiles alone, do not say yes to that yellow sports convertible. If you do, at best, you will be broadcasting a midlife crisis. At worst, you may find it too cramped for comfortable sleeping quarters. (And now the yard starts to look good.)
3 If you don’t usually buy clothing alone, don’t grab that suit simply because you saw it in an ad. If you do, at best, the tailor just might be able to adjust out some of the youthful features. At worst, you will be evident in your choice of clothes that are not age-appropriate. (How is that skinny fit feeling now?)
2 If you don’t usually buy wine, do not make a selection based on either high or low prices. If you do, at best, you will pay more for a good wine than necessary. At worst, your low-priced selection might be good for bumper rust removal but not drinking. (Lucky you. Picking up a bottle on your way to the boss’s house.)
1 If you don’t usually buy snacks for the football game, do not buy what you think will be suitable for the people watching football. At best, you will have a lot of new snacks. At worst, you may end up watching the game by yourself and your pet rabbit. (Of course, it is not logical, but that’s football.)
