“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
Here is a post from January 19th, 2015. Clearly,. I was in the Walter Mitty mood that day. I hope you enjoy it.
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Mondays creep up on me sometimes. I guess I should remember how quickly the weekend goes and not be surprised. Needing to do another Top Ten list got me thinking about time and being under the gun, so to speak. So I decided to use this situation to inspire this week’s list.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Are Short on Time.
10 If you are short on time, do not stop to talk to sweet old Mrs. Beagly while she walks her dog. If you do, at best, the latest tale will have you captive until you are late. At worst, Mrs. Beagly will sense you are trying to avoid a long chat, and in doing so, she will believe she has cause to stick those pins she has been soaking in bat guano in that doll that has a lock of your hair on its otherwise bald little head. (That pain in your arm may be more than muscle strain)
9 If you are short on time, do not begin mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the neighbor who has fallen and can’t get up. If you do, at best, you will hurry the process, and the neighbor will be able to tell you don’t have your heart in it. At worst, despite hurrying the process, you have yet to get a sign of life, and because you are late and not that it matters anyway, you call the time of death about three minutes too early. (Maybe leave an apology note for the EMTs)
8 If you are short of time, do not begin surgery on a brain. If you do, a best, you may forget something in your haste to finish. (You know, like reconnecting the pleasure center) At worst, you will totally run out of time, and unfortunately, once you start, there is no good way to pack everything up and plan on finishing tomorrow. (So your foursome will just have to find another player.
7 If you are short of time, do not begin building that rocket to Mars. If you do, at best, you might finish with several nuts and bolts leftover, and the answer for this phenomenon is not “they packed extras.” At worst, you may rush through the job and actually finish only to see your beautiful rocket light up the night sky over Disneyland just in time for the Main Street Parade finale. (Who would have thought one rocket would produce a ten-minute fireworks show?)
6 If you are short of time, do not take flying lessons. If you do, at best, you will know only half of what you need when the propeller on your airplane decides to visit a local cornfield. At worst, you will have rushed through so many of the classes. While dealing with things like fuel starvation, magneto malfunction, preflight check, and navigation on your cross-country flight, you might lose track of your position. It’s not a good thing to be intercepted by two F18s flown by two very unhappy-looking pilots who signal you to follow them. (Straying into restricted space over the White House is a no-no)
5 If you are short of time, do not attempt to prepare an elaborate dinner for your boss and her husband. If you do, at best, they might overlook the rare chicken and concentrate on the bone-in potatoes. At worst, you will give your boss a bad case of salmonella from undercooked food, and although you try to deny it, everyone will assume you did it on purpose so you could have the position. (The fact that you got it underscores the rumors)
4 If you are short of time, do not start a mechanical fix on the family car. If you do, at best, you may not have time to put the car back together again in time for work tomorrow. At worst, you hurriedly fix the vehicle, and while commuting to work, you take notice of the tire passing you on the right, followed by a loud screech and sparks from the hub hitting the road. This is only the beginning since the tire went on and found its way into the front seat after passing through the windshield of the police car in the oncoming lane. ( I think the charge is going to be assault with a deadly tire)
3 If you are short of time, do not offer to help with the kid’s homework. If you do, at best, you will not finish, and the child will get an incomplete the next day. At worst, you will do the best you can in the time allowed and will be more than mortified at the failing grade your child received. A note is attached to the homework reminding parents children to do their own work. (Further insult is a P.S. that the teacher would like you to come in and discuss the issue)
2 If you are short of time, do not offer to help coach your child’s soccer team. If you do, at best, the parents will forgive a couple of your absences. At worst, the parents will blame you for the losing season, and the stigma will stick with you and your child until the child graduates from high school. (for their own good better enroll at a college in Spain)
1 If you are short of time, do not offer to watch someone else’s kids for just a moment. If you do, at best, the other parent will only be a few minutes late, and there will be no harm done. At worst, the other parent will arrive way past when you were to be at your meeting for the bid parameters on a building. The explanation will range from a “to die for” sale at Niemen’s to “I just lost track of time.” The net result is you have been excluded from the bidding on the new project whose scope has changed from one building to a whole shopping center. (So what’s a few million among friends?)
We are heading to the Justice Center in Lakeway to witness a give-a-way conducted there. As most of you know, Texas was hard hit last February with freezing temperatures which caused power loss and dangerous conditions. The Young Men’s Service League, which is made up of Lake Travis High School (in Lakeway) students, collected items to be given away to help folks prepare for these conditions should such an event happen again. We want to see this in action. We are being catered by El Naranjo of Austin. Our entertainment is James Taylor.
Menu
LOS HUEVOS
HUEVOS BENEDICTOS
OUR VERSION OF EGGS BENEDICTS; TWO LARGE POACHED EGGS OVER A CORN AND CHEESE GORDITA, CURED DRY COPPA, AND CHILE DE ARBOL INFUSED HOLLANDAISE SAUCE BUILT OVER A DISH OF SAUTÉED POTATOES AND ONION
OMELETTE
THREE EGGS OMELETTE WITH OAXACA CHEESE SERVED WITH REFRIED BLACK BEANS, AVOCADO, SALSA VERDE, AND HOUSE-BAKED FRESH BREAD
ADD: MUSHROOMS, HUITLACOCHE, AND/OR CHORIZO
RANCHEROS
TWO FRIED EGGS OVER A CORN TORTILLA COVERED WITH YOUR CHOICE OF: SALSA RANCHERA, GREEN SALSA, OR DIVORCIADOS (RANCHERA AND GREEN SALSA) SERVED WITH REFRIED BLACK BEANS AND HOUSE-BAKED FRESH BREAD
AL GUSTO
TWO EGGS ANY STYLE SERVED WITH REFRIED BLACK BEANS AND HOUSE-BAKED FRESH BREAD
Drinks of all kinds as well
So we are ready. Let’s go.
We have arrived at the Justice Center.
Hmmm. Lines of cars ahead of us.
Here is a broad view of the items.
Buckets, of course.
Blankets to stay warm. Don’t be taking more than one.
Flashlights, Batteries, and portable chargers
First aid kits, latex gloves, and hand sanitizer.
Hats, winter gloves, matches, water, paper towels, and of course, toilet paper.
Need to ask for a space heater and firewood.
There is a packet from FEMA on how to prepare for the unexpected.
Here is a list of those who donated products, time, or money. It was a heartwarming community event.
Now is time for some brunch and music. I hope you have a great week.
The day wakes like any other. Its dark curtain slowly rises to reveal hazy images of deer and trees. The cement driveway reflects the glow of the yard lamp. The effect is converting an ordinary grey slab to the appearance of polished granite. It is a rainy day.
Always welcome but at the same time disappointing the rain has come. The immaculate car of yesterday will become the spattered mess of tomorrow. The clear, undistorted windows will be rain marked, denigrating the views to impressions.
A sigh and a cup of coffee will perhaps change the attitude to a more positive view of a rainy day. As the brewer was working its magic, a sound not unlike a trumpet ran through the walls of the house. Not waiting for the coffee, I hurried to the front door. Checking my Ring image on my phone caused a lurch in surprise. A man on a horse was on the driveway looking very much like Teddy Roosevelt. The horse was snorting and seemed in a bit of a hurry. The man kept shouting for me to open the door.
Mrs. Howell didn’t raise an idiot, so I called out through the doorbell. I demanded to know the nature of the business of someone on a horse waving a bugle. He wasted no time explaining he had a dispatch from Linda Hill that was of the utmost urgency.
My response was to yell, “Leave it on the porch.” He clenched his jaw and showed a magnificent set of teeth while telling me a signature was required. I gave in and opened the door. The poor guy was wet to the skin. He handed me a clipboard and told me where to sign. He then gave me a leather pouch. The horse reared while looking at it, and when I looked up, they were both gone.
Inside the pouch were two things. The first was a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, and the second was a message from Linda.
The message read. Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “a rainy day.” Write about the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the phrase “a rainy day.” Enjoy!
If you would like to enjoy, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here’s the link.
Video grab of the moment Lewiston Police Department officer Jonathan Smith jumped into a frozen lake to save a dog near Lewiston, New York, USA.
Here is a good news story from the Good News Network about a police officer saving a dog’s life without considering his own danger. The story is replicated in its entirety.
Officer Jonathan Smith, 30, was called to Bond Lake near Lewiston, New York, after receiving reports of a Labrador falling in about 50 yards from the shore.
In this heart-in-mouth footage captured by a fellow officer’s bodycam, the brave cop throws off some equipment before dashing out onto the ice without any caution for his own safety.
The owner walked the 10-month-old pup around the lake on January 5 when Kona spotted a distant flock of geese landing on the water and bolted towards them.
Horrified, Kona’s owner watched as the dog fell into the freezing water at the edge of the ice.
In an email to Lewiston Police Department, the owner wrote: “Although she is a strong swimmer, there was zero chance of her getting back out onto the ice, and she began to panic and tire quickly.”
Frantically they called 911, and 15 minutes later, Officer Smith and two other officers from the Police Department arrived.
Without hesitation or rescue equipment, the officer removed his vest and gun belt and hustled over the ice towards an exhausted Kona.
When he got close enough to her, Officer Smith grabbed the 75-lb. pooch and pulled her from the water, so she was able to run back over the ice to her owner.
“Kona and I and everybody that loves her are extremely grateful for his selflessness and courage,” the owner wrote. “His professionalism and bravery should be applauded.”
“I have witnessed countless acts of selfless heroism. Officer Jon Smith’s actions rank high in my book.”
Officer Smith was also honored recently for pulling a woman from a burning building in November and has been working at Lewiston Police Department since July 2020.
WATCH the outstanding rescue below…
The good news here is officer Smith knows what ‘To Protect and Serve’ means. Today’s John Ku talks about good people. I hope you enjoy the weekend.
In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.combefore 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
The photo.
Now What? By John W. Howell
“Looks like he’s out.”
“Amazing. We were just talking about him and out he went.”
“You have to understand. He is a highly-strung dog and sometimes he just needs his rest.”
“Well, what about you? Maybe we can continue the interview while he naps.”
“Up to you.”
“You could give us some background on his life.”
“Like what?”
“Where was he born and the like.”
“That I don’t know. We found him at the side of the road.”
“Ah. A rescue.”
“Not exactly.”
“What then?”
“He was hitchhiking. We stopped and asked him if he needed a ride. He jumped in the car and that was it.”
“Extraordinary story. So he’s been with you ever since.”
“Yes. We got a call from his previous owner who wanted to visit him.”
“Really. That’s odd.”
“I’m not surprised that his previous owner wanted to contact him.”
“He’s that good?”
“I’m not sure that’s it.”
“What is it then?”
“Once he takes up residence, good things happen.”
“Like what?”
“Like that Lotto win, you are here to talk about.”
“That was some win. Where did you get the ticket?”
“I really have no idea.”
“You having memory problems.”
“No. The dog bought the ticket.”
“W-what? “Is the legal?”
“Don’t see why not. He’s over twenty-one in dog years and as far as I know, the Lotto rules don’t forbid ticket sales to dogs. When he wakes I’ll let him tell you the particulars.”
“You are saying he can talk?”
“Seven languages.”
“Anything else?”
“He’s a licensed financial advisor. I’m going to need his help.”
This post was published on January 12, 2015. I think it still has merit. A little warning. If you plan to reblog this without reading it, be careful. This is a humorous look at Amazon reviews and not intended as an instructional piece. (Whew, glad I got that off my chest.) I hope you enjoy this one.
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This week’s list was inspired by reading some Amazon reviews recently. As writers, we always think of Amazon reviews in terms of books. There is a whole other world out there, so this includes different categories as well as books. I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to do When Writing an Amazon Review
10 When writing an Amazon review, do not think you need to use words no one understands. If you do, at best, your review will remain unread and a waste of your time. At worst, you will garner several WTF comments and will be notorious for your high-handed and unnecessary use of the language. ( You, sir, are no William F. Buckley)
9 When writing an Amazon review, do not review a product or book you haven’t tried or read. If you do, at best, your review will look like the others you copied and will be ignored. At worse, you might be forced to analyze what it is inside of you that compels you to seek to be noticed through such a platform as Amazon reviews. (Why not start a blog?)
8 When writing an Amazon review, do not think you need to win the word count championship for your review. If you do, at best, the length will cause readers to fall asleep. At worst, you will become ‘that reviewer’ who everyone scrolls through and will be so noted in the comments section (Does the term ‘Windy’ mean anything to you.)
7 When writing an Amazon review, do not think you can attack the quality of the product without cause. If you do, at best, those who disagree will make their thoughts known, and those thoughts will follow you everywhere. At worst, you may touch a nerve of a very dedicated fan base who will be committed to eliminating your ability to post other egregious reviews through official and unofficial means. ( you do not want to know the unofficial)
6 When writing an Amazon review, do not think you have to describe every detail of the technical function of the product. If you do, at best, you will convince everyone they do not have the skill to operate the product. At worst, you will label yourself as a technical geek who should only be listened to when it comes time to buy a rocket to Mars. ( Your fellow geeks will love you, though)
5 When writing an Amazon review, do not include instructions on remedying a problem with the product. If you do, at best, the reader will avoid the product like the plague. At worst, you will have other purchasers begging you to help them with their problems and will assume you are part of the company’s customer service department. (Things will get ugly fast if you don’t support them)
4 When writing an Amazon review, do not use the words or expressions: #BOOM, hubris, über, fantastic, amazing, surreal, surprising, or the like. If you do, at best, you will join the rest of the world in the lack of originality. At worst, you will be using words that do not describe anything and will lose all credibility as someone who should be taken as a serious opinion leader. (Does Hashtag loser ring a bell?)
