Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636

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This was the weekend that we moved daughter into her new house. With all the work I did not have time to do an adequate job of a Top Ten Post. This post ran on October 29th, 2018. I hope if you missed it you will enjoy it. For those who have seen this one, next week will be better. Also, I’m over at Story Empire today talking about burnout. Here is the LINK

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This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with history as a backdrop. Harvard College, the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States, is founded in Cambridge, Mass on this day in 1636.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636.

10 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not suggest a celebration with a kegger party. If you do, at best the kegger store will be closed. At worst, the administration will create a rule against keggers. (Congratulations, Fyodor. You are the first student at the college to be put on probation.)

9 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not pledge a fraternity where Tiny the WWF champ is a member. If you do, at best Tiny will flunk out before you get there. At worst, Tiny who was just criticized by the dean for necessary hazing had ordered you to bend over. (Let’s hope the dean lecture has not made Tiny even angrier, Frederick. Is that paddle as big as it looks?)

8 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not organize a demonstration protesting the dorm food. If you do, at best no one will join you. At worst, the college put you in charge of food procurement. (Looks like your fellow students are getting tired of squirrel stew, Falcon. I think I would try to raise a few vegetables if I were you.)

7 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not cut class on the first warm day. If you do, at best you can get notes from the nerd, At worst, your professor will pull a pop quiz that is 20% of the term grade. (No amount of begging is going to help, Fallon. I would go to the infirmary and see if you can con someone into an excuse.)

6 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not try to organize a football team. If you do, at best no one will know what you are talking about. At worst, you’ll find some players who are ready to play but can’t see a ball. (Looks like you will have to make one, Fraser. Try to get it a little rounder okay. That thing looks like a fat sausage.)

5 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not go outside wearing that Yale sweatshirt. If you do, at best no one will notice since Yale was founded in 1701. At worst, someone will take offense thinking Yale is an acronym for Young American Liquor Enterprise. (You have to understand the Puritan Ethic is still pretty strong, Fiorello. The time in the stocks will go fast. Think positive.)

4 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not fail to return your library book on time. If you do, at best the fine is only 1p a week. At worst, a press-gang will come looking for you. (It would have been easier to return the book, Ferril. Now you won’t get back to the College until your sea duty is over. Five years will go pretty quickly.)

3 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not try to organize the first co-ed dance. If you do, at best your fellow students will just laugh. At worst the administration will pass a rule prohibiting co-ed dancing. (Good luck finding a co-ed, Fabrice. The first sex-blind admissions were not until 1977. Oh, and you need to serve time on the dunking chair due to the rule violation. I hope those hold your breath contests come in handy.)

2  If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not park your horse in the faculty parking lot. If you do, at best no one will need the space. At worst, professor Curmudgeon will alert campus security to shoot you on sight. (Never thought taking a tenured professor’s parking place was that big of a deal, huh Faddei. Those musket balls look like they would hurt.)

1 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not buy your books ahead of time at the used bookstore. If you do, at best you might save money. At worst, the professor will change the course text with no notice. (Well, looks like your used books will make an excellent fire starter, Fadil. Better luck next term)

59 comments

  1. I hope your daughter (and her dog) are happy in their new home, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think she’ll be real happy. She has a brand new house, fenced yard in the city she loves. Thanks, Keith.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Susannah. She is delighted to have her own home. Since it is new construction everything didn’t go like clockwork but in the end it all managed to come together. It was so nice to see her so happy.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ll bet…Daddy’s little girl. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You pegged it. When she was two I convinced my wife to give her anything she asked for. She has always been a source of pride. Equestrian (1.5 meter competative jumper), student athlete, and now a manager with a top investment firm. I never had cause to regret the decesion.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. She was your very own National Velvet. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. So true. We all enjoyed the experience. Her last horse’s name was Calvin and the two of them were a team for sure. Of course, my heart was always in my throat seeing a 1500 pound animal carrying a 95 pound treasure over a five foot fence 10 times during an event. In 18 years of riding she only had one spill and that was when she was six. She could ride anything.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Coincidentally, I’m rereading Seabiscuit, by Laura Hillenbrand. Ever read it? It’s a great book. Bet your daughter has. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      7. She has. I have not. Someday.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. When I read a writer like her, I feel almost ashamed at my own feeble prose. Her descriptions that are spare yet vivid inspire and intimidate like a fruit that’s both sour and sweet. I know what a reader you are, so you’ll understand my feelings.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I do understand. There are times when I read someone’s work that is so impressive that I tear up in awe. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Maybe that’s a good thing. Who knows?

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Yeah, who knows?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    Squirrel stew?? 😂 I’m glad you reposted this, John, because I missed it the first time. Congrats to your daughter on her new home. Now it’s time for you and your lovely producer to rest, share a glass of wine, and toast to a new beginning.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We were going to do just that, Gwen. Of course we finished up so late that all we could do was grab some dinner and flop. We will catch up today I’m sure. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great re-run, John. I hope your daughter is settled nicely into her new home. Congratulations to her!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, she is so happy. Her first home is absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Jill.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That makes me happy. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Now I wonder when cutting class became a thing. Has it always existed?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know we did it in the late 50s and sixties.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I particularly like #2. Faculty parking spaces are sacrosanct. I hope your daughter is settling into her new home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup. She had a restful night.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s good to hear. I’ve always found moving very stressful.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Me too and I only did it 20 times. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think it’s been about that many for me as well.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I did go the first time, but I wore my WVU shirt. Of course, West Virginia wasn’t a state/colony. Tiny took exception to the suggestion. This time, I’m going to dress drab and stay quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thre you go. Sounds like a plan. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Nice rerun, John – hope the move went well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it did. She is there now.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Super repost, John. I for one enjoyed reading your Top Ten more than once. I hope your daughter’s move went smoothly over the weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it went swimmingly well. Thanks, Jennie. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh, those textbook switches. Some things never change. I’m glad the move went well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Linda.

      Like

  10. Those moves are always tiring. Hope everyone is settled in now and you didn’t need too much liniment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Only one wound. Wine took care of it and the aches. Thanks, Craig. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Y’all are good parents, John — glad to hear your daughter’s nicely settled in her new digs! I remember reading this before, but it’s still interesting. And I’d forgotten about #3!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Debbie. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I never read this so it’s new to me. I love these, as you know.

    One of my most exciting moments was being a guest at the Harvard Club seeing the stuffed elk? Teddy shot that hangs majestically. Love the lore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That must have been s super visit. Thanks for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I love everything Teddy, as you know, so yes, it was exciting. He also met Alice Lee at Harvard. So much lore connected with him there when you follow the trail.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Just to walk the same hall would be a thrill.

        Like

      3. Yes, it’s how I always feel. Nice that you understand. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It’s hard to make others understand why visiting the past is exciting. If you listen, you can hear its heartbeat. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Very well said, Susannah. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  13. This is such an entertaining history lesson, John. I’m so pleased that the move went smoothly,
    It’s an exciting time moving into that first home. Now its time to recover. 🍷

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Recovery is slow for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    I enjoyed seeing this list again:)
    I hope the move went well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it did. She is very happy. Thank you, Denise.

      Like

  15. My back and heart can relate having recently helped our Baby Girl and her family move to a new house ourselves.😀 I hope they settle in soon and have a happy life in their new home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always a parent’s wish. Thanks, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. All I can say is: Increase Mather. I know, a few years down the line, but still the same mindset as those who founded Harvard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Andrew.

      Like

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