Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 207 by Keith Channing

February 19, 2019February 18, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo ( below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“I just love to write cards home.”

“Huh? I’m sorry, but I was concentrating on this dispatch.”

“I said I just love to write cards home. Do you?”

“You know I need to get this out. What was the question?”

“Do you like to write cards home?”

“Sometimes I write home. I can’t say I like it. I would rather be home thank you.”

“That goes without saying, but a card makes you feel a little closer.”

“You are so funny. How can a card make you feel closer?”

“While you are writing, you can think of those who will be reading what you wrote and then you can visualize their smile and feel close.”

“You are quite a romantic. When I write home, I only give the facts like I’ve been taught.”

“Don’t you ever miss home?”

“Of course I do, but it doesn’t help to make up stories about smiles and thinking of those reading what I write.”

“Why not?”

“For one the only people reading what I write want to know what is going on and could care less about feelings.”

“I think you have not had a happy youth.”

“Happy has nothing to do with it. I’m a warrior and what I write is a situation analysis, not a valentine card.”

“Goodness, we are grumpy today.”

“For another what makes you think the folks back home smile?”

“Everybody smiles.”

“See you are now thinking like an Earthling. Everybody here smiles. When was the last time you saw a smile on your controller droid?”

“So you won’t let me dream?”

“You do not have time to dream. We are being extracted in two hours, and if I don’t get this dispatch off, the mission will be scrubbed, and we’ll be trapped here for another hundred Earth years.”

“Would that be so bad? At least we would have our smiles.”

“And pizza. I almost forgot about the pizza.”

“Can we please stay? It’s only a hundred years.”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Go ahead and finish your card. I’m going to color for a while.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of the Postal Department in 1792

February 18, 2019February 17, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical backdrop. This week marks the anniversary of the founding of the postal service in 1792. If you have access to a time travel machine, please take this list with you should you land in 1792. It might help avoid some embarrassment if you end up at the first post office.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of the Postal Service in 1792.

10 If you are at the founding of the Postal Service, do not ask for a roll of stamps. If you do, at best the clerk will be confused. At worst, they will think you are joking with a Federal employee. (Since stamps were not introduced until 1847, you are now involved in a controversy, Greggory. Fooling with a Federal Employee carries a $100.00 fine and ten days in jail or both.)

9 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not yell at Tiny the WWF champ who is working at the postal service to pay off his assault and battery fine. If you do, at best Tiny will have taken his medication. At worst, Tiny is the first recorded episode of an employee “going postal.” (Now you’ve done it, Gregos. You’ve been the reason for the creation of a whole new verb. Countless Postal employees will curse your name from this time on.)

8 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not lie to the clerk about the contents of your package. If you do, at best no one will be any the wiser. At worst, your package has been randomly chosen for inspection. (Funny how those twelve unpaid for letters got into that shipment of socks isn’t it? Grigory? You’ll need a bag of pence to rectify this situation.)

7 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not mark your package fragile. If you do, at best it will be handled carefully. At worst, the word will be a challenge to all handlers to see how well you packed your item. (I guess the recipient of your package was quite surprised to receive a present of ground glass for their birthday, Gualtiero. You could tell them that it is a do it yourself crystal vase hobby kit.)

6 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not mark your letter “air mail.” If you do, at best the clerk will think you have nothing in the envelope. At worst, your letter will end up on Ben Franklin’s desk since it is assumed his experiments with kites have something to do with your correspondence. (In this case, Gunny your private love note has been published in the Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper to the delight of hundreds. Good thing you didn’t sign it.)

5 if you are at the founding of the postal service, do not ring that little bell under the sign that says ‘ring bell for service.’ If you do, at best no one will come anyway. At worst, you’ll be facing a clerk who was just having a sandwich in the back. (That white linen envelope you carefully picked out to deliver your valentine is now decorated with a mustard thumbprint, Gustavus. Best not say anything.)

4 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not stare at the person looking at all the fugitive wanted posters. If you do, at best they are only curious. At worst, they are wanted for robbery and murder and are checking to see if there are any posters on them. (Try to look away quickly, Gwallter. Making eye contact with that person will be hazardous to your health. Oops too late.)

3 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not take the quill pen at the desk. If you do, at best you can call it an accident. At worst, the clerk will alert the sheriff that you have stolen government property. (What a beautiful mess. If only there had been a chain on that quill, Gwernach. Oh well, ten years at hard labor will pass quickly.)

2 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not moan out loud at the unusually long time it seems to take to serve the ten patrons in line ahead of you. If you do, at best everyone will think you have a toothache. At worst, your displeasure will be met with increased slowness on the part of the patrons and clerk. (The guy at the counter is asking the clerk for directions to Plymouth for heaven’s sake. You should have kept quiet, Gwyn.)

1 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not attempt to mail an oversized package. If you do, at best the clerk will tell you to go away. At worst, you will be advised to read the rules and regulations of acceptable package dimensions. (If you are incredibly unlucky, Gavin the clerk will read you the rules word for word. That is payback for the person who moaned behind you.)

Views of the Neighborhood – City Wide Garage Sale

February 17, 2019February 17, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

We had a city-wide garage sale yesterday in Port Aransas. It was a massive affair. Take a look at the map in the link below.

2019CWGS

So I’m going to give you a flavor by visiting a few places.

Here is a private home. Looks pretty much like any garage sale.

Let’s follow these folks to the Civic Center.

Man, what a selection

Cosmetics

Hats.

Tables of stuff.

And my neighbor doing volunteer work raising money for her church. That’s her with the big smile.

Here is a shop.

And a garage sale participant just setting up.

On the main street in a parking lot.

Those yellow balls are locally raised Ruby Red grapefruit. $0.50 each or a dozen for five bucks.

A back shot of the sellers.

A close up of a reminder about time. None of my books were on the table.

Spices, preserves, and salsa.

Back to a home garage. Gulf cart for sale.

I hope you liked the taste of our community event.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Yawn”

February 16, 2019February 15, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “yawn.” Linda Hill asks us to write about the first thing we think about when reading the word “yawn.” If you would like to participate in this crazy fun go to Linda’s blog and read how. It is effortless. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2019/02/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-16-19/

“So what are the instructions?”

“To write about the first thing I think about when I see the word ‘yawn.”‘

“OMG. That is such an easy prompt.”

“Um. Not when it comes to my brain it isn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know most folks would think of sleepy or bored when they see the word yawn.”

“Yeah, that’s correct. What did you think about?”

“I’m almost afraid to tell you.”

“Oh, come on. We’ve known each other for years. You can tell me.”

“I think I would rather not. I’ll just do the prompt and write about a history class I had in college.”

“Now that would not be in keeping with the prompt. By the way what about that class?”

“Did you see the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?”

“Yes. Oh, you mean that scene where the high school teacher played by Ben Stein kept saying ‘Anyone, anyone,’ and was horribly boring?”

“That’s the scene. Well. This college professor was just like Ben Stein. He talked in a monotone and simply recited dates and facts of history. We could have read his lecture out of the book.”

“That must have been painful.”

“One day while half the class was asleep, the professor fell off the stage.”

“Oh my.”

“He was looking back over his shoulder doing his Ben Stein imitation and just walked off the stage. It was about a two-foot drop.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. The class didn’t seem to notice. I think everyone had tuned him out so didn’t realize he had stopped talking.”

“What did you do””

“Called 9-1-1.”

“Was he okay?”

“Yup. Just a few bruises. I got an A in the class. He said I was the only one awake and deserved it.”

“Ha ha ha. So what did you think of first when you saw the word ‘yawn?'”

“Promise you won’t think me crazy.”

“Come on. Of course, I promise.”

“That I need to mow the lawn.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. That is the first thing.”

“You have something wrong with you.”

“Damn.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

February 15, 2019February 14, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

Another week has gone by the wayside. Is it me or does time fly? I guess it could be a combination of both. I have had one of those weeks where I had to sit back and try to figure out what I accomplished. It was kind of strange to receive a notice from Grammarly on Tuesday that since 2015 they have checked 4,570,914 words with 17,000 last week alone. I guess this would indicate I’m doing something. Wouldn’t it? *crickets*

Not to belabor the fact that time is flying by I decided to let this week’s JohnKu speak for how I feel. I hope you have a great weekend.

You look up one day,

And you notice time has passed . . .

Invested wisely?

Thursday – A Little Personal – A Day Outside.

February 14, 2019February 13, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

“See these big tracks, Lucy?”

“Yes, Little One I see them.”

“I’m telling you there is a big machine up there somewhere.”

“Okay, Little One. Could you slow down a bit? The Boss and I are too old for this sprint.”

“Hows this? I’m almost standing still I’m going so slow.”

“Better Little One. Much better.”

“Ah. What did I say?”

“That there was a big machine up there. It is heading right for us.”

“Yeah. I see that. You. Yes, you. Big ole machine. Come and get it.”

“Hey, Boss. I’m not sure about this.”

“Let me at em. Let me at em. You want trouble machine you’ve come to the right spot.”

“I must say, Twiggy, you are frightening me.”

“Ha. Look at that. The machine has stopped.”

“You don’t suppose you’ve killed it do you?”

“That was some adventure Little One. You were very brave.”

“Aw, Lucy. That was nothing I was worried that the machine would hurt you.”

“But now we are safe in the backyard with no worries.”

“Yes, it feels good to rest after a battle, Lucy. Wait what is that?”

“You think that machine is in the neighborhood?”

“No Little Potato. It only works on the beach. You can relax. That was a truck.”

“They are a little worrisome too, Lucy.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

February 13, 2019February 12, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

“So it is not Friday after all.”
“No Little Potato. It’s Wednesday.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we were present when Cortez paid a visit to Larry and Andrew. It was no surprise that Cortez said he had nothing to do with Sandusky’s murder. What was a surprise was to find out the engineer who reported that the medical equipment was not working ended up dead in a skiing accident. Cortez left the report that the engineer developed. We need to get back to Larry’s office since he and Andrew are trying to figure out the next step.

“I have to say the man has cheek.”

“What do you mean by that, Andrew.”

“He waltzes in here hands us a report, and then boldly denies he killed Sandusky.”

“What would you do?”

“I see your point.”

“The surprise to me was the engineer being killed.”

“Sounds fishy doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. I think we better look into that so-called accident. There might be a little more to it.”

“What is the engineer’s name? I’ll look him up on Google.”

“Let me see. Here it is at the bottom of the report. Alexis Rafferty.”

“Okay, here I go. A-l-e-x-i-s-r-a-f-e-r-t-y. Is that right?”

“Nope. Two fs”

“Okay got it. Here it is. The accident happened at Heavenly Ski Resort in South Lake Tahoe. Looks like he was doing a night trail and ran off into the trees.”

“Night skiing huh? Already sounds suspicious. Any quotes from the police?”

“Yeah. A captain Swartz was quoted as saying it was an unfortunate accident and our thoughts go to the family.”

“I think we ought to give Swartz a call and see what the official report stated. I wonder if they did an autopsy?”

“Most communities are part of a medical examiners data base. Let me do a query.”

“You go doc. How long will it take?”

“Twelve seconds Mr. Type A. Here it is.”

“What does it say?”

“Hold on let me read a little. Um hum. Yup. Yeah well, who would have guessed?”

“Damn Andrew. Can you share.”

“It looks like our Mr.Rafferty was bombed out of his mind. His BAC was 2.0. Not 0.02, but 2.0. I would imagine he would have a tough time walking let alone navigate a ski lift and skis.”

“I think we are needing to give Swartz a call. Also, any next of kin?”

“Let me go back to the story. Yes. He left a wife and a couple of kids.”

“Where are they?”

“The paper says Boston, but they might have moved by now.”

“Let’s see if we can track them down. I need to ask the wife about Rafferty’s drinking habits.”

“I’ll do a search.”

“Great. While You are doing that, I’ll give Swartz a call.”

“May take some time.”

