Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

 

Twiggy and Lucy
“This grass smells good.”
“Don’t you miss the snow, Little One?”
“It’s 70 degrees and Hump Day. I don’t miss it at all.”

It is Wednesday Storytime again, and last week, we were there when the tech felt he could get a court order and intercept calls that were being made from Stennis, the lawyer, to phones which had numbers that had been previously assigned to three dead undertakers. (you still with me?) The reason the numbers needed to be live is Stennis was involved in some kind of deal that the other side wanted him to believe they were real people with identities. (You still with me?). So Stennis has made calls to the numbers, and we will be able to find out what was discussed. The tech said it would take about a week, and the week is up. Oh, look, he is coming back into Pricilla’s office. Let’s not miss a thing he says.”

 

“Ah, Agent Moore. You are back with the information, I hope.”

“Yes, Agent Thomas, I am. Afternoon detectives.”

“Good afternoon.”

“Okay, so what have you found out?”
“No big surprise on the fact that the three phones had different conversations.”

“Okay, so what were they?”

“Well, I’ll call them to phone one, two, and three.”

“So far, I’m following you.”

“Phone one carries the most conversation. Phones two and three were just verification calls as I had previously believed.”

“So tell me about phone one.”

“really interesting. It appears Mr. Stennis is actually working for Cortez’speople.”

“How do you know that?”

“One of the conversations was about his fee.”

“His fee? Like he was hired by them.”

“Exactly. I must say his fee is pretty high too.”

“Can I butt in here?”

“Certainly, Mr. Dunfee. What is it?”

“I know we think this is a Cortez-run operation. Is there any proof he’s involved in any of these conversations?”

“I think so.”

“Hold on, agent Moore. What do you mean I think so?”

“Well, Agent Thomas on the call, Cortez’s name was not mentioned, but they kept referring to Mr. C. That has to be him.”

“No direct evidence, though.”

“No direct evidence.”

“So that means we still need Lazar.”

“I’m just a tech, ma’am. I wouldn’t know.”

“I was speaking out loud, Agent Moore. I don’t expect you to know.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Anything said about anyone else?”

“Stennis did mention the local DA.”

“In what context?”

“He asked if there would be any legal problems with Spenser Taggett. I looked him up, and he’s the city attorney.”

“He mentioned him by name.”

“Oh, yes, he did.”

“So what are these people up to?”

“It looks like they are going to exchange Lazar’s daughter for Lazar.”

“Any reasons were given?”

“Other than keeping him quiet. None.”

“Okay, so everything we guessed would happen is going to happen. We need to formulate a plan.”

“One more thing.”

“Yes, Agent Moore.”

“Your name came up.”

“And what was said?”

“Not so much what was said but the context in which it was said.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Well, Stennis asked about what is going to be done about the investigation that you are conducting.”

“And?”

“He was told you would be taken care of.”

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 300

This is the 300th post that Keith Channing has created as a prompt. I joined his prompts after the 36th. So this means I have been enjoying and participating in Keith’s prompts since August 4th, 2015. Boy, time flies when you are having fun. Congratulations Keith on a fine job.

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo,

Kreative Kue #300

Westward Ho by John W. Howell

“Amos. Come here and look at this.”

“What is it.”

“There is someone out in the south pasture on a lawn tractor.”

“I told you to make sure that gate was locked.”

“Never mind that. What is she doing there.”

“From my view, she’s mowing the hay.”

“We don’t want that do we?”

“I’ve thought it’s about time. I was just looking over the baler yesterday.”

“But she is cutting the hay, and look how it is blowing out in little pieces.”

“I think you’re right. That’s not the kind of thing we want. Hey, you on the tractor. in the pasture.”

“Me.”

“Are you on a tractor?”

“I think so.”

“Are you the only one in the pasture?”

“Besides you?”

“Yes.”

“I guess so.”

“So what are you doing here.”

“Heading West.”

“Heading West? On a lawnmower?”

“It’s the only vehicle I have.”

“But you are making a mess of my pasture.”

“I thought you would appreciate getting it cut.”

“The pieces are so small I won’t be able to pick them up.”

“Oh, I never thought of that.”

“You from around here.”

“No. I’m from New York.”

“New York City?”

“Yes.”

“And you came all the way to Iowa from there?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I have to give it to you. I couldn’t imagine doing that myself.”

“You want me to finish the mowing?”

“Maybe you need a break. What’s your name?”

“Jenny. Jenny Deere.”

