Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ham.”

SOCS

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and time for another prompt from Linda Hill. This week’s prompt is “ham.” Yeah, you read that right. “ham.” The good news is Linda says we can use the word any way we want. Now let me think of the ways to use ham. Right now I’m thinking ham and swiss on rye. (I need to have some lunch) If you would like to participate in the fun, go to Linda’s blog and read all about how to do it. Here is the link. Oh and by the way, if you go there you will be able to see some other interpretations of the “ham” prompt. Β https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-1817/

Ham by John W. HowellΒ Β© 2017

“Ham, ram, sheep, bull, beef or bear.”

“Huh?”

“You asked what was good on the menu.”

“I know but bear?”

“Hey fella this is the North Country. We love everything.”

“How do I order.? Ask for bear?”

“No silly. You look at the menu and decide what you want. Duh.”

“You are pretty cheeky for a server.”

“Watch it, Buster. See this fist?”

“Now no need for that. I just think servers should be more polite to customers.”

“Okay. I see that. Let me try again. Excuse me, sir?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be so kind as to look at the knuckles on my right hand and then tell me how they feel after meeting your nose.”

“I want the manager.”

“Don’t we all. He went hunting last week and didn’t come back.”

“Is the owner here?”

‘”Sure. Hold on.”

“Yessir, how can I help you?”

“You own the place?”

“Yup. The whole town too.”

“Oh. Well, this server just threatened me with a punch in the nose.”

“You don’t look like you been hit.”

“No, it was a threat, though.”

“Let me tell you, son. You are real lucky. Belle doesn’t usually threaten. Now, what can I get you?”

“What’s good?”

“Ham, ram, sheep, bull, beef, or …wait. We are out of bear.”

“What happened?”

“The manager went out to get some and never came back. I think he might have run afoul of a bear in the end.”

“Oh sorry.”

“Don’t be. We sell a lot of the other meats.

 

 

64 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    Very clever writing, John. I black bear cub ran past me when I walked down to the lake, a while back. This brief encounter was enough for me – afraid as I was to alarm the mama bear and end up like the manager. πŸ™‚

    1. Gwen Plano · ·

      Opps…meant to write, “A black bear cub” (not I black bear cub) –

      1. Did get it. (never saw the “T.” Funny how the brain compensates.) πŸ˜€

    2. Wow! If I saw a bear cub there would be no hanging around to tell mama how beautiful her baby looks. Close call. Thanks.:-)

  2. I’m trying to guess the Michelin rating on this place, John. How many ways can you cut a star? Nicely done.

    1. One itty bitty corner. That is because of the outstanding Ram. πŸ˜€

  3. Nice job, John! Happy Saturday!

    1. Thanks, Jill. Happy Saturday to you *sung to the tune of Alive by Pearl Jam. πŸ™‚

  4. Funny. What happens if you order the chicken?

    1. Not on the menu. Just ham , ram, sheep , bull, beef, or bear. Sorry sir. πŸ™‚

      1. Okay. Too bad there’s no wild boar there. πŸ™‚

      2. The owner has a problem with pork. He keeps Kosher. Sorry again.

      3. Dang. Wait . . . He has ham though. Now I’m confused.

      4. Beef ham. Got it. Still getting wild boar later today though. πŸ˜€

  5. I know that place. Rude staff and the bear is a bit greasy but it is the only place north of 694 where I haven’t been eighty-sixed.

    1. Ha ha ha. Good one, Greg. Thanks.

    2. Very hard to get eighty-sixed there. They would rather punch you out and buy you a beer after.

  6. Doubled over laughing!! πŸ™‚

    1. I’m so glad, Jan.

  7. Great job again, Mr John!

    1. How about a Tee shirt… “Ham, Ram, Sheep, Bull, Beef, or Bear!”

      1. It would be a good one. A song would be good as well.

      2. A singing Tee!! How wonderful!

    2. Thanks, John πŸ˜€

  8. LOL. I knew you would be able to ham it up, John. πŸ˜‰
    I think Deme and Honeybell will steer clear of that town though. Have a sensational Saturday. Mega hugs!

    1. I would say. Who knows what hunter will think of a harvest. Thanks, Teagan.

  9. I’ve been there before.

  10. You’re fast on your feet, John. Entertaining and snappy banter. Too funny.
    πŸ˜€

  11. Entertaining as always. Weird too, as I just whipped up a ham stew for lunch a few hours ago πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks, Mae Clair. Ham stew mmmm.

  12. Ha! Poor manager! I hope he was paid well.

    1. Probably all he could eat.:-D

      1. Or all he could bear eating. … or maybe it was the other way around…
        Now I have a headache. πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

      2. Ha ha h. Headache indeed.

  13. Now that is somewhere I don’t want to eat. I would probably end up with a knuckle sandwich.

    1. Ha ha ha. One of my favorite adjective/noun combos. πŸ™‚

  14. Love the bear…:)

    1. Thank you, Juliet. Nice to have you visit.

  15. I guess when you serve up Bear, the entree of the day can work both ways huh?

    Love ya funny man.

    1. Ha ha ha. You gets to be the eator or the eatee.

  16. Belle. Didn’t see that coming. I don’t believe I’d have had the bear.

    1. I think iI would have avoided the place totally. Thanks Audrey.

      1. Look at the floors for heaven’s sake.

      2. And the wallpaper peeling away from the walls…all signs.

      3. Windows could use a wash as well.*looks into the cup of coffee* What the hell is that in my coffee?

      4. What color was that waitress’ hair.. You smell that?

      5. Bright orange with a green stripe. Yes I smelled that two years ago.

      6. Longer than that. The smell has been here two years.

      7. I don’t think Fritz is sleeping anymore.

      8. I’m not going to check to see. You go.

      9. Get out from under the table. The floor remember?!

      10. Oh yeah. I was looking at the underside of the table. You know there is some good looking gum under there.

      11. Chew with your mouth shut. People are staring at us.

%d bloggers like this: