The inspiration for this post has been a month of puppy raising.
10 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Is that a new puppy?” If you do, at best you will get a, “yes.” At worst, the owner will wonder if you lost your mind and answer, “no it is an old puppy.” (I think you could have guessed there have been some long nights, Eberhardt.)
9 If you meet a puppy owner whose name is Tiny, do not say, “What kind of horse is that?” If you do, at best Tiny the WWF champ will think you are kidding. At worst, Tiny just left the vet’s office with strict instructions to cut back on the amount of food he is feeding his Great Dane Puppy. (We all know you didn’t mean to hit a sore spot, Ede. The knowledge is not going to help sooth that pain though, so running is definitely in the cards right now.)
8 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Your arms look like you’ve been using.” If you do, at best the owner will laugh at the statement. At worst, you’ll be handed the puppy so you can experience the joy of those needle-like teeth for yourself. (One way to get a puppy to release is to offer a chew toy, Edwaldo. Oh, you don’t have a chew toy? Next stop the ER.)
7 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “How much did that puppy cost?” If you do, at best the owner will ignore you. At worst, you will have to be patient as the owner details all the expenses so far. ( It has been ten minutes, Efrem and now it looks like you are going to miss your bus. Aren’t you glad you asked?)
6 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Is that a purebred?” If you do, at best no one cares. At worst, you will have touched on the one item on which the owners violently disagree. (How were you to know these two were on the verge of a breakup over the question of pure breed or not, Ekewaka. Well, it looks like the whole argument has flared again. Best to quietly walk away.)
5 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “How are you adjusting?” If you do, at best you’ll get a stiff upper lip response with no detail. At worst, your question triggered a very loud and tear-filled explanation on how hard it has been. (Even though you are not totally comfortable, Elden letting this person sob on your shoulder is the right thing to do. I would tell those people they can move on and quit gawking.)
4 If you meet puppy owner, do not ask, “Is your puppy house trained yet?” If you do, at best the owner has no concerns about house training. At worse you might have to listen to a lecture on the psychological damage owners inflict on poor puppies expecting house training too early. (Well, I guess it isn’t going well, Elhanan. What is your guess?)
3 If you meet a puppy owner, do not ask, “Which is easier Puppies or kids?” If you do, at best the owner will be honest and say “kids.”. At worst, you’ll get a stink eye from hell and a request to step aside. ( Looks like both jobs are a problem, Elisha. I would step aside before someone gets hurt. Namely you.)
2 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Why did you pick that name?” If you do, at best the owner will assume you are not being critical. At worst, the owner will think you are questioning the choice and go to extremes to make the name choice seem plausible. (I think the owner believes everyone names their puppy Little Poop, Ellen. I, like you, wanted more information about that choice. Oh well, maybe next time.)
1 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “What made you get a puppy?” If you do at best, you’ll get a heartwarming story. At worst, after the crying stops, you will feel sorry for the owner and the puppy and are now the proud owner of a new puppy. (I have to say, Elmore that puppy is better off with you.)
