In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
This list was originally posted on August 22, 2016. Since then, the real estate market has exploded, and I’m not sure realtors even have open houses. These days usually list the home and give buyers a week to submit a bid. Someday, the old ways will come back, and this list may be handy when they do.
* * *
The inspiration for this list is having attended some realtor open houses and having an active imagination of the realtor’s reaction if one of the visitors should do any of the things on the list. I am entirely innocent.
10 If you attend a realtor open house, do not make yourself at home no matter what the salesperson says when you arrive. If you do, at best, you’ll be asked to take your feet off the couch. At worst, the police will ask you once to get out of the shower and get dressed. (Don’t make them use that stun gun, Bunky. You’ll look ridiculous on the nightly news especially buck naked.)
9 If you attend a realtor open house, do not think that pot on the stove is hot cider. If you do, at best, the potpourri won’t make you sick. At worst, you’ll find the wood chips and cinnamon sticks aren’t as fun on the revisit. (That ER ipecac treatment was as close to waterboarding as you will get for a while.)
8 If you attend a realtor open house, do not think you can test the bed. If you do, at best, you’ll be shown the door. At worst, your photo ends up at the Multiple Listing Service, and this will be your last open house. (You should have set the alarm before that nap.)
7 If you attend a realtor open house, do not make jokes about the home owner’s relative’s photos. If you do, at best, no one will hear you. At worst, the realtor will rat you out to the owner. (You didn’t know this was your boss’s house until you saw his photo in the last frame, did you?)
6 If you attend a realtor open house, do not help yourself to one of the cookies in the kitchen. If you do, at best, that is why they are on display. At worst, you are now painfully aware the cookies were props. (How long will you have to chew that wax before it goes bye-bye?)
5 If you attend a realtor open house, do not turn on the big game. If you do, at best, the broker will ask you to turn it off. At worst, you will still be watching as the owners return to their house. (It’s retty uncomfortable explaining how you came to turn the thing on in the first place. Oh, and how that beer just magically appeared.)
4 If you attend a realtor open house, do not open drawers to have a peek. If you do, at best, no one will know. At worst, you’ll go into the media room and be able to watch the security camera replay of your bathroom snooping. (Don’t even try to figure out how to erase the file. The central control is locked, and the owner is looking at your performance on a cell phone ten miles away.)
3 If you attend a realtor open house, do not be tempted to open the refrigerator. If you do open it, at best, only the salesperson will know. At worst, the owners return home through the kitchen door just as you look inside the refrigerator. (Your comment about “nice-looking pot roast leftovers” does nothing to ease the tension.)
2 If you attend a realtor open house, do not be tempted to pick a flower or two, no matter how lovely. If you do pick one, at best, you can tell a fib about it being broken off. At worst, you have the flower in your hand and no way to hide the fact from the owner. (The owner happens to be named Tiny and stands seven feet tall and rushed out to his garden to find you with his favorite Zinnia in your hand. You should just fall down now.)
1 If you attend a realtor open house, no matter what, do not turn on the Jacuzzi. If you do, at best, that broken switch will fail to operate. At worst, the broken return pipe will shoot water until the tub is dry. (Of course, you can’t turn off the superheated motor, so you stand by helplessly watching the firefighters try to save the house from the burning lanai.)
Today we are going to attend the Lakeway Autopark open house. This event doesn’t take place often, but this was the weekend for it. We are boing catered by Matties of Austin and music by the (who else) B52’s
Menu
Biscuits + Chorizo Cream Gravy˚ with scrambled eggs
Milk Punch French Toast macerated strawberries, candied pecans, whipped cream, bourbon maple syrup.
Green Chile Pork Chilaquiles tomatillo sauce, chunky pico de gallo, over-easy eggs, cotija cheese, tortilla chips
Breakfast Plate˚ scrambled eggs, home fries, bacon or house-made wild boar sausage . . . . .
Fried Chicken Eggs Benedict˚ buttermilk biscuits, hollandaise, green salad
Basmati Rice Bowl (V) chickpeas, coconut curry, roasted vegetables, cilantro, tomato, and green onions.
So Jump on, and let’s go
Welcome to the Airpark
A T-28 trainer doing a flyover with smoke
Looks like the turnout is great.
A small custom-built racing plane.
A piper cub
Military version of a 1953 Piper Cub
The trainer has just touched down on the runway. (you can see the smoke from the tires just behind it.)
A Piper PA-12 Super Cruiser float plane.
A modern Cirrus plane. (The one that can deploy a parachute in case of trouble)
The US Navy North American Aviation T-28 VT-5 trainer parks. This one is marked with service on the USS Lexington, the same ship my father served on in World War II. Although my Dad was a Naval Aviator, this trainer was not in service until 1948, which was after my Dad left the service
A well-coordinated take-off.
A beautiful Socata TBM-900 (single-turboprop)
Another view of the participation.
A permanent Mooney aircraft letting you know you are at the airpark. I hope you enjoyed the visit today. Have some food and enjoy the music.
Staring at the cup as the machine finishes its work, the residual effects of my second Covid booster have me fixated on the beauty of the dark frothy liquid. For two days, my body has been in a state that could best be described as hungover. Recalling the days when copious amounts of gin were consumed with an equal quantity of abandon and mirth. The next day was payback for all that fun. It has been years now, but today I feel the effects mirrored by that libertine care abandonment of years ago.
The cup is ready, and it appears that life will continue a sip later. But unfortunately, my phone has sent an alert of a front door visitor. A deep sigh indicates that this might not be the time to entertain whoever may be there. Deciding to ignore the Ring camera and try sipping coffee from a reclining position on the couch, I move the magazine in my way. The cover picture would rattle me on a normal day. Today the sight of a piazza in a cast iron pan is almost enough to inspire a call to 9-1-1.
Forgoing the couch, I go through the process of opening the front door. Chains undid, Locks unlocked, steel bars rolled aside, explosive device unarmed, the door is swung open. I tawt I taw a puddyy tat,” was the first thing to come out of Tweety Bird’s beak. y shock at seeing her was only exceeded by the fact she was ten feet tall. You been hanging around that Alice person?” was my question.
Tweety just smiled and handed me an envelope, turned, and was down the driveway. Pity, the cat, was my thought as I opened the envelope. Inside was a message from Linda Hill. Here’s what it said.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “a picture from wherever.” When you sit down to write your post, find a picture, whether in a magazine, newspaper, or even product packaging. Write whatever thought or emotion the picture provokes. Enjoy!
If you want to enjoy, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link
Multi-billion dollar civic engineering projects tend not to be good news for wildlife, but upon the completion of a new English underground railway line, the upturned earth was used to rebuild a coastal habitat for birds in Essex.
The new bird sanctuary instantly became one of the richest in Britain’s coastline for avocets, spoonbills, black-tailed godwits, and other wading birds.
The Elizabeth Crossrail is a high-speed line that runs from Reading to the west of London, through the capital, to Shenfield near the east coast. During the $24 million (£19 million) project, seven million metric tons of soil was dug up to make thirteen underground railway tunnels, half of which were transported by boat to the eastern shore of the country.
The earth was taken to a place called Wallasea Island, once just a tiny peninsula of the wild Essex coastline, consisting of salt marshes, coastal lagoons, muddy flatlands, and other features, but several times during the Medieval period and after it was drained to make sheep pasture or farmland.
Farming often is not as profitable now as it was then, and as the defensive seawall was in need of repairs, the farmer that used to own the land sold it to the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds.
“Massive amounts of soil were dug up from below the streets of London during tunneling needed to create the Elizabeth line,” said Rachel Fancy, site manager of RSPB Wallasea Island. “That material was given to the RSPB, allowing us to create our Jubilee Marsh, the cornerstone of our new reserve.”
Jubilee is the appropriate name in this case. Bird-friendly journalists from the Guardian, reporting on the state of Wallasea Island, now note the diversity of species and the rich numbers.
Hen and marsh harriers have appeared in winter while wigeon, teal, plover, yellow wagtail, lapwings, blackbirds, oystercatchers, and skylarks were all recorded in what reporters called a “nature lover’s paradise.”
It took 1,500 trips by canal to bring the dirt to Wallasea. Once there it was transported via conveyor belt to a dump, where tipper trucks slowly deposited it along the shoreline to create a steady sloping terrain up from the sea, protecting it from rising levels.
After the manicuring and landscaping was finished, the seawall was strategically breached in three separate places at low tide, which, once it rose again, gently partitioned the landscape into the various landscape features seen today, as opposed to turning it into a big muddy lake if the wall had been breached all at once at high tide.
In its first year, Wallasea Nature Reserve hosted 150 breeding pairs of avocets, which is endangered-in-Britain, instantly making it one of the bird’s strongholds.
“We are really proud that Jubilee Marsh is helping to combat the threats from climate change and coastal flooding,” Mark Wild, Crossrail’s chief executive, told the Guardian.
The good news here is that with proper planning human expansion need not come at the expense of the earth. Today’s JohnKu talks about stewardship. I hope you all have a super weekend.
“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
“We will go by the humans, and each of us will have a hold of the stick.”
“Seems kind of dumb.”
“Says you. You know those humans are suckers for cute.”
“If you say so.”
“Here’s the thing. You the big brute and I the wiley terrier come walking along with this stick, and the cuteness factor will go off the charts with those humans.”
“I still don’t get it.”
“Can you say treats?”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, when they see us doing the partner thing on this stick, they’ll turn over chairs running for the cameras and treats.”
“How long do we have to do this?”
“Couple of minutes tops.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“So, you can let go of the stick till we get closer.”
This post was originally published in August of 2016. We are expecting 100+F (37.7+C) temperatures for the next seven days. So I think this list is still relevant.
* * *
By design, I will admit this list is a little overstated and the product of a fiction writer. So natural questions like, “Who would do that their thing?” (avoiding ending the sentence with a preposition) should be tempered with the fact that I MAKE THIS STUFF UP IN MY HEAD.
Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Heat.
10 If you are in the heat, do not decide to fire your pottery. If you do, at best, the 1000-degree oven will win. At worst, you might be forced to take fluids intravenously. (Man, that drip sure gets in the way, hey Bunkie?)
9 If you are in the heat, do not do the yard work promised last winter. If you do, at best, you will lose intelligence points at home. At worst, that elevated heartbeat signals you to proceed to the nearest ER. (Too bad no one is at home to drive you, Sport)
8 If you are in the heat, do not tackle that welding project. If you do, at best, you may lose weight. At worst, the third-degree burns on your face are in sharp contrast to the non-burned places where your goggles were in place. (A little aloe vera gel might help cool that down.)
7 If you are in the heat, do not volunteer to help out as a crossing guard at summer school. If you do, at best, the soaking wet shirt makes an interesting statement that the PTA would like to discuss in person. At worst, your memory will always be kept alive in the crossing guard Hall of Fame for not dropping your stop sign as you went down. (What a great testimonial to dedication. Sorry you missed it)
6 If you are in the heat, do not think it is a good idea to carry ice cream home for a treat. If you do, at best, you can still enjoy the Oreo chunks, which are all that is left. At worst, tucking the ice cream into your recyclable bag and your wallet proved to be a mistake. (Handing the police your ice cream-soaked license was a big mistake. “I had to get home, officer, before the ice cream melted.”)
5 If you are in the heat, do not think several adult beverages will help you stay cool. If you do, at best, you may be hot but can’t feel a thing. At worst, you overdo it and realize you slept in the yard all night. (Don’t worry about those mosquito bites. The swelling will go down, and you will be able to see in a day or two.)
4 If you are in the heat, do not think sitting in water all day will spare you from suffering. If you do, at best, you will suffer prune body. At worst, you will need help getting out of the water since you absorbed many gallons and now weigh over three hundred pounds. (The six o’clock news has the entire rescue recorded for replay at ten o’clock as well.)
3 If you are in the heat, do not decide to take up running as an exercise. If you do, at best, you will faint after two blocks. At worst, you will finish a five-mile run and have to take three weeks off work to recover. ( Who was that person who gave you a lift home anyway?)
2 If you are in the heat, do not decide to use your super big grill and smoker. If you do, at best, you will choose to finish everything in the oven in the house. At worst, you will have created an environment that is hotter than the hinges on the gates to hell, and you can’t get cool. ( Chugging the five-gallon water cooler bottle might help. Well…maybe not.)
1 If you are in the heat, do not think your pets have some magic immunity to the high temperatures. If you do, at best, you may need to cool them off quickly. At worst, you may need to get them to the nearest vet for emergency treatment. Okay, this one is serious, and all too often, people forget to keep their pets (and children, sorry to say) protected from the effects of high temperatures. Don’t be one of those people.
There is not much going on today in Lakeway, so I thought we would have you all over to tour the garden. We are being catered by Pecan Square Cafe of Clarksville. Our entertainment is Shania Twain.
Out of coffee beans was the message on the machine. Time to switch from Columbian to French Roast. Filling the reservoir brought a tweak of excitement in anticipation of a new dark roast flavor. Sure enough, when the process is activated, the machine seems to be in a similar frame of mind. No hesitation, and within seconds, the 10 ounces of life-saving Elixer was delivered into the cup.
With a shaking hand, the cup reaches the mouth for the first sip of the unique blend. Slowly the brain picks up the cues of deep taste, aroma, and mind-altering chemical rush. Yes, indeed, this is heaven on Earth.
Sitting with the coffee and laptop and just starting to go through the day’s mail, there was a crash sound that seems like what a falling bus would sound like if it landed in the backyard. Why that sound is familiar is a piece of irony and a story for another time.
Getting up from my comfort and hazarding a look into the backyard, there was no surprise in seeing a big yellow iron bus buried up to the hubcaps in the turf. A sigh escaped my lips since it appears that an investigation would be necessary. “First finish the coffee” was an order from the brain department. A second or two after returning to my seat, the doorbell rings.
What the hell good is it to put a sign on the doorbell not to ring it when every Tom, Dick, and Harry ignores the sign? Theseare the thoughts as I pull Twiggy and Lucy from the ceiling. The front door requires a disarming procedure which takes a few minutes. The door finally gives way, and a stranger asks. “Have you seen a bus anywhere around here?”
“Elmer Fudd?” The question shoots out of my mouth before the brain can catch it. The answer is a surprise. The character declines to admit he is Elmer Fudd but hands me an envelope and tips his hunting hat. “That Waskely Wabbit took my bus, and if you see it or him, tell him he is on the menu for tonight.”
Rather than get involved, I thanked Elmer for the envelope and slowly shut the door. The bus will have to wait while the envelope receives full attention. No surprise, it is from Linda Hill with a message inside. The message reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “iron(y).” Use “iron,” use “irony,” or use both. Use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!
If you would like to have fun, just go to Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link.