“That’s okay. Yes hello. This is detective Dunfee of the Boston Police Department. I wonder if Captain Swartz is available? Yes, I can hold.”

“Is he there?”

“Not sure. I’m on hold.”

“The power of Dunfee.”

“Smartass. Oh no, I was talking to an associate. He’s not available huh? Would you please ask him to call me back? It is in regards to the Rafferty accident. Yes. That’s Dunfee. The number 617 555-5000. No extension. Just have him ask for me. Thank you. Oh, one more thing. Tell him it is urgent.”

“Maybe he is working a case.”

“Yeah, right. Not getting on the phone is number two on the suspicious list.”

“I’m sure everyone would drop what they are doing to talk to the famous Detective Dunfee.”

“Shut up, Andrew and find that wife.”

“Aye, aye, Legree.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 206 by Keith Channing

February 12, 2019February 11, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The Photo

“I can’t understand frog. I said, ‘Hello little guy.’ Maybe you could sign or something.”

“For heaven’s sake. How about I use English?”

“Wow. You speak English?”

“No. The guy across the way is throwing his voice.”

“What guy?”

“Forget the guy. I was being facetious. I’m speaking English. What the heck is the matter with you?”

“You ask that? Here I am holding a frog in my hand who is speaking English.”

“Yeah so?”

“So? Don’t you think that is cause to be a little confused?”

“If I were human I suppose it would be a little unusual.”

“If you were human? What the heck are you.”

“What do I look like?”

“A frog.”

“Looks like a frog. Just might be a frog.”

“Are you from outer space.”

“Nope. From right here in Murphy’s swamp where you found me.”

“How did you learn to speak English?”

“How many times have you come to this swamp to read your poetry?”

“Yeah, hundreds.”

“It would take a fool not to be able to speak after listening to all those poems.”

“Which one did you like the best?”

“I think the question should be, ‘Which one was the least offensive.”‘

“That was cold.”

“You are right. I just can’t help myself.”

“Are you a poet?”

“No, but I do review poetry.”

“You do?”

“Yup. For the New York Times.”

“My gosh. What is your byline.”

“Phineus P Phrog.”

“You are Phineus P. Phrog? I can’t believe it. I worship your reviews. You’ve made the most famous poets with your elegant words.”

“My goodness, you make me blush which is not a good thing when the crane comes around.”

“Please tell me my poems are not that bad.”

“I have professional integrity to maintain. Between you and me I think I would find something else to do.”

“Don’t say that. I love to read and write poetry.”

“You don’t have to give up reading.”

“You are breaking my heart.”

“I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“I could make you my assistant.”

“Your assistant? That sounds wonderful. What would I have to do?”

“Well. there’s a matter of needing proofreading.”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“The mail is horrendous. Maybe you could answer the mail.”

“Perfect.”

“Twitter?”

“All over it.”

“My Facebook page needs a redo.”

“Consider it done.”

“Deadlines?”

“I have a great organizational system.”

“My blog?”

“I’ll ghostwrite and post for you.”

“Flies.”

“Flies?”

“I eat a lot of flies.”

“You don’t catch your own?”

“No time.”

“Freeze-dried?”

“Last resort.”

“Deal.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on the Mormon Exodus to Utah in 1846

February 11, 2019February 10, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. February 10th marks the anniversary of the beginning of the Mormon exodus from Nauvoo, Illinois to the Salt Lake Valley in Utah. The year was 1846, and the first Mormons began the long trek led by Brigham Young. If you have the ability to time travel, please take this list before joining the expedition. It could keep you out of trouble.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on the Mormon Exodus to Utah in 1846.

10 If you are on the trek, do not ask to borrow a cup of flour from your fellow traveler. If you do, at best they will pretend not to hear you. At worst, the trail captain will assume you have not rationed your supplies. (Everyone was told to be careful, Gizur. You now are ordered to the end of the line where it is rumored the mountain lion does her food shopping )

9 If you are on the trek, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can ride in his handcart. If you do, at best he will think you are joking. At worst, Tiny, who just spent time in a group session on compromise, cannot refuse you. (In fact, Tiny insists that you take turns riding and pushing the cart. Let’s see, Glyn. You weigh 150 pounds and Tiny 300. This may be a long walk.)

