Tag: His Revenge

Top Ten Excuses Not to Use For Skipping Work

~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Ten Reasons not to go to work

 

The inspiration for this list comes from the memory of having to return to the day job after a long weekend like we are having now. It seems the wounds are just beginning to heal and it is time to go back to battle only to be reopened again. This list has been developed so that the temptation to stay home on Tuesday is successfully avoided.

Top Ten Excuses Not to Use For Skipping Work

10 If you want to skip work, do not tell the boss your dog ate your driver’s license. If you do,  at best your boss will wonder why you can’t take public transportation. At worst, your boss will send a car only to discover that you are still in your pajamas. (What made you think the boss was going to be working and allow you to stay home huh, Bunky?)

9 If you want to skip work, do not call in holding your nose to support your sickness claim. If you do, at best the boss will think you were overserved over the holiday. At worst, you will get a call from human resources with your appointment at the substance abuse treatment center. (That went well didn’t it, Bosco?)

8 If you want to skip work, do not blame the weather for not getting to the office. If you do, at best you will be the only one not at the office. At worst, the weather that you thought was going to hit your town moved out of the area. (Here you are looking at the sun trying to explain the absence of snow, sleet, and ice. Better luck next time, Buford.)

7 If you want to skip work, do not blame a mechanical failure of your auto. If you do, at best some boss sycophant will volunteer to come get you. At worst, you’ll be at the drive through for lunch, and your boss will be in the car behind you. (At least you got the morning before you magically made the repair. Right Bucky?)

6 If you want to skip work, do not pretend you are out-of-town, and the planes are all grounded. If you do, at best there will be some bad weather somewhere, and you picked it right. At worst, just after hanging up with the boss, a newscast will come on extolling the fact that for the first time ever there were no flight delays. (Well, you will have an additional story to tell tomorrow. Right Bud. How about the fact that your plane was hijacked?)

5 If you want to skip work, do not use the excuse that your spouse is ill and needs care. If you do, at best the sympathy calls will give you little rest. At worst, the knowledge of the collection at work and the bouquet of flowers that shows up in the afternoon convince you to quit. (This was not the outcome you wanted. Or was it. Roscoe?)

4 If you want to skip work, do not report to the boss that you are telecommuting. If you do, at best you will get some additional assignments and be forced to work anyway. At worst, you will get a critical call that goes unanswered which triggers a massive shutdown of IT systems. (You forgot about the fail-safe hacking control. It is a shame since you set it up, Bubba)

3 If you want to skip work, do not report you have an off-site meeting with a customer. At best, you can always say the client canceled the meeting. At worst, you get a call from the boss who decided to meet you at the customer’s office letting you know the client is in Bangkok. (Now is the time to try to carry off the fact that you are in Bangkok as well. Good luck with that, Rube)

2 If you want to skip work, do not set up an elaborate scheme that includes throwing a punch at Tiny the WWF Champion. If you do, at best the detailed plan will fall through. At worst, your stay in the hospital will not compensate for the one day off. (Why you decided to throw a punch at Tiny is still being debated in the halls of the company. You did pick up some street cred, though, Buddy.)

1 If you want to skip work, do not enlist fellow workers as co-conspirators in whatever excuse you decide to use. If you do, at best you will owe the favor. At worst, the boss will get a confession out of the weakest link, and you will be given up in a heartbeat. (I guess you could have predicted the result. Couldn’t you Sucker?)

Views of the Neighborhood

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

This week’s walk in the neighborhood took two separate visits to Paradise Pond. The first was during the Thanksgiving holiday and the second yesterday. The reason I had to make two visits was I wanted to get a photo of the resident ducks and so waiting until I received a new lens for Christmas was a must. I could never get close enough to capture them before. I hope you enjoy the visit.

Paridise Pond

Paradise Pond is located near the downtown area and is a bird sanctuary supported by gifts from the Holt family.

This Photo will give you an idea of the walkway constructed so that interested parties can walk back to the pond

Paradise Pond

The walkway leads to the pond which you can see in the background

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Here we are. Notice the algae and the unkempt appearance? This pond is to remain natural, so this good growth is healthy. (The sky was much prettier on the first visit)

Paradise Pond

Here is another shot with some ducks coming on the scene

Paridise Pond

Here is the reason I returned. This family of ducks has a lunch and bath time.

Paradise pond

I also managed to score a chickadee in a tree (excuse the alliteration)

Paradise Pond

This board is in place so that bird and nature watchers can provide each other with sightings. I noticed some idiot wrote a sighting of Fiction Favorites. (I made the idiot erase the graffiti before we left)

Paradise Pond

This sign indicates that the pond is undergoing some new plantings.

Paradise Pond

Here is an example of some of the work. The tree has a support and you can see little red flags by the new seedlings. I think they will try to save the tree otherwise they would have cut it down.

Paradise Pond

I hope you enjoyed this little stroll. Happy New Year

 

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “First/Last”

~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

SOCS

Happy New Year. It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This week’s prompt is “first/last.”  Linda Hill says we can use the two words or definition for the words. There is an extra credit possibility by beginning the post with “First/Beginning/Start etc. and ending the post with “Last/End etc. If you would like to try this kind of thing go to Linda’s post and read the rules. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-3116/

First/Last by John W. Howell © 2016

“First, as a beginning, I want to start this lecture with a story.”

“Excuse me, professor.”

“Yes, Mr. uh.”

“Tompkins sir.”

“Yes, Mr. Tompkins what can I do for you.”

“Well, sir I’m a little confused on your opening statement.”

“Confused?”

“Yes, sir. You began your lecture saying the same thing three times.”

“I did now. Well please illuminate for the rest of the class and me as to your meaning.”

“Uh you said ‘first as a beginning, I want to start this lecture with a story.”‘

“I believe you are quoting me correctly, Mr. Tompkins. What is your question?”

“Is it not true that First, beginning, and start have the same meaning?”

“In the context of my statement absolutely not.”

“Can I ask for an explanation then.”

“Yes, my son I am happy to explain. By first I meant the number one thing to accomplish. Beginning in my statement meant to prioritize. Finally, the word start said where the priority would begin. So as you can see, they are not the same.”

“I have to beg to differ, sir.”

“But young man. I hold the keys to your success in this class.”

“But professor—”

“I think the discussion is over for now.”

“Can I add one more point?”

“I don’t see how the time spent on this is significant.”

“I need to understand.”

“See me when I have said my last and the lecture is at an end.”

 

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

 

Happy New Year

The last Friday of the year. Hard to believe isn’t it? I imagine everyone is looking forward to a great New Year weekend. I hope all you who still have day jobs get Monday off. I remember how nice it was to have that Monday off. It made the week go fast and was very useful if I happen by chance to get into the condition of having too much fun over the weekend. (never happened. Ha ha ha)

Today’s JohnKu is another wish. This is the second part of the pair that was published last week.

Another Wish by John W. Howell © 2016

To all those, I’ve touched,

To those who remain in heart . . .

A happy New Year.

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – A Conversation with John Cannon

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Our Justice

 

I invited John J. Cannon onto Fiction Favorites since it has been a while since we’ve talked. I would normally have a conversation with him in private but decided that it is about time for him to step out of his comfort zone and share some details of his life. As you may be aware John Cannon is the protagonist of the Trilogy that bears his name. So without much more introduction I present John Cannon.

“Thank you, sir. It is a pleasure to be here.”

“You call me sir. Any reason?”

“To be honest just two. One you  are way older than me and two you are my creator.”

“Uh oh. Going to slip the fourth wall are you?”

“It’s pretty hard not to since everyone knows I’m a figment of your imagination.”

“I suppose you are right. John, you have been described as an everyday kind of guy. Do you see yourself that way?”

