Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ham.”

SOCS

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and time for another prompt from Linda Hill. This week’s prompt is “ham.” Yeah, you read that right. “ham.” The good news is Linda says we can use the word any way we want. Now let me think of the ways to use ham. Right now I’m thinking ham and swiss on rye. (I need to have some lunch) If you would like to participate in the fun, go to Linda’s blog and read all about how to do it. Here is the link. Oh and by the way, if you go there you will be able to see some other interpretations of the “ham” prompt. Β https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-1817/

Ham by John W. HowellΒ Β© 2017

“Ham, ram, sheep, bull, beef or bear.”

“Huh?”

“You asked what was good on the menu.”

“I know but bear?”

“Hey fella this is the North Country. We love everything.”

“How do I order.? Ask for bear?”

“No silly. You look at the menu and decide what you want. Duh.”

“You are pretty cheeky for a server.”

“Watch it, Buster. See this fist?”

“Now no need for that. I just think servers should be more polite to customers.”

“Okay. I see that. Let me try again. Excuse me, sir?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be so kind as to look at the knuckles on my right hand and then tell me how they feel after meeting your nose.”

“I want the manager.”

“Don’t we all. He went hunting last week and didn’t come back.”

“Is the owner here?”

‘”Sure. Hold on.”

“Yessir, how can I help you?”

“You own the place?”

“Yup. The whole town too.”

“Oh. Well, this server just threatened me with a punch in the nose.”

“You don’t look like you been hit.”

“No, it was a threat, though.”

“Let me tell you, son. You are real lucky. Belle doesn’t usually threaten. Now, what can I get you?”

“What’s good?”

“Ham, ram, sheep, bull, beef, or …wait. We are out of bear.”

“What happened?”

“The manager went out to get some and never came back. I think he might have run afoul of a bear in the end.”

“Oh sorry.”

“Don’t be. We sell a lot of the other meats.

 

 

64 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    Very clever writing, John. I black bear cub ran past me when I walked down to the lake, a while back. This brief encounter was enough for me – afraid as I was to alarm the mama bear and end up like the manager. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gwen Plano · ·

      Opps…meant to write, “A black bear cub” (not I black bear cub) –

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Did get it. (never saw the “T.” Funny how the brain compensates.) πŸ˜€

        Like

    2. Wow! If I saw a bear cub there would be no hanging around to tell mama how beautiful her baby looks. Close call. Thanks.:-)

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  2. I’m trying to guess the Michelin rating on this place, John. How many ways can you cut a star? Nicely done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One itty bitty corner. That is because of the outstanding Ram. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Nice job, John! Happy Saturday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jill. Happy Saturday to you *sung to the tune of Alive by Pearl Jam. πŸ™‚

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  4. Funny. What happens if you order the chicken?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not on the menu. Just ham , ram, sheep , bull, beef, or bear. Sorry sir. πŸ™‚

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      1. Okay. Too bad there’s no wild boar there. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The owner has a problem with pork. He keeps Kosher. Sorry again.

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      3. Dang. Wait . . . He has ham though. Now I’m confused.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It is Kosher ham

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      5. Beef ham. Got it. Still getting wild boar later today though. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I know that place. Rude staff and the bear is a bit greasy but it is the only place north of 694 where I haven’t been eighty-sixed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Good one, Greg. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Very hard to get eighty-sixed there. They would rather punch you out and buy you a beer after.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Doubled over laughing!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad, Jan.

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  7. Great job again, Mr John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How about a Tee shirt… “Ham, Ram, Sheep, Bull, Beef, or Bear!”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It would be a good one. A song would be good as well.

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      2. A singing Tee!! How wonderful!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks, John πŸ˜€

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  8. LOL. I knew you would be able to ham it up, John. πŸ˜‰
    I think Deme and Honeybell will steer clear of that town though. Have a sensational Saturday. Mega hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would say. Who knows what hunter will think of a harvest. Thanks, Teagan.

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  9. I’ve been there before.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You’re fast on your feet, John. Entertaining and snappy banter. Too funny.
    πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Tess

      Like

  11. Entertaining as always. Weird too, as I just whipped up a ham stew for lunch a few hours ago πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Mae Clair. Ham stew mmmm.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Ha! Poor manager! I hope he was paid well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Probably all he could eat.:-D

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      1. Or all he could bear eating. … or maybe it was the other way around…
        Now I have a headache. πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ha ha h. Headache indeed.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Now that is somewhere I don’t want to eat. I would probably end up with a knuckle sandwich.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. One of my favorite adjective/noun combos. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Love the bear…:)

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    1. Thank you, Juliet. Nice to have you visit.

      Like

  15. I guess when you serve up Bear, the entree of the day can work both ways huh?

    Love ya funny man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. You gets to be the eator or the eatee.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Belle. Didn’t see that coming. I don’t believe I’d have had the bear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think iI would have avoided the place totally. Thanks Audrey.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Look at the floors for heaven’s sake.

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      2. And the wallpaper peeling away from the walls…all signs.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Windows could use a wash as well.*looks into the cup of coffee* What the hell is that in my coffee?

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      4. What color was that waitress’ hair.. You smell that?

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Bright orange with a green stripe. Yes I smelled that two years ago.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Longer than that. The smell has been here two years.

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      7. I don’t think Fritz is sleeping anymore.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I’m not going to check to see. You go.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Get out from under the table. The floor remember?!

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      10. Oh yeah. I was looking at the underside of the table. You know there is some good looking gum under there.

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      11. Chew with your mouth shut. People are staring at us.

        Liked by 1 person

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