This post was originally run on April 18th, 2016. If you remember it, I hope you like it again. If not? I hope you like it. (My desires are small)
Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Are Moving
10 If you are moving, do not wait until the movers show up to begin thinking of what you want to pack. If you do, at best, you will have a lot of hourly overtime to pay. At worst, your crew is likely to leave to move someone else and suggest you get organized in the meantime. (A little embarrassing to be left alone in the middle of a mess, isn’t it?)
9 If you are moving, do not pack your crystal pieces with your hand weights. At best, you might get some chips. At worst, you will arrive at the new place with a box of crystal snow. (You were going to take the weights out but forgot, huh Bunky?)
8 If you are moving, do not forget to put your frozen food in a safe but frigid place. If you do forget, at best, you will have a bunch of thawed food on arrival. At worst, the thawing food will be in a place to drip through at least six boxes of your clothes. (Those white things look beautiful with that pot roast branding.)
7 If you are moving, do not be tempted to throw out your old pots and pans just cause you are tired of them. If you are, at best, you will need to replace everything before you can eat at home again. At worst, you didn’t realize the cookware was a precious gift from your parents, and now they are going through the dumpster. (How were you to know that was their first set?)
6 If you are moving, do not try to save and pack that delicious casserole you had last night. If you do, at best, it will be spoiled during the trip, and you’ll know it. At worst, you will ignore the signs of spoilage and dig in. (Those sirens you now hear is EMS. Gotta hope they get there in time)
5 If you are moving, do not think you and your friends have to consume all the liquor the night before the move. If you do, at best, your headache, chills, and nausea will be gone around 3:00 pm. At worst, you will not only be sick but will have to deal with five or six comatose friends. (Pretty hard to carry that dresser over all those bodies, isn’t it, Buster?)
4 If you are moving, do not tell the movers to put stuff “anywhere.” If you do, at best, you will have a living room that looks like a bedroom. At worst, you will have one room filled with furniture. (It’s the first room you enter, right?)
3 If you are moving, do not think your boxes don’t need marking because you remember what’s in each one. If you do, at best, you will be opening boxes and searching for things for a week. At worst, you will finally give up and stack all the boxes in such a way as to imitate the world’s worst hoarder. It (Pretty tough for the sunlight to get in through all those boxes. You say you feel like a rat in a maze?)
2. If you are moving, do not forget to fill out the forwarding cards for your new address. If you forget, at best, you will wonder where your mail went after three months. At worst, you will begin to wonder about all those phone calls regarding your lights, water, cable, and telephone. (That is until they all go dark. Now a rat in a dark and lonely maze.)
1 If you are moving, do not have friends’ help. If you do, at best, there will be only a few dented, scratched, and broken items. At worst, you realize no one knows how to dismantle your bed and couch, and you are forced to leave them behind. (How in the hell did those items get into the apartment in the first place?)
