Today, I opened Circumstances of Childhood randomly to page 115. Without looking, I pointed at the page, and my finger fell closest to the word “position.”
This post ran on August 11th, 2014. I’m sure there are still lousy bosses out there. I hope you enjoy it.
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Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Have a Lousy Boss
10. If you have a lousy boss, do not try to curry favor. If you do, at best, your co-workers will shun you. At worst, the boss may think you are a big ass suck-up and have no respect for you whatsoever. ( Okay, so you are a big assed suck-up, Buford. Be more discrete.)
9. If you have a lousy boss, do not wish a cheery good morning. If you do, at best, the boss will think you are shallow. At worst, the boss will not appreciate your greeting since all days are bad in the boss’s opinion. (You might try a growl next time, Berry. It works for the boss’s wife.)
8. If you have a lousy boss, do not volunteer to plan an event. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed in the boss’s disapproval of how the event went. At worst, your permanent record will have an entry about poor planning skills. (The idea of serving mimosas at the coffee break went a little far, Buster.)
7. If you have a lousy boss, do not talk to the boss at company functions. If you do, at best, the boss with think you are sucking up. At worst, the boss will allow paranoid feelings to influence the decision to move you to the basement mop closet. (Try to stay on the other side of the room, Brent. If the boss wants you, he will waggle his finger.)
6. If you have a lousy boss, do not ask a question at meetings. If you do, at best, your co-workers will think you are sucking up. At worst, the boss will take your question as a personal attack on the company’s objectives and record this lack of loyalty for your next review. (If questions are needed to be asked, Jerry, the boss, will ask them.)
5. If you have a lousy boss, do not take normal coffee breaks. If you do, at best, the boss will think you are not motivated. At worst, the boss will assume you are leading a plot with your co-workers to undermine the boss’s authority. (Bring a Yeti cup from home, Warren. Who has to know it’s gin and tonic.”
4. If you have a lousy boss, do not get caught talking to the boss’s boss at a company function. If you do at best, the boss will allow the paranoid feeling to influence your next pay raise. At worst, the boss will have a private discussion with the boss’s boss on the need to develop a performance plan to get you back on track. (I know the boss’s boss called you over, Jess. You should have just passed out. It would have been easier in the long run.)
3. If you have a lousy boss, do not expect praise and reward for a well-done job. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed since the boss believes all good things are a result of excellent management of you. At worst, the boss will find out how disappointed you are and will make a note in your file about your weakness as a team player. (The only reward for a job well done is keeping the job, Hubert. Rewards are in heaven)
2. If you have a lousy boss, do not think the invitation to join a special team is an honor. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed to find out the boss just needed some folks to do extra work. At worst, you will learn the special team is being held accountable and chartered to correct some screw-ups done by another special team appointed by the boss.( The hint about the viability of the special team is that all the players are on probation, Randy. Welcome to the after-school detention center.)
1. If you have a lousy boss, do not feel comfortable going on vacation. If you do, at best, you may be interrupted by annoying phone calls. At worst, you will not be interrupted but will come back to find your job function has changed, with another forty hours of work added to your current load. (You’ve heard the boss say, “Vacation is for losers.” So ask yourself why are you surprised by the outcome, Frank?)
Today, we are celebrating Halloween with the Witches Ride in Lakeway. This is an annual event, and we don’t want to miss it. Kids dress up and take a one-mile ride on anything that doesn’t have a motor. After the ride, there is a carnival for more fun. We will be eating carnival food, and our entertainment is Michael Jackson.
The coffee machine has the day off. Here’s what happened. Daughter went to Costa Rica and brought back some coffee. The coffee was already ground, so using the machine to brew a cup was not impossible, but it was close to it. A French Press was conscripted into action. Boiling water, tablespoons of coffee, and a four-minute wait was almost like camping out.
Finally, the cup is ready. The coffee is remarkably smooth compared to Columbian. It has a floral finish, which could be offsetting if one is unfamiliar with that element. The primary benefit of caffeine delivery is accomplished, so in the end, it is a success.
