Today I randomly opened Circumstances of Childhood to page 127. I closed my eyes and pointed to the page. My finger is closest to the word “urgent.” That is our prompt today.
This post was published on July 21, 2014. For some reason, I had it in my mind that another author would like to co-write the top ten not-to-do lists with me. I learned a valuable lesson, but it was a fun list, so I’m sharing it again. No, I am not soliciting another co-author.
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Trying to Attract Other Authors to Do a Top Ten List
10. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not make them believe they will become rich and famous. If you do, at best, they will overlook the one “like” and still speak to you. At worst, they could find a way to troll your blog for the rest of your life.
9. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not try to write a top ten list for them. If you do, at best, you will probably include information that makes no sense. At worst, you might unintentionally include embarrassing information that the author had no idea you knew, and which will put you on the author’s hate list for all time.
8. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not lead them to believe it is easy. If you do, at best, you may never get the author to guest blog again. At worst, you may receive unpleasant e-mails from your former colleague requesting that you place your list where the sun doesn’t shine.
7. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not think you won’t need a post for that day. If you do, at best, you will be scrambling to put together something at the last minute. At worst, you will publish an incoherent post that is so off the mark you’ll want to enroll in a witness protection program and will be willing to commit a crime to do so.
6. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not force the subject. If you do, at best, you may end up with a top ten list of nothing. At worst, you will no doubt antagonize your readers with the junk produced and will have made an enemy for life of the author.
5. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not insist on running your own media. If you do, at best, your media will have absolutely no tie-in to the list. At worst, you will have the pleasure of enjoying your media selection alone, a state that may prove permanent.
4. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not set up a set of pre-publish rules that may be impossible to follow. If you do, at best, you may find yourself listless on Monday. At worst, you may cause what has been a lovely relationship with the author to degenerate into twelve paces at dawn, and you don’t know how to fire a flintlock pistol.
3. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not promise food or money for participation. If you do, at best, you will need to figure out a way to select the best lists. At worst, you may be put in a position of turning down beautiful lists because you have run out of money and food, turning those you don’t accept into lifelong Voodoo practitioners.
2. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not offer to guest post on their blog in return. If you do, at best, you might get a nibble or two. At worst, you will be listening to the crickets for a long time since none of those who are offered really want you to guest post.
1. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not plead, beg, cry, or kick your feet. If you do, at best, your fellow bloggers will find a way to unfollow you. At worst, you will broadcast your desperation, which, in the jungle as well as in the blogosphere, can lead to being pounced upon by hungry lions.
Today, we are going to the Lakeway Activity Center to check out the city-wide garage sale. We are catered by Red Ash of Austin, and our entertainment is The Beatles.
Menu
WOOD GRILLED 10oz BEEF FILET – roasted shallot butter / 30-day wet age, Fred Linz, Chicago
10OZ BEEF FILET WITH FRESH BLUE CRAB FONDUTA – wood grilled and sliced, 30-day wet age, Fred Linz, Chicago /
WOOD ROASTED BEEF BONE MARROW & WILD MUSHROOM RISOTTO – shallot butter / shaved grana / natural jus
OSSO BUCO MILANESE – extra thick cut, red wine braised veal shank/saffron risotto/lemon gremolata
POLLO ALLA DIAVOLO -half roasted chicken / crostoni / lemon / garlic / calabrian chile / natural jus
WILD RED SNAPPER A LA PLANCHA “LIVORNESE STYLE – Campari tomato/capers / Mediterranean olives
zucchini / fresh herbs/shellfish broth
SAUTEED NORTH PACIFIC HALIBUT – sweet corn risotto / fava beans / calabrian chile / chervil
COLD WATER LOBSTER TAILS “SCAMPI STYLE – emon butter/spaghettini a.o.p. / crostoni
Get on the bus.
The Activity Center
Boxes for leftover “treasure” that folks might want to donate rather than take home.
A lot of stuff.
Click image for a closer view.
A varied collection.
A bunch of books.
All things bottles.
Lamps and more.
Fishing rods and bracelets.
A pink 1960 Triumph TR3
Riding helmets and a tennis racket.
Interesting stuff.
Well, it’s time for food and music. I hope you have a great week.
The song Portrait of My Love plays over and over in my mind. It was the last song on my playlist last night and now haunts me today. A fresh, hot, aromatic cup of joe will chase it away. With hope, the two coffee selection is made on the machine touchscreen. The first sip moved the song to the background. The second brings up “I Like It Like That” by the Dave Clark Five. Feeling doomed, the hope is that the third will bring peace. No such luck as the Westminster chimes of the doorbell join the cacophony of Twiggy and Tempeste doing their best Hounds of Baskerville imitation. Two toys tossed into the soundproof room, and a slam of the door restores peace and harmony.
The monitor shows what appears to be Wile E. Coyote standing on the porch, holding an envelope and a large box marked ACME Vacuum Company. The conversation that ensued forced me(of course) to start the security shutdown process.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. The MH-60 Jayhawk Helicopter hovering over the house is diverted. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the security system’s shutdown process. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The Tasmanian Devil is directed to the food in his cage, and the door drops. The electronic jammer is kept active, given a situation with a robot not too long ago. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
Wile hands me the envelope and clipboard, which I sign where indicated, and return the board. It is then that the unboxed vacuum is turned on, and my pockets are emptied. Lucky for me, all there is in them is a couple of dollars and some lint. Stepping back and slamming the front door ends the cleanout. These guys are like restaurants that add a 20% sevice charge to the bill without asking. Tipping must be mandatory these days.
Inside the envelope is a message from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “portrait.” Use it anyway you’d like. Have fun!
