This list was inspired by watching new parents having some challenges with raising their kids. Sometimes the stress was self-induced, and some good counseling could have avoided the scene.

Top Ten Things Not to do If you are a New First Time Parent

10 If you are a new first-time parent, do not think your child needs to be the first in your circle to do everything. If you do, at best, you will be headed for some disappointment. At worst, you will spend needless cash on child and adult psychologists seeking explanations to unnecessary problems. (Have you ever met an adult who wasn’t potty trained?)

9 If you are a new first-time parent, do not dress your child as an adult. If you do, at best your friends will think you missed something in your childhood. At worst, your child will notice they are a little out-of-place with the other kids leading to other self-image issues. (First hint is when your five-year-old asks for a Porsche for Christmas)

8 If you are a new first-time parent, do not take your toddler to an elegant restaurant for a late night dinner. If you do, at best your child will be miserable being up too late in an unfamiliar environment.At worst the rest of the restaurant patrons will draw straws to see who calls Child Protective Services. (You are used to the crying right?)

7 If you are a new first-time parent, do not stress over pre-school choices. If you do, at best you will need medication to get through the process. At worst, you will become so obsessed with the so-called right school that you will never be satisfied if you are not successful in getting your child enrolled. (Isn’t pre-school supposed to be enjoyable?)

6 If you are a new first-time parent, do not worry about the color of the nursery. If you do, at best your child will not notice the color for a few months. At worst, your worry will be another point of stress that a newborn will recognize. (So you have a boy in pink and a girl in blue. Only your in-laws will care.)

5 If you are a new first-time parent, do not buy quantities of clothes and accessories thinking you are saving money. If you do, at best your child will outgrow the stuff in a month or two, and you will be able to return the excess. At worst, you lost your receipt and find yourself cutting off the feet of onesies so you won’t have to throw them away. (That Costco run really didn’t pay did it?)

4 If you are a new first-time parent, do not read a bunch of child care books. If you do, at best, you will end up totally confused as to what to do. At worst, you will have opinions that are contradictory, and you will need to toss a coin to come to a decision. (Trust a coin on a fever cause and treatment? I don’t think so)

3 If you are a new first-time parent, do not believe you have to record every minute of the child’s life. If you do, at best you will watch you child grow up through the camera viewfinder. At worst, you child will think life is only real if it is captured on film. (Maybe put the camera down and pick up the kid.)

2 If you are a new first-time parent, do not buy toys that are not age-appropriate. If you do, at best your child will not play with them. At worst, you’ll enjoy playing with the toys and will be accused of purchasing the toys on purpose. (Tsk, tsk, tsk)

1 If you are a new first-time parent, do not think you will have to survive on little sleep the rest of your life. If you do, at best you will think you need to run away. At worst, you will want to take the child to the pediatric return desk. (Don’t worry the lack of sleep thing only lasts a couple of years – uh maybe eighteen)