3 When writing an Amazon review, do not pick any sex toys as the target of your insights. If you do, at best, there is no way to write a review that will mean the same to another user. At worst, you might find yourself in an area where you will have to expose all your weirdness to the buying public. (You might be surprised when a copy of your review is sitting on the counter in the break room)
2 When writing an Amazon review, do not think you must save the world from having a bad experience. If you do, at best, your negative review will be the exception, and your review credibility will be gone. At worst, you will demonstrate a vindictive personality which will be used as a benchmark on how effective readers believe your reviews are in the future. (Your lousy experience might be a singular event which will be evident when the judge finds for the plaintiff in your lawsuit)
1 When writing an Amazon review, do not think your review will not be read by anyone, so you need not take care of its construction. If you do, at best, all the typos and inaccurate statements will make you appear the fool. At worst, this review may show up in social media as one that, by its very sloppiness, needs to be mocked to the fullest. (Thinking you are anonymous won’t help when a copy of the review is circulated in the company e-mail with the headline, “Look What our Crack PR Department Does in its Spare Time.”)
Welcome to part two of the Time scavenger hunt. It is only fitting in the new year that we give time it’s due. So we will be looking for clocks number six through ten. If you missed one through five last week, go HERE. Today we are catered by Bangers Smokehouse of Austin. Our entertainment is Pink singing Time After Time.
Menu
Texas Peach Cinnamon Bun –
Layered with w/butter, cinnamon, brown sugar & house-made peach preserves. Served hot & topped w/ a cream cheese frosting.
House-cured salmon served w/ a house-made everything bagel, hard-boiled egg, cream cheese, capers, red onions, tomatoes, black pepper & sea salt.
The Corned Beef Hash Sausage Sandwich –
House-cured 6 day corned beef ground w/ potatoes. Stuffed it into a beef middle & smoked for 8 hours. Sliced, seared & put on a Martin’s potato roll. Topped w/ an egg, American cheese, sauerkraut & Russian dressing. Served w/ a side of spicy shoestring potatoes.
Sweet Potato Happy Hash –
Sweet potatoes, onions, hatch chilies & chorizo. Served w/ farm two eggs & a bacon smile.
Banger’s Bennie –
English muffin topped w/ braised pork belly, poached eggs, hollandaise sauce & spicy shoestring potatoes. Vegetarian upon request.
A proper Texas-sized breakfast! Four pancakes, two seasonal breakfast sausage links, two eggs, shoestring potatoes & a side of real maple syrup.
Smokehouse Fries w/ An Egg –
Salt & Pepper fries, smothered in cheddar, hand-pulled cheese curds & topped w/ a rotating cast of our smokehouse meats. Served w/ ranch & house barbecue sauce. And since it’s Sunday, and since we like the cut of your jib, we’ll throw a farm-raised free-range duck egg on top for you. How’s that sound?
And as always, anything on the planet that you want to drink.
There’s the bus. Let’s go.
Our first stop is a path next to the lake. I see a green trash bin up ahead.
I knew it. Clock number six.
Still, on the path by the lake, I spy a grove of trees. That is always a good place to hide something.
Sure enough. Number seven.
See that picnic bench a ways off? I’ll bet there’s one located there.
I must be clairvoyant. Number eight.
A playground is a good location.
Yup. it paid off.
There is a parking lot up ahead.
The location for this poor thing.
I hope you enjoyed the hunt and now here is Pink. Enjoy the song and the food. I hope you have a great week.
In the month of December there were holidays on Saturday. Now that the holidays are about over, it is time to pay attention to the Stream of Consciousness prompt hosted by Linda Hill. In fact, I was sitting on the back porch drinking coffee when it occurred to me that I had not seen any envelopes or boxes either from the sky or on land. The hole in the backyard from the embedded chest is finally fixed, so anything falling would not be appreciated.
Thinking no deliveries a bit odd for a Saturday, I decided to go to the front of the house in the chance something had been dropped off. It’s doubtful that it would happen without Twiggy’s alarm being tripped, but it never hurts to check. Walking out the front door a large van was blocking the driveway. Walking up to it there was a small logo just below the cab window. It took a minute but getting closer it turned out to be this.
Going around to the driver’s side I knocked on the window. There was a bit of commotion inside the van but eventually the window slowly sunk into the door. A boxing glove on the end of what looked like one of those things old folk use to pick up stuff came out at great speed. Ducking away from the blow I was able to grab the note stuck to the glove. Here is what it said.
Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “In the.” Start your post with the words “In the” – that’s the prompt! Enjoy!
As I finished reading the note a huge anvil from above buried itself in the street right behind me.