Today’s good news story comes from Protect All Wildlife. @Protect_Wldlife Thanks to Noelle Granger for sending it to me.
A ROOF TILE THAT’S GIVING LITTLE OWLS THEIR HOMES BACK
In rural Spain, a clever design is helping thousands of nocturnal birds reclaim what modern construction quietly took away.
The Little Owl once nested in old stone walls and traditional farmhouses. But as rural architecture modernized, those natural cavities disappeared — leaving these small hunters without shelter. So conservationists from the Grup de Naturalistes d’Osona and Grup de Natura Sterna designed something brilliant. They created the Teula Mussolera — a modified clay roof tile that doubles as a high-tech birdhouse.
Here’s why it works: It looks exactly like traditional Spanish roofing — preserving the beauty of rural homes. Its internal tunnel is predator-proof and thermally stable, protecting chicks from heat and hunters. It allows owls to live alongside humans as villages expand. And here’s the smartest part… This isn’t charity. It’s a partnership. The Little Owl is an elite natural pest controller — hunting thousands of insects and rodents every year.
Farmers who install these tiles aren’t just helping wildlife… they’re recruiting a silent, feathered security team that reduces the need for chemical pesticides.
Sometimes conservation isn’t about separating humans and nature. It’s about designing a way to thrive together. The good news in this story is that someone figured out how to accommodate both mankind and nature in the same environment. Today’s JohnKu talks about coexistence. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Today I opened The Last Drive randomly to page 207. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. The word “yelling” was closest to my finger. That is our prompt today.
This post was published on June 30, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. It was the last post we co-authored.
The Top Ten Things Not to Do on Your First Anniversary
10 If it is your first wedding anniversary, do not think your spouse will find it funny if you pretend to forget your wedding date. If you do pretend to forget, at best, your spouse will forgive you after you’ve recited a dozen mea culpas and treated your spouse to a romantic candlelit dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town. At worst, your spouse will demand, in addition to the mea culpas and romantic dinner, that you be solely responsible for cleaning out your cat’s litter box until your second wedding anniversary.
9 If it is your first wedding anniversary, do not assume your spouse will want to celebrate the anniversary with all your family, friends, and the same people at your wedding. If you do, at best, your spouse will grudgingly put up with a crush and the noise of partygoers. At worst, your spouse will commit a disappearing act (sneaking out of the house to have that nice, quiet dinner your spouse really wanted), leaving you to be solo host, as well as clean-up crew after the party.
8 If it is your first work anniversary, do not expect congratulations from your boss and coworkers. At best, you will get some recognition for having stayed in the job for a year since no one else (including your boss) has, an insight which might cause you to start looking for another job. At worst, you try to throw your own party during lunch time in the conference room, which coincides with your boss’s own planned luncheon with the CEO, CFO, CIO, and COO, and you wind up playing caterer to them since you are now too embarrassed to admit the food was for your own party.
7 If it is your first work anniversary, do not insist on going to the most expensive restaurant to celebrate with your boss and coworkers. If you do, at best, no one will complain that the only thing any of them (except your boss) can afford is the Caesar salad and a glass of ice water. At worst, in honor of your anniversary, your boss will publicly suggest you pay the bill for the entire table since your anniversary grants you a 1.0% raise, which, after taxes, translates to a 0.3% raise, which, after a year, will cover the cost of the meal.
6 If it is the first anniversary of your first date, do not think your significant other will be unaware of the fact. If you do, at best, your significant other will accept your apologies for forgetting, and you make a promise to yourself not to forget the second anniversary. At worst, your significant other will accept your apologies and then suggest it’s time to see other people, letting you know in no uncertain terms that there will not be a second anniversary.
5 If it is the first anniversary of your first date, do not think a simple greeting card will be enough to celebrate the event. If you do, at best, your significant other will simply sigh and make arrangements for a nice dinner at the restaurant where you had your first date. At worst, your significant other will make reservations at a very expensive restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to but never had the money. For the cherry on top, your significant other will abruptly leave, grabbing the foil-wrapped coq au vin, but leave the check, which, of course, you cannot pay except with long hours of dishwashing.
4 If it is your first blogging anniversary, do not think that no one will care if you ignore the event. If you do, at best, your readers will likely be confused when you start writing posts beginning “When I began blogging over a year ago ….” since it’s fairly common to celebrate such an event, and they won’t understand why you didn’t. At worst, you’ll be spotlighted into shame by your fellow bloggers who go ahead and post about their first anniversary while you sit and watch their readership grow as yours sinks.
3 If it is your first blogging anniversary, do not think you can crowdsource your way to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. If you do, at best you’ll gain enough for a tip, and your readers will just shake their heads over your impudence and continue reading your blog anyway. At worst, several fellow bloggers will show up at a fancy restaurant expecting you to share your crowdsourced meal for one with all of them, forcing you to pony up for the most expensive bill you’ve ever seen.
2 If it is the first anniversary of your book, do not think it would be gauche to promote the hell out of it on your important day. If you do, at best, an ardent fan will recognize the date and promote your book for you, giving you an uptick in sales you wouldn’t have otherwise. At worst, you miss your window of opportunity, and your first-anniversary sale post bombs because no one understands what a year-and-a-day anniversary is all about.
1 If it is the first anniversary of your book, do not hesitate to discount the price on that important day. If you do hesitate, at best, you’ll get lukewarm sales results from your lukewarm effort. At worst, your promotion will be so tepid that none of your readers will understand what you are promoting and miss the opportunity to purchase your book at less than the cost of a tall skinny Vanilla latte.
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