Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Cele-“

March 2, 2019March 2, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 33 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and this weeks prompt is “cele-” Yes that is right. Linda Hill says to use a word that has “cele” in it and to have fun. If you would like to participate, visit Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS March 2/19

“Cele-” by John W. Howell ©2109

“So what are you doing with that celery?”

“Oh, this? I’m studying it to see if it will fit in my celebratory event.”

“What celebration are you having and why wasn’t I invited?”

“Well, I’m celebrating my first year racing anniversary.”

“You don’t want me as a celebrant?”

“I just haven’t gotten around to invitations yet. I want to make sure my celerity is still up to par.”

“Your what? I’ve heard of celestite but not celerity.”

“Means swift or fast. I have to make sure my racing is still as fast before I throw a party. I’m wondering if I should have a celestia as part of the music?”

“Now you have me thinking you are looking to celestials for inspiration.”

“It’s an instrument. I would have thought a celebrity like you would know that.”

“You can take your foot off the insult accelerator.”

“Your thin skin is priceless. I was giving you a compliment.”

“How is your graceless comment a compliment?”

“I called you a celebrity I thought that was kind. Let me decelerate by giving you an apology.”

“Okay. Consider my angst canceled.”

“Maybe I should consider celeric instead of celery.”

“Huh. You have me there. I feel faceless with all these words.”

“Do you think we have parceled “cele-” enough?”

“I am totally substanceless on the subject.”

“Want a beer?”

“You bet.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

March 1, 2019February 28, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 87 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy — “Whew, you have me winded.”
“Aw Lucy. It’s Friday. Time to blow off steam.”
“Let me catch my breath before I try the steam thing.”

Another Friday has rolled around, and it has been hectic for the last two weeks. The producer and I have sold our house here at the beach and bought another in Austin Texas. Yes, I know. The question comes up, “Why on Earth would you do that?”

It is a good thing that there are excellent reasons for doing so.

Our youngest daughter lives in Austin, and we would like to see her more.
The health care facilities are more accessible for a septuagenarian. (Me. The Producer is still a kid.)
We love Austin. (It has an element of weird more like us )
We think the last 10 years at the beach are enough and want some city life for a while. (theater, opera, symphony, and exercise facilities)

On Sunday we will be leaving for our new home. I intend to post one last View of the neighborhood which will be where we have lived.

Today’s JohnKu talks about change. I hope you have a great weekend. Oh yes. I do have a personal hot spot but will not have internet at the new house until March 5th. Please bear with me if anything should go wrong and my posts don’t appear.

Some do not like change,

Others go out of their way. . .

To do it daily.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy in a Fog

February 28, 2019February 27, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

It was very foggy yesterday, and Lucy and Twiggy still wanted their walk.

“Twiggy I think we should cut the walk short. It is way too foggy.”

“Lucy. Are you flying a plane? We are walking for heaven’s sake. Besides, look at the gulls up ahead.”

“Okay, but keep your eye out for cars coming out of the fog.”

“Sounds like a little Carl Sanders there. Lucy.”

“Thank you for the compliment, but that was no poem.”

“Oh man. Look at them. Mom cut me loose.”

“Mom, please don’t let her get loose. She’ll end up in Arkansas.”

“Don’t worry sweetheart. I have her.”

“Look at the Gulf, Twiggy. Aren’t you glad you are not in a boat?”

“It sure looks thick, Lucy. Yes, I’m glad.”

“I thought you were going after the gulls.”

“They all flew away. Besides this leash is a bit of a handicap.”

“How about it, Mom. Five minutes? I promise to come back.”

“Don’t do it, Mom.”

“Some pal you are, Lucy.”

“Oh please, Twiggy. You have no sense of direction. You would get lost and end up in a shelter.”

“Okay, I give. I’m going to stalk that blackbird.”

“You go, girl.”

“Nuts. It flew away again.”

“Maybe next time, Twiggy.”

“Hold on Twiggy. This isn’t our walkway.”

“It looks like ours.”

“Hey, you two. Can’t you read the sign?”

“Twiggy I think Mom is making a joke. She knows we can’t read.”

“Speak for yourself, Lucy.”

“Okay, what does the sign say?”

“Free biscuits to all French Bulldogs. What else would it say?”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

February 27, 2019February 26, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

Twiggy — “I know it’s Wednesday.”
“Come back Friday.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again and last week we found out that the engineer’s wife Mrs. Rafferty still lived in the tony suburb of Boxborough. We also found out she was living in a large house that was free and clear of a mortgage. Andrew and Larry are wanting to talk to her and have an appointment at 1:00PM. They are heading there now after a stop for lunch. Let’s catch up to them.

“I think you take the next exit, Andrew.”

“How do you know that?”

“The sign says Boxborough exit one-quarter mile. I don’t see any other exits.”

“Man, it is so nice having a turn by turn navigational feature named Larry Dunfee.”

“Very funny. Hold on. Let me get my phone. Hey, caller ID says South Tahoe Police. Hello, this is Larry…Yes, this is detective Dunfee. I can hold. Andrew, it looks like Captain Swartz wants to talk. Turn here.”

“How did he get your cell number?”

“I told the desk to give him my number if he called today. Oh hello, Captain. Thanks for returning my call… Uh huh, we are investigating what went on in South Lake Tahoe… Yeah we know it is out of our jurisdiction but that case dovetails a case we have here in Boston… If you call murder serious, I would guess so… Thank you. I had hoped you could give us some information about the Rafferty accident… Yeah, that’s right. You called it an accident and given the man had a BAC of 2.0. I think it was a little more than an accident… I don’t blame you. Having called something an accident and then going back to say something different doesn’t sit well with folks… I totally understand. Let me ask you if we come up with some substantive information are you willing to reopen the case?… Yeah, totally voluntary for sure. That’s great thank you. We’ll be in touch. Have a nice day yourself. Bye now.”

“That didn’t sound good.”

“You know how these small-town cops are. They don’t want any feathers ruffled.”

“I notice you didn’t mention the Cortez connection.”

“I thought about it but decided it would probably spook him. I got him to say he would think about opening the case with more information.”

“We don’t really need him you know. We could go to the DA there in South Lake Tahoe.”

“I know that, but the old saying keep your friends close and enemy’s closer. I want this guy to think he is in control. We can pull the DA card anytime.”

“You are a wise warrior, cricket. Looks like we are here.”

“Would you look at that place. I thought you said it was 3200 square feet. Looks double that to me.”

“Yeah, maybe the tax records haven’t caught up with an addition. Can’t go any further with this gate across the driveway.”

“There’s an intercom. Hit the button.”

“Okay here goes.”

“Hello and welcome to Forest Hill. Please identify your party.”

“Andrew Cummings and Larry Dunfee of the Boston Police department to see Mrs. Rafferty.

“Thank you. Please proceed to the south portico.”

“Go ahead, Andrew.”

“This is too much. The South portico? Where are we at the White House?”

“Just drive.”

“Man look at that house. Look there is someone by the door.”

“Pull up there. Roll down your window.”

“Good afternoon gentlemen. I am Sanders, Mrs. Rafferty’s attorney.”

“Of course, you are.”

“Follow me inside she is waiting to talk to you.”

“I’m detective Dunfee, and this is my associate Cummings.”

“A pleasure. Come this way.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #208 by Keith Channing

February 26, 2019February 26, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Ho Ho. Mama and I love each other.”

“Yeah right. Go ahead and enjoy yourself. You’ll be back down here when she gets tired of you.”

“Says you. Look at that smile. She thinks I’m the cutest.”

“Everyone likes a little puppy kiss now and then. It will become old hat pretty soon.”

“I think you are jealous.”

“Me jealous? You have got to be kidding me. I just want you down here so I can explain my plan.”

“Plan? What plan?”

“Let me ask you. Do you enjoy living in this teapot on wheels?”

“It’s okay. Nice and cozy.”

“Well, I can remember running across the meadows free as a bird. Now you try to run, and you get about as far as the end of the leash.”

“Yes but Mom and Dad said this was only temporary while they are on vacation.”

“Temporary? How long has it been? You tell me.”

“I don’t know. Dad said we would be gone a month.”

“Do you know how long that is in dog years?”

“I’m a puppy. How would I know?”

“Seven months we have been held captive in this tin can.”

“Wow. That does seem like a long time.”

“So here’s what we are going to do. As soon as you stop licking Mama’s face, you are going to whine to go out. I will do the same. Once we get outside, we will slip out collars and take off for the open road.”

“Slip our collars? I’ve never done that.”

“It’s easy. First, you bolt forward. Then when Mama pulls you back you turn around and duck your head. Like magic, the collar comes right off.”

“How did you know how to do this?”

“Humans always pull back when you lunge forward. The collar and leash are designed to hold you from getting away with tension in the forward position. The collar is not designed for the reverse. I have practiced a few times. So you got that?”

“I think so. Where are we going to get dinner on the road?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a stray rabbit or something.”

“Ew. You mean a raw rabbit?”

“Yes, I mean a raw rabbit. Our ancestors lived that way for centuries.”

“You going to catch it?”

“I suppose.”

“Skin it.”

