Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Rain

November 4, 2024November 2, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

This post ran on December 15, 2014. It may come in handy since it still rains, and we have time before the big freezes.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Rain

10 If you are in the rain driving your car, do not engage cruise control. If you do, at best, you may have a spin-out. At worst, your car will continue at a constant rate of speed as you slide off the highway into the old river gorge swollen with rain water and moving at fifty miles an hour.

9 If you are in the rain driving your car, do not cross a puddle of unknown depth, especially if you see the back fin of an unidentified fish. If you do, at best, rescue will come before the car sinks. At worst, you and your car will be the subject of the six o’clock news as the Coast Guard boards your temporary boat and claps you in irons

8 If you are in the rain and don’t have an umbrella, do not hold a paper over your head. If you do, at best, you will end up wet and ink-covered. At worst, you might be mistaken for a person with a paper mache head and have to deal with parents of children who are sure you are from a different planet.

7 If you are in the rain, do not try to run to minimize the effects of the raindrops. If you do, at best, you will simply get wetter faster due to your increased velocity. At worst, running in a downpour has all the makings of a two-reel comedy, especially if you slip and fall into a puddle as you step off the curb. (You know a cellphone camera will catch that underwear flash and all)

6 If you are in the rain and standing with people to get on the bus, do not mention the rain. If you do, at best, those around you will think you are an idiot for discussing the obvious. At worst, you may just be lucky enough to get under an umbrella and then be told to move since you have made your umbrella mate uncomfortable with your observation of “wow, some rain, huh.”

5 If you are in the rain and carrying anything, do not think you can keep it dry by shoving it under your clothes. If you do, at best, you will have a cold, wet lump next to your skin. At worst, those around you will think you have taken something illegally and turn you in to the police, who decide not to step out of their car in the rain but rather Taser you from inside the vehicle.

4 If you are in the rain, do not try to eat your sandwich on the go. If you do, at best, you will have to eat it too fast to save it from melting. At worst, you will be too slow, and the best part of the sandwich will run down the sleeve of the arm connected to the hand wrapped around the sandwich. This part of the sandwich will only be discovered when you raise your arm to ask a question of the visiting executive from the home office, who will naturally think you rolled in something terrible.

3 If you are in the rain, do not think your dog will perform as they usually do on a walk. If you do, at best, you and the dog will be in for a frustrating experience. At worst, your dog will associate rain with your disappointment and may want to help by leaving a surprise at the door before walking if it is raining outside to show you there is no need for the walk.

2 If you are in the rain and you have a flat tire, do not try to change it yourself. If you do, at best, you will be soaking wet and dirty. At worst, you might just be part of a freak accident where the car slips off the jack and rolls down an embankment, only to become airborne until it lands on a person’s roof below and stops in their living room. (While they are watching the six o’clock news about an earthquake in Asia) Okay, I’ll admit it’s not realistic, but it could happen. Why take the chance?

1 If you are in the rain, do not remove your shoes to prevent your Italian leathers from getting wet. If you do, at best, you will only step on some stranger’s gum. At worst, you may step into a puddle that, if you had your shoes on, you would have tried to avoid, only to discover someone let their pet piranhas loose for a run down the street without their leashes. The sad part is the piranhas were let loose before their tapir dinner.

Views of the Neighborhood – Travis County Safety Day

November 3, 2024November 2, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Today, we will get a taste of the safety services offered in Travis County. We are catered by Buenos Aires Cafe in Austin, and our entertainment is Billy Joel.

Let’s jump on the bus.

The signpost is up ahead. A poster for the event.

Lots of folks.

The motorcycles of the sheriff are always a big draw.

The park police are here.

Many patrol vehicles.

A big fire truck with jaws of life.

E.M.S. unit.

A fire simulator unit to give you the feeling of being in a fire.

A multi-patient E.M.S. unit for disasters.

The mother of all S.W.A.T. vehicles.

Lakeway police vehicles

Tents to visit.

A band that is really a duo.

Of course, the bookmobile.

Along with other games, a haunted jump house.

We have seen a lot, and now it is time to relax, have food, and listen to the music.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Chill

November 2, 2024November 1, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

The message on the control pad was clear in its meaning. The lone word, “Chill,” meant coffee would be delayed. Drumming fingers on the kitchen counter does no good whatsoever. An eternity passes until the slow drool of lifesaving elixir begins from the twin spouts.

Finally, I take a first sip, which comes just as the caffeine warning light in my head starts to rotate. The calm after the storm is a relief. Unfortunately, the calm lasts a brief two seconds before the Westminster chimes of the doorbell send the hounds of Baskerville into a frothy barking frenzy at a decibel level that manages to destroy every lightbulb in the place.

The only thing to do is open the bedroom door and toss a jar of peanut butter inside. Once the baying hounds pass the doorjamb in pursuit, the door is slammed, and silence returns. The security system is the next item of attention.

The turret machine guns are set to stand by, the boiling oil cauldron tipping mechanism is turned off, and the automated arrow launching pods are unarmed. In addition, the Trebuchet, ballista, and falling rock device are switched to manual. The claymore mines are set to manual, the mote net rolled back, and the concertina wire retracted. The Iron gate is raised, and the bolts are thrown on the front door.

Standing there is a guy with a chill expression and two massive ears. He is munching a carrot and asks me, “Eh, what’s up Doc?” He hands me an envelope, turns and disappears. Inside the envelope is a message from Linda Hill. It reads:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “chill.’” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

If you want to see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2024/11/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-2-2024/

“Why no time trip?”

“The only news from 1924 was an accident in Chicago and a first time crossword puzzle in London. Pretty boring.”

“You know you don’t have to stick with 1924.”

“Yeah, you are right but that damn doorbell went off and I ran out of time.”

“Was that Bugs Bunny?”

“Hard to say. Since I don’t have a Warner Brothers waver of their copyright I’m saying it was somebody else.”

“You a lawyer?”

“No but I play one on TV.”

“Any thought about Voo Doo Ranger?”

“Do you have an Uber?”

“Right over there.”

“A 1968 Dodge Charger. Now we are living.”

“Yes and no riding outside either.”

“I’ll even sit in the back.”

“What a chill gent you are.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – FriYay/Goodnews

November 1, 2024October 31, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

First Hospital Rooftop garden-released by Boston Medical Center

Today’s good news Comes from The Good News Network.

Boston Hospital Is Treating Food as Medicine with its Own Rooftop Garden

Andy Corbley –Oct 31, 2024

It’s a worldwide paradox: why is it so common for hospital food to be essentially bad for you?

Tackling the problem head-on, Boston Medical Center—already one of the greenest hospitals in the nation—has opened two extensive rooftop gardens. These gardens give patients and physicians access to fresh food while adding green space to the hospital campus.

BMC had one rooftop garden, through which it supplied fresh foods to its cafeteria and inpatient catering. Now, a second one, utilizing the ample rooftop space of the hospital campus, can also provide fresh foods to underserved communities, cementing BMC as a place of healing, whether through a shot in the arm or a vibrant kale salad.

Through a partnership with Boston Area Gleaners, fruits and vegetables cultivated in the 4,915-square-foot grow space will be distributed to local non-profits and community centers twice weekly during the growing season. This will address food insecurity and increase access to essential fresh foods across Boston.

Called the ‘Newmarket Farm,’ it triples BMC’s total grow space and quadruples the amount of produce BMC expects to grow annually. The new garden will specialize in growing vegetables, including collard greens, kale, and arugula, as well as culturally relevant crops, including Aji Dulce peppers, bok choy, and callaloo.

It will also advance BMC Health System’s commitment to sustainability. The green space reduces heat-absorbing pavement in the community and slows stormwater runoff impact, as plants collect and retain rainwater directly. The garden operates while reducing water waste through high-tech irrigation that waters the crops directly at the root.

“Our rooftop farms increase green space in our community, reduce the hospital’s carbon footprint, and strengthen at-risk local food systems. We are proud to expand fresh food availability in the local community while adding more pathways to support critical clinical programs, like the Preventive Food Pantry, in our hospital,” said David Maffeo, Senior Director of Support Services at BMC.

“The Newmarket Farm models how hospitals can further invest in the health of our communities while building environmentally resilient spaces.”

BMC has a program called Food Is Medicine, which works with a local grocer to craft labeling formats that speak directly to citizens’ disease risks and/or desire for knowledge about better nutrition.

For example, food items that may help control blood sugar are expressed on the packaging as being better for diabetics, or foods that may help lower blood pressure are labeled as potentially heart-healthy.

The city’s cultural diversity has seen the labeling materials printed in a variety of languages, from Vietnamese to Haitian-Creole.

The good news in this article is space is being put to use for the good of the community and hospital patients. Today’s JohnKu talks about clear thinking. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Who’s idea was that?

To use roofspace to feed folks . . .

Utter pure brillance.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Tempeste and Contemplation

October 31, 2024October 30, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 119 Comments

“Okay, girls. The sun will be up soon. What’s on the agenda today?”

“Gee, Dad. We just got here. We need some time to contemplate.”

“What has gotten into him?”

“Beats me. I guess we better put our thinking caps on.”

“Our what? What the heck is a thinking cap?”

“It’s an expression for getting focused on a problem.”

“So, what does your thinking cap say to you?”

“It says we should figure out what to do today.”

“How about playing with some toys?”

“Yeah, here is a bumble bee. Might be fun to play keep away.”

“You usually win that game. How about another?”

“look at all those toys. Surely, we can find one that we both would enjoy.”

You are correct, but don’t call me Shirley.”

“We haven’t played with Mr. Crab for a while.”

“Please don’t make me play with Mr. Crab. We just did that yesterday.”

“Okay. You can stop the tantrum. What do you want to play with?”

“Why do I always have to decide?”

“You know, I may use you as a toy in one minute.”

“Hey. That sounds like a good idea.”

“Well, I’m licking my chops at the prospect.”

“The panther fakes being hurt to lure the puma closer.”

“The puma isn’t going to fall for it and prepares for the death strike.”

“This is great.”

“Who needs toys anyway.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Prompt – Position

October 29, 2024October 28, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

Today, I opened Circumstances of Childhood randomly to page 115. Without looking, I pointed at the page, and my finger fell closest to the word “position.”

“So, what position do you play?”

“I pretty much play them all.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I figured if I was going to do well, I would have to learn them all.”

“But that is almost impossible.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“What did the coach say.”

“When I tried out, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“The same thing as you, impossible.”

“So what happened?”

“He had some guys run me through the positions.”

“And?”

“I start tomorrow.”

“Wow, that’s great.”

“Except for one thing.”

“I’m starting to molt.”

“You can still play.”

“If I can’t fly, I can’t play.”

“Who said that?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of a high fly ball?”

“Oh, brother.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Have a Lousy Boss

October 28, 2024October 27, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

This post ran on August 11th, 2014. I’m sure there are still lousy bosses out there. I hope you enjoy it.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Have a Lousy Boss

10. If you have a lousy boss, do not try to curry favor. If you do, at best, your co-workers will shun you. At worst, the boss may think you are a big ass suck-up and have no respect for you whatsoever. ( Okay, so you are a big assed suck-up, Buford. Be more discrete.)

9. If you have a lousy boss, do not wish a cheery good morning. If you do, at best, the boss will think you are shallow. At worst, the boss will not appreciate your greeting since all days are bad in the boss’s opinion. (You might try a growl next time, Berry. It works for the boss’s wife.)

8. If you have a lousy boss, do not volunteer to plan an event. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed in the boss’s disapproval of how the event went. At worst, your permanent record will have an entry about poor planning skills. (The idea of serving mimosas at the coffee break went a little far, Buster.)

7. If you have a lousy boss, do not talk to the boss at company functions. If you do, at best, the boss with think you are sucking up. At worst, the boss will allow paranoid feelings to influence the decision to move you to the basement mop closet. (Try to stay on the other side of the room, Brent. If the boss wants you, he will waggle his finger.)

6. If you have a lousy boss, do not ask a question at meetings. If you do, at best, your co-workers will think you are sucking up. At worst, the boss will take your question as a personal attack on the company’s objectives and record this lack of loyalty for your next review. (If questions are needed to be asked, Jerry, the boss, will ask them.)

5. If you have a lousy boss, do not take normal coffee breaks. If you do, at best, the boss will think you are not motivated. At worst, the boss will assume you are leading a plot with your co-workers to undermine the boss’s authority. (Bring a Yeti cup from home, Warren. Who has to know it’s gin and tonic.”

