Tag: Circumstances of Childhood

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

 

Lucy and Twiggy
“Hey, Lucy. When is it Friday?”
“Huh? Two more days Little One. Take a nap.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we witnessed Charles the server denies he went home with Mrs. Rafferty, which was information received from Jerry the server. Also, Charles lawyered up and decided he wouldn’t do any more talking without a lawyer. We should get back to the Hyatt since I see Larry headed for Sanford Wentworth’s office. He doesn’t look too pleased either.

 

“Yes, detective. Come right in.”

“I need to talk to Jerry Foster again.”

“Is there a problem Detective

“Yes, there is, but I need to take it up with Jerry.”

“Sure enough. Hold on, I’ll call him.”

“Thank you.”

“That’s strange.”

“What?”

“His cell phonies going to voicemail after one ring.”

“Yeah, well, I have had that happen to mine when the signal’s not good.”

“But throughout our property, we have repeaters. We need to be in constant touch with our employees. This should not happen.”

“You sure he isn’t hitting the ‘not accept’ button.”

“It could be, but he knows this number, and that would certainly be grounds for discipline.”

“So, where does he hang out?”

“There is a little server’s break room off the kitchen. He could be there.”

“Let’s go down there then.”

“Okay, follow me.”

“Wait. I need to get Andrew.”

“I’ll wait for you here.”

“I’ll be right back.”

*

“Hey, Andrew.”

“Yes, Larry. What’s the deal?”

“We need to talk to Jerry Foster, and now he is out of touch with his boss.”

“Yeah, so what? Maybe he is in the men’s room.”

“Wentworth seems concerned, so I’m concerned.”

“Well, if you are concerned, then I’m concerned.”

“Okay, never mind. Just come with me to Wentworth’s office and then to see if we can find Jerry.”

“This is almost like a posse.”

“You do concern me sometimes, Andrew.”

“If you are concerned—”

“Knock it off, Andrew. Let’s just go.”

“Right, you are chief. Lead the way.”

“That’s better.”

“What are we going to do with Jerry Foster when we catch up with him.”

“For one, I want to know why he lied to us.”

“Good point. What else?”

“I think he needs to explain what else he knows about Mrs. Rafferty and the accident with her husband.”

“You think he’ll talk?”

“I have to believe that he will. Hey, Wentworth.”

“Can we go down to the severs room now?”

“Lead the way, Sir.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt “Eat”

~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

Keith Channing is on a hiatus this week. I have arranged a finger point prompt using the best selling novel Circumstances of Childhood by that world-famous author John W, Howell. As luck would have it, the prompt for today is, “eat.”

Tuesday-anything possible

Eat by John W. Howell © 2019

“How much of that corn could you eat?”

“Depends on what time of day?”

“Time of day? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, you take your midnight, for example. Hard to eat when you’re lying down.”

“That makes sense. Of course, you don’t eat at midnight.”

“Huh?”

“Who does that?”

“Well. if I’m not lying down.”

“You are kidding me, right?”

“Okay, let’s get back to the original question. You asked how much of that corn could I eat?”

“Yeah, that was the question.”

“Again, it depends.”

“We already covered that.”

“No, it depends on when I last ate.”

“Okay, that seems reasonable. How much could you eat if you hadn’t eaten for a while.”

“All of it.”

“You’re kidding? How much if you just ate?”

“Again, that depends.”

“On what for heaven’s sake.”

“On whether or not I had an after-dinner mint.”

“OMG. I need this to end. Okay, I’ll bite. How much if you had a mint?”

“Almost all of it.”

“No mint.”

“All of it.”

“You are a pig, you know that?”

“Is this the first you noticed Mr. Smarty Pant’s horse?”

Top Ten Things Not to Do Wrapping Presents – Redo

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

Gift wrapping no nos

This post was published in December of 2017. Since history does not lend itself to humor this week, I thought you might enjoy a revisit or a visit for those who missed it.

I always enjoy wrapping presents. I pretty much avoid the “store gift wrap” in favor of the messes I create. I think putting oneself into the process is a way you can show the recipients of the gift that you really care. The inspiration for this post is every year of doing my own. I hope you enjoy it.

10 If you are gift wrapping, don’t think it’s the thought that counts. If you do, at best, your wrapping will look like you didn’t think at all. At worst, your package will be mistaken for trash and never opened in the first place. (No wonder you didn’t get a thank you, Cassidy.)

9 If you are gift wrapping, do not try to use a fake box with Tiny, the WWF champ who just enrolled in a court-ordered intensive course on how to handle disappointment. If you do at best, you won’t be in the room when Tiny open,s the Tiffany box to find a screwdriver. At worst, although Tiny will do his best to control himself, it may be more than one can expect. (You have been thinking of removing that dining room wall anyway right, Crane?)

8 If you are gift wrapping, do not use seasonally inappropriate paper. If you do, at best, others will think you mentally unstable. At worst, friends and family will gather and determine what to do with you now that you have lost track of time. (Okay, so you wanted to save a few bucks on paper, but Easter wrap was not the way to go, Clive.)

7 If you are gift wrapping, do not forget the nametags. If you do, at best, you’ll remember each gift and who it goes to just by the wrapping. At worst, Uncle Phil will wonder what you are trying to say with the Lady Schick electric razor gift. (You thought for sure that red box was a bottle of bourbon, Cal. I wonder what aunt Helen thinks of it.)

6 If you are gift wrapping, do not forget to measure twice before cutting once. If you do, at best, there is a smaller box that can be wrapped with your mistakes. At worst, you have another trip to the wrapping store to get additional supplies. (Too bad they are all out of Christmas wrap, huh, Cameron? They have plenty of Easter wrap, though.)

5 If you are gift wrapping, do not use the same paper for all the gifts. If you do, someone will recognize it as last year’s $0.99 Target sale item. At worst, your display under the tree will look like the packages were done by Mrs. Jones first grade class. (Why is everyone asking if these gifts are meant for a Toys for Tots donation, Carling?)

4 If you are gift wrapping, do not throw away the return receipts. If you do, at best all your gifts will be perfect. At worst, those gifts that were a little off the mark will show up next year. (You could have sworn you gave this scarf to your cousin last year, huh, Carmichael?)

3 If you are gift wrapping, do not think more scotch tape will solve sloppy wrapping. If you do, at best, your recipients will have a scissor handy to cut through. At worst, you’ll get calls about paper cuts and tape in kid’s hair. (Maybe taking more time would have been a good idea, Carver.)

2 If you are gift wrapping, do not try to create what you are not qualified to design. If you do, at best yours will be the last one opened. At worst, your package will end up looking like a bizarre thing that should soak in water before being disarmed. (Gotta wonder why your brother-in-law called the bomb squad. That grenade on top was a dummy right, Caster?)

1 If you are gift wrapping, do not think a bunch of sparkling confetti in the box will be well received. If you do, at best, the recipient will be kind and not shoot you. At worst, the gift is opened on the new white living room carpet. (You just know that stuff will be there until next year, don’t you, Chadwick?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Holiday Shopping

~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

The Hills Country Club here in Lakeway held an evening of shopping and invited a number of suppliers to set up shop and offer holiday specials. I snuck in past Tiny who was charged, with keeping the riff-raff out. There were tons of suppliers. Hopefully you’ll get a good idea about the event.

Massage stuff and chair (partially pictured)

Pet T-Shirts

Cheese, dip, and cracker station.

Plush toys with a charitable purpose.

Various items.

Olive oil from trees raised in Texas.

Pampered Chef with Kori Blankenship (The most enthusiastic supplier at the event)

Everything on a towel.

Of course, Louis Vuitton bags.

The Candle Daddy.

Wooden items made in Austin.

Greg Norman golf wear.

Must have wine bar.

YETI cups for everyone.

Bracelets for every arm.

Jewelry.

Cookies and Sweets.

Posh stuff.

 

I hope you liked the tour of the Holiday Bazaar.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Key.”

~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

 

Stream of Consciousness

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “key.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want and, oh, yes. “Have Fun.”

Key by John W. Howell © 2019

“So where are we off to today?”

“What do you mean?”

“it’s Saturday, and you no doubt have some wild and woolly prompt you need to work on.”

“No. not really.”

“You’re kidding me. No prompt?”

“Yes, there is a prompt, but it’s not so complex.”

“What is it?”

“Key.”

“You mean like the thing you put in a lock to open it. That key?”

“Well, our dungeon master said we could use it any way we want.”

🎶”Key to my heart, I love you.”🎶

“Stop.”

🎶”Key Largo, Montego baby why don’t we go.” 🎶

“You are confusing me.”

🎶”Two thousand miles, I roamed to make this Key West dock my home.”🎶

“I think you have just about used up the key songs.”

“I think you’re right. I can’t think of any more.”

“So, I’m going to post about the key to the city.”

“What city?”

“Doesn’t matter. The post is about the honor as represented by the key.”

“Well, you have fun with that one. I thought you would post some sappy thing about the key to happiness.”

“I thought about it.”

“What stopped you?”

“There is no real key. It is more like several things.”

“Call it keys.”

“Not in the rules.”

“Well, I know one key to happiness it is frosty and has my name on it.”

“You are so easy.”

“Want to come?”

“Can you wait for the post to be finished?”

“I think it is.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

 

Twiggy and Lucy
“Hey, Lucy. Want to play with the soccer ball? It’s Friday.”
“I’m so glad you are back at it, Little One. Sure I’ll play.”

Friday is here and a very welcome sight. “I wish I could work all weekend,” said no one ever. (Well maybe there are a few.)

This was a pretty uneventful week. I continue to pour over my WIP. I did a run-through Grammarly and found 4,323 things that need attention. Most are commas, which are the bane of my existence. I fully understand why. When I was in High School, I worked in the journalism department as a reporter and section editor of the yearbook. My journalism teacher would send back my stories with blue pencil circles around all the commas. (Blue pencil was an indicator to eliminate.) I finally got to the point where I almost removed commas from my brain.

The teacher did explain that too many commas slowed the story, and maybe a more fluid sentence would be in order. So that is my excuse, and I’m sticking with it. I also put the 4,323 things into context. If I take all the words in the WIP (96,000) and divide them into corrections needed, that leaves an accuracy ratio of 95.6 percent. I can live with that. (At least I can rationalize with that.)

As you know from yesterday’s post, Twiggy has been under the weather. I am pleased to report she is back to her old self and a testament to big pharma.

Today’s JohnKu talks about worry. I hope you have a great weekend

Concern by John W. Howell ©2019

They can’t speak a word,

Even if something is wrong . . .

Fur babies need us.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Under the Weather

~ John W. Howell ~ 88 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy

“So Twiggy. What are you doing?”

“I’m resting. Mom says I have a Youteaeye?”

“Yeah, the vet says to rest for sure. And it’s UTI.”

“Looks like Lucy caught some too.”

“No, dad, she is just lazy.”

“That fire looks good.”

“You poor lamb. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”

“Well, I hope so. This is no fun.”

“I know. Your medicine will make you all better.”

“Actually I feel better than I did yesterday.”

“See it works.”

“I wonder if you could do me a favor?”

“Sure kiddo. What is it?”

“Could you go tell my toys I’ll play tomorrow.”

“Hey, toys. Twiggy says she’ll be ready to play tomorrow.”

 

Twiggy and Lucy

“Your toys will be waiting for you.”

“I feel better with that load lifted.”