“OMG, why don’t I just order out.”

“Maybe we could make our get-away after dinner.”

“What and miss our after-dinner walk and treat?.”

“This is sounding like a not good idea.”

“Okay. How about tomorrow?”

“Good. After breakfast then.”

“You’re on.”

“Wait.”

“What?”

“We always have ‘fetch the ball’ session after breakfast.”

“Let’s just serve our time shall we?”

“I’m good with that.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Adoption of the 16th Amendment – Establishing the Income Tax in 1913

February 25, 2019February 24, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. Today in 1913 saw the adoption of the 16th amendment establishing the legal basis for the income tax. If you decide to go there, here is a list of things not to do that may prove handy. Also, this week is the anniversary of the battle of the Alamo. I chose not to try and be funny around a significant event in Texas History.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Establishment of the Income Tax in 1913.

10 If you were there, do not try to write off your time travel trip. If you do, at best the agent will have no idea what you are talking about. At worst, an agent will ask more questions than you are willing to answer. (Just how are you going to explain time travel, Grant? You might as well have the agent hop on the traveler and give him a demonstration. I’m sure that will clear things up or get you committed.)

9 If you were there, do not think you don’t have to answer to Tiny the WWF champ and new IRS agent. If you do, at best Tiny will call the Marshalls. At worst, having just graduated from an interrogation school Tiny will not want to give up. (He finds that sitting on tax dodgers is his second most favorite thing to do, Gale. First is a windmill body slam.)

8 If you were there, do not try to hide earnings. If you do, at best your under the table scheme will not be detected. At worst, you will be discovered and learn the pleasures of the Federal pen first hand. (It seems the guy who paid you under the table needed to give you up, Gerald.)

7 If you were there, do not ask an agent if you can file electronically. If you do, at best the agent will think you are nuts. At worst, the agent being a trusting soul will think you are up to something to avoid paying your tax. (Looks like you are going to be the first waterboard interrogation in history, Glenn. If you survive, you’ll be famous. I know small honor)

6 If you were there, do not think by not signing your form in protest you will get out of paying. If you do, at best someone will sign for you. At worst, your form will be rejected, and you will now owe penalties and interest more substantial than the original tax. (I see the protesting business is not so profitable huh, Glen? Next year might be a different story.)

5 If you were there, do not wear your Income Tax Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best you’ll get some laughs. At worst, your shirt will be taken as an affront to the Federal Government. (Yes, we are having bread and water again today, Grayson. The judge was very clear on how to treat you.)

4 If you were there, do not pay your taxes with bags of pennies. If you do, at best the agent will turn you away. At worst, you will be asked to count and roll all the coins before being accepted. (Since it will take you a month, Garth, this little protest attempt backfired big time.)

3 If you were there, do not try to convince the agent that your dog ate your return. If you do, at best you’ll get a new form. At worst, the agent will want to talk to your dog. (As you know, Garner, Fido has not eaten your return, and it is possible the agent speaks dog. You gotta convince Fido to back you up. Yes, it may cost a few bones for sure.)

2 If you were there, do not try to avoid taxes by declaring yourself to be a non-profit entity. If you do, at best the IRS will just say no. At worst, you will be challenged to prove your non-profit status. (Your bar bills will not hold up as evidence of not having taxable income after you pay them, Gil. You’ll have to do better than that one.)

1 If you were there, do not try to give the auditing agent a gift. If you do, at best you will be rebuffed. At worse, the agent will press charges since bribing an IRS agent is not allowed. (That bottle of wine would have been better placed in your stomach, Goran. Now it looks like real trouble ahead plus you lost the bottle of wine.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Whooping Crane Festival

February 24, 2019February 23, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

This weekend is the Annual Whooping Crane Festival here in Port Aransas. The Whooping Crane Festival celebrates the annual return of the cranes to their wintering habitat at the Aransas National Wildlife Refuge. The Texas Coastal Bend is the only place where you can see the world’s last naturally occurring population of Whooping Cranes. From a low of 16 in the 1940s, the population is now 306. I hope you enjoy the photos. No, I didn’t get a shot of a Whooping Crane.

Cars parked everywhere for the Festival headquarters and exhibition.

The Civic Center. In addition to boat tours and guided forays to the habitat, there is an exposition of all things birding.

Tables loaded with exciting things for birders.

Registration table.

Port Aransas display

Welcome sign and sponsors.

Udder-Balm has been around for ages. I did not expect to see it on display. We use it on Lucy’s nose to keep it from chapping.

Lots of information about birds and the environment.

The heart of every birder’s dream. A new and better way to see the birds.

We’re talking about some serious optics here.

I hope you enjoyed the tour of the exhibition.

A shot of the cranes taken by Mike Sloat Photography.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Critic(al)”

February 23, 2019February 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again and this week’s prompt is “critic(al).” Linda Hill says we can use the prompt anyway we want. If you would like to join in visit Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Feb. 23/19

“I see you wrote your review of my book.”

“Yeah, it was tough, but I did it.”

“What do you mean, ‘tough?”‘

“Well, I had to sit down at my computer and think of what to say. That’s tough.”

“Uh huh. I suppose you now have an appreciation of how easy it is to write a book.”

“For one thing, trying to think of good things to say about a book is hard work. I would say writing the book is easy in comparison.”

“So you had a hard time with good things?”

“You know your plot was quite complicated.’

“Some like that.’

“And the characters were hard to like.”

“Yeah, murders and rapists are not the most likable.”

“That cop was very arrogant.”

“Yup so true.”

“The woman was too good-looking.”

“I wonder why I didn’t give her a hideous scar.”

“No one has a dog that loyal.”

“Should have had him turn on his owners.”

“So all in all the hard work was looking for the good stuff.”

“I can see that. So how long have you been a critic?”

“I just started. Your book is the first.”

“Lucky me.”

“I gave it a one star.”

“Oh joy. Why so generous.”

“I thought the cover was nice.”

“Yeah, one of the few things I didn’t create.”

“Want some advice.”

“Sure that is exactly what I want.”

“Write happy stories.”

“Happy stories?”

“Yeah you know where the hero gets the girl, and they all live happily ever after.”

“Sure thing. Let me get right on that.”

“I would be happy to review it when you are done.”

“I’ll give you a call. It might be a while though.”

“I can wait.”

“I’ll bet you can.”

A New Review of The Contract by Victoria Ray

February 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

There is a new humorous and kick – butt review of The Contract by an engaging reader known as Victoria Ray. The review is here and I think you will get a kick out of it. Importantly too, the following will give you a little more information about Victoria Ray.

In her words.

Victoria Ray – 4 years of college, 6 years of university, 2 dogs, marriage, 50 countries later, and I’m writing what I’m passionate about. My favourite genres? Non-fiction, crime, and sci-fi. Hobbies? Cooking, drawing, psychology/science, and Ayurveda. What else? Ah, of course: I am simply awesome! I’m living in Sweden, currently working as a Digital Marketing Admin in a consulting company. I hold a Ph.D./MA in Classic Russian Literature.

She just published her first book So Absurd it Must be True, available on Amazon. Thank you for the review, Victoria Ray. I enjoyed it.

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

February 22, 2019February 21, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 96 Comments

“It is Friday Lucy.”
“Yup Little Potato it is.”
“Let’s party.”
“Okay. You get the water bowl, and I’ll get the kibble.”

Here’s Friday. Seems like it was just Friday yesterday. Well, that’s how it goes when busy. What came to my mind this week other than the crappy weather was the subject of newsletters. I guess we all know that one way to boost book sales is to have regular contact with a core fan base. Hence the birth of the newsletter.

The newsletter is supposed to give the subscriber an inside track on giveaways, new launch news, and importantly (to most pushing newsletters) a closer and intimate relationship with your favorite author.

I keep hearing how some authors have amassed thousands of followers on their newsletter. In fact, they have such a good system in gaining followers they are willing to sell you the secret for oh, $250 bucks. Now that $250 also gets you an inside track to Hollywood, an agent, and publishers. Still not convinced? Try it free for 30 days. If you don’t increase your subscriptions and land a Hollywood deal, you can get your money back.

Okay so maybe I exaggerate. I have about 1100 newsletter followers and guess what? During the time I sent entertaining, erudite newsletters I don’t think one of them purchased a book. I could give away books until the cows come home yet I see no reviews. So what am I doing wrong? I guess plenty. I stopped communicating regularly since it was a lot of hard work for very little return.

Much like Amazon advertising, I am in the dark on how to have an energetic newsletter program. I do know that if I signed up for every newsletter offered, I would get over 350 in a month. Can you imagine? Most are about 1200 words. That would be like reading an extra five books a month. No wonder my letter doesn’t get traction. I’ll bet my average subscriber gets quite a few each day and can only skim them at best. I gotta think this through. Today’s JohnKu talks about beating on reader’s doors to get them to buy our books.

Sitting quite content,

The reader’s door gets pounded . . .

An author needs sales.

Also, I am happy to say that The Contract by Gwen Plano and I has been selected as a semifinalist in the Global Thriller Book Awards for 2018. We are among thirteen semi-finalists. This is a juried award and not one that can be decided by reader votes.

Here is the list.