Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Sistine Chapel Pubic Opening in 1512

November 2, 2020November 15, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

This week marks the 508th anniversary of the opening of the Sistine Chapel to the public in 1512. Michelangelo, the greatest artist of the Italian Renaissance, was commissioned by Pope Julius II in 1508. After four years of hard work, the chapel was opened to the public. Certainly, we want to go there and see what that first day was like. Let’s not forget to take the list of things not to do so, heaven forbid, we do not make an error that causes a tear in the time continuum. Everyone, grab a list and jump in the Olds, and we’ll be off.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Sistine Chapel in 1512

10 If you go, do not let Pope Julius II hear you call the building the cistern chapel. If you do, at best, he will think your Italian is horrible. At worst, he will take a ruler to your knuckles for such a faux pas. (The chapel was named after Pope Sixtus IV, who restored it between 1473 and 1481. It looks like Julius thinks you need more punishment, Meinrad. He’s heading your way with two big burley cardinals. We are not talking birds here.)

9 If you go, do not tell Tiny, the WWF champ, that he is blocking your view of the ceiling. If you do, at best, Tiny will think you are talking to someone else. At worst, Tiny will be offended that you had the nerve to tell him he is in the way. (You see, Meir, when Tiny gets offended and has skipped several court-ordered sessions at Narcissists Are Us, there’s trouble. He won’t blame himself for being in the way. He blames you for saying anything. Look like he is ready to practice his new body slam move. Guess who is the slamee?)

7 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo for his autograph. If you do, at best, he’ll pretend not to hear you. At worst, he will be forced to ask the guard to escort you out. (Michelangelo, who also sculpted David and The Pieta, only signed one work: the Pieta. Looks like the guards are coming for you, Melanthius. Maybe next time you’ll not ask.)

6 If you go, do not suggest that the skin tones on God’s arm need some attention. If you do, at best, Michelangelo will think you are kidding. At worse, after concentrating on God’s arm for a month, Michelango has reached his limit. (Don’t look now, Melbourne, but I think Michelangelo is arranging for you to go up and paint whatever you want. Oh, my mistake. He just wants to paint you. Not in a good way either)

5 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo about the cupid statue he carved for sale to Cardinal Raffaele Riario early in his career. If you do, at best, he will ignore you. At worst, he will think you are trying to blackmail him. (As the story goes, Melbyrne, Michelangelo carved a cupid and then made it to look older and sold it to the Cardinal as an antique. The Cardinal caught wind of the scam and demanded his money back. Of course, he was impressed with Michelangelo’s work and invited him to a meeting in Rome. Michelangelo eventually won a commission to carve the Pieta.)

4 If you go, do not mention that Michelangelo’s David is deteriorating faster than other marble statues of his day. If you do, at best, he will think you are joking since Davis is only eight years old. At worst, he will wonder where you got your information and want to have you arrested as a witch. (You should have kept your mouth shut, Meldrick. Not too many people know Michelangelo carved David out of a block of 40-year-old marble rejected by other artists, and he found it discarded. Here come the guys with the handcuffs. I think I would leave quickly.)

3 If you go, do not ask Pope Julius II for a review of Michelangelo’s work. If you do, at best, he’ll give you a “no comment.” At worst, you have to sit for some time listening to all the grievances. (The problem was, Melville Julius II had definite ideas of what he wanted Michelangelo to paint. Michelangelo had other ideas and demanded that he get his way. Julius II capitulated but was not happy. He may ask you to do the ceiling over. My advice. Don’t.)

2 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo if it was hard to paint on his back. If you do, at best, he will laugh at you. At worst, he will get out the drawings of the scaffold he built and take you through hours of engineering fine points. (Originally, X and an architect was hired to build the scaffold. He came up with an unworkable design, and the matter came before Julius II. He told Michelangelo to build what he thought he needed. The scaffold that Michelangelo built allowed for painting standing up. Wake up, Melvyn. Michelangelo is finished explaining.)

1 If you go, do not ask Michelangelo if he would like to do it all over again. If you do, at best, he will walk away. At worst, he will detail all that was accomplished and tell you to get lost (When complete, Melelaus the ceiling had over 300 figures of biblical characters. The area was over 130 feet (40 m) long by 43 feet (13 m) wide. This meant Michelangelo painted over 5000 square feet of space. I don’t think he wants to do it again even if you loan him your phone with Spotify)

Views of the Neighborhood – Another Deer Check

November 1, 2020October 31, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 104 Comments

The hullabaloo over Halloween is over, and we all had plenty of rest since we could sleep an extra hour this morning. (yeah, right) Today lacking anything better to do, we are going out to check on the deer. The Producer says, “How boring.” I have to remind everyone that in the age of Rona, we can’t be too particular.

