Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #210 by Keith Channing

March 12, 2019March 11, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo(below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Now my son. It is time you learned the ways of the sea.”

“Ways of the sea? What do you mean Papa?”

“Soon you will be a man and the duty of providing for your family will fall to you.”

“I don’t have a family except for you, Mama, and sister.”

“There will be a time when you will take a spouse, my son.”

“That is a long way off I hope.”

“Yet that time will come. And then you will have children.”

“Wait, Papa. I don’t want to rush into anything.”

“Just so you are prepared to be able to provide for them it is time we begin your lessons of the sea.”

“Can we hurry. I have a baseball game this afternoon.”

“The first lesson is very brief, my son.”

“Are you sure we need to begin this future life thingy now?”

“The mysteries of the sea will take years to learn. There is no time like the present to begin.”

“Very well, Papa. I will try to do my best. What is the first lesson?”

“Now you make me very proud, my son. My heart is bursting with my love for you.”

“Thank you, Papa. What do I need to know first?”

“See the water, my son. It is filled with millions of fishes and other good things to eat. If you know its ways, you can live a fine life from its bounty.”

“I love to eat fish, Papa.”

“So here is the first thing you need to know.”

“You have my attention.”

“Take this, my son.”

“Your phone Papa?”

“Yes. Dial 210-555-5555.”

“Okay now what?”

“Tell them this is a pickup for four orders of the deep-fried fish and chips with cole slaw.”

Ten Things Not to Do at the First Telephone Call in 1876

March 11, 2019March 7, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. Yesterday marked the anniversary of the first telephone call made by Alexander Graham Bell in 1876. He famously said, “Watson, come here. I need you” to his assistant Thomas Watson. If you happen to have a time machine and can get there, take this list and maybe you can stay out of trouble.

10 If you are at the first phone call, do not talk and laugh while Alexander is on the phone. If you do, at best you will be sushed. At worst, you will be sent to your room without dinner. (Why is it when someone gets on the phone you feel ignored, Gunner. Don’t worry the call only took two seconds.)

9 If you are at the first phone call, do not cut in the waiting line to make a call in front of Tiny the WWF champ. If you do, at best Tiny will ask you to leave. At worst, Tiny who just finished his assertive class will palm your head as if it were a basketball. (You know what will come next, Garfield. It’s that melon squeeze thing he made famous at the circus.)

8 If you are at the first phone call, do not ask Alexander if he has thought of Caller ID. If you do, at best he will give you a funny look. At worst, he will ask you to explain how it works. (Go ahead, Gifford. Tell Alexander Graham Bell exactly how Caller ID functions. Cat got your tongue?)

7 If you are at the first phone call, do not try to talk your way into an operator’s job. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, Tom Watson will think you are taking his role. (Looks like old Tom has a pretty mean uppercut, Gregorie. Best not fool with him.)

6 If you are at the first phone call, do not try to call Alexander collect. If you do, at best he will think it’s a joke. At worst, he will block your number. (Now look what you’ve done Galin. Your phone number has been blocked for all eternity, and you have probably caused a rip in the time continuum.)

5 If you are at the first phone call, do not tell Alexander that he has won an all expense paid cruise. If you do, at best he will hang up. At worst, he will force you to make good on the offer. (So much for starting the first phone scam, Granger.)

4 If you are at the first phone call, do not try to phone prank, Alexander. If you do, at best he won’t bite. At worst, he knows where you live and has friends on the police force. (So much for the Prince Albert in a can joke, Gaagii. He was on to you immediately when he realized Prince Albert tobacco wasn’t available yet.) For the youthful readers, Prince Albert tobacco came in a can. The joke was to call a tobacco shop and ask, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?” If the answer is, “Yes,” then the jokester would say, “Please let the poor fellow out.” Then the jokester and his buddies would fall about the place laughing.)

3 If you are at the first phone call, do not answer a call from Alexander on a speakerphone. If you do, at best he might disconnect. At worst, he will use his air horn to clear the line. (How is that hearing test coming along, Gabie. That horn had some decibel range huh?)

2 If you are at the first phone call, do not shout into the receiver. If you do, at best no one will be there. At worst the caller will think you are hard of hearing and You’ll end up in a shouting match. (That was a fun call, Gadi. Now go get a Ricola for that hoarse throat.)

1 If you are at the first phone call, do not think Alexander Graham Bell is a telemarketer. If you do, at best you won’t hang up. At worst, you will disconnect from a very historic call. (You could have been written into history, Gaillard. Instead, you are being cursed by Alex himself.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Book Fair in Killeen Texas

March 10, 2019March 9, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

I was at a book fair in Killeen Texas yesterday sponsored by Texas Authors. The Views of the Neighborhood this week will hopefully give you a taste of what went on.

Here is the entrance to the fair.

The main desk

A lot of authors are in attendance

Here is a shot of my booth.

More authors

I was happy to finally meet Jan Sykes. Here we are at her booth.

Gwen Plano was visiting Killeen and stopped by. This was the first time we met in person.

I call this “Thorn Between Two Roses.” It was so much fun seeing Jan and Gwen.

I hope you enjoyed the brief tour of the Killeen Book Fair.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Abash/ A Bash/Bash

March 9, 2019March 8, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

Gad that headline took some figuring out. This is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “abash/a bash/bash.” Linda Hill further orders to use “abash,” or “bash” as a noun or a verb. Then she offered up bonus points if we manage all three. Her final order, “Have fun!” (Easy for her to say).

If you would like to be under the boot of the lovely Ms. Hill go to her blog and read how. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2019/03/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-9-19/

“Now you’ve gone and done it.”

“Done what?”

“Oh, don’t start with me.”

“I’m serious. I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“That bash in my car? You know nothing about it?”

“I am nonplussed. I know nothing about your car.”

“You have defined ‘abash’ very nicely. The fact remains no one has driven my car but you.”

“That’s not true.”

“Name someone else.”

“You.”

“Besides me. I know I didn’t put a bash in my car.”

“I didn’t either.”

“So who put a bash in my car?”

“Did it ever occur to you that someone in the parking lot ran into you.”

“Dirty swine.”

“I know right?”

“I feel I could use a drink.”

“Cheer up. At least the car wasn’t new.”

“A 1979 Ford Galaxy 500 is a classic.”

“In some other life.”

“I could bash you for that.”

“Oh, come on. Let’s get a drink.”

“And call some friends and have a bash.”

“Sounding better each minute.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

March 8, 2019March 7, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

Such an interesting week. We closed on the house in Port Aransas and will be closing on the house in the Austin area today. In between, we loaded up a truck which we rented and moved. The estimates for a move did not make any sense. The prices were way too high. The primary factor was not the labor but the milage from Port Aransas to Austin. By renting a truck, we had unlimited mileage, and the cost was under $300. We did have to gas up the vehicle which was another $60.00. We hired two able-bodied men in Port Aransas to load the truck and were willing to pay $50.00 each for about an hour and a half. Unfortunately, they did not show up (island time and all that), and we were fortunate our neighbors helped load.

When we got to Austin, we had hired a group named Bell Hops, and they were there on time and had the truck unloaded in an hour. So, all in all, it worked out and at a price significantly less than the lowest quote. Today’s JohnKu talks about being ready to take care of yourself. I hope you all have a great weekend.

Self Reliance by John W. Howell.

When plans made fall through,

There is only one way out . . .

Your skills put in play.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Lucy Scope the New Neighborhood

March 7, 2019March 7, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 92 Comments

We are now at our new home in the Austin area. Lucy and Twiggy are adapting quite well. There are some differences, but I’ll let them explain.

“Lucy. What are all these little crispy things on the ground?”

“Leaves, Little Potato. The trees around here shed in the winter.”

“I think walking on the road is harder than the sand. Where is the sand?”

“We don’t have a beach here, Little One.”

“How come I smell water then?”

“Yeah, I smell it too. Let’s go a little further.”

“Twiggy look. Do you see what I see?”

“I’m still wondering about those bushes I saw move.”

“Look over here, Twiggy.”

“Wow. That is water.”

“Do you suppose there is a beach there?”

“I don’t know. Hey Boss. Any beaches around here?”

“We’ll have to explore, Lucy. I really don’t know.”

“Lucy look. A person in a truck.”

“Calm down, Twiggy. You’ve seen them before.”

“Now here is something you haven’t seen before. A yard full of deer.”

“OMG, Lucy. They are huge. Can we chase them?”

“What? And drag the boss behind you. I don’t think so. I’m worried that they are gathered in our side yard.”

“Do they eat dogs?”

“No just plants. I think we should just leave them alone though.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

March 6, 2019March 5, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “No Twiggy it is Wednesday.”
“Lucy where are we?”
“Beats me Kiddo. Beats me.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we arrived at Mrs. Rafferty’s house to find a lawyer by the name of Sanders waiting to greet them. I think we better get over there to find out why she lawyered up and what she has to say.

“Mrs. Rafferty this is Detective Dunfee and Mr. Cummings from the Boston police. Gentlemen, Mrs. Rafferty.”

“Oh, Sanders you are so formal today. My name is Janice, and it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you, Mrs. ¾er Janice. My name is Larry, and this is Andrew. It is nice to meet you as well.”

“Please have a seat and let me ask if you would like anything to drink?”

“We are fine. Thank you so much.”

“If you change your mind just let me know.”

“We will. The reason we wanted to talk to you is—”

“Excuse me, detective. Before you begin, I think a couple of ground rules are necessary.”

“Of course, Sanders. By the way, is that your first or last name?”

“Evon is my first name.”

“Ah Evon, why am I not surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing counselor. I just didn’t think with the last name of Sanders your first would be common.”

“Thank my parents, Detective. Now as I was saying a few rules.”

“Happy to comply, Even.”

“That’s Evon. Ah, I see you’re making a joke.”

“Sorry. A habit of mine. Please continue.”

“Okay, the first is Mrs. Rafferty has agreed to talk to you, but anything you discuss is off the record.”

