Today I randomly opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 151. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page, and the word closest to my finger was “first.” That is our prompt today.
This list continues with the historical backdrop for my brand of lunacy. It first ran on September 17, 2018. I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do Crossing the Delaware with General Washington
10 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not dangle your feet in the water off the back of the boat. If you do, at best, they will be numb. At worst, the General will think you have lost touch with reality. (Looks like you may be sidelined for the big event, Frasco. Although you may want to avoid the battle, your pay envelope will be much thinner.)
9 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, don’t try to sit in Tiny the WWF champ’s seat next to the General. If you do, at best, you might be swimming across the Delaware. At worst, Tiny, who has formed a bond with General Washington, may take your move as a sign of affection for the General. (Since Tiny failed the “Unrequited Love and How to Cope” seminar, he now thinks a knuckle sandwich is an answer. Just jump out, Fredek. It will be easier in the long run.)
8 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not think wearing boat shoes from Top Siders will impress your fellow soldiers. If you do, at best, you’ll get a new nickname. At worst, a Master Sergeant will put you on report for being out of uniform. (Of course, one more on-report isn’t going to break you, Freyr. You have come to like peeling potatoes.)
7 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not start singing “row row row your boat.” If you do, at best, a few might join in. At worst, the General will single you out and threaten you with the stockade if you don’t quit making noise. (Looks like Georgie thinks you might be a British spy, Fridolf. I think quiet is the better part of this equation.)
6 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not bring your fishing equipment. If you do, at best, you might catch dinner. At worst, the General will ask you to keep fishing until you have caught enough to feed the Continental Army. (Holy cow, Frygies. That is a lot of fish. We’ll come back for you.)
5 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not ask if dinner at the captain’s table is a formal affair. If you do, at best, no one will understand your question. At worst, you’ll be reminded that you are on a rowboat and there is no captain’s table, and someone will hand you the flag. (You know that the flag goes in the front of the charge, don’t you, Fryderyk. Yeah, that’s right, up front where all those bullets and flying cannon balls are.)
4 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not let anyone know you get seasick. If you do, at best, some will be sympathetic. At worst, the old salt will continually describe in minute detail the roast pork dinner he had last night. ( If you can just hang on a little longer, Francis, the shore is not too far away.)
3 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not begin humming an old German tune. If you do, at best you’ll keep the volume down. At worst, since you are on your way to attacking the Hessians in Trenton, the General might think you are mocking the mission. (Washington is not sure this whole thing will work, Finn, so I would lay low if I were you. That water is certainly cold.)
2 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not mention that your enlistment in the army expires at midnight. If you do, at best, you’ll get a so what? At worst, someone will take your musket and shot, and you’ll be defenseless when you reach the shore. (Better offer to reenlist, Fabian. Otherwise, you are going to be pretty uncomfortable dodging shot from both sides.)
1 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not stand up in the boat and start singing “Old Man River.” If you do, at best you’ll be ordered to sit and be quiet. At worst, you will finish your song while trying to keep your head above water. (Looks like the General has just about had enough of the stand-up comedy, Floyd. Hopefully another boat will scoop you up.)
To contrast a standard coffee maker to this one is like comparing a steam locomotive to a bullet train. The locomotive gets the job done over time, but the bullet train delivers results immediately. So with that praise of the coffee machine, the two-button press delivers a double coffee in seconds. The first sip stops the air-hammer-on-concrete sound of caffeine withdrawal in my brain. The second brings the predictable crescendo of a load of cymbals hitting the ground after being shoved off a cliff sound of the Westminster Chime of the doorbell, coupled with the baying of Igor’s hounds. A quick toss of two Benny Bones and a slam of the door to the soundproof room traps Tempeste and Twiggy and produces the silence is golden moment prior to the incursion.
A check of the monitor shows the image of someone who looks like Porkey Pig with a clipboard and an envelope. A quick check verifies the need for a signature so with a sign the security system shout down process is begun.
The B-2 bomber squadron and the F-35 escort must be called off. One call does it. The tank corps and gunboats are told to stand by. The Apache helicopters are rerouted. The electric shock fence is turned off. The drawbridge over the quicksand is lowered. The robot attack dogs returned to their charging station. The laser-guided machine guns on the roof are set to caution. The nest filled with rattlesnakes put away. The bucket filled with 1000 marbles is locked down. The tear gas canisters shut off. The electrified welcome mat set to off. The fall-away sidewalk into the pit filled with spikes is locked. The hornet’s nest closed. The water cannons are set to safety. Bear traps are set to off. The front door is open.
The pig hands me the clipboard and envelope. The clipboard is returned after signature. The pig has a cloven hoof extended in the classic ‘tip request’ pose. I gave him an excellent tip. “A good plan executed now is better than a perfect plan next week.” Not waiting for his reply, the front door now separates us.
I open the envelope and see a message from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “contrast.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!
Australia now boasts one of the world’s largest acreages of private land set aside for conservation, and the Guardian recently reported that generous and wealthy citizens are to thank for it.
Leaving land to conservation purposes in wills and making bequests of estates have played a big role in amassing 24 million acres of privately conserved land.
Bush Heritage Australia manages some 3 million acres of these, and its CEO, Rachel Lowry, told the Guardian that such contributions play an outsized role in their work.
Last year, for example, the organization reported 4,600 such bequests, almost double the 2022 total. They believe it stems from people truly attempting, as we’re often taught, to leave the world in a better place than when they found it.
“Some of Australia’s most threatened and fragile ecosystems and wildlife sit outside of the national reserve system,” said Lowry. “They’re found on private land or pastoral country, and they may have deep cultural and ecological values, but they’re not protected from threats such as land clearing, mining, or invasive species.”
Several organizations in the country, such as the North East Tasmania Land Trust, are carrying out similar work, and the governments of the Australian states are taking notice. One of Bush Heritage’s protected areas, the Pilungah Reserve, was granted protection under Queensland state law equivalent to a federal National Park, demonstrating how valuable the work is seen by the public sector.
In the United States, one of the largest protected areas is a private-public partnership called American Prairie.
American Prairie has spent over 2 decades buying and leasing land between the Charles M. Russel Natural Wildlife Refuge and the Upper Missouri Breaks Natural Monument in Montana to create America’s largest assemblage of wild prairie for the purposes of conservation and recreation. It’s also received donations of land on the way to reaching its current size.
GNN has reported on several major milestones of this massive and constantly growing mosaic of grasslands, hills, woods, and wetlands, including a substantial 22,000-acre land purchase that had blocked public access to the Missouri Breaks, and the clearance of over 100 miles of derelict fencing across their land.
The organization has accumulated 603,657 acres, which comprises 167,070 deeded acres and 436,587 leased public acres. Their goal is ultimately to protect, and in some cases, rewild 2.3 million acres.
American Prairie Reserve
In 2024, American Prairie set a new visitation record for the seventh year in a row with more than 6,600 overnight visitors to its huts and campgrounds, and over 5,000 visitors at its National Discovery Center in Lewistown, Montana.
An American organization that helps connect and advocate for private conservation land in the US reports that 61 million acres—more than all the US national parks—are privately held for conservation. This amounts to about 3% of the 60% of American lands that are privately owned.
Called the Land Trust Alliance, it aims to double this number by the end of the decade.
The Good news in today’s story is that private land donations are helping preserve natural resources. Today’s JohnKu talks about private methods. of conservation. I hope you have a super weekend.
Today I randomly opened The Last Drive to page 259 and, with eyes closed, pointed to the page. My finger fell closest to the word “everyone.” This is our prompt today.
This post ran on September 10, 2018, and is part of the historical top ten things not to do lists. I hope you enjoy it.
10 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not practice your Lyre. If you do, at best, you might be mistaken for a leader. At worst, the number one Lyre player might think you are mocking him. (I see a few centurions at your gate, Finnobar. Time to move out.)
9 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not try to ignore Tiny the WWF champ when he yells instructions. If you do, at best, Tiny will only grab you and toss you over the wall. At worst, Tiny, who just graduated from Gladiator school, will take the opportunity to hone his skills. (Looks like you have the net and Trident Flynn. It might not be a match for the mace and double-edged sword. I would suggest begging.)
8 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not wear your I’m a Happy Christian t-shirt today. If you do, at best, no one will notice it. At worst, since the fire is being blamed on Christians, you may meet a lion up close and personal. (I think you need to do more than the “nice kitty” statement, Flannagain.)
7 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not try to get a refund on your Circus Maximus tickets. If you do, at best, no one will be at the ticket office. At worst, you will be last in a line of 10,000. (Not to worry, Flin. There is always a fire-check for the next show.)
6 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not walk around town with that torch. If you do, at best, people will think you are connected. At worst, someone will get the idea you had something to do with the fire. (Now it looks like you really have to leave town, Fonzell. Wonder what’s happening in Naples?)
5 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not show people in the pub the plans for Domus Aurea, Nero’s palace, to be built on the ruins. If you do, at best, no one in the pub will understand what you have. At worst, one of the customers is a senator. (Looks like you are on the hook as the source of the fire, Forba. I think you ought to ask for a little traveling music and move on.)
4 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not try to put out the flames if thugs are warning you not to do it. If you do, at best, you might get a black eye. At worst, you might need to answer to Nero as to why you tried to stop the fire. (Not known for his largess, Nero may have you on the next train to Lionsville, Fortino.)
3 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not set up a smores stand. If you do, at best, you’ll have a few customers. At worst, folks will take your cavalier attitude to heart. (Looks like a gang of residents heading this way has blood in their eyes, Franko. Maybe it’s time to pack up.)
2 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not wait to evacuate. If you do, at best, you might have to run for your life. At worst, you might get cut off and have to take a leap into the Tiber River. (Sad thing about that sundial, Frang. Shoulda checked to see if it was waterproof before making the leap.)
1 If you are in Rome and it’s burning, do not think your hotel still offers room service. If you do, at best, you’ll be disappointed. At worst, you’ll wait too long for service and forget to check out when your room starts burning. (Don’t think the bill will be overlooked, Frans. They will find you no matter how far and no matter how long.)
Today we are going to go to the Lakeway Municipal Utility District to see the garden planting and plant
swap. We are catered by Lutie’s of Austin, and our entertainment is Alan Jackson.
Menu
Beef Tartare, Romaine, Dandelion
Chickpea and Green Corn Salad
Roasted Lettuces, Avocado, Pumpkin Seed, Radish
Grilled and Marinated Beets, Black Garlic, Dill
Yonderway Pork, Pickled Cabbage, Creamer Peas
Delta Blues Rice, Market Fish, Smoked Trout Roe
Green Dish, Carrot.
Royal Red Shrimp, Daikon, Celery
Charcoal Grilled Chicken, Leeks, Hominy
Whole Roasted Black Sea Bass, Choi Sum, Mustard
Texas Beef, Radish, Marrow, Sweet Potato
Let’s get rolling
There is the Lakeway Municipal Utility District
Lake Travis Middle School National Junior Honor Society (NJHS) students are signing up for community service hours.
The garden plants are laid out ready for holes.
The swap plants are ready, too.
Lots of mulch.
Plenty of tools.
My kind of participation place.
The work begins.
Watch those cactus paddles.
Students and adults work side by side
That mulch pile is going down.
And here is Stephanie Threinen, CPC, Public Information Liaison for the Lakeway Municipal Utility District and the driving force behind various LMUD activities. She reports that over 80 native plants were planted by students and volunteers.
Time now for some food and entertainment. I hope you have a great week.
The neat part of having a coffee robot is the availability of that soothing syrup, available night or day, 24/7. Having to wait for an extended brewing process for more than one minute might mean the difference between calmed neurons or a catastrophic brain bleed. The first sip stops the auto production line cacaphony of the caffeine addition screaming for relief. The second sip brings the dreaded doorbell Westminster chime and Cerberus duet, which threatens to break glass or cause eardrums to bleed. Two fresh Benny bones are tossed into the soundproof room, followed by the door slam, bringing golden silence to the room.
A check of the security monitor shows Smoky the Bear standing on the porch. He has an envelope and, of course, a clipboard. Rather than argue about leaving the delivery with a sign, the security shutdown process begins.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. The MH-60 Jayhawk Helicopter hovering over the house is diverted. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the security system’s shutdown process. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The Tasmanian Devil is directed to the food in his cage, and the door drops. The electronic jammer is kept active, given a situation with a robot not too long ago. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
The bear hands me the envelope and the clipboard. After signing and returning it, it’s obvious the bear is looking for a tip. “If what you have done yesterday still looks big to you, you haven’t done much today.” Mikhail Gorbachev said that, and that’s my tip as I slam the door.
The message in the envelope is from Linda Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “neat.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!