We are going to leave the bus parked and venture on foot. After all, a big yellow bus is not exactly conducive to deer watching. We do have a Good Humor bicycle vendor’s cart to haul our snacks and drinks. We are having hot Mexican chocolate with Kahlua shooters, shredded B-B-Q pork tacos, and toasted almond Good Humor bars. The Kingston Trio has agreed to walk along with us for entertainment.

So, put on your walking shoes, and let’s go.

The first thing we run into is this sign. I wonder what the parents tell the kids when they ask “What is rut season, Dad?”

The Producer captured this beautiful fellow. Man, she takes great photos.

Views of the Neighborhood

A couple of does taking an early morning nap in our neighbors front yard.

A buck having a snack.

Another young buck taking it easy.

Three does taking five.

Here is a buck in silhouette watching four men approach.

He decides they are suburbanites and no danger at all. He’s pretty sure one even drives a Volvo.

The sisterhood out for a stroll.

Another young buck searching for a doe. Maybe we should tell him she’s not there.

This doe is hard to see, but before yesterday, this was an overgrown lot. It looks like the clearing crew is making it ready for a new house. No more naps here.

Of course, Twiggyis concentrating on the deer. You can barely see them in the neighbor’s front yard.

Let us finish with another of The Producer’s beautiful photos. I think she is a deer witch.

Well, that is our tour. Stay and have more food and drink and listen to the music. I hope you all have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Trick.”

October 31, 2020October 30, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and this week’s prompt is “trick.” Normally Linda HIll would come by to deliver a complicated prompt in person. This one is quite simple, and she sent it by Uber Eats. Thanks, Linda, for the brioche and the prompt. Her only caution is, “To use it any way we want and to have fun.” I think I can do that. If you would like to join in on the fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how; here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 31/2020

“Shake.”

“What are you doing to that poor dog?”

“He’s not a poor dog, and I’m trying to teach him a new trick.”

“What new trick?”

“To shake hands.”

“But he has a paw.”

“You know what I mean,:

“Maybe he’s too old to learn a truck.”

“You believe that old saw, huh?”

“Well, I’m just sayin’. Does he do other stuff?”

“Just sit.”

“Hmmm. Maybe he is a one-trick pony.”

“Yikes, another cliche.”

“Are you giving him a treat?”

“A treat? No.Just a command.”

“Well, see. There might be the problem. You need to reward him when he performs the trick.”

“Okay. I’ll try it. Here, Bosco, I have this nice porterhouse steak if you’ll shake.”

“You are insane. He’s not going to buy the fact that you offer a piece of kibble and call it a steak.”

“He’s shaking.”

“Speaks to the intelligence of the animal. Want to go to the pub?”

“Um. Do I get a treat?”

“Sure. I’ll let you buy.”

“Sounds like a trick.”

“You think? By the way, congrats on working trick in along with ‘treat.’ Happy Halloween.”

Thursday – A Little Personal – Cold Front Hits Twiggy and Lucy

October 29, 2020October 28, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 98 Comments

“So, Lucy. You guys going out today?”

“First, let’s check that watch of yours, Boss.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“Says here the temperature is 38 degrees. High today of 59.”

“Are you kidding me?”

Lucy and Twiggy

“You know, I think I’m going to take a rain check on the outside.”

“Oh, come on. It’s refreshing.”

“Hey, Lucy. Don’t let him talk you into anything. Who left this Yak stick here?”

“How about you, Twiggy. Going outside?”

“Gee, dad. Take a look at this coat. It is short hair. I’m not really supposed to go out under 70 degrees.”

“You two are a pair. A pair of what I don’t know.”

“Well, Dad, This yak stick is calling my name.”

“Not much exercise in that thing.”

“Yeah, but it’s like heaven. Think of how my jaws are getting ripped.”

“That’s all we need are muscular jaws around here.”

“Have a seat Lucy. I’m just explaining to Dad the physical wonders of the yak stick.”

“Yeah, good luck with that, Little One.”

“Okay, I’m coming down to see you.”

“Yak stick and all.”

“You two ready to go out?”

“Boss. We need to wait until it is warmer. Besides, your bulldog here has clamped onto the yak stick, and that is a morning shot right there.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

October 28, 2020October 28, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

“Lucy is that Friday?”
“MMFF. Uh, No, Little One that’s Wednesday.”
“Noisy thing isn’t it.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we learned a guy named Somner who made the ID’s for Carolyn was beaten pretty badly. Chances are he gave the identity names to Cortez’s men. If so, Cortez will hunt Carolyn down and take her for insurance against Lazar talking. Now it is a race to see who can find Carolyn first, Cortez, or our side. There is some more discussion going on with Lazar. I think Larry has asked him a question. Let’s go and find out what they are talking about.

“I’m sorry my mind was a million miles away. Could you repeat the question, detective?”

“Sure, Lazar. What I asked was do you know of any place in France where Carolyn might be heading?”

“That’s a good question. Let me think a second. I remember in high school, there was an exchange student from France. He and Carolyn were pretty good friends.”

“Do you know where he lived?”

“Oh, yeah, he was at our house several times. He was really a nice kid. He and his family lived in Paris.”

“Do you have a name?”

“Sure. His name was Pablo.”

“And he was French?”

“Yeah. He always got asked the same question. His parents named him after Picasso.”

“How about their names or address?”

“I have all that in my phone. His parent came for a visit and stayed with us.”

“Pricilla. I think we may have a lead here.”

“Yes, Larry. Thanks for the help. So here’s your phone Mr. Popović. Get the address, and we will have some people go there to protect that family.”

“What do you mean to protect?”

“I’m sure Cortez will be paying them a visit as well.”

“How will he know she is going there?”

“My guess is he will have someone bribe someone in the passport control office to give him the address.”

“How will the passport control office get the address?”

“Don’t arrivals fill out a form with the address where they are going to be staying?”

“She has a French passport and is, therefore, looks to be a citizen. She won’t have to do anything.”

“Well, there goes that theory. I still think getting some folks over there will at least allow us to get Carolyn. Who knows? Maybe Cortez’s men will be following her so we can prevent a grab there.”

“There is another concern Ms. Thomas.”

“What is that, Mr. Popović?”

“It is a three and one half-hour drive from Coquelles where the Chunnel terminates in France to Paris. Cortez’s men could grab her anywhere along that route.”

“Goodness. We have to get her on the train as it arrives in France.”

“Can you do that?”

“If the stars align and if we can get Somner to tell us the name on the French Passport.”

“If he can’t tell us?”

“Then, we need a miracle.”

Review of Eternal Road – The final stop by Victoria Ray

October 27, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

Today Victoria Ray NB has published an outstanding review for Eternal Road on her site.

A little about Victoria.

Victoria Ray NB is a multi-genre author, known for her surreal, thought-provoking themes and humor. She is living in Sweden with her family and two dogs: Daisy and Sky. She holds a Ph.D. in Classic Russian Literature.

Ray is working in genres:
– surreal humor & satire
– ERO GURO (erotica+grotesque)
– absurdist fantasy & sci-fi
– action thriller
– dark comedy
– parody
– poetry

The definition of NB = “never boring”.

Check out the review and while there check out her books which I think you’ll find very entertaining.

To give you an idea.

Her Sophia Von X Thriller earned this from Readers Favorite.

Here is the link to Victoria’s post.

https://raynotbradbury.com/book-review-eternal-road-the-final-stop-by-john-w-howell/

Tuesday Anything possible – Kreative Kue #286 with Keith Channing

October 27, 2020October 26, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem, anything, really, even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #286

“Okay, now hold it right there.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I understand this whole art museum thing.”

“Okay.”

“But I don’t get what we are doing here in the middle of the night.”

“I can explain.”

“Please do then.”

“We came at night because you see better then.”

“Oh, so you wanted me to be able to see the art better?”

“Em, no.”

“You know what a highly intelligent and sensitive bird I am, so you want me to critique a few pieces.”

“That’s not it.”

“Ah. You want me to appraise some paintings. I’ll have you know my appraisals are sought after.”

“No.”

“To write a review on a piece or the collection.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay, I give up.”

“There is a mouse in this room, and we would like you to have it for dinner.”

“You want this highly trained and wise owl work for his dinner?”

“Yup.”

“I hope no one finds out about this.”

“Why?”

“I mean, think of my reputation.”

“What reputation?”

“As a bon vivant and renaissance bird. I had those damn eagles convinced I walked on water.”

“A little too much brag, I would say.”

“‘A little too much brag, I would say.’ You sound like my wife.”

“Sounds like you should have taken her advice. You ready.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Are the security cameras working?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want this to hit the internet. Could you turn them off?”

“Absolutely not. Besides, no one cares about seeing you catch a mouse.”

“I’ve got a million followers on Tic Toc, 100,000 on Instagram, 25,000 on Twitter. They will care.”

“I don’t know about that. I just need the mouse caught.”

“Could you at least call my agent?”

“Agent?”

“Yeah. She’ll know what to do. Maybe this could be the beginning of Super Owl, the next hero.”

“Maybe I should have used a cat.”

“That orange one I’ve seen around.”

“Yup.”

“He has an agent too and is much fussier. He’ll want catering and star billing.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636

October 26, 2020October 25, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

This was the weekend that we moved daughter into her new house. With all the work I did not have time to do an adequate job of a Top Ten Post. This post ran on October 29th, 2018. I hope if you missed it you will enjoy it. For those who have seen this one, next week will be better. Also, I’m over at Story Empire today talking about burnout. Here is the LINK

***

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with history as a backdrop. Harvard College, the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States, is founded in Cambridge, Mass on this day in 1636.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636.

10 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not suggest a celebration with a kegger party. If you do, at best the kegger store will be closed. At worst, the administration will create a rule against keggers. (Congratulations, Fyodor. You are the first student at the college to be put on probation.)

9 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not pledge a fraternity where Tiny the WWF champ is a member. If you do, at best Tiny will flunk out before you get there. At worst, Tiny who was just criticized by the dean for necessary hazing had ordered you to bend over. (Let’s hope the dean lecture has not made Tiny even angrier, Frederick. Is that paddle as big as it looks?)

8 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not organize a demonstration protesting the dorm food. If you do, at best no one will join you. At worst, the college put you in charge of food procurement. (Looks like your fellow students are getting tired of squirrel stew, Falcon. I think I would try to raise a few vegetables if I were you.)

7 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not cut class on the first warm day. If you do, at best you can get notes from the nerd, At worst, your professor will pull a pop quiz that is 20% of the term grade. (No amount of begging is going to help, Fallon. I would go to the infirmary and see if you can con someone into an excuse.)

6 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not try to organize a football team. If you do, at best no one will know what you are talking about. At worst, you’ll find some players who are ready to play but can’t see a ball. (Looks like you will have to make one, Fraser. Try to get it a little rounder okay. That thing looks like a fat sausage.)

5 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not go outside wearing that Yale sweatshirt. If you do, at best no one will notice since Yale was founded in 1701. At worst, someone will take offense thinking Yale is an acronym for Young American Liquor Enterprise. (You have to understand the Puritan Ethic is still pretty strong, Fiorello. The time in the stocks will go fast. Think positive.)

4 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not fail to return your library book on time. If you do, at best the fine is only 1p a week. At worst, a press-gang will come looking for you. (It would have been easier to return the book, Ferril. Now you won’t get back to the College until your sea duty is over. Five years will go pretty quickly.)

3 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not try to organize the first co-ed dance. If you do, at best your fellow students will just laugh. At worst the administration will pass a rule prohibiting co-ed dancing. (Good luck finding a co-ed, Fabrice. The first sex-blind admissions were not until 1977. Oh, and you need to serve time on the dunking chair due to the rule violation. I hope those hold your breath contests come in handy.)

2 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not park your horse in the faculty parking lot. If you do, at best no one will need the space. At worst, professor Curmudgeon will alert campus security to shoot you on sight. (Never thought taking a tenured professor’s parking place was that big of a deal, huh Faddei. Those musket balls look like they would hurt.)

1 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not buy your books ahead of time at the used bookstore. If you do, at best you might save money. At worst, the professor will change the course text with no notice. (Well, looks like your used books will make an excellent fire starter, Fadil. Better luck next term)

Views of the Neighborhood – Halloween Final Edition

October 25, 2020October 24, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

Welcome to the final edition of the Halloween Views of the Neighborhood. Since Halloween is next Saturday, this will be the last post showing the decorations in the neighborhood. The temperatures have also tuned quite nippy (in the 70s), so we will be serving hot mulled cider, Prosciutto, and provolone sandwiches on toasted ciabatta, napa cabbage slaw, and brownie bites. There is also a full bar, and The Traveling Wilburys will be entertaining us.

Jump on the bus, and we will be off.

This first house has quite a display. I love that witch.

Excuse me while I switch off the lights. Makes the display spooky for sure.

We saw these social distance ghosts a while ago.

This is their yard at night. That image on the house is a changing picture.

A bunch of ghouls.

Scary at night.

Flat monsters.

All blown up

Poor pumpkin

All better

Happy monsters.

Cute mailbox topper.

Maybe a cute mailbox topper. Then again maybe not.

Definitely not a cute mailbox topper.

I guess that does it for this year. I hope you liked the series. Hang around and have more cider and listen to “End of the Line” by the Traveling Wilburys. I hope you have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Starts with M”

October 24, 2020October 23, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. Here is Linda Hill with this week’s prompt. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with ‘m’.” Use any word that begins with the letter “m” as the subject or theme for your post. Enjoy!”

Okay, so here we go.

🎶”Mairzy dotes and dozy dotes.”🎶

“Okay, I give.”

“You remember that old melody?”

“Can’t say I do.”

“It was popular in the 40s.”

“Well, no wonder. I was born in the 60s.”

“Your loss.”

“Loss? what do you mean?”

“It was a cute song.”

“Sing it.”

“Naw.”