“I would love to believe I’m a superhero but have to be practical. I am more comfortable simply being myself.”

“Describe you.”

“Boy, pretty direct aren’t we. Well, I’m thirty-eight years old. I have practiced law for over ten years. I have, to be honest, and describe me as pretty typical of someone looking for something different?

“How so?”

“I worked all those years and finally took a vacation. I fell in love with the sea and as a result decided to take a leave of absence.”

“To become a charter boat captain, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Didn’t happen, though.”

“Those of us who have read the books know what did happen. I want to stay away from spoilers and ask you how you felt being a typical person thrust into extraordinary circumstances.?”

“I’m not sure what you mean but let me say, I always felt a little ill at ease being the central character.”

“Why is that?”

“I think there were expectations put on me that kept me in the spotlight when there were times I would have been just as happy in the background. Besides, I don’t have superhero skills.”

“Yes but I recall a serious discussion we had where you wanted to be more of an action hero.”

“I remember. In your wisdom, you gave me a taste of that, and I decided I wasn’t particularly fond of that role. Of course, I never had a position in the background so who’s to say I would like it.”

“What have you been doing in your spare time?”

“Spare time? You know there is no such thing in your books.”

“I’ve been told that before. I have a question about one of your quirks in each of the three books.”

“I can imagine it is about the coffee right?”

“You amaze me sometimes, John. Yes, tell us about this thing with the coffee.”

“Well, as you know, the antagonist Matt Jacobs has searched the world for the finest coffee beans. He has them roasted and blended into a unique cup of coffee. He continually offers me a cup, and I continually accept even if he is thinking about killing me.”

“Sounds a little odd.”

“You would think so except this is a way for Matt and me to meet on neutral ground and the whole idea of the coffee is just a way to maintain a level of contact. Matt is very pleased when I enjoy his coffee, and so I’m able to use this feeling to try to get an advantage.”

“I’m surprised he falls for it.”

“I think you know from writing the books that it is a little more subtle than simply falling for a scheme. I’m surprised you made that comment.”

“Let’s just call it a journalistic license. So what would you say to anyone who hasn’t read one of your adventures?”

“I think I would hint  that they are missing out on some fun times.”

“Fun times?”

“Yeah. I think anyone who reads the books has a fun time.”

“That is an interesting way to put it. Thank you, John, for joining me today, and perhaps we can do this again sometime.”

“It was a pleasure.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

Hump Day

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Alice Weston inviting Lucas into Mrs. Murphy’s house for a drink of water. We all shouted for Lucas not to go inside but we are not sure he heard us. We should return to the story to see if Lucas has any sense at all.
“See Lucas Mrs. Murphy’s door is unlocked. Come with me.”
“Uh, Mrs. Weston.”
“What is it, Lucas?”
“Mrs. Murphy has never invited me in before, and I just don’t feel right about barging into her house.”
“For heaven’s sake. I thought you would be a man with some courage. Apparently, I was mistaken.”
“It’s not a matter of courage. It’s a matter of good manners.”
“You saying I don’t have good manners?”
“N-no. I mean it is my manners I’m talking about. You and Mrs. Murphy are friends, so it’s okay for you to do what you want.”
“My aren’t we the slick one though?”
“What do you mean?”
“You got out of that very nicely. I’m impressed.”
“Just telling you how I feel.”
“I know, and it’s so sweet. A good-looking young man with manners and a very quick mind as well. Those two qualities actually turn women on. You have a lot of girlfriends Lucas?”
“No ma’am. I don’t have any girlfriends.”
“You gay, Lucas?”
“No ma’am. I don’t think so. I just haven’t had the time for girls.”
“You want to make some time for a woman, Lucas dear?”
“Em. I’m not sure what you mean?”
“Come inside, and I’ll show you.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – New Lens

~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

Santa brought me a new lens for Christmas. This is the kind that I can clip on my iPhone and be available whenever I want to take a picture. Some of my animal shots were subject to me getting close enough to capture the image. Now I have the opportunity to take a shot without disturbing the subject. Here are some examples.

This is a shot of Peggy taken yesterday from the back porch.

Peggy

I know you can hardly see her. This next photo is from the same spot.

Peggy

Here is our Christmas tree.

Christmas Tree

Here are some ornaments from the same spot.

Christmas tree

Well, you get the idea. Here are Bailey and Lucy being completely natural.

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So I think I may be able to catch some good shots. Here is hoping so. Keith Channing is on vacation, so Kreative Kue will be back in three weeks.

 

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do the Day After Christmas

~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

Day After Christmas

 

10 On the day after Christmas, do venture out to return gifts. If you do, at best due to the lines you will get to return three in eight hours. At worse, you will encounter conditions much like warfare and require treatment for PGRTS. (Post Gift Return Traumatic Syndrome is nothing to take lightly Buford.)

9 On the day after Christmas, do not watch a bowl game. If you do, at best, it won’t keep you awake. At worst, the two teams will be so bad you will totally regret the time spent watching. (You never realized a schedule made up entirely six loss teams could be so boring did you Bunky. Bunky? You awake?)

8 On the day after Christmas, do not go out to dinner. If you do, at best you will avoid ptomaine poisoning. At worst, you will be eating in a place where all the full-time help have been given the day off, and the only thing on the menu is chipped beef on toast. (You didn’t know that tonight’s chef  typically works in prison did you, Roy?)

7 On the day after Christmas, do not decide to take in a movie. If you do, at best you’ll finally get into the midnight show. At worst, you will be jammed into a theater with 300 victims of swine flu. (Didn’t all that coughing give you a hint Wilbur?)

6 On the day after Christmas, do not fall for the Day After Christmas sale. If you do, at best you’ll find something cheaper than what you paid for Aunt Millie’s gift. At worst, you will find your hand on the same item as the WWF champ Tiny. (Tiny is growling. In one more second he will be doing his death match biting routine. I would let go now.)

5 On the day after Christmas, do not get on a ladder to fix that burned out light in the blinking string. If you do, at best you may cause the whole series to go out. At worst, you might do your Olympic swan dive with a degree of difficulty of 4.6 and get an EMS score of 10. (Why was it easier to put them up there? Oh yeah, you did them ten years ago when you were still under 65.)

4 On the day after Christmas, do not ask for a special menu that does not include leftovers. If you do, at best you might be wearing your dinner. At worst, you might have the time to be wondering why you never put heat in the dog house. ( Not much room after Bowser take his spot is there Ferd?)

3 On the day after Christmas, do not think you can avoid fixing all the high-quality toys that took the kids three minutes to break. If you do, at best the damage will increase. At worst, you may have to suffer from the din of dissatisfied kids. (You do know they do that on purpose don’t you Ralph?)

2 On the day after Christmas, do not bother everyone with that new video camera you received. If you do, at best you may be told to leave the house and go record birds or something. At worst, your camera will be confiscated and only eligible for return after New Year’s day. (Why on Earth did you get a gift that no one wants to enjoy with you? Maybe it was the one hundred hints that drove the decision.)

1 On the day after Christmas, do not try to make up for the lousy gifts you gave everyone. If you do, at best it will cost way more than you have. At worst, your efforts will not be appreciated and will serve as the basis for lessons to your children. (Next year start shopping before December 24th Oliver.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Christmas Day Luminaria

~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

We have a neighborhood in Part Aransas which is known as Channel Vista. This subdivision decided to get together and put out luminaria for the Christmas season A luminaria is a small paper lantern (commonly a candle set in some sand inside a paper bag) which is of significance in New Mexico and the Southwest at Christmas time. The hope among the faithful is that the lights will guide the spirit of the Christ child to one’s home.

I was on hand for the event and took some photos.

The first photo is a boat that the owner decorated for the on water boat luminaria which unfortunately was canceled due to the weather. The boat owner towed his boat around town and parked it so it would be the first set of lights in Channel Vista. You can also see Santa taking it easy.

Luninaria

The next photo is pretty typical for the home decorations. Most put the luminaria on the street and also lit their homes.

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The next photo shows some beautiful tall palms that have are decorated from top to bottom.

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Here is a close up of the palms.

Luminaria

Another home with multicolored lights casting a warm purple glow.

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This house placed lights on their fence as well as under the eaves.

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An elaborate display

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I thought this tree is well decorated. The lights reached the very end of the branches.

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You can tell we live in a fishing area. Here is a display featuring a sailfish.

Luminaria

The last photo is cute in that there is a family of penguins playing with a fish. (let’s just call it playing)

Luminaria

There were much more, but we will stop here. I wish you and your family a very Happy Holiday season.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Cook”

~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

SOCS

It is Saturday and time for Stream of Consciousness. This week’s prompt is “cook.” Since it is also Christmas Eve, I think a Christmas story would be in order. Linda Hill says we can do whatever we want, so I think I have the portfolio. If you would like to read up and join the fun, go to Linda’s post. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Dec. 24/16

Cook by John W. Howell © 2016

There is a lot of rumors going around that a new king of kings is to make an appearance in the village. Such nonsense is of no concern to Josiah. There is bread to bake and cakes to make. There is no time to be listening to the tounges wagging in the street. Josiah has the distinction of being the village cook and takes his responsibility seriously. Soon the people will descend upon his shop to buy this day’s labor.

The work starts early and Josiah must hurry to give the dough time to rise and to mix the batter until it is smooth. Sleeping late is a luxury for the idle rich and Josiah can barely make ends meet. He feels fortunate that he can keep a small portion of the bread for himself which is set aside for the time when he goes home for the day.

This day has been especially busy since there are new people in the village. There was a decree sent out by Caesar Augustus that all the people should be taxed. The decree further stated that each person should return to the land of their birth to be counted and then taxed. So many have come to his village that Josiah has been forced to make more and more bread and cake each day. Even so, he has had to turn away customers. Josiah does not take comfort in the increased business since the Miller charges him more and more each day for the flower. The evil man laughed and told him to go somewhere else if he didn’t like the price. There is nowhere else for Josiah to go. He must continue to work harder

So many have come to his village that Josiah has been forced to make more and more bread and cake each day. Even so, he has had to turn away customers. He does not take comfort in the increased business since the miller charges him more and more each day for the flower. The evil man laughed and told him to go somewhere else if he didn’t like the price. There is nowhere else for Josiah to go. He must continue to work harder and make less money for his trouble. Still, he feels fortunate that he is able to save a small portion for himself.

The business day finally ends and Josiah locks his shop and begins his long walk home. He decides to take a shorter way home past the stables that are behind the Inn. Nearing the stables Josiah encounters a light that makes daylight out of the dark. He stops and is struck with the wonder before him. There are animals clustered around a manager and at first Josiah though they were eating hay. Upon venturing closer Josiah could see a little baby, wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in the manger. A beautiful woman and proud looking man are there along with heavenly hosts praising God. Josiah is compelled to draw nearer and is filled with the spirit.

“E-excuse me. I don’t mean to interfere.”

“You are most welcome sir. Please come closer. This is the Christ child and my wife Mary. My name is Joseph.”

“I-I’m named Josiah which is also Joseph. Is this the king of kings I have heard about”

“So nice to meet you, Josiah. Yes, this is he.”

“I want to give the baby a gift but I don’t have anything to offer but this crust of bread.”

“He would be honored to receive it.”

“Here little baby. I’m sorry it is so meager and not worthy of the king of kings.”

“Your gift gives him pleasure and more from the heart than all the gold, frankincense, and myrrh which he has already received.  Go in peace Josiah.”

“Thank you your grace.”

“I’m a carpenter, Josiah.”

“Thank you, Joseph.”