“You look like you are getting ready to do something.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking of a run outside. Oh, could you get me a biscuit while you are up?”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 39 Comments
“What’s that noise? Lucy.”
“Sounds like Wednesday hit a hump.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and the last time we learned that Larry wants to talk one more time to Charles the server. Charles had spent some time with Mrs. Rafferty that he never mentioned. Jerry, the server, told Andrew and Larry that Charles left a party with Mrs. Rafferty and didn’t show up for work the next day, so now Charles is a person of interest. I see Charles is just now entering the conference room let’s hot foot it over there before we miss any of the juicy stuff.

 

“You wanted to see me again, detective?”

“Yes, Charles have a seat.”

“What’s this about?”

“Well, Charles, my man. It seems you left a little bit of information out of our last discussion. I would like to catch up with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You went through an elaborate process of trying to remember Mrs. Rafferty. Do you recall that?”

“You mean the dates and the room service order?”

“Exactly.”

“So?”

“You failed to tell us you were at a party where Mrs. Rafferty attended as well.”

“I go to a lot of parties, detective. How am I to remember who is who.”

“Uh, huh. Did you forget who you escorted out of the party?”

“Escorted out? Excuse me detective but I’m having difficulty following your line of questions.”

“Did you leave the party with Mrs. Rafferty?”

“I don’t recall the party, let alone who I took home. I can assure you that if I left a party with Mrs. Rafferty, I would remember. She is stunning and I don’t get around much.”

“So how about work the next day.”

“What about it?”

“You missed work.”

“If you say so. What day was that again?”

“The fourteenth of February.”

“Valentine’s day?”

“That’s right.”

“Oh, wait. Now I remember. I went to that party, and after a while, I was not feeling well. I tried a drink but couldn’t even get it down. I want home alone and went straight to bed. I was still sick the next day and called it in. Jerry took my place.”

“Can anyone corroborate your story.”

“It’s the truth why do I need to corroborate it?”

“Cause an eyewitness says you left the party with Mrs. Rafferty on the night her husband had his accident.”

“That’s not true. Even if it was, what would it mean?”

“That maybe you helped Mrs. Raffery arrange the accident.”

“Oh, no way. You saying I need a lawyer?”

“Why? Do you have something to hide?”

“No, but you are accusing me of being an accessory.”

“You know the term?”

“Yeah, I was in pre-law in college. I certainly know the term.”

“No one is accusing you of anything. You can get a lawyer if you wish but I think it might be a little early for that. Why do you think Jerry told us that you left with Mrs. Rafferty?”

“I have no idea. You have made me a little uncomfortable detective so if you don’t mind, I would like to go.”

“This is a free country, Charles. I’m going to ask you to stay in town if you don’t mind. We may have some more questions that we would be happy to share with your attorney. Here’s my card. Let me know when you are ready to talk more.”

“You really think I am involved in this, don’t you?”

“Right now, we are just keeping our options open. Thank you for the conversation.”

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #240 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem, anything, really, even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar.

The photo

Old St. Nick by John W. Howell

“Why is that guy hanging on the wall there.”

“That’s not a guy. It’s St. Nicholas.”

“I still would like to know what he’s doing on the wall there.”

“I imagine he’s trying to gain access to that apartment through the window.”

“Seems like a hard way to go. Why not just go up the stairs and knock on the door?”

“You do know that St. Nick is supposed to come down the chimney, don’t you?”

“Yeah. That’s what makes this guy’s moves all the more particular.”

“Well. there is no chimney big enough for the old guy, so he is using the window.”

“Still seems odd.”

“Why? He is supposed to surprise everyone when we all find gifts under the tree in the morning.”

“You just said it.”

“What?”

“In the morning. It’s barely past three in the afternoon. I thought St. Nick came at night.”

“Now, I get it. You think it is odd that St Nick is trying to enter that apartment in broad daylight?”

“You are pretty quick. Yes, that is what I’m saying.”

“So you think that guy is up to no good?”

“Yup. Way up.”

“I’ll dial the police. I must say, I never thought there was anything out of place with a St. Nick hanging on a wall.”

“Well, this is coming from someone who has the world’s biggest wooden nickel collection.”

“You wait. They will be valuable someday.”

