It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and the prompt for this week is “Route/Root.” Linda has kindly consented to let us use them either together or separately. If you would like to join in on the fun, visit Linda’s site for more information. http://lindaghill.com/2015/09/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-1915/
Route/Root by John W. Howell ©2015
“So tell me again why you don’t stop for directions.”
“Man, it’s like this is the biggest deal. Okay I don’t stop for directions because every time I do whoever I always ask says, ‘I don’t live around here.’”
“Right now we are in the middle of nowhere, nd I think the Route 37 turn off is way back the other way.”
“I don’t understand why this GPS system is on the fritz. That’s the root cause for our frustration right now.”
“The GPS has nothing to do with my frustration.”
“What does then?”
“That you are so stubborn you won’t stop and ask for directions.”
“Okay I will stop and ask as soon as we see someone.”
“Look there. It’s a guy on a tractor. He must live around here. Stop and ask him.”
“Okay. I’ll pull over here and wave him down. Hey mister. Yeah you. Can you help us?”
“Sure enough son. What’s the problem?”
“My wife and I seem to be lost and wonder if you know where the Route 37 turn off is located?”
“Hmm Route 37 turn off you say?”
“Yes the Route 37 turn off.”
“I can’t rightly say I know where that is.”
“Well I think it might be a couple of miles down that road back the way we came.”
“Okay. If that’s what you believe I would go back and pick it up.”
“I guess I would like to be sure before I go all the way back.”
“Wish I could help but I don’t live around here.”
“You’re on a tractor and you don’t live around here?”
“Nope. I just work the fields during planting season. I actually live on Miami Beach.”
“Figures.”
“I can give you good directions to the best espresso stand in all of South Florida though.”
“Yeah I’ll bet you can.”
“You take I 94 South out of Minneapolis till you get to Illinois─”
“Yeah, thanks. Bye now.”
Purely as an aside, it is rumoured that comedians Freddie Starr and another, whose name eludes me, were driving slowly along a certain sea-front in the south of England when they came across an elderly woman walking her pet pooch. They stopped the car and Freddie asked her, “Do you know where the nearest public toilet is?”
“I’m afraid I don’t,” she replied, “I don’t live around here.”
“If you turn left just after the police station up that hill,” Freddie said, “it’s on your right after about a hundred yards.”
The woman thanked them and walked off.
Your SoCS post just reminded me of that.
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Ha ha ha. Good one. There is also a story with the punch line, “Could be young man but I’m not the one who’s lost.”
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
John Howell with some flash fiction.. getting to the root of the problem with the route with a conversation most married couples have had when in the car!!
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Thank you, Sally for the nice reblog.
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My pleasure John.. an enjoyable reminder of long car trips..
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Yes.I remember them.
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This reminds me about how my GPS has an obsession with getting me into Canada. Even if I’m trying to go south.
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I know what you mean. mine has trouble crossing open water. (It thinks there is a bridge or something)
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Getting a new one soon, so hopefully it does better. Then again, it could end up constantly trying to send us to Mexico. If it does then I’ll start wondering if it’s trying to warn me about something.
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Look behind you. Are those bandits with an electronic control in his hand.
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Worse. A 6-year-old with the TV remote.
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LOL
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Miami Beach? I KNEW I should’ve been a farmer…..
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Yeah, big high rise there.
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Now I’m wondering if the farmer was dressed in shorts and a tee shirt…
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And flip-flops
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Maybe even a Puka shell necklace. 🙂
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Or shark tooth. Under a buck.
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I love the way you twist us and your story around John. Now I need directions just to get back to the Internet.
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Take a left at the Google sign.
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Ha!
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LOL… I couldn’t resist a shilly shally through your SoC Saturday. Back to the books now…
Hugs!
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Always happy to have you show up. Good luck
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Good espresso is hard to come by out in the fields.
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Unless you have a portable tractor driven machine. Here try this.
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