Today I opened The Last Drive randomly to Page 243. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word closest to my finger is “throat.” That is our prompt today.
This post was first written and published on February 17th, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since death and taxes are always with us, I hope you will be entertained.
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Doing Your Taxes
10. While doing your taxes, do not allow the cat to sit on your keyboard. If you do, at best, you may miss a couple of deductions. At worst, your kitty may just add a few zeroes to your tax bill.
9. While doing your taxes, do not have a hot drink sitting on some of your worksheets. If you do, at best, you could tip it over and ruin the papers. At worst, you could tip it into your lap and jeopardize your love life till you heal.
8. While doing your taxes, do not allow your dog to play with the computer cord. If you do, at best, you may run out of battery. At worst, you may need to run out to the vet to help Fido overcome his electric shock treatment
7. While doing your taxes, do not allow the family to play video games on your computer between sessions. If you do, at best, some memory may disappear. At worst, the IRS may get a Madden football game instead of your 1040.
6. While doing your taxes, do not leave your computer without saving your file. If you do, at best, you might have to remember all your half-truths all over again. At worst, you may be unable to reconstruct your perfect return and might end up owing more than you had planned.
5. While doing your taxes, do not think the IRS is okay with rough guesses or estimates of the numbers. If you do, at best, you will never hear from the IRS. At worst, you will have to explain your numbers during an audit to a disbelieving agent with a cattle prod.
4. While doing your taxes, do not forget to sign your return even if you don’t believe it to be true. If you do at best, the return will bounce back. At worst, the lack of a signature will trigger a visit from the NSA, which will want to know all about you.
3. While doing your taxes, do not try to get away without attaching a check if you owe money. If you do, at best, the government will send you a nasty note. At worst, you will find out how little sense of humor the IRS really has.
2. While doing your taxes, do not drink alcohol even if you think it will help. If you do, at best, you might be shocked by the amount you deducted. At worst, you may be shocked to find you have already mailed the return on which you took too many deductions.
1. While doing your taxes, do not be discouraged enough to decide not to file. If you do at best, you will never sleep again. At worst, you may get your living expenses paid, but you will have a roommate who wants to go steady.
A precursor to a good day must be a cup of the steaming stuff. It not only sets the positive vibe, but also quells the steelworker hammering in my head. A touch of the two coffee selection on the machine set the curative process in motion. The aroma of the beginning streams into the cup is enough to awaken the will to live. One sip turns off the klaxon horn and sends the steelworkers home for the day. A second sip is accompanied by the much-too-loud Westminster chimes of the doorbell. That sound is joined by the crystal-cracking cacophony of Twiggy and Tempest as they try to warn me that a Tyrannosaurus Rex is trying to breach the security system. Two toys tossed into the soundproof room ensure that the slamming of the door will silence my faithful furry companions, who can’t resist chasing them.
Once done, a glance at the security monitor reveals the likeness of a creature that looks very much like Sylvester the Cat. A conversation ensues, predictably leading to the need to open the door. With a sigh, the security shut-down process begins.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. The MH-60 Jayhawk Helicopter hovering over the house is diverted. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The Tasmanian Devil is directed to the food in his cage, and the door drops. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
“Sufferin succotash. You sure have a lot of security here. Here is an envelope, sign on the dotted line.” Taking the clipboard and envelope, I sign and return the clipboard to the cat. He holds out a paw in the classic way for a tip. “Oscar Wilde once said, ‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.'” The door is quietly closed with me behind it. The envelope is from Linda Hill, and the message inside says,
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with ‘pre’.” Find a word that starts with “pre” and use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
An English thrift shop that found itself buried under mountains of old donated clothes has gotten a helping hand from a talented designer.
Recent fashion and design graduate Victoria Ford approached the shop and offered to transform some of its unwanted rags into bespoke pieces for sale at premium prices.
The thrift shop proceeds benefit Derian House Children’s Hospice in Chorley. Still, rather than generating revenue to pay for the hospital’s expenses, the shop had mostly become a dropping off point for unwanted clothes, which piled up in “eyewatering amounts”. It sat unsorted in huge sacks in the shop’s warehouse.
Most would have probably ended up in a landfill if it weren’t for Ford’s belief in second-chance fashion and an eye for quality.
“Rather than letting things go to waste, I wanted to help Derian House give their unsalable clothing a new life, and to turn them into something others can enjoy,” Ford told the BBC.
Mick Croskery from the Derian House shop said Victoria’s collection was attracting a new crowd to the shop.
Victoria’s collection – credit Derien House Childrens Hospice
Running on “super tight margins” and “inundated with rags” too worn down, or with holes, stains, or burns, to sell on, Croskery said, “it is that kind of stuff that Victoria has repurposed for us that we couldn’t sell.”
They used to pay 70 cents per bag of donated clothes, but the shop was receiving so many “rags” that they eventually lowered the price to 15 cents.
Ford has had to get creative to make use of the excess, but she’s been doing just that since she was 10, she said, finding items in similar thrift shops and transforming them with her sewing machine as a child. She’s redesigned dozens of items and even made a handbag out of an inflatable mattress.
Derian House Children’s Hospice cares for more than 400 babies and toddlers, children, young people, and their families, and costs more than £6 million ($7.8 million) to run annually.
The good news in this story is that usable clothing is being made from what would otherwise be landfill rags, all while helping with child Hospice care. Today’s JohnKu talks about utilization. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Today I opened Circumstances of Childhood randomly to page 159. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page, and the word closest to my finger is “meetings.” This is our prompt today.
This post was authored by Marie Ann Bailey and me and published on April 21, 2014. I’m not in need of this service, but this list could be useful to someone. If not, then hopefully there is a laugh or two here.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Signing Up With an Online Dating Service
10. When signing up for an online dating service, do not use your old high school senior photo in your profile. If you do, at best, your future dates might forgive you for being somewhat more overweight and wrinkled than your photo suggests. At worst, you might get sued by future dates for emotional and psychological trauma, especially those who thought they were going to date a 28-year-old.
9. When signing up for an online dating service, do not say that you live in a foreign country because you want to appear exotic. If you do, at best, your future dates will be relieved to learn that you actually live within driving distance of them and they don’t have to pay exorbitant sums for a first date. At worst, your dream date, who really does live in the country you claim to live in, will out you to everyone else in the service, and you will have to change your profile and identity and actually move to a foreign country.
8. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to be a great cook when you still can’t make a decent peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If you do, at best, your future dates will prefer to dine out anyway and will never find out your lie. At worst, your dream date will wind up in the ER after you actually try to prepare a romantic, home-cooked meal for your first (and now last) date.
7. When signing up for an online dating service, do not inflate your educational background so you can appear to be more intelligent than you apparently are. If you do, at best, your future dates will not be interested in your opinion on the Dunning-Kruger effect anyway, and you’ll be saved from having to present yourself as an example of it. At worst, your profile will be tagged as someone who suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect*, which you will find frustrating since your last name is not Dunning nor is it Kruger.
6. When signing up for an online dating service, do not minimize your educational background to appear less intelligent than you really are because you are afraid of intimidating anyone. If you do, at best, your future dates won’t be interested in degrees anyway, just as long as you can enjoy conversations with each other. At worst, your future dates will look like the cast from “My Name is Earl” or “Duck Dynasty.”
5. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to be fluent in any language when all you can say is “Hello” and “Goodbye” in that language. If you do, at best, all your future dates have the same native tongue as you, but no foreign language fluency, so they get excited when you say “Bonjour” and “Adios” in the same sentence. At worst, your dream date will be fluent in the language you claim to be fluent in (let’s say, French, for fun) and invite you to a romantic getaway to Paris where the best you can do is say “Bonjour” to everything anyone else says to you, with the result that two hours into the romantic getaway, your dream date leaves you at a café with just your French-English dictionary to help you find your way home.
4. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim not to have pets when you do, just because the dream date you picked out is allergic to cats. If you do, at best, you never get together with your dream date, but the second-best date not only asks you out but also happens to like cats (and then you live happily ever after). At worst, your dream date comes to your place for coffee and, within five minutes, develops red, itchy eyes, sneezing and coughing fits, and a facial rash, even though your cats are not in your house because you had them boarded. All of this results in you being on the hook for your dream date’s trip to the ER and allergy medication, as well as the boarding fees for a date that went nowhere.
3. When signing up for an online dating service, do not use a glamour photo for your profile, even if your friends insist it will get you more dates. If you do, at best, all your future dates also use glamour photos, so no one can complain when none of you look glamorous in real life. At worst, see the worst-case scenario for #1 and then double it.
2. When signing up for an online dating service, do not present yourself as a social butterfly when, in fact, you get panic attacks when you have to speak to more than one person at a time. If you do, at best, your future dates will be flattered when you say you prefer evenings alone so you can get to know them better. At worst, your future dates will think your Howard Hughes profile is creepy since they assumed you loved the party life and eventually leave you to your evenings alone as a party of one.
1. When signing up for an online dating service, do not pretend to be anyone but who you really are. If you do, at best, you will find someone who actually likes you for yourself, and you will make some new good friends. At worst, you’ll be stuck with a revolving door of dates but no relationships. (On the upside, that could be fodder for some good stories.)
*a cognitive bias where individuals with limited knowledge or competence in a particular domain greatly overestimate their own knowledge or skill. Proposed by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999, it stems from a lack of metacognition—the inability to recognize one’s own incompetence.
By the miracle of time travel, we are going to visit the Valentine brown bag concert sponsored by the Lakeway Arts Committee. We are catered by La Barbecue of Austin. Our entertainment after the concert will be Sly and the Family Stone
Menu
La Frito Loco – Pulled pork, chopped brisket, chipotle slaw, black beans, Fritos, cheese, and jalapenos.
Chi-Town Pinata – Chicago-style hot dog with la barbecue traditional hotgut topped with dill relish, sport peppers, pickle spears, onion, and yellow mustard
Bobby Dawg – Housemade jalapeno sausage with your choice of brisket or pulled pork, topped with black beans, cheese, onions, jalapenos, and yellow mustard
Frito Pie – Chopped brisket, pulled pork, or la Barbecue chili, housemade pickled jalapenos, cheddar cheese, black beans, diced white onion
Chili Cheese Dawg – Housemade sausage, la Barbecue chili, cheddar cheese, diced onion, mustard, and jalapenos
Sloppy Ho – Chopped brisket, la Barbecue chili
Let’s go
Here’s the poster. Grammy winner Red Young and Silvie Rider Young.
Yup, we are in the right place.
Sound check and getting ready.
Valentine’s table centerpiece.
Red and Silvie are talking to audience members before the concert.
The stage is ready.
The chairperson of the Arts Committee with a few comments and introductions.
Red and Silvie take the stage.
Red begins the set with solo piano work.
Looks like folks are enjoying the music.
Looks like it’s time for food and more music. I hope you have a great week.