4. If you have a lousy boss, do not get caught talking to the boss’s boss at a company function. If you do at best, the boss will allow the paranoid feeling to influence your next pay raise. At worst, the boss will have a private discussion with the boss’s boss on the need to develop a performance plan to get you back on track. (I know the boss’s boss called you over, Jess. You should have just passed out. It would have been easier in the long run.)

3. If you have a lousy boss, do not expect praise and reward for a well-done job. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed since the boss believes all good things are a result of excellent management of you. At worst, the boss will find out how disappointed you are and will make a note in your file about your weakness as a team player. (The only reward for a job well done is keeping the job, Hubert. Rewards are in heaven)

2. If you have a lousy boss, do not think the invitation to join a special team is an honor. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed to find out the boss just needed some folks to do extra work. At worst, you will learn the special team is being held accountable and chartered to correct some screw-ups done by another special team appointed by the boss.( The hint about the viability of the special team is that all the players are on probation, Randy. Welcome to the after-school detention center.)

1. If you have a lousy boss, do not feel comfortable going on vacation. If you do, at best, you may be interrupted by annoying phone calls. At worst, you will not be interrupted but will come back to find your job function has changed, with another forty hours of work added to your current load. (You’ve heard the boss say, “Vacation is for losers.” So ask yourself why are you surprised by the outcome, Frank?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Lakeway Witches Ride

October 27, 2024October 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 74 Comments

Today, we are celebrating Halloween with the Witches Ride in Lakeway. This is an annual event, and we don’t want to miss it. Kids dress up and take a one-mile ride on anything that doesn’t have a motor. After the ride, there is a carnival for more fun. We will be eating carnival food, and our entertainment is Michael Jackson.

BBQ, Kettle corn, Ice cream, Cotton candy, Pizza, donuts, lemonade,

Let’s go. Yes, you all will fit. It is a magic bus.

There’s the sign

The fire crew is here.

A welcome from the Activity Center.

Some of the decorations

Parks and Recreation table.

Carnaval games.

He rang the bell.

Let’s hear it for the bookmobile.

Scary movie on the big screen

The first course is pizza.

Then BBQ.

Donuts and lemonade.

Cotton candy.

Ice cream

Kettle corn.

Even our HEB Grocery store is here.

The band getting ready to play.

A flying goul.

Another

A third with pretty shoes.

Bike riders.

More bikes.

Mom gives directions.

A witch.

Mom doing the run.

A witch on a bike and one on skates.

A wizard.

An angel and devil

Another Angel

I hope you enjoyed the Witches Ride. Now let’s go to the carnival and enjoy the evening.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Mug

October 26, 2024October 25, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

The coffee machine has the day off. Here’s what happened. Daughter went to Costa Rica and brought back some coffee. The coffee was already ground, so using the machine to brew a cup was not impossible, but it was close to it. A French Press was conscripted into action. Boiling water, tablespoons of coffee, and a four-minute wait was almost like camping out.

Finally, the cup is ready. The coffee is remarkably smooth compared to Columbian. It has a floral finish, which could be offsetting if one is unfamiliar with that element. The primary benefit of caffeine delivery is accomplished, so in the end, it is a success.

Just at the finish of the cup, the Westminister chime doorbell causes Twiggy and Tempeste to take up the protective high-octave warning system that can cause the ears to bleed. Wondering why people can’t pay attention to the “PLEASE DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL” sign is beyond me. The shutdown of the security system begins.

Standing there is a guy with a mug that looks like Al Capone. He has a letter and says it needs to be signed for receipt. He also has a clipboard and tells me to sign on line four. I do that, and he hands me the letter. “Don’t leave town,” he says. Before my response, he turns and walks away.

I open the letter, which is from Linda Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “mug.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

To see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link: https://lindaghill.com/2024/10/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-26-2024/

“There was no cartoon character.”

“Yeah, just a creepy guy telling me not to leave town,”

“What does it mean?”

“If I didn’t know better, I would say someone is trying to intimidate me.”

“Who would do that?”

“Beats me.”

“Should you call someone?”

“Like who?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe Yosemite Sam.”

“We don’t need that hassle, for sure. How about we go to the pub and forget it?”