Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ham.”

February 18, 2017 · by John W. Howell · in Prompt · 64 Comments

SOCS

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and time for another prompt from Linda Hill. This week’s prompt is “ham.” Yeah, you read that right. “ham.” The good news is Linda says we can use the word any way we want. Now let me think of the ways to use ham. Right now I’m thinking ham and swiss on rye. (I need to have some lunch) If you would like to participate in the fun, go to Linda’s blog and read all about how to do it. Here is the link. Oh and by the way, if you go there you will be able to see some other interpretations of the “ham” prompt. https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-1817/

Ham by John W. Howell © 2017

“Ham, ram, sheep, bull, beef or bear.”

“Huh?”

“You asked what was good on the menu.”

“I know but bear?”

“Hey fella this is the North Country. We love everything.”

“How do I order.? Ask for bear?”

“No silly. You look at the menu and decide what you want. Duh.”

“You are pretty cheeky for a server.”

“Watch it, Buster. See this fist?”

“Now no need for that. I just think servers should be more polite to customers.”

“Okay. I see that. Let me try again. Excuse me, sir?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be so kind as to look at the knuckles on my right hand and then tell me how they feel after meeting your nose.”

“I want the manager.”

“Don’t we all. He went hunting last week and didn’t come back.”

“Is the owner here?”

‘”Sure. Hold on.”

“Yessir, how can I help you?”

“You own the place?”

“Yup. The whole town too.”

“Oh. Well, this server just threatened me with a punch in the nose.”

“You don’t look like you been hit.”

“No, it was a threat, though.”

“Let me tell you, son. You are real lucky. Belle doesn’t usually threaten. Now, what can I get you?”

“What’s good?”

“Ham, ram, sheep, bull, beef, or …wait. We are out of bear.”

“What happened?”

“The manager went out to get some and never came back. I think he might have run afoul of a bear in the end.”

“Oh sorry.”

“Don’t be. We sell a lot of the other meats.

Tags: author, books, fiction favorites, His Revenge, John W. Howell Author, My GRL, Our Justice, Stream of Consciousness Saturday, Writing Prompt

64 comments

Gwen Plano · February 18, 2017 - 4:51 am ·

Very clever writing, John. I black bear cub ran past me when I walked down to the lake, a while back. This brief encounter was enough for me – afraid as I was to alarm the mama bear and end up like the manager. 🙂

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1. Gwen Plano · February 18, 2017 - 4:53 am ·
  
  Opps…meant to write, “A black bear cub” (not I black bear cub) –
  
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  1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:44 am ·
    
    Did get it. (never saw the “T.” Funny how the brain compensates.) 😀
    
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2. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:43 am ·
  
  Wow! If I saw a bear cub there would be no hanging around to tell mama how beautiful her baby looks. Close call. Thanks.:-)
  
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Dan Antion · February 18, 2017 - 5:46 am ·

I’m trying to guess the Michelin rating on this place, John. How many ways can you cut a star? Nicely done.

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:41 am ·
  
  One itty bitty corner. That is because of the outstanding Ram. 😀
  
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Jill Weatherholt · February 18, 2017 - 6:04 am ·

Nice job, John! Happy Saturday!

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:40 am ·
  
  Thanks, Jill. Happy Saturday to you *sung to the tune of Alive by Pearl Jam. 🙂
  
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Charles Yallowitz · February 18, 2017 - 6:56 am ·

Funny. What happens if you order the chicken?

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:38 am ·
  
  Not on the menu. Just ham , ram, sheep , bull, beef, or bear. Sorry sir. 🙂
  
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  1. Charles Yallowitz · February 18, 2017 - 7:49 am ·
    
    Okay. Too bad there’s no wild boar there. 🙂
    
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    1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 8:52 am ·
      
      The owner has a problem with pork. He keeps Kosher. Sorry again.
      
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    2. Charles Yallowitz · February 18, 2017 - 10:56 am ·
      
      Dang. Wait . . . He has ham though. Now I’m confused.
      
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    3. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:18 pm ·
      
      It is Kosher ham
      
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    4. Charles Yallowitz · February 18, 2017 - 12:40 pm ·
      
      Beef ham. Got it. Still getting wild boar later today though. 😀
      
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    5. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 2:23 pm ·
      
      😀
      
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Almost Iowa · February 18, 2017 - 8:05 am ·

I know that place. Rude staff and the bear is a bit greasy but it is the only place north of 694 where I haven’t been eighty-sixed.

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:23 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha. Good one, Greg. Thanks.
  
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2. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 2:36 pm ·
  
  Very hard to get eighty-sixed there. They would rather punch you out and buy you a beer after.
  
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rijanjks · February 18, 2017 - 8:43 am ·

Doubled over laughing!! 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:22 pm ·
  
  I’m so glad, Jan.
  
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John Fioravanti · February 18, 2017 - 8:45 am ·

Great job again, Mr John!

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1. John Fioravanti · February 18, 2017 - 8:46 am ·
  
  How about a Tee shirt… “Ham, Ram, Sheep, Bull, Beef, or Bear!”
  
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  1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:21 pm ·
    
    It would be a good one. A song would be good as well.
    
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    1. John Fioravanti · February 18, 2017 - 12:22 pm ·
      
      A singing Tee!! How wonderful!
      
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    2. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:24 pm ·
      
      🙂
      
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2. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:21 pm ·
  
  Thanks, John 😀
  
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Teagan Geneviene · February 18, 2017 - 9:09 am ·

LOL. I knew you would be able to ham it up, John. 😉
I think Deme and Honeybell will steer clear of that town though. Have a sensational Saturday. Mega hugs!

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:21 pm ·
  
  I would say. Who knows what hunter will think of a harvest. Thanks, Teagan.
  
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coldhandboyack · February 18, 2017 - