Top Things Not to Do While Working Outside

a home improvement

It’s that time of the year again when certain outdoor chores have to be done in preparation for the coming change of seasons. The weather is finally turning a little cooler so the projects put off because of the heat can now be done. This list has been inspired by all the times I have not paid attention to the Top Ten Things Not to do While Doing Outdoor Work and is the 63rd edition

The Top Ten Things Not to Do While Working Outdoors

10 If you need to fix or waterproof your outdoor deck, do not start the work after noon. If you do, at best you will have to work past dinner. At worst, you will quit the project only to find yourself doing the work in the snow.

9 If you need to go up on a ladder for anything, do not ask your spouse to spot you at the bottom of the ladder. At best, you may drop a tool which will be regrettable. At worst, your spouse may find themselves breaking your fall which will be unforgivable.

8 If you need to use a power tool, do not forget the safety glasses. If you do, at best you may get some debris in your eye. At worst, you might just get an exciting ride to the emergency room for significant eye repair.

7 If you need to use a chainsaw, do not try to saw off anything over your head. If you do, at best you may not be able to avoid a falling limb. At worst, you may find yourself trying to avoid a swinging chainsaw running at full speed.

6 If you need to paint anything, do not think a spray gun is the way to go if you have no experience. If you do, at best you may find the job harder than you expected. At worst, you may have covered the trees, shrubs and your car with the beautiful coral shade you are using.

5 If you decide to rent any kind of machinery to do your work, do not fail to read the directions. If you do forget or decide to ignore them, at best you may cause the machine to break down. At worst, you may find you and your machine in the living room when you actually intended to work on the driveway.

4 If you need to use any kind of grease on your project, do not fail to take off your shoes before entering the house. If you do forget, at best you might only have one small piece on your shoe. At worst, you will have walked all the way through the snow-white living room before you notice your tracks and hear the sound of a gun being cocked.

3 If you intend to fix any of the plumbing, do not forget to turn off the water. If you do forget at best you will get a face full and be drenched before you go and turn it off. At worst, you will wish you had built an ark before beginning the work and are now watching your belongings wash down the street.

2 If your project includes electrical work, do not forget to turn off the electricity to the item you are working on. If you do forget, at best you will cause some sparks and then go turn it off. At worst you will cause an arc of electricity with will melt the  tool you are using and permanently clear your sinus while providing you with a full body hair removal treatment.

1 If you decide to dig in the yard to plant those big trees, do not forget to call the utilities to find out where all the lines are buried. If you do forget, at best you may accidentally cut your neighbor’s cable and they are a work at home IRS agent. At worst, you may cut more important lines and assume you survive you will be fighting the outage charges for the rest of your life.

 

34 comments

  1. Great advice, John! I’ve had personal experience with #9…limbs and branches rained down on my head. 😦

    Like

    1. Me too. (unfortunately). Thanks

      Like

  2. Thankfully I learned quickly that the spouse was not ladder-holding compliant. Also, home owners should probably not play with the gas. Unless they wish to no longer be home owners.

    Like

    1. LOL. Gas and electricity are too scary for me.

      Like

      1. Same here. Water is another one that I’m not confident with. Flooding is not a great way to start the day.

        Like

      2. Which reminds me of the three merchants who were wintering in Miami. They were discussing business and one announced he had a fire which wiped him out. The other said vandals had broken in and destroyed his store. The third told of a flood that took all his goods. The other two looked at each other and then asked, “how do you start a flood?”

        Like

      3. Thanks for the laugh. I didn’t see that ending coming. How would one start a flood and make it look like an accident?

        Like

  3. Great list, John! Can’t decide which one is my favorite, but, as a spouse who has been asked to “spot”, number 9 is close to my favorite 🙂

    Like

    1. I have been told that ladders are off limits. Too bad since I have a lovely twenty four-footer just begging to be climbed by an old fart in gale force winds. Thanks

      Like

  4. Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
    I missed being able to reblog John Howell’s Monday list of Top Ten Things Not To Do while I was on vacation. Well, if you ever engage in home improvement activities, this list is for you!

    Like

  5. Your lists are great. Thank goodness I don’t need to worry about any of these. 🙂 😀 😀

    Like

    1. I pretty much have been ordered to knock off the home improvement stuff. So I am with you.

      Like

  6. Olivia Stocum · ·

    Reblogged this on The Claymore and Surcoat and commented:
    Been a while since I’ve reblogged anything. Here’s a laugh from Mr. Howell.

    Like

  7. Chainsaws……the very word sends shivers down my phantom right arm…….

    Like

  8. Blades of any sort make me cringe. My husband is Mr. Fix it. He’s an engineer so he thinks he can fix ANYTHING. He has no fear of electricity, water, gas, acetylene. Loud noises coming from his shop scare the hell out of me, but quite sounds scare me worse. Once, I heard a circular saw. Then things got really quiet. I was floating in the pool and he quietly walked up and said he needed to go to the ER. He was so calm…with his hand bandaged in a shirt. He didn’t lose his thumb, but he came close. Ergh!

    Like

    1. That was close, glad he didn’t lose it. I did somewhat the same thing with a measuring cup on my birthday. Long story short the glass cup was falling and I caught it just as it shattered on the counter top. My bandage was a dish towel. (yes I was measuring out the lime juice for the next batch of margaritas.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I was just about to begin several of these projects… Maybe I’ll wait till spring. 😉

    Like

  10. I love how Marie has endorsed your list! Yes changing seasons invite all sorts of necessary but tedious chores!

    Like

    1. I love everything Marie does

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I’ve done #3 more times than I care to remember… but that’s the problem, I never remember to shut off the damn water!

    Like

    1. Sometimes the water god plays tricks

      Like

  12. Fantastic (and funny!) advice, all the way around. The gun cocking bit is my favorite. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you Lesley. So much fun to have you visit. 🙂

      Like

  13. LOL have shared this with hubby who has some experience with all of the above!

    Like

    1. Yes, good idea. This was a message to all those “residence engineers” out there.

      Like

  14. Things not to do: Work outside. Ha.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Great advice! Good thing i tend to stay away from chores like that..

    Like

  16. John love the tips. Im an indoor gal and husby won’t let me near his garden for fear of my death touch.

    Like

    1. Lucky you. Sounds like you were made for each other.

      Liked by 1 person

%d bloggers like this: