Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Needs Her Rest

August 9, 2018August 8, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

“Hi, Lucy. Why so glum?”

“Twiggy is under the sofa and won’t play with me.”

“Oh, I’m sure she is resting or something.”

“She says she is tired of playing”

“Tired? What’s that about?”

“We were running around pretty hard.”

“Well, there you are. She is tired. Give her some time.”

“You think so, Boss? I hope she isn’t coming down with something.”

“Twiggy. Come out of there and let’s have a discussion.”

“Good girl, Lucy. She will listen to you.”

“I don’t feel like playing, Lucy I need a little rest.”

“But we can take it a little slower.”

“Any ideas Bailey?”

“I’d get a treat and lure her out.”

“Okay. The rest is over. Here I am.”

“How about we do tug of war?”

“We can play whatever you want, Little stuff.”

“Aw. Thank you, Lucy.”

“I’m glad you feel better. I know we play a little hard sometimes.”

“It’s okay. I love playing with you.”

“I thought we were going to play.”

“How about we play I SPY with our eyes closed.”

“But you won’t be able to see anything.”

“I know Little Potato, but we can pretend.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

August 8, 2018August 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 49 Comments

Unique funny hump day memes Hump Day Dog memes quickmeme funny stuff Pinterest

It is Wednesday story day, and last week we left Andrew with the head of the municipal IT department. I think we were taken back with the IT manager being so full of himself. Well, I think our opinion doesn’t count if he is able to come up with a solution to the deleted file. I see Andrew and Larry are back in Larry’s office. We should go there to see what is going on.

“So you talked to the head of IT?”

“I did, and he is trying a unique approach to a solution to the deleted file problem.”

“Do tell.”

“He thinks there might be an old tape which was used as a backup. The big problem is if he finds the tape he will need to find a reader.”

“Any line on a reader.”

“Yeah, he thinks one of his suppliers might have a customer using a reader. If so we can use it and get the deleted file back in its original form.”

“Terrific. I do have a question though.”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“What do we have when we get the deleted file?”

“I’m betting my old notes will give us some forensic basis for determining how the heart was disintegrated. and maybe this will be a thread to the motive.”

“Can’t you just remember what you wrote?”

“You’re kidding, right? Tell me the last thing you wrote down on a piece of paper.”

“What do you mean?”

“Even if it was yesterday. Tell me the last thing you wrote. You know, pen or pencil in hand and a piece of paper.”

“Damn. I can’t remember.”

“You know why?”

“Not really.”

“It’s because when you write something down your brain knows it does not have to store that piece of information. So it remembers where you wrote it but not the content.”

“I get it. I remember making notes about another case but can’t tell you what I said.”

“There you go. So how can I remember what I wrote ten years ago?”

“Yeah, I see. So chasing after this deleted file is worth the time and effort.”

“I think so for sure.”

Then let’s hope the head of IT knows something about getting that tape to work.”

“He has to find it first.”

“Yeah, of course. I have faith.”

“I’m glad one of us does.”

Tuesday- Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #186 by Keith Channing

August 7, 2018August 6, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or website, next Monday.”

The photo

“Easy guys, easy.”

“You say something, Frank?”

“No, I didn’t say anything.”

“Could have sworn I heard something.”

“We need to get control of this bird.”

“Fat chance Dumbo.”

“Come on, Gerry. You don’t have to be insulting.”

“What are you talking about?”

” I said. ‘We have to get control of this bird,’ and you called me, ‘Dumbo.”‘

“I did nothing of the sort.”

“Sure you did fathead.”

“Alright, Frank. I think we have had it for the day.”

“Now what?”

“You just called me fathead.”

“You must be imagining things. I didn’t call you anything.”

“Your mother wears combat boots.”

“Okay, Gerry. Secure your bird. I definitely do not want to do this anymore.”

“Fine with me.”

“Sissy.”

That’s it, Frank. As soon as I get this bird tethered you and I are going to have a serious discussion about friendship.”

“Yeah, well bring it on.”

“Okay smart guy. How about I give you a smack on the chin.”

“I haven’t said a word, Gerry. You are getting worked up over nothing.”

“And you are the nothing.”

“Nice. Get that bird in the car and come on back. I think you have a whooping coming.”

“Forget the bird let’s get it on. Oh, wait. He just broke loose.”

“Hey, you guys. Bird one. Humans zero.”

“You know that bird could talk?”

“I think it is more like that bird can mind control. No, I didn’t. What about that whooping.”

“Ah, that was just the bird talkin.’ How about a beer.”

“You’re on. Too bad he got away.”

“Why?”

“Could have made some money.”

“And lose your mind.”

“Yeah, and that. Let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media

August 6, 2018August 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

The inspiration for this post was another post by award-winning author Jan Sikes. Jan was wondering out loud whether or not we were all sharing too much on our social media efforts. In a comment back and forth she suggested doing a “Top Ten Things Not to Do” post. You can see Jan’s post HERE. You should visit her blog just to take a look at the five books she has written.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media.

10 If you are on social media, do not publish a photo of yourself making a hand gesture. If you do, at best the gesture has an innocent intent. At worst, your gesture no matter how honest is seen by others as a reason to find out where you live. (It is incredible that you have all those people on your front lawn, Espen. What do you think they are carrying torches and pitchforks?)

9 If you are on social media, do not post that you believe WWF wrestling is fake. If you do, at best Tiny the WWF champ is out of the country without access to the internet. At worst, your post pops up on Tiny’s feed. (Looking through the peephole in your door does not give you the whole view of what is about to happen, Ethan. In fact, I would back up a bit, so you are not hit by flying splinters. Better yet, run for your life.)

8 If you are on social media, do not engage in a back and forth discussion on politics with someone who has an AK 47 as a Gravatar. If you do, at best you’ll stop before going too far. At worst, your last comment which has no retort will be followed by a high-pitched tone. (That tone is the sound of an incoming rocket-propelled grenade, Eupeithes. I would take cover.)

7 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your dinner no matter where it is to be eaten. If you do, at best most will miss it. At worst, the two likes you receive will be indicative of how poorly ham hocks and sour kraut with a side of succotash come across in a photo. (The fact that most of your readers decided to skip their dinner will come back to haunt you, Eurystheus.)

6 If you are on social media, do not publish a GIF that blinks on and off with colorful stars and a giant pair of lips. If you do, at best at least one reader will think it is cute. At worst, you will trigger several psychological and physical events that will hold you forever libel. ( I guess you had no idea the strobe effect would cause such a reaction, Evann. The injury attorneys will find that laughable.)

5 If you are on social media, do not broadcast the fact that you are not home. If you do, at best none of your readers is a cat burglar. At worst, you’ll return home from your trip to an empty house. (Normally you are used to being alone at home, Everardo but no furniture is a bit stark.)

4 If you are on social media, do not rant about a minor inconvenience in your day. If you do, at best folks will just ignore you. At worst, you’ll get other stories that make your problem sound like a blessing. (Now don’t you feel like a dope, Evgeni. You just had to demonstrate how shallow you are didn’t you?)

3 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your new expensive purchases. If you do, at best your materialism will define you. At worst, those followers who have significantly less than you seem to have will drop you like a hot potato. ( I know you were happy you got that BMW, Evzen. All those folks in a ten-year-old Honda can’t help but be jealous.)

2 If you are on Social media, do not pretend to be recommending products that you like when in reality you are being paid. If you do, at best your recommendations will be ignored. At worst you will support something that doesn’t work. (Now you have an angry bunch of readers, Eric. What’s that they are saying about a class action suit?)

1 If you are on social media, don’t forget that your followers are individuals and deserve the best you have to offer. If you do forget, at best a few unfollows will wake you up. At worst, you will need to start over with a new approach. (Funny how those thousands of followers disappeared isn’t it, Edward?)

Views of the Neighborhood – The Harbor

August 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

It’s such a nice day, I thought a walk around the Marina might be relaxing. Sorry about the lateness of this post. I messed up the scheduling. Hope you enjoy.

The marina is connected to the park. This sign is a Hurricane Harvey survivor.

Lots of nice boats.

Two shrimp trawlers off in the distance.

The PollyAnna and a lot of new slips that are open.

Two nice boats.

I have to alert Deborah that the pole is bent and the sign is straight.

This is named the Jetty Boat and runs people to St Joe’s Island. There is nothing on St Joes except shells.

A sightseeing boat.

Two beautiful fishing boats.

I came home with this picture and told the Producer that I had found our boat. She was not impressed.

More fishing boats across the channel.

Some folks doing some fishing off the harbor jetty. Those are granite rocks.

Always nice to have the Army Corps of Engineers around.

