“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
I have waited seven years to rerun this one. It originally ran on February 16th, 2015. I hope you enjoy it.
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Today’s list has been created to provide a little satire surrounding President’s Day. (Happy President’s Day) This is a holiday that I have had a tough time getting my mind around. Other than getting a Monday off, I haven’t been able to see the significance of it all. Yes, Lincoln and Washington each have a birthday two days apart, which may be the only reason. Of course, there have been forty-five presidents, and most have made at least half of the population angry at one time or another. Let’s just say if a President were a member of the family, their birthday would, in a probability, be forgotten. So I’m making the supposition President’s Day is an invention of mattress and car companies for an excuse to have a sale. Here is a tongue-in-cheek top ten things not to do on President’s Day.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on President’s Day
10 On President’s Day, do not go to Wal-Mart and buy a giant Happy Presidents Day blow-up lawn thingy. If you do, at best, your neighbors will think you have a screw loose. At worst, a stiff wind will grab the lawn thingy and drag it and the tie-down through your neighbor’s front window. (There is no way to call upon the spirit of President’s Day for forgiveness).
9 On Presidents Day, do not plan to receive lots of President’s Day gifts. If you do, at best, you will sit under the cherry tree a very disappointed person. At worst, all the presents you bought expecting a significant gift exchange will all come due. (Just as your credit card company has a new policy on minimum payments required).
8 On President’s Day, do not try to organize a President’s Day office party. If you do, at best, your co-workers will request a transfer. At worst, the HR department will invite you to participate in the employee mental health improvement program. (Which will include three days in group therapy and an hour in ice and electric shock treatments).
7 On President’s Day, do not ask your neighbors to donate to a fund for the less fortunate. If you do, at best, you will never have to speak to them again. At worst, the local police will have you in for questioning. (It looks like one reported the potential for your request for donations to be taken as a scam).
6 On President’s Day, do not try to sing President’s Day carols in your neighborhood. If you do, at best, there will be several slammed doors and no invitations for hot cocoa. At worst, your neighbors might band together to organize an intervention. (And a free ride bound and gagged to the nearest institution).
5 On President’s Day, do not expect a bonus from your boss. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed. At worst, the money you spent in anticipation of your President’s Day bonus will need to be covered before the card company sends a collection notice. (The last time, the statement was delivered by a huge guy with a broken nose.)
4 On President’s Day, do not organize a picnic at the park to celebrate. If you do, at best, no one will show up. At worst, you will be shoveling three feet of snow just to find the barbecue grill. (Don’t even mention the crimp in the volleyball game).
3 On President’s Day, do not shoot off fireworks. If you do, at best, you will be the only one doing so, and your neighbors will know where to send the police. At worst, your massive fireworks display will ignite the neighbor’s roof, and since it is thirty degrees below zero, the fire department won’t be able to pump water. (To make matters worse, the neighbor is heading over to your house with what looks like a ball bat in his hand).
2 On President’s Day, do not sit in front of the TV thinking there will be a football game to watch. If you do, at best, your family will seek council from the local clergy. At worst, your friends will all come over and start eating your snacks and drinking your beer while betting on how long it will be until the ambulance shows up. (You might want to get in on the bet since the pot is at one hundred dollars).
1 On president’s Day, do not send Happy President’s Day cards to all your friends, family, and co-workers. If you do, at best, they will not know what to do or say. At worst, next year, they will all send you a Happy President’s Day card since you sent one last year. (This will cause you to check each off your list and only send a card the following year to those who sent you one).
Today, we will go to the park and check on the Friends of the Parks. They have a clean-up day (Although it was last week, we’ll pretend it is today), and we need to check it out. After observing hard work, we have a brunch catered by Moonshine in Austin. The entertainment today will be Chicago.
Menu
FULL MOON PLATTER two eggs any style, choice of (bacon, ham or sausage links), home fries, toast
SMOKED SALMON & JOHNNY CAKES poached eggs, dilled hollandaise, pickled red onion, home fries
PULLED PORK & JOHNNY CAKES poached eggs, green chile salsa, home fries
“Whatever,” I say out loud. The thought that the box is still in the driveway makes me want to go back to bed. But unfortunately, the call of the caffeine god turns me in the direction of the kitchen. As the cup finishes brewing, plans begin to form regarding what to do with that box. The appearance of Wile E. Coyote last week did nothing to aid in its removal. For all I know, the Canis latrans has moved into the box, is my troubling thought.
Taking a sip of the hot steaming stuff as I move toward the front door gives me the courage to open it. Stepping out onto the drive and close to the box, I gently rap on its side. Cocking my head to pick up even the slightest sound, I rap again. The wind in the trees seem to mock my apprehension, for it was the only audio detected.