“We are not here to accuse Mrs.—um Janice of anything. We just want to inquire about his behavior before he died.”

“Even so. Off the record. Yes or no.”

“Fine. Yes.”

“Thank you. The second. Anytime I feel you are violating rule one the conversation will be over. Clear?”

“I don’t think we will have a problem with these rules. Anything else?”

“Mrs. Rafferty only has an hour. At the end of that time, I will call the meeting.”

“Very good counselor. May I begin?”

“Certainly.”

“Um, Janice. I would like to know how much alcohol your husband normally consumed when he was, let’s say, being social?”

“My husband was not a big drinker. In fact, he frowned up those who got out of hand with alcohol.”

“Can you explain the fact that he registered over 2.0 percent blood alcohol level that night?”

“No, I can’t. I wasn’t there but can tell you, there is no way Alexis would consume alcohol and ski.”

“How do you know this?”

“He often mentioned how much he couldn’t stand those on the slopes who were drunk. He said they were a danger to themselves and others.”

“So, you believe he didn’t get carried away with a party or something.”

“He was there for a meeting. I doubt seriously that he would be out getting drunk.”

“Who was he meeting with?”

“Hold on Detective. Mrs. Rafferty may not even know.”

“I do know Evon. He was meeting with his boss Cortez.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #209 by Keith Channing

March 5, 2019March 4, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“so you are telling me to soar above this crowd and make them ooh and ah?”

“Exactly.”

“You know its easy for you to give orders. You just stand there with your bah of heaven knows what and boss me around.”

“What do you mean ‘heaven knows what’? There are prime mouse pieces I give you.”

“Yeah, well it would be nice if they didn’t sit in the fridge so long.”

“You think I’m going to run out and get you a fresh mouse before every performance?”

“No, I wouldn’t expect you to do that. Just cut me loose, and I’ll bring back a nice fresh mouse for myself.”

“That will never happen. You would be gone in a heartbeat.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“How did you guess.”

“Okay, so that one time I got lost in the fog.”

“There was no fog.”

“Heavy rain?”

“Clear as a bell. You were making a run for it.”

“Till your thugs caught up with me.”

“Might I remind you of one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You were sick and undernourished, and you’re lucky we brought you back.”

“I remember it differently. I’m oppressed.”

“Please. What is this all about anyway? You are acting like a petulant child.”

“I was looking at that animal show.”

“You were watching TV again?”

“Couldn’t help it. That thug guard left it on.”

“Your handler you mean?”

“Your words not mine. Anyway, there was this beautiful falcon flying in the robin’s egg blue sky free as a bird, so to speak.”

“And that’s what you would like to do?”

“Yes. I would also like to poop on this crowd but know I’ll get detention.”

“And rightfully so. What about your food and medical care?”

“I’ll find my own.”

“Like you did before?”

“Um.”

“Why not just do the show, and I’ll get you some nice turkey meat to eat.”

“Can I have an apple with that?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. Let’s get this over.”

“Don’t drag your talons through anyone’s hair.”

“Man you know how to suck the joy out of life.”

Top Ten Things Not to do During a Move

March 4, 2019March 3, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

As you may know, I’m in the process of moving and today is unload day at the new location. So today’s Top Ten Things Not to Do has only one thing times ten.

10 – 1 If you are moving, do not try to do a quality top ten list. If you do, at best you’ll embarrass yourself. At worst you’ll have to answer to Tiny the WWF champ who just finished grammar cop school. (Sure you only missed a couple of commas, John. Try explaining that to Tiny before the knuckle sandwich finds its mark)

I’ll be back tomorrow.

Views of the Neighborhood – Say Goodbye to Port Aransas

March 3, 2019March 2, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 118 Comments

As I mentioned on Friday, today the producer, Lucy, Twiggy, and I will be relocating to the Austin Texas area. Since this is my last Port Aransas post I decided to give you a view of my neighborhood. I have taken many pictures of other neighborhoods but this is a first for my own. We enjoyed the last twelve years living by the Gulf but now is time to move to a new chapter. I hope you enjoy the little tour.

Here is the entrance sign to our neighborhood. After Hurricane Harvey a number of things needed to be replaced. This sign was one of them.

Marie will hate this but here is our main gate

This is the golf car crossover to the beach.

Speaking of that here is the first picture of our golf cart. Notice the raised suspension and nubby tires. All the better in the sand. That number and red flag denote our lot number and residence status. (All carts in our community are registered.)

Bit of fog yesterday when I took these photos

A shot from the crossover of the pool area.

That little house contains the bathrooms and pool pump. By the way, The Producer was tasked with developing the color scheme for the neighborhood. She redesigned all signs and chose the colors.

Here is a shot of the expanded lanai.

This is a view of the front of our house. The Producer also designed our home and worked with an architect to bring it to reality

Here is the back view. I have taken many photos from the backyard but this is the first from this view. My office is on the third floor overlooking the pond.

I hope you enjoyed the Port Aransas series and next week we start anew from Austin.