The inspiration for this list came during several visits to Whole Foods. None of these circumstances were as a result of personal interaction while shopping there.

Top Ten Things Not to do at Whole Foods

10 If you are at Whole Foods, do not think you are at a discount outlet. If you do, at best your heart rate will hit a never before achieved rate at checkout. At worst, you will have to do the wait of shame while the checker calls the stock person to return everything you were forced to give up at the checkout.

9 If you are at Whole Foods, do not think the salad bar is a taste first then buy spot. If you do, at best store security will remind you loudly that you are not to eat anything prior to checking out. At worst, you might be asked to weigh in for a residual weight charge. (You will be asked loudly for your weight prior to entering the store.)

8 If you are at Whole Foods and are having a salad to go, do not forget the price is by the pound. If you do, at best you may have loaded your salad with heavy veggies that will lighten your cash. At worst, you will come to realize for the cost of the salad you could have bought a farm and raised your own.

7 If you are at Whole Foods, do not go there hungry. If you do, at best you will overspend dramatically. At worst, you will come face to face with the reason the store has the nickname “Whole Paycheck.”

6 If you are at Whole Foods, do not decide to discuss politics with the essential oil and vitamin store person. If you do, at best you will have to listen to some very disturbing theories on government use of food to eliminate its enemies. At worse, you might find yourself involved in a discussion and resulting firm request to join the Retake the Food underground which has only one satisfactory conclusion and that is to run out of the store.

5 If you are in Whole Foods, do not joke around about wanting more trans-fat in your diet. If you do, at best you will receive some pretty strange looks. At worst, you might be wrestled to the ground by well-meaning food cranks in an effort to save your mortal self from a fate worse than nicotine addiction.

4 If you are in Whole Foods, do not sit at the wine bar do not reach over the counter to help yourself. If you do, at best you might be asked to leave. At worst, you may be banned from Whole Foods for up to a year that they consider the ultimate punishment. (As if anyone could stand not to visit for a year)

3 If you are at Whole Foods and are looking for organic potato chips, understand they still are not a good thing to eat.  If you forget, at best you might wonder where you got that extra ten pounds. At worst, you will no doubt feel comfortable consuming organic potato chips until you no longer feel comfortable in your clothes.

2 If you are at Whole Foods and want a breakfast taco. Remember the prices of the extras beyond the tortilla are on an individual basis. If you forget, at best you will have the most expensive taco you have ever had. At worst, you will need to make a run to the bank before your number comes up.

1 If you are at Whole Foods and decide to have a cup of coffee, do not think you can just order a cup of coffee. If you do, at best the rest of the line will what planet you were from as you stumble through the process. At worst, you will finally walk away with a cup of something that will closely resemble an oil change in the rainforest.

This list was inspired by looking at a number of photos that have been posted on-line recently.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Taking Family Photos

10 If you are taking family photos, do not forget the background. If you do, at best you might have a stray person in the shot. At worst, you may have the perfect family park photo with a lovely backdrop of the trash receptacle.

9 If you are taking family photos, do not ignore what each person has in their hand. If you do, at best you’ll take photos which catch a bunch of red Solos. At worse, you may get a fine shot of everyone with red Solos as well as Uncle Jeff and his smoked turkey leg.

8 If you are taking family photos, do not let anyone pose without a shirt. If you do, at best you have to hope your family is well toned. At worst, you will have photos of family members who resemble a gathering of a Yeti clan or a convention of the Michelin Man actor’s league.

7 If you are taking family photos, do not let the camera shake. If you do, at best your photos will be blurry. At worst the photos will all make your family appear as if they are having severe withdrawal from controlled substances.

6 If you are taking family photos, tell a joke and don’t just command everyone to smile. If you do, at best your family will look artificial in appearance. At worst, you will have captured what will be interpreted by outsiders is living proof zombies exist.

5 If you are taking family photos, do not take this occasion to introduce some creative photo techniques you have always wanted to try. If you do, at best your family will not understand what you have done. At worst, you will have created a set of photos that your family will insist be burned in front of them and possession of the memory stick which they will destroy in front of you.

4 If you are taking family photos, do not try to take photos late into the party. If you do, at best everyone will appear tired in the pictures. At worst, you will find it more difficult to get pictures without tongues sticking out and two fingers behind every head.

3 If you are taking family photos, do not pose members in an unflattering way. If you do, at best you might hurt some feelings. At worst, Aunt Malva and Uncle George will seek an injunction to have the photos kept from public view. Especially that one where they are comparing the size of their bellies.

2 If you are taking family photos, do not over serve yourself. If you do, at best you will take some pictures that aren’t useable. At worst, you will capture some subjects in unusual poses which you think are fine but they want to kill you for possession of them.

1 If you are taking family photos, do not keep everyone waiting while you set the camera and the lights and the self-timer.  If you do, at best your photo will show some of the tension. At worst you‘ll have a photo where it appears someone has just opened a large container of Limburger cheese.