“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”
This list was originally posted on April 27th, 2015. Since I have violated many of the suggestions here and have been banned from grocery shopping as well as laundry, I thought a review would be in order. I hope you like it.
This list is inspired by my spouse tapping to do the grocery shopping while she was on a trip. It is true in our house, our chores are divided according to talent. I have no talent in the area of grocery shopping. I cook competently and do dishes (uh, load the dishwasher). I also do not do laundry and not because I have a problem doing it. At one time, we had pink towels and sheets from formerly white is the main reason for being banned from the laundry.
Top Ten Things Not to do If You are Designated Fill in Shopper
The major tenant. If you are asked to shop, do not buy anything that is not on the list. If you do, at best, you will be making a return trip for the returns. At worst, you will need to attend a special class run by your spouse on the principle of wasting money.
10 If you are asked to shop, do not think you are empowered to substitute items on the list. If you do, at best, your substitutions will be a welcome change. At worst, you will have selected a form of something that the entire family has gotten sick after eating one time before. (Pureed squash is never a good idea, Sam.)
9 If you are asked to shop, do not fail to turn in the coupons. If you do, at best, you will be allowed back in the house. At worst, you and the coupons will be making another trip to the store for a refund as well as attending that special class on wasting money. (Take plenty of notes, Nerd.)
8 If you are asked to shop, do not go to a different store without permission. If you do, at best, some of the items will be unavailable. At worst, there will be a big difference in the prices, and your bill will be above the all-time high that will not be a good thing. (That second job is going to be a pain, Pal.)
7 If you are asked to shop, do not think you can ignore the recyclable bags just this once. If you do, at best, you will be able to stuff the plastic into the trash without being caught. At worst, you will be subjected to another long class dealing with the evils of the plastic bag and their effect on the environment. (You may even be sent on a plastic bag scavenger hunt, Herb.)
6 If you are asked to shop, do not think your newness will excuse you from checking out in the express lane when clearly you have more than the required items. If you do, at best, a few people will glower and may even say something. At worst, you will be recognized and reported to your spouse with the resulting discussion on proper store protocol. (Going home will not be pleasant, Buba.)
5 If you asked to shop, do not think you can pack bags like the store personnel. If you do, at best, you will have overstuffed bags. At worst, you might have several bags break in the parking lot, causing a loss of the items that, as reminded by store personnel, are after the fact payment-wise. (No refunds on broken jars of pasta sauce, Ferd.)
4 If you are asked to shop, do not go to the store hungry. If you do at best, you will only buy one or two extra things. At worst, you will have to explain the extra bags of groceries, including what will look like a year’s supply of beef jerky. (Have some more jerky stew, Bub.)
3 If you are asked to shop, do not take any of your friends with you. If you do, at best, you will have unexplained extra stuff in your order. At worst, your friends will talk you into hosting a poker game this week, and you’ll have bought all the snacks and beer. (The explaining of this phenomenon will be the challenge of the year)
2 If you are asked to shop, do not offer to take the kids with you. If you do, at best will learn the meaning of the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished.” At worst, you will have forgotten half the items on the list in addition to buying several impulsive things that the kids will be forbidden to eat. (Marshmallows in cereal is a no-no.)
1 If you are asked to shop, no matter how much you feel you are putting your life on the line, you cannot refuse. If you do, at best, you may hurt your spouse’s feelings. At worst, you will be the cause of a relatively significant family argument that won’t end well in terms of the next time you need a favor. (You should have learned this lesson long ago.)
It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday,, and I started walking to the store when a letter came floating down and landed with a soft swoop sound on my sidewalk. I noticed the return address had Linda Hill’s name,, so I scooped it up and opened it immediately. To my surprise, it contained the following prompt. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “oop.” Find a word with the “oop” sound in it and use it in your post. Enjoy!”
To quote Gomer Pyle, “Gollieeee Sargeant.”
If you would like to join this group of fun seekers just visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.
“Twiggy. What are you doing?” “Catching a few rays before the snowstorm.” “Very funny. It’s going to be in the 80s today.” “You never know lately.”
Here it is, Friday already. I did not get half of what I wanted to accomplish this week accomplished. Well, maybe half is an exaggeration. I had to make a list of what I did accomplish to keep myself from thinking I wasted the week. No surprise, the list was gratifying. I think the problem is I have been stymied on the WIP, and so I haven’t produced the word count that I originally planned. These things do happen, so I’ll just shrug it off and try to do better next week. Besides, I have not gotten one call from the commercial editor at Simon and Shuster demanding the manuscript and threatening my million dollar advance. So why sweat it?
Yesterday was the official Earth Day. I will still be celebrating Earth Day on my post on Sunday. We have a Question Find It scavenger hunt going on, and we need to wrap it up. There are five more stops to go. Also, I have invited Kid Rock to join us. He’s going to do “All Summer Long while you eat the sumptuous brunch that will be served.
This week’s JohnKu talks about what to do when faced with not accomplishing what you set out to do. I hope you all have a great weekend.
“Hey, Twiggy. What are you doing?” “Waiting for Friday.” “Okay then.”
It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we all broke into the warehouse only to find one guy who had been left behind. We don’t know why he was left, but he has been taken into custody and is being questioned. Since he is part of the Cortez mob, we can’t expect too much information from him. So that leaves us with solid detective work as to where the other Cortez folks are headed. I see Agent Moore is calling one of his associates. Let’s go and listen in.
“Yeah, Charles. Take a look at all the street cameras around this warehouse. See if you can find any car or truck leaving here. Yes, the direction would be helpful as well. Okay then. Call when you have something.”
“He doesn’t have anything?”
“A bit early. Unlike TV shows, it takes a while to access traffic cams. He’ll get back as soon as he has anything.”
“I have a suggestion.”
“Yes, Larry, what is it?”
“We should comb this place thoroughly and see if we can turn up anything useful. Has anyone checked the SUV?”
“We have the crime guys heading this way.”
“I mean, has anyone taken a look inside?”
“Good question. Let me find out. Sampson is outside. Patrol one, this is Moore.”
“Patrol One, go ahead.”
“Has anyone looked in the SUV?”
“Affirmative. Nothing there.”
“Roger that. We are going to have a look around in here.”
“The lab guys are due any minute.”
“Understood. Just a quick look. Anything out of our shooter?”
“Nope. He’s like a clam. We have him in the back of a patrol car.”
“Just make sure he is secure.”
“Not to worry. He’s not going anywhere.”
“Thanks, Patrol one. Moore out. Okay, Larry, let’s have a look.”
“I don’t know what they did in this warehouse, but it is pretty empty.”
“See if that barrel had anything in it.”
“Nope, nothing in it. Looks like they used it as a burn barrel. You got a light?”
“Yeah. Let me look inside. Hey, look at the bottom. Some ashes.”
“Wait.”
“What, Andrew?”
“Don’t disturb those.”
“Why not?”
“We might be able to figure out what they were burning in there.”
“Couldn’t be much. There are very few ashes.”
“Let me look?”
“See on top. There is some kind of receipt. You can almost read it. One thing about ashes is you don’t stir them they pretty much keep the characteristic of the original. I’ll be damned.”
“What?”
“It is a fast-food receipt.”
“They had a delivery?”
“Or picked up. Hold on. Yup, it looks like a Chick-Fil-A. Let me get closer.”
“Don’t fall in.”
“Thank you, Larry, but I’m safe.”
“Wasn’t worried about your safety. Just didn’t want you landing on the evidence.”
“Yes, I can see the address. 1663 Route 35.”
“Got a credit card number?”
“Smartass. I do have a date, though. It was yesterday. All we have to do is go there and check the records, and maybe just maybe somebody will know something.”
“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”
“Okay, so the next thing you need to know is not to touch that pole with your beak while sitting on the wire.”
“Why’s that?”
“If you touch the pole, you will create an ungrounded connection, and the electricity will fry you.”
“Geez. Why do you guys sit on these wires anyway.”
“You mean to tell me you don’t sit on wires back in your town?”
“Heavens no. We have trees.”
“Trees?”
“Yeah, big green bushy things that have limbs you sit on.”
“Sounds nice. Well, anyway we have no trees, so I’m trying to give you some pointers on how to survive in the big city. How long you going to be here?”
“Just a week. I have to attend a nest clearing. My cousin is becoming an empty nester.”
“Lucky bird for sure. Okay, back to the lessons.”
“Why are you hanging upside down?”
“I’m not upside down. See that bug on the sidewalk.”
“Un-huh.”
“Don’t touch it.”
“What do you mean. All bugs are fair game.”
“Not that one. He’s a made bug.”
“Made bug. What does that mean.”
“He is a member of the bug mob.”
“Yeah, so.”
“You touch him, and you’ll have every bug in town wanting to cash in on the hit notice.”
“You serious? I never met a bug I couldn’t handle.”
“Hornets?”
“Well, no. I stay away from them.”
“They are the mob enforcers.”
“Good to know. What else?”
“Don’t take any popcorn from the old lady on the bench.”
“Why not?”
“She has a cat in her valise that loves birds. The popcorn is bait.”
“Good grief. I need to get back home.”
“You flying?”
“Yes.”
“Watch out for the Peregrine Falcons.”
“The what.”
“Birds of prey. They sit on the buildings and wait for pigeons.”
This post was originally run on April 18th, 2016. If you remember it, I hope you like it again. If not? I hope you like it. (My desires are small)
Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Are Moving
10 If you are moving, do not wait until the movers show up to begin thinking of what you want to pack. If you do, at best, you will have a lot of hourly overtime to pay. At worst, your crew is likely to leave to move someone else and suggest you get organized in the meantime. (A little embarrassing to be left alone in the middle of a mess, isn’t it?)
9 If you are moving, do not pack your crystal pieces with your hand weights. At best, you might get some chips. At worst, you will arrive at the new place with a box of crystal snow. (You were going to take the weights out but forgot, huh Bunky?)
8 If you are moving, do not forget to put your frozen food in a safe but frigid place. If you do forget, at best, you will have a bunch of thawed food on arrival. At worst, the thawing food will be in a place to drip through at least six boxes of your clothes. (Those white things look beautiful with that pot roast branding.)
7 If you are moving, do not be tempted to throw out your old pots and pans just cause you are tired of them. If you are, at best, you will need to replace everything before you can eat at home again. At worst, you didn’t realize the cookware was a precious gift from your parents, and now they are going through the dumpster. (How were you to know that was their first set?)
6 If you are moving, do not try to save and pack that delicious casserole you had last night. If you do, at best, it will be spoiled during the trip, and you’ll know it. At worst, you will ignore the signs of spoilage and dig in. (Those sirens you now hear is EMS. Gotta hope they get there in time)
5 If you are moving, do not think you and your friends have to consume all the liquor the night before the move. If you do, at best, your headache, chills, and nausea will be gone around 3:00 pm. At worst, you will not only be sick but will have to deal with five or six comatose friends. (Pretty hard to carry that dresser over all those bodies, isn’t it, Buster?)
4 If you are moving, do not tell the movers to put stuff “anywhere.” If you do, at best, you will have a living room that looks like a bedroom. At worst, you will have one room filled with furniture. (It’s the first room you enter, right?)
3 If you are moving, do not think your boxes don’t need marking because you remember what’s in each one. If you do, at best, you will be opening boxes and searching for things for a week. At worst, you will finally give up and stack all the boxes in such a way as to imitate the world’s worst hoarder. It (Pretty tough for the sunlight to get in through all those boxes. You say you feel like a rat in a maze?)
2. If you are moving, do not forget to fill out the forwarding cards for your new address. If you forget, at best, you will wonder where your mail went after three months. At worst, you will begin to wonder about all those phone calls regarding your lights, water, cable, and telephone. (That is until they all go dark. Now a rat in a dark and lonely maze.)
1 If you are moving, do not have friends’ help. If you do, at best, there will be only a few dented, scratched, and broken items. At worst, you realize no one knows how to dismantle your bed and couch, and you are forced to leave them behind. (How in the hell did those items get into the apartment in the first place?)
Today we are heading out for an Earth Day Fact Find Scavenger hunt. To feed us all, I asked QI restaurant in Austin to put on a Dim Sum brunch. They agreed, and here is what that brunch looks like.
Dim Sum Brunch Menu
Crab Meat Fish Maw Soup Dumpling 蟹肉鱼肚汤包
Scallop Caviar Sui Mai 鱼子酱带子烧卖
Lobster Dumpling 甜菜粉龙虾饺
Crispy Har Kaw with Sea Cucumber 炸海参虾饺
Sautéed Baby Bok Choy 炒白菜
Sautéed Water Spinach 炒空心菜
Snow Crab Ball 雪蟹球
Shrimp Stuffed Chinese Eggplant 煎酿茄子
Potato Shrimp Ball 脆薯虾球
Salt and Pepper Shrimp 椒盐虾
Crispy Turnip Cake 萝卜糕
Chao Shou 红油抄手
Dan Dan Noodle 担担面
Scallion Pancake Curry Dip 葱油饼咖喱酱
Szechuan Spicy Cucumber 四川黄瓜
Spare Ribs with Black Bean Sauce 豉汁排骨
Chicken with Cashew Dumpling 腰果鸡饺
Beef Potstickers 牛肉锅贴
Shrimp Har Kaw 虾饺
Pork and Shrimp Sui Mai 烧卖
Chicken Shiitake Sui Mai 东菇鸡烧卖
Cilantro Shrimp Dumpling 香菜虾饺
Basil Chicken Dumpling 九层塔鸡饺
Steam BBQ Pork Bun 蒸叉烧包
Steam Lobster Dumpling 龙虾饺
Shanghai Soup Dumpling 小笼包
Seafood Soup Dumpling 海鲜汤包
Chicken Feet 鸡爪
Pan-Fried Beef Bao 生煎牛肉包
Sugarcane Shrimp 甘蔗虾
Chinese Sausage Sticky Rice 糯米饭
Chicken Taro Egg Roll 香芋鸡春卷
Curry Beef Puff 咖喱牛酥
Steam Egg Cream Bun 蒸奶黄包
Egg Custard Tart 蛋挞
Sesame Ball
Pineapple Puff 凤梨酥
Baked BBQ Pork Bun 烘叉烧包
In addition to our top-shelf bar, we are offering Sake,
A 2018 Pighin Pinot Grigio, and 2016 Gary Farrell Hallberg Vineyard Pinot Noir. Today’s entertainment is Little Big Town.
Let’s get on the bus.
Here is what we are doing. We have to use clues and find the fun fact question. Here’s what the Parks and Recreation says.
As part of The City of Lakeway’s Earth Day celebration, Parks & Recreation invites you to join us for an event that will test your environmental knowledge in a scavenger hunt-style game!
From April 10 – April 25, ten Earth Day-themed questions will be hidden in Lakeway City Park.
So we will use the clues to find the place and the questions. I will do my best to answer them. If you have a better answer, you can put it in the comments section. Since there are ten clues and questions, we will cover the first five today. Next week we will finish.
Clue 1. This area is a favorite for a human’s best friend. Dog Park
So here is the question. My guess is urban runoff is the biggest pollutant to rivers and lakes.
Clue 2. Finding this next location is a slam dunk! Basketball court
My guess is false. Tissues, paper towels, and wet wipes don’t disintegrate
Clue 3. Step off this exercise equipment and down the small path to find this question.
My answer is all of those items can be composted.
Clue 4. While you sit along the edge and enjoy the scenic view, you may see a question too.
Plastics is my guess as the most common thing found along water.
Clue 5. Lakeway pride flies high at this location.
I think the heater/air conditioner uses the most energy.
So that is the first five stops for today. I hope you enjoy the week and remember this is the only Earth we have. Have some food and enjoy Little Big Town.