8 If you are on the trek, do not think you can skip church service. If you do, you’ll be given a second chance. At worst, the elders will decide your fate. (You have found the elders do not have a sense of humor regarding missing church, Godofredo. It may be time to merely attend rather than have to pull that heavy wagon alone.)

7 If you are on the trek, do not ask, “Are we there yet?” just after leaving Illinois. If you do, at best no one will answer you. At worst, your wagon driver will require you to sit down a be quiet for the rest of the trip. (Talk about boring, Godwin. There is no license, or I Spy game to play either.)

6 If you are on the trek, do not start singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall. If you do, at best your driver is not a Mormon. At worst, you are in Brigham’s wagon, and now you have to walk. (Isn’t it strange, Goodwin how one man’s feast is another’s poison. Next time sing 99 bottles of sarsaparilla on the wall.)

5 If you are on the trek, do not wish out loud for a stop at Stuckey’s for a pecan roll. If you do, at best folks will think you have the spotted fever. At worst, you will be asked to describe a pecan roll. (Now you’ve done it, Gorka. Once you start talking about a pecan roll, you’ll be on your own with your next adventure trying to outrun the great American Brown bear.

4 If you are on the trek, do not think you need to tell ghost stories around the campfire. If you do, at best most will go to bed early. At worst, you’ll be stuck with old Zeke. (Wouldn’t you know it, Gothfraidh. Old Zeke tells stories that cause your hair to stand on end. No sleep for you tonight)

3 If you are on the trek, do not suggest a side trip to Yosemite Falls. If you do, at best you’ll get some strange looks. At worst, you will be able to take the side trip by yourself. (You only have 600 more miles, Govannon. Don’t worry about the bottoms of your shoes wearing out. You can always wear wooden sandals. Oh, that’s right. You left the ax behind.)

2 If you are on the trek, do not let your sourdough die. If you do, at best you might be able to get new starter. At worst, you will be without bread for the rest of the trip. (You were supposed to keep that dough going, Graeme. No one is going to give you their precious mixture. At least you can make porridge out of flour and water. UGH)

1 If you are on the trek, do not try to drive ahead of Brigham to enter the Salt Lake Valley ahead of him. If you do, at best others will see what you are trying to do and stop you. At worst you enter the valley ahead of Brigham (Can you imagine history recording that you were one of the first into the valley huh, Grandville? How would you feel having altered history in such a way? You would be the time traveler equivalent of a litterbug.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Adopt-A-Beach Clean up Day

February 10, 2019February 9, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 81 Comments

Yesterday was a statewide Adopt-A-Beach Winter Clean up day sponsored by the Texas Land Office. Here in Port Aransas, the temperature was 40 degrees with an 18 mile an hour wind. Felt more like 34 degrees and spitting rain to boot. There were some brave souls who turned out to pick up litter and small plastic pieces

More than 512,000 volunteers have removed more than 9,495 tons of trash from Texas beaches since 1986. The next statewide cleanup is scheduled for April 20th.

I hope you enjoy the tour.

A shout out to a sponsor.

The check-in table.

The wonderful people who set up the event and make sure all the volunteers have everything they need. (I know it looks like they are standing in Minnesota)

Nothing like a friendly fire to help keep warm.

A Texas Land Office truck.

Here is a form ready for check-in.

Volunteers get a calendar if they wish.

Some nice patches for your down jacket.

A favorite place that fire.

Someone has built a sand tribute to Jesus. Although a bit random, we see sculptures frequently. The sand becomes an excellent vehicle for expression.

A volunteer hard at work. Notice the raging waters behind him.

More volunteers braving the cold and picking up a bag, data card to record the type of trash, and a pencil.

It is tough to leave the fire but we must.

Here is the score for the day. We think there is a mistake in identifying the crab trap tag as from Tennessee since that is a landlocked state. It might be Louisiana.