My kind of boat. 35-foot Bertram

Some men working on installing the new docks.

Day fishing boat. Named La Pesca (Why not?).

No fish flag flying.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Call”

August 4, 2018August 3, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “call.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want, including in another word as long as the letters are in the same order. So with all of that if you would like to participate, visit Linda’s blog and find out how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-4-18/

Call by John W. Howell © 2108

“You look happy.”

“I should be I just got a call from my boss.”

“Uh oh. What did you boss want?”

“Actually it was a good thing.”

“I’m dying to hear. Come on what did your boss want?”

“You know I’ve been learning calligraphy.”

“Yes, and you have been callously avoiding me.”

“Oh, come on. Those classes are callipered to wash some out if they don’t work hard.”

“Just the same, you used to make scalloped potatoes, and it has been weeks.”

“I know I have been lax. You also promised scallops.”

“Yes I did but only if you stay home one night. It shouldn’t be too hard to avoid your callers.”

“Okay, that’s a deal. I’ll make scalloped potatoes with scallions, and you make those delicious garlic scallops.”

“I almost forgot. Why did your boss call?”

“To ask if I would use my calligraphy on some invitations to a party.”

“Thank is not an exciting reason for calling.”

“No, it is not. But calling with some business is better than calling with an assignment.”

“You getting paid for the calligraphy?”

“No. The boss called it job enrichment.”

“Callow indeed.”

“Rascally too.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

August 3, 2018August 2, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Ah, weekend eve. This week seems to have been a long one for some reason. I guess it might be the work being done on home projects and trying to balance work on the WIP. Sometimes it makes the days a little longer and the nights a little shorter. All in all the week felt slow, and I’m not complaining. Something about taking things slow seems to work out.

The weather has continued to be hot and humid, but that’s what it is every summer here. The tourists are behaving themselves for the most part. Last night there was some kind of firework extravaganza on the beach. Since they are illegal here, I hope the police cracked down. The noise stopped abruptly so maybe that was why.

Other than that everything has been pretty quiet.

Todays JohnKu talks about the tedious aspect of ordinary. I hope you have a super weekend.

When things are normal,

We may take it for granted. . .

Until the deluge.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy’s Toy Basket

August 2, 2018August 1, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

“Hey, Twiggy. What are we doing?”

“Well, Dad. I’m not sure about you, but mom told me to pick up my toys.”

“Did she mention you might need to get out of your basket to do that?”

“Yes of course. I’m having trouble with motivation. This spring is sooo heavy.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

“No don’t go. Maybe you could help. Look how weak I am.”

“I think Lucy has been prompting you again.”

“No, not really. Oh, but she did mention that it is better to get help for any job.”

“I can imagine her advice. I don’t suppose mom said you and I should pick up the toys.”

“Why, I think she might have mentioned something like that.”

“Ha ha ha. I’m sure she did. You get started, and I’ll be back to see how you are progressing.”

“I’ll lift this heavy octopus and put it in the basket with me.”

“Oof. Just too heavy.”

“I wonder where that spring went. It was here a minute ago.”

“I don’t think I have a lot of room for much else.”

“I don’t know why I have to do everything.”

“Let me at least try this octopus again.”

“It’s no use. I’m going to wait for dad. He’ll help me out.”

“I don’t think mom would want me to miss my nap over something dumb like picking up toys.”

Tuesday Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #185 by Keith Channing

July 31, 2018July 30, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The Photo.

“Okay pops. Time for a toast.”

“Hold on son. I don’t believe the barman gave me a whole pint.”

“It looks full to me.”

“See this head on here. That is nothing but air. I think there is some missing.”

“Dearest?”

“What Ducky.”

“There is a guy with a camera recording you right now.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll be paying for a pint, and I want a pint. Oh, Barman?”

“Yes, sir what is it.”

“Look at this stout.”

“Yes, sir it is that alright.”

“I mean this is supposed to be a full pint. Look at the head on top.”

“Yes, sir. The head is what gives the stout its creamy flavor.”

“It also takes up the room.”

“That it does sir.”

“What do you say about that fact.”

“It is definitely a fact sir. Now if you will excuse me.”

“Not so fast my good man. I’m paying for a pint and I expect a full pint.”

“Yes, sir. Take a draught of your pint then.”

“Why Do that?”

“If you do that and hand it over to me, I will refill it, and you will have your full measure.”

“Capital my man. Here it is.”

“Yes sir and here you are. Now I need to attend to the other customers. Will there be anything else.”

“No, you’ve taken care of everything. Wait. What about the next pint?”

“On the house sir. On the house.”

“This is a great place.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Now son the toast.”

“Thank you. Ahem. Here’s to you, pops and your enjoyment of your stout.”

“Thank you, son. It does taste especially good.”

“I reckon its cause it is ninety-eight percent spit-free.”

“You are kidding me?”

“Sure pops I’m kidding.”

“Son?”

“Yes, mom.”

“You are kidding right?”

“Sure mom. You know me. A laugh a minute.”

“That’s why I’m worried. Horace, put that stout down.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Renaissance Faire

July 30, 2018July 29, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 82 Comments

The inspiration for this list was a question by the producer. “Have you done a Top Ten on a Renaissance Faire?” The answer was, “No.” So here it is. (I know pretty simple inspiration, isn’t it?) If you read to the end, I have a question about an idea given me by a regular reader. I would appreciate your comments. No poll just comment if you feel like it.

10 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not raise your hand when the wizard asks for volunteers. If you do, at best you might get embarrassed. At worst, the trick will go horribly wrong, and you’ll be sporting some Hellboy horns. (I think it was that stray goat that gave a The Fly like result, Emest. Don’t worry, maybe the wizard can reverse the spell. Yeah, maybe.)

9 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not boo Tiny, the WWF champ, when he walks onto the jousting field. If you do, at best he will have lost you in the crowd. At worst, Tiny who has been attending court-ordered anger management classes will accidentally let go of his mace as he nears the spectator stand. (You can place money as to where that mace will land, Emmanuele. No, that umbrella won’t help at all.)

8 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not accept the invitation to put your head and wrists into the stocks. If you do, at best you’ll get a humorous photo. At worst, the guy running the stocks exhibit forgot the keys, and now you have an afternoon of ridicule. ( It will be fun he said. How much fun is it, Enar? Oh, that tomato wasn’t quite ripe was it?)

7 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not think Three Card Monty is an easy way to pick up spending money. If you do, at best you may only lose a few dollars. At worst, you and the dealer will need to come to an equitable arrangement to cover that last bet. (I don’t think he will take a check, Engel.)

6 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not accept an invitation to attend the after hours cast party. If you do, at best you’ll need to leave early to take the babysitter home. At worst, you’ll be singing “Moma Told Me Not to Come” while trying to find the door out. (Whoever coined the term, “hangover,” Enyeto. How you feel is more like “lifeover.”)

5 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not join the music makers on stage if you are overserved. If you do, at best no one you know will see your performance. At worst, the videos were taken by the audience when you fell off the stage all went viral. (Hard to explain to your boss what you were thinking huh, Ephrem. He believes the head of HR should set a better example.)

4 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not throw your consumed turkey leg over your shoulder as a supposed imitation of Henry VIII. If you do, at best by chance it will hit a trash receptacle. At worst, you will catch someone’s grandma in the face with your trash. (That someone just happens to be the big guy wearing the barbarian outfit which is now holding you off your feet, Erikson. He’s not buying the accident story, and his club looks pretty substantial.)

3 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not dress in period armor. If you do, at best the day will be overcast. At worst, the temperature just hit a new record high. (Now you know what it is like to be in a sweatbox, Erroll. That authentic clasp on the back is just out of reach and everyone you ask to unhook it thinks you’re a perve.)

2 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not get carried away with the thought of quitting work and joining the cast. If you do, at best your audition will fail. At worst, you will be picked to play the blacksmith. (That hot furnace and pounding metal all day wasn’t what you had in mind, was it Eryk? Too bad you signed a seasonal agreement, and you only have six more months to serve. You found out too late that no one likes to play the blacksmith.)

1 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not think you have to talk to everyone in Renaissance English. If you do, at best no one will understand you. At worst, a large cast member will think you are making fun of his speech. (Might be a good idea to find a flagon of mead right now, Eskander. Better yet two flagons. One to share with the guy holding your neck.)

I would appreciate a comment on the following:

A reader has suggested that I do a Top Ten Things Not to Do at select historical events. For example, The Top Ten Things Not to Do at Louis XIV’s coronation. Or Top Ten Things Not to Do While Crossing the Delaware with Washington. These would all be ridiculous things (as usual) on a historical backdrop. I would appreciate it if you could let me know what you think.