“You wouldn’t be related to-”

“John Deere? Yup, he’s my dad.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Margarita Day (Which is Today)

Unsplash Image – Jack Bender

 

It is National Margarita Day today, and I would be remiss in allowing that kind of day to pass without providing some helpful advice. The top ten list won’t help prevent a time continuum disruption, but it might keep you out of jail.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Margarita Day © 2021

10 On Margarita Day, do not begin the celebrations with breakfast. If you do, at best, you are still working at home and have no meetings. At worst, by ten o’clock, it is clear on your Zoom calls that something is amiss. (Your boss keeps asking you to be quiet, Mar. Might be a tip-off that the old tequila friendship is about to go south.)

9 On Margarita Day, do not stand between Tiny, the WWF champ, and his first margarita. If you, at best, he will go around you. At worst, he’ll think of you as a strip of asphalt. (When you get up off the floor, Marceau, do yourself a favor and go sit in the corner. Tiny has skipped several of his anger management classes, and he looks like he is one margarita over the line.)

8 On Margarita Day, do not ask for a virgin margarita.  If you do, at best, the bartender will think you are kidding. At worst, the server will give you what is thought to be the right drink. (After your lips unpucker, Marcellin, and your hair returns to its normal flat on your head position, you will realize you were given a glass of pure lime juice. The thought was you were deficient in vitamin c.)

7 On Margarita Day, do not forget to tip the mariachi band. If you do, at best, they will play across the room. At worse, they will keep playing next to you until you cough up a tip. (You see, Marcely, this is how they make their living. If you don’t tip, they won’t get paid. No, a quarter is not enough.)

6 On Margarita Day, do not think you have to eat one taco for every margarita. If you do, at best, you’ll only have two. At worst, you managed to eat six tacos and drink six margaritas. (You don’t have much to worry about, Mardel. In a few minutes, your taco’s and Margarita’s will be joining each other in what is called a technicolor yawn.)

5 On Margarita Day, do not challenge everyone to guess which plant tequila comes from. If you do, at best, the room is too noisy for anyone to hear you. At worst, everyone knows it is the blue agave. (Don’t look now, Mardon, but people are starting to move away from you. Try not to go to your next quiz on agave nectar.

4 On Margarita Day, do not challenge everyone to a tequila shooter contest. If you do, at best, you will be ignored. At worst, someone will take you up on it. (Just your luck, Mariam, you have challenged the only guy in the room who has an immunity to the effects of alcohol. I see you are starting to drool and calling for the tender bar. It might be time to capitulate while you are still conscious.)

3 On Margarita Day, do not bother the bartender with your recipe for the perfect margarita. If you do, at best, they may be too busy to listen. At worst, they have been instructed to make the margaritas according to the house formula. (I can see they are getting a little irritated with you, Marino. If those daggers coming from the eyes are an indication of displeasure, just take the margarita as offered and go away.)

2 On Margarita Day, do not go into the health risks of salt on the rim. If you do, at best, the bartender will not be listening. At worst, the bartender is a very busy person right now. (They want to know with or without salt, Marji. Any other information is likely to earn you the status of cut-off.)

1 On Margarita Day, do not even think of having a good time with your margaritas and then getting behind the wheel. If you do, at best, someone will stop you. At worst is not something any of us want to think about. (Get out of that car, Marland before someone gets hurt. Let me call you a cab, and don’t say, “Okay, I’m a cab.”)

Views of the Neighborhood – After the Storm

It is in the 50s, and the snow is almost gone. Today’s tour of the neighborhood will be a mixture of some sad things and some to make you smile. We will take the bus even though it is a short ride.

Of course, we need to take food, but since most food stores have minimal supply, we will be forced to make do with what we could find. For an appetizer, we have some Cheetos that are only a day past expiration. The main course will be a choice of hot dogs and beans served on whole-wheat toast with canned green beans or scrambled powdered eggs and spam served with canned peas. For dessert, we have a choice of an orange popsicle or Hostess Ho ho’s. We still have plenty of top-shelf liquor, and our wine today is Carlo Rossi red or Franzia chablis.

Today’s entertainment is Buck Owens.

Jump on the bus, and off we go.

Views of the Neighborhood

The first stop is not too far from home. The mountain laurel in our backyard took a hit.

The ice was in the trees yesterday morning with a wake-up temperature of 21 degrees F. ( -6.1 C)

 Ice on the bushes. Then the temps went to 57 degrees F (13.8C)

Looks like someone had a hard time stopping before hitting the stop sign. The road was covered in ice.

A bunch of broken juniper limbs.

A snowman still left.

In honor of Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras.

Here’s the mountain laurel all trimmed. The Producer put a tag on its toe, but I got a stay of execution until after the sprig bloom to see what it does.

Palm trees took a big hit.

The deer love the sunshine.

An oak with broken limbs and glare in the photo.

A succulent broken into two pieces. It looks like the weather is going to get better from here and out further.

The tour is finished. Stay and have some more food and drink. Listen to Buck. Enjoy all you Buckaroos. Have a great week.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Nerve”

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday, and I got a message attached to a snowball from Linda Hill. Here is what she said.

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “nerve.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

If you would like to have fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here’s the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Feb. 20, 2021

Nerve by John W. Howell © 2021

“You’ve got a lot of nerve.”

“Who you talking to?”

“The curbside food delivery people. Hold on. Okay, then just eliminate the light fluid but keep the antifreeze. Can’t do that either? Well, cancel the order then. Bye.”

“What was that all about?”

“I decided to order this week’s groceries on-line. After I placed the order, I got a notice that a couple of things weren’t authorized for curbside pick up.”

“Lighter fluid and antifreeze?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you need those?”

“Well, the fluid is so I can light my candles with my lighter.”

“And the antifreeze?”

“So I can protect my car engine from freezing.”

“Seems odd that you would wait for cold weather to protect your engine.”

“I drained some of the antifreeze and put it in my toilets.”

“What kind of insane person does that?”

“I didn’t want them to freeze.”

“Who said they would.”

“No one, it just makes sense.”

“To who?”

“Whom.”

“I mean, the heat in your house would keep them from freezing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Tell me about the heat.”

“You know I have natural gas.”

“I didn’t, but go ahead.”

“The lines froze.”

“So your heater doesn’t work.”

“Right.”

“What about your pipes?”

“Might be frozen too.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Ask to stay with you.”

“Sure, no problem, but I meant about the frozen pipes.”

“Buy bottled water. Take a shower at your house.”

“The pipes are going to break with the expanding ice.”

“Nah.”

“Why ‘nah?”‘

“Drained out the water and filled them with some of that noxious liquor you gave me over the years.”

“The 25-year-old bourbon?”

“Yup, ten bottles filled them up, right beautiful.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I could have used beer, but I didn’t have the nerve.”

“Okay, I give.”

“It would have been a big sacrifice. Besides, beer does freeze. Want one while it is still liquid?”

“Yeah, maybe. I keep thinking of that 1000 dollars floating around in your pipes.”

“It will still be there in the spring.”

“Never thought of that.”

“I saved the bottles.”

“Good man. Here’s to ya. You ready to go?”

“Got room for five cases of Bud?”

“Not at one sitting.”

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

“This stuff still here? It’s Friday for heaven’s sake.”
“Might be here until June.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Yup.”

 

Well, Friday is here with a promise of temps above freezing. It has been a long week of rolling blackouts and threatened water shortages. I have to say, though, we made it through. A lot of folks had severe damage to their homes from broken water pipes.

We are lucky to be living in a new home that was built with a lot of insulation. We also dripped our faucets for extra protection. It was the dripping that the water company found overwhelming. I guess when you get 11,000 homes dripping faucets all night, it adds up. So they sent a notice on Facebook of all places to knock it off or face water shut off. To us, this is all hearsay since we don’t follow the water department on Facebook. (Wwwhaaatt????) Anyway, tonight is going down to 19 degrees F (-7.2 C. I’m still going to drip. We’ll see if a water shutdown occurs. (I’m such an anarchist, right?)

Looks like all the political folks will be doing investigations to see why the power in the state failed. I think the answer might be that the weather was unprecedented, and no one thought winterizing of the production facilities was necessary. So, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer can stay in cozy Washington. (By the way, since when does having the government involved in an investigation help anyone?)

Let’s give Senator Ted Cruz a big hand for heading to Mexico when his heat went out. You have to feel sorry for those who have no moxie. Even more so for those in public service who don’t hang around and see if they can help.

I see Joe Biden has declared Texas a disaster area yesterday and will be sending generators and bottled water. By the time they get here, it will be 70 degrees. Love the optics, though, Joe.

Today’s JohnKu talks about blame. I hope you all have a great weekend.

Blame by John W. Howell © 2021

When things go badly,

There are some who want to help . . .

Others want to blame.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Admirals Twiggy and Lucy Explore the North Pole.

Sorry everyone, but this post got hung up in the snow. I have no idea why it didn’t post. Well, here it is.

“Gee Lucy, What do you think?”

“I think we ought to go inside.”

“But we came to explore the wilderness. To go where no dog has gone before.”

“I know, but it is so cold up here in the North.”

“Well, here goes. I need to get moving. One small step for a pup.”

“Be careful, Little One. Stay in touch.”

“One giant leap for dog kind.”

“I’m going to the control center. See ya.”

“I think I am on to the scent of a polar bear.”

“Don’t be tangling with something you don’t understand. How do you know it’s a Polar bear?

“I’m not sure, but this smells like what I think a polar bear should smell like. I’ll explore more.”

“Okay, but stay in touch. If you need me, just yell.”

“Will do. Now, admiral, Twiggy sets off to find the true North Pole.”

“I can hardly hear you. Speak up.”

Admiral Twiggy and the team approach what looks to be a camp set up at the North Pole. Could be a camp left by Robert Peary.”

“Who?”

“Robert Peary is the guy who went to the North Pole in 1909 and was the first person there.”

“You been watching the History Channel again?”

“Animal Planet. Hold on. The snowy puma just spotted some game.”

“Quit playing around. My feet are cold, and I’m not even out there with you. Come back.”

“I was kidding about the snowy puma.”

“No kidding. I don’t even think there is such an animal.”

“You ready to go in?”

“I sure am. Do dogs drink hot chocolate?”

“Only if they want to get sick.”

“Yes, I’m ready to go in. I don’t think the explorer’s life is for me. Maybe in South America, though.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

“Watch that ice, Lucy.”
“Even though Mama made us a path it sure is slick”
“Wednesday is sure cold.”
“Yeah, Friday is supposed to be warmer.”

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, well, all packed up and went to Pricilla Thomas’s office. We heard from a tech running some analysis on Stennis’s phone (Damn, is everyone’s name ending with an s in this story?) The tech promised to come right back, but as we know, techs seem to have attention issues like a bag of gummy worms from the canteen. Oh, wait. I must apologize to all techs here he comes now. Let’s get back to Pricilla’s office.

 

“It is good to see you return so quickly, Agent Moore.”

“Yes, Agent Thomas. I came as quickly as I had any results. Would you like a gummy worm?”

“No, thank you. What did you find out?”

“As I said, I did several—. “

“We can skip the background, Agent Thomas. Cut to the chase.”

“Yes, ma—, I mean yes, Agent Thomas. Here are three numbers that are associated with names that don’t exist.”

“What do you mean don’t exist?”

“I mean, the names led me to three separate burial plots in the Reno cemetery.”

“This tells us what?”

“The phone numbers in question were taken out with phony names.”

“Okay, let me be the dumb one. Who would need to get a phone number with a phony name? Why not just buy a burner phone.”

“I think I can add some detail to that.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“I believe whoever wanted to use these numbers wanted the person calling to think they were actually dealing with someone with an identity.”

“For what reason?”

“Well, I can think of one.”

“I will take one of those worms, hoping you’ll get to the point.”

“Sure, here you go. Let’s say you and I were doing some kind of deal. Let’s also say the deal wasn’t exactly legal.”

“Okay,”

“Let’s say to gain trust, you give someone a name and tell them to check you out.”

“I get it. So you make some inquiries, and the person appears to be who they say they are. Wait a minute. You were able to track these names back to the cemetery.”

“I was. The average person would be able to do that, too, but it would take a heck of a lot of resources. Most people don’t have access to the kinds of data I have.”

“Okay, so the person checks out and finds his contact is a real person. Why three.”

“I figure the other two are references. All three of these people were highly respected but relatively unknown. They did their jobs and left very little in the way of public information. In fact, when they died, very little was said. It would almost appear that they were still alive.”

“What did they do?”

“They were undertakers.”

“Undertakers?”

“Yeah, they worked for three separate funeral homes.”

“Stennis was talking to undertakers?”

“Well, I’m not certain he thought they were undertakers. I’m just saying they led a very low-key life, and if he only made calls to the other two, he would be satisfied the first was legitimate. I mean, if he did a google search on the names, little comes up.”

“Okay, so we have to assume Stennis was talking with these people, but we don’t know why.”

“Correct. However, I will be able to get a court order to do lawful interception of all the calls on these three phones. We will then have the conversations and can figure out what they are doing.”

“Any problem with the court order?”

“No, I don’t expect any. We have several murders and kidnappings and a person of interest. I think the facts will speak for themselves.”

“Any budget problems because I know the phone company’s charge for the service.”

“Nope. We’re good.”

“Okay, then let’s do it.”

“I’ll keep you informed. Normally in real life, this would take a few weeks to put in place, but I know you are in a hurry, so I’ll get right on it. Might have some information in a week.”

“I appreciate that. A week is just perfect.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #299 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.

The photo.

Buffet by John W. Howell © 2021

“Hold on, everyone.”

“I can’t see my feet.”

“Looks like they are running out of shrimp.”