Just at the finish of the cup, the Westminister chime doorbell causes Twiggy and Tempeste to take up the protective high-octave warning system that can cause the ears to bleed. Wondering why people can’t pay attention to the “PLEASE DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL” sign is beyond me. The shutdown of the security system begins.
The turret machine guns are set to stand by, the boiling oil cauldron tipping mechanism is turned off, and the automated arrow launching pods are unarmed. In addition, the Trebuchet, ballista, and falling rock device are switched to manual. The claymore mines are set to manual, the mote net rolled back, and the concertina wire retracted. The Iron gate is raised, and the bolts are thrown on the front door.
Standing there is a guy with a mug that looks like Al Capone. He has a letter and says it needs to be signed for receipt. He also has a clipboard and tells me to sign on line four. I do that, and he hands me the letter. “Don’t leave town,” he says. Before my response, he turns and walks away.
I open the letter, which is from Linda Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “mug.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!
Artists come from all corners, in all shapes and sizes, and from every race and religion; John Pavart and his painted coconuts are a perfect example.
The former opal miner turned painter from Australia’s state of New South Wales has been painting coconut husks for years, leaving them around the beaches of Magnetic Island for tourists and travelers to find.
It’s become one of the chief charms of the island, even though Pavart started it on a lark.
“I just happened to have a bit of art gear on me and thought I’d pick one up and paint it,” he said, detailing the phenomenon’s remarkably simple origin. “I put it down, and someone picked it up, and they seemed to like it, so I just kept doing it.”
They often depict sea life and beachscapes, and by now, the thin “grey nomad,” a term used to describe Australians in their 50s who move around for months out of the year, believes he’s painted over 750 of them.
“Lots of people have found one, and it puts a smile on someone’s face,” Mr. Pavart told ABC News Au. “I’ve got them in Brazil, Spain, England—they’re all over the world.
Pavart’s coconuts are now so in demand he occasionally has to leave Magnetic Island for Queensland, the nearest continental shoreline, to look for more.
Some of the coconuts have made it to Spain – credit John Pavart, supplied to ABC News.
Once painted, he will leave a picture as a clue on a Facebook page he started to trigger a free treasure hunt, which routinely attracts many of the kids in the island’s town.
He joked with ABC that between himself and the rats, the beaches are completely clear of coconuts.
The good news in this story is one man is spreading cheer and goodwill for no other reason than to do it.
Today’s JohnKy talks about fun. I hope you have a great weekend.
Photo by Two Paddles Axe and Leatherwork on Unsplash
This post was originally published on May 10, 2018, but it may still be relevant today. Of course, if you have transferred all your credit cards and access to cash to your phone, this old-timey post won’t mean much unless you forgot your phone. (Which would be like forgetting your arm.)
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This list was inspired by going to dinner and forgetting to put my wallet in my pocket. Although it sounds impossible, I very seldom need to leave the house (Yes, Mr. Hughes?), so I have lost the natural tendency to check to see if I have everything with me. Lucky for me, none of the consequences materialized.
10 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not offer to pick up the dinner tab. If you do, at best, your partner will have you covered. At worst, you and your guests will experience kitchen cleanliness firsthand. (So you took your boss to dinner, Etu, and he forgot his wallet as well. It is a shame about his new suit and that ketchup accident.)
9 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not offer to buy Tiny, the WWF champ, a drink when he has apparently had too much. If you do, at best, Tiny will forget the offer. At worst, Tiny has been drowning his sorrows at being told no one likes him in his self-esteem seminar. (Notice how his eyes lit up when you offered to pay for his drink, Eustachy? The bartender is waiting for the money, and Tiny’s eyes are beginning to detect you may renege. It might be time to leave fast.)
8 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not exceed the speed limit. If you do, at best, all the traffic patrol officers are in a meeting. At worst, explaining who you are and that you are licensed to driver may have to wait for the judge tomorrow. (You have to admit not being able to post bail has given you a brand new experience, Evans. I think that big guy over in the corner kind of likes you.)
7 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not unload your overstuffed grocery cart on the ten items or less conveyor belt. If you do, at best, the store will be un-crowded. At worst, you will have sixteen construction workers behind you who only have thirty minutes for lunch. (As the clerk calls for the manager, you can detect discontent behind you, Everley. It might be a good idea to sprint for the door while you can still sprint.)
6 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not take a number at the DMV. If you do, at best, you’ll come to your senses before long. At worst, you’ll wait the required number of hours until your number is called only to discover the missing items. (The only person who is happy with you now, Evin, is the person next to be called after you are told to step aside.)
5 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not enter the toll road. If you do, at best, a kindly motorist will pay your toll. At worst, the toll taker will exercise the right to have your car impounded. (No, the tow truck operator will not give you a ride home, Ethan. He will take your vehicle to the impound lot where, if you are lucky, no one will put another on top of yours.)
4 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not go through the drive-through at your favorite fast food restaurant. If you do, at best, you can say you’re sorry and move on. At worst, the store manager has been reprimanded for having high waste numbers and is now dialing the police. (Don’t be concerned with the honking patrons behind you, Eli. The manager is calling a SWAT team, claiming you are holding up the store. Time for a Dukes of Hazard getaway.)
3 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not get on that train to Yuma. If you do, at best, the conductor may miss you. At worst, you might find yourself standing in the middle of the tracks in a place with no name. (Are those vultures circling overhead, Ezra?)
2 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not try to get through the TSA inspection point at the airport. If you do, at best, you’ll be turned away. At worst, a picture of someone who looks like you just came across the international terrorist warning screen, and the guy looking at you wants a promotion. (You might as well put those hands in the air, Elliot. That air marshall doesn’t look like he is kidding with the order.)
1 If you leave the house without money or ID, do not attempt to make a withdrawal from your bank. If you do, at best, the clerk recognizes you. At worst, when asked for ID, you provide some excuse that causes the clerk to hit the silent alarm. (How does the cold marble floor feel, Everett? I think I would follow the suggestion and not move.)
Today, we are visiting the Community Band concert in the sculpture garden. Aba of Austin caters to us, and in addition to the concert, Sly and the Family Stone provide entertainment.
BRUNCH
MEYER LEMON DROP BISCUITpeach compote, whipped cream
AVOCADO TOASTpomegranate, preserved lemon, mint
KHACHAPURI baked egg, cremini mushroom, graviera, green onion
AÇAÍ BOWLblueberry, banana, pomegranate, dukkah, coconut, mint
SHORT RIB SHAKSHUKA local eggs, spicy harissa, graviera, roasted potato
One knows when the machine is going to function correctly. There are no knocks or pings, and the aroma begins immediately. This knowledge comes from years of experience relying on machines for life-affirming elixir. Today is good in that the liquid pours from the twin spouts like it is happy to see me.
One sip and my mind turns to the clock. It is set for Saturday, October 18, 1924, and the location is the Polo Grounds in New York. The duration is an hour, and when the plunger is pulled, we find ourselves in the stands surrounded by screaming fans.
In one of the most anticipated games of the 1924 college football season, played before 60,000 at the Polo Grounds stadium in New York City, Notre Dame defeated Army, 13 to 7. Nationally syndicated sportswriter Grantland Rice wrote his famous “Four Horsemen” column published in the next day’s newspapers.
The article included the famous lines.”Outlined against a blue-gray October sky,” Rice wrote, “the Four Horsemen rode again. In dramatic lore, they are known as famine, pestilence, destruction, and death. These are only aliases. Their real names are Stuhldreher, Miller, Crowley, and Layden.”
Just as it was time to run on the field, the alarm goes off and we are back on the couch. A text from Linda Hill has this week’s prompt. It reads:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with ‘kn.’” Find a word that starts with the letters “kn” and use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