A tap on my butt causes my natural instincts to kick in involuntarily. I can not explain how I got onto the top of the box and am now looking down at a smiling Wile E. Coyote. My coffee is mysteriously still in the cup clutched in my right hand. My mind drifts from concern about Wile and the box to wondering about the fact that the coffee remains intact.
I am brought back to reality when Wile asks if I would open the box. “Open the box?” I say. Wile explains that there is a latch on top and all I had to do was flip it open. I see the latch and flip it. The sides of the box fold out, and the top, including me, falls to the ground. The five-foot fall does nothing for my mood, nor does the fact that I am looking at a transparent ball just slightly smaller than the box. On the side of the ball is a stenciled logo that reads, “ACME Runner Ball. Be Ten Times Faster.”
Wilie gives me a thumbs up and opens a small door on the side of the ball. He climbs in just as that honking and screeching sound reaches my ears from behind. Turning around, I’m treated by another road runner visit and another note in its beak. I take the message, and the roadrunner runs off. Wilie starts running inside the ball and quickly catches up to the roadrunner. They both disappear around the corner, and I’m left with a note and a wooden box. The box will have to be chopped up. The message said the following Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “whatever.” Use the word “whatever” any way you’d like. Bonus points if you start your post with it. Have fun! If you want to have fun, go to Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2022/02/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-19-2022/
Today’s good news is a little different. It is all about poetry. It is not just about poems but a unique way to deliver poems. It is called Telepoem.
These are refurbished phone booths that when visited and a number is dialed, the caller can listen to a selection from over 1000 poems. You don’t need a quarter either.
– Vintage phone booths and kiosks with 1000+ verses in the poetry directory allow you to dial-a-poem on a rotary or push-button phone.
– A multi-sensory community gift: visual, haptic and aural, multi-genre and multi-media. ADA accommodations provide poetry for all users of all physical abilities.
-Poetry, art, and music pieces, that engage participation and feature community poets. Performance vehicle for voices of many kinds. Co-created with the community.
Current Installations:
Telepoem Booth® Iowa
in the Millwork District covered walkway connecting East 10th and East 11th streets, Dubuque, IA
Telepoem Booth® Santa Fe Genoveva Chavez Community Center 3221 Rodeo Road, Santa Fe, NM
Telepoem Booth® NMHU
Burris Hall, National Ave., New Mexico Highlands University
Las Vegas, NM
Telepoem Booth® State College
The Maker, 209 W. Calder WayState College, PA
So the good news is there is poetry is available in refurbished cast-off phonebooths. Even better news would be a poem booth on every corner. Today’s JohnKu talks about joy. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
Since today is Valentine’s Day (Happy Day to all), I thought you would enjoy a post from February 2015. I hope you enjoy the list.
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Since most of America goes bonkers to create the perfect Valentine experience, I thought it would be a good idea to list some things that just might cause the Day to backfire. One thing to keep in mind, Valentine’s Day does not in itself become the measure of the value of a relationship. However, mess it up, and there will be a substantial discount on the relationship’s value for the foreseeable future. So here is the list. I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on Valentine’s Day
10 On Valentine’s Day, do not accept the phrase “We love each other and don’t have to show it on an obvious Hallmark holiday” as the truth. If you do, at best, you might be able to work your way back into good graces in due time (like at Christmas). At worst, your loved one will present you with the most touching card and gift, which will immediately cause your scalp to sweat and the urge to run off a nearby cliff that can’t be covered with a last-minute run to Wal-Mart. (The only cards left at this hour are the big lace-lined mushy verses to grandma, and who wants to be a valentine with grandma? Well, maybe grandpa.)
9 On Valentine’s Day, do not plan an expensive dinner out as your gift. If you do, at best, you will be seated next to the restroom after a two-hour wait. At worst, the waiter will announce the regular menu has been replaced with the $300.00 per couple Prix fix tasting menu, which has everything you and your partner would call Terminex to come to get. (Don’t forget the ten flights of wine which only someone in trouble with alcohol could finish)
8 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy a gift even remotely related to sex. If you do, at best, you may be using the gift yourself. At worst, you will be broadcasting a desire that may not be mutually felt, and your partner may feel uncomfortable and pressured to engage in some activity. (This will probably end up badly, not to mention an intervention by the local community police)
7 On valentine’s Day, do not think it is the thought that matters. If you do, at best, you will only survive the following year with the belief that you will part with a little more cash on a better gift. At worst, you will be forced to endure the sympathies of your partner’s friends as expressed on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. (Also, the notoriety that comes from the YouTube video of your paltry gift, which goes viral with over a million views, is all yours)
6 On Valentine’s Day, do not make anything by hand that you hope to pass off as a sentimental offering. If you do, at best, be prepared to see your item on eBay priced way below the cost of materials. At worst, the item you handcrafted for the occasion will more than likely be the item you uncover in a remote part of the garage two years from now. (You notice the price on a tag of $1.50 which has been marked down from $25.00 from several previous garage sales)
5 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy chocolate-covered strawberries from a street vendor. If you do, at best, your valentine will eat off the chocolate and not touch the strawberry. At worst, your valentine will wolf down the whole thing only to discover later in the ER after a healthy dose of Ipecac the claim by the street vendor of 98% salmonella-free fruit was way overstated. (Another romantic ceramic microphone moment)
4 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy a dozen red roses from the guy alongside the highway. If you do, at best, you will make it home before the rosebuds fall off. At worst, the roses will come packed with several kinds of insects, including bed bugs from the local no-tell motel, and, unfortunately, your partner has a rare and severe allergy to Japanese beetles who just have formed an independent state in the rose bouquet. (The embassy should be informed to come to get them)
3 On Valentine’s Day, do not think the chocolates you froze from the last Costco truffle sale will not show signs of wear. If you do, at best, the freezer burn will give you away, and you will be forced to buy some See’s chocolate quickly at the mall. At worst, the truffles will somehow fall apart. You will need to invent a story on how the greenhouse effect has contributed to the instability of the typical chocolate truffle, which your partner will try to verify by making an inquiry on Google. (Sadly, the results rendered your story a complete fabrication)
2 On Valentine’s Day, do not think the commercial cards say precisely what you want to say. If you do, at best, you will settle on something that causes both of you to scream “AWKWARD” after the poem is read aloud. At worst, you failed to read the whole message and find at the end a slight reference to being “good friends,” which will spiral your partner into a troubled space. (Only a qualified therapist will be able to talk them down)
1 On Valentine’s Day, do not think ignoring the Day will eliminate responsibility. If you do, at best, you might be forced into a year of make-up favors. At worst, the brother of your partner left word he wants to talk to you. (You know the one who served with the Navy Seals on three tours in Afghanistan)
Every year the Lakeway Department of Parks and Recreation conducts a storybook walk. This year it was in honor of Valentine’s Day. Here’s our invitation.
Also, in honor of Valentine’s Day, we have a unique Valentine’s dinner catered by Roosevelt’s in Port Aransas. Our entertainment is Chris Botti and Sting.
Here is the menu.
So get on the bus.
Today’s book walk is with Todd Parr’s The I Love You Book. Since the book is so long, I will be showing only a few pages. After dinner, you can walk around and view the rest.
I love you when you are silly.
I love you when you hide my keys.
I love you when you are stinky.
I love you when you are squeaky clean.
I love you when we stroll.
I love you when you are shy.
I love you when you share.
But most of all.
Just the way you are.
I hope you enjoyed the book walk and wish you a great week. Have some food and listen to Chris Botti and Sting.
The alarm came from somewhere far away and entered my consciousness like a bolt from a crossbow. I’m trying hard to turn it off before another bolt out of the blue finds its mark. Silence is golden, and the only sound now is the cracking of my knees as I make motions to begin the day.
Getting to the coffee reminded me of someone crossing the arctic ice in their bare feet. It’s hell to get old, is the thought of the morning. But, the aroma of the brewing cup brought a new thought, it’s great to be alive.
A few sips and the memory bell rang its Westminster chime. The tune accompanied a lyric, ‘Is the box still on the driveway from last week?’ Rushing to the front door for a look, I was crestfallen. (I still don’t know where my crest is) To help my dubious fortune, the box is still there. Now, you may wonder why it took a week to discover the status of the box? You see, in the age of COVID, I have become a virus recluse. “No use going to the front of the house if I’m not going anywhere” is my motto.
I carefully opened the door and walked out to the box. To give you an idea of its size, it was a perfect cube that came up to my shoulder. So that makes it about five feet cubed. While I was looking for clues on who I could call to get rid of it, I felt a tap on my backside. Turning around, I came face to face with a coyote. One that was standing on his hind legs and holding out a card. I took the card and glanced at it. ‘Wile E. Coyote Esq.’ was the only thing printed on it. The card was embossed and had a high cotton content level, but I digress.
“Pleased to meet you,” I said. “When are you going to take possession of this box?”
He looked at me. I looked at him. He made a rotation gesture with his hand. I didn’t catch his meaning until he pointed at the card. I flipped it over, and on the back was written. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “fortune.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
If you want to ‘enjoy,’ visit Linda’s post and read how easy it is. Here is the link.