“Did you honestly just sneeze?”

“Where’s the help around here.”

“All you can eat for a buck?”

“Harold, you said this was an exclusive place.”

“Has anyone seen my wing?”

“Chicken wing.”

“Nah, stupid. My wing.”

“Hey, you there. That’s my serving.”

“Get your foot outa of mine then.”

“Where’s the manager?”

“Right here under y’all.”

“I’m never coming back.”

“Don’t let the door smack ya where the good Lord cracked ya.”

“Waiter. Wheres my wine?”

“You are kidding, right?”

“Yeah, make it a birdbath.”

“Anybody want to swarm after the meal?”

“Excuse me, madam. Take your wings off me. I’m not your husband.”

“You sure look like him.”

“I’ve been told that a lot.”

“Who wants dessert?”

“Is it included?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“Suet paired with sunflower seeds.”

“Oh, yes, please.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of the Postal Service in 1792. – Redo

Happy President’s Day.

Sunday was hectic getting ready for single-digit temperatures hitting our area. As a result, I simply did not have enough time to put together a Top Ten post. Hopefully, you will enjoy this one from February 18th, 2019. Also, I’m at Story Empire talking about prompts should you care to visit there as well.

Top Ten things not to do
Image by Matthew T. Rader – Unsplash

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical backdrop. This week marks the anniversary of the founding of the postal service in 1792. If you have access to a time travel machine, please take this list with you should you land in 1792. It might help avoid some embarrassment if you end up at the first post office.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of the Postal Service in 1792.

10 If you are at the founding of the Postal Service, do not ask for a roll of stamps. If you do, at best the clerk will be confused. At worst, they will think you are joking with a Federal employee. (Since stamps were not introduced until 1847, you are now involved in a controversy, Greggory. Fooling with a Federal Employee carries a $100.00 fine and ten days in jail or both.)

9 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not yell at Tiny the WWF champ who is working at the postal service to pay off his assault and battery fine. If you do, at best Tiny will have taken his medication. At worst, Tiny is the first recorded episode of an employee “going postal.” (Now you’ve done it, Gregos. You’ve been the reason for the creation of a whole new verb. Countless Postal employees will curse your name from this time on.)

8 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not lie to the clerk about the contents of your package. If you do, at best no one will be any the wiser. At worst, your package has been randomly chosen for inspection. (Funny how those twelve unpaid for letters got into that shipment of socks isn’t it? Grigory? You’ll need a bag of pence to rectify this situation.)

7 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not mark your package fragile. If you do, at best it will be handled carefully. At worst, the word will be a challenge to all handlers to see how well you packed your item. (I guess the recipient of your package was quite surprised to receive a present of ground glass for their birthday, Gualtiero. You could tell them that it is a do it yourself crystal vase hobby kit.)

6 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not mark your letter “air mail.” If you do, at best the clerk will think you have nothing in the envelope. At worst, your letter will end up on Ben Franklin’s desk since it is assumed his experiments with kites have something to do with your correspondence. (In this case, Gunny your private love note has been published in the Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper to the delight of hundreds. Good thing you didn’t sign it.)

5 if you are at the founding of the postal service, do not ring that little bell under the sign that says ‘ring bell for service.’ If you do, at best no one will come anyway. At worst, you’ll be facing a clerk who was just having a sandwich in the back. (That white linen envelope you carefully picked out to deliver your valentine is now decorated with a mustard thumbprint, Gustavus. Best not say anything.)

4 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not stare at the person looking at all the fugitive wanted posters. If you do, at best they are only curious. At worst, they are wanted for robbery and murder and are checking to see if there are any posters on them. (Try to look away quickly, Gwallter. Making eye contact with that person will be hazardous to your health. Oops too late.)

3 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not take the quill pen at the desk. If you do, at best you can call it an accident. At worst, the clerk will alert the sheriff that you have stolen government property. (What a beautiful mess. If only there had been a chain on that quill, Gwernach. Oh well, ten years at hard labor will pass quickly.)

2 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not moan out loud at the unusually long time it seems to take to serve the ten patrons in line ahead of you. If you do, at best everyone will think you have a toothache. At worst, your displeasure will be met with increased slowness on the part of the patrons and clerk. (The guy at the counter is asking the clerk for directions to Plymouth for heaven’s sake. You should have kept quiet, Gwyn.)

1 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not attempt to mail an oversized package. If you do, at best the clerk will tell you to go away. At worst, you will be advised to read the rules and regulations of acceptable package dimensions. (If you are incredibly unlucky, Gavin the clerk will read you the rules word for word. That is payback for the person who moaned behind you.)