“Like your salted gold mine stock.”

“That was cold.”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Text Message Sent in 1992

~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to Do

 

This week on December 3rd marks the 28th anniversary of the first text message sent in 1992. A test engineer for Sema Group sent the world’s first text message, using a personal computer and the Vodafone network. Engineer Neil Papworth sent the first SMS on December 3rd, 1992, when he wrote “Merry Christmas” on a computer and sent it to the cellphone of Vodafone director Richard Jarvis. Since this event has changed the way we communicate, it might be helpful to time travel and visit the scene. I have developed a list so that we don’t make any mistakes that could put a tear in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Text Message Sent in 1992

10 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer that a smiley face at the end of his message might be well received. If you do, at best, he will thank you but send the message without it. At worst, he will stop the message and try to figure out how to make a smiley face on the keyboard. (Well done, Jussi. You slowed the progress of the SMS world. Although the smiley face has been around since 1963, it took the engineer two weeks to figure out: :-). He also had a nervous breakdown.)

9 If you are there, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ and head of security to check his cell phone for messages. If you do, at best, Tiny will not understand you. At worst, Tiny, who missed his personal development support group meeting, will feel left out since he has no messages. (The problem is, Justice, when Tiny feels left out, he wants to hug someone tightly. It looks like you are the one. Yes, that might be the sound of bones breaking that you are hearing.)

8 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer a number of shortcuts to messaging communication. If you do, at best, he will be too busy to pay attention to you. At worst, your netspeak suggestions will give him a migraine. (It appears the engineer had to go home, Justyn. Your LMAO, ROTFL, OMG, and BFF sent him over the edge. He can’t imagine that his idea will end up in such a way.)

7 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer that he might be better understood if he uses all caps in his message. If you do, at best, the engineer knows better. At worst, he will send a message that looks like he is yelling. (A funny thing about yelling at a director, Jacob is they usually don’t like it. It looks like the engineer wants to talk with you. If you ask me he has a bizarre look in his eye.)

6 If you are there, do not try to explain hashtags. If you do, at best, the engineer will fall asleep. At worst, the engineer will keep asking, “Why.” (You will never get to the bottom of the “Whys,” Joseph. And really #whynot will not work.)

5 If you are there, do not try to convince the engineer that life would be easier if he did group texts. If you do, at best, the engineer will wait before he sends his first group text. At worst, the engineer will send out a group text to the wrong group. (Well, Justin. It looks like you need to help the engineer explain to the group of senior citizens what he meant by “Let’s get naked, which was intended for his nudist friends.)

4 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer that he should invent something that will autocorrect misspellings in texts. If you do, at best, he’ll do a better job. At worst, the engineer writes a special program that has the effect of turning all four-letter words into NSFW messages. (Wow, Josiah. You are solely responsible for the engineer having to go into a witness protection program.)

3 If you are there, do not show the engineer how easy it might be to take a picture of your dinner and send it to all his friends.  If you do, at best, the engineer will think it foolish. At worst, the engineer will like the concept and begin texting pictures of his math calculations. (The engineer’s boss finally laid down the law, Jeremiah. The engineer has been banned from texting period. You must be proud.)

2 If you are there, do not warn the engineer that sometimes people will send the wrong text to the wrong person. If you do, at best, the engineer is a pragmatist and will accept the idea as natural. At worst, the engineer is a Type A obsessive-compulsive and will want to build a program to prevent such a mistake. (Congratulations, Julian. You are solely responsible for a ten-step verification protocol ensuring that the sender has indeed checked to see the message is going to the intended receiver. Also, you have personally killed the text message vehicle of communication.)

1 If you are there, do not ask to use the engineer’s computer to ask his assistant for a date. If you do, at best, he’ll not let you. At worst, he will allow you to use the computer and the assistant turned you into the police as a stalker. (You see, Jared. Such important messages should be done in person and not from behind a computer screen. Don’t worry many have made the same mistake. They were not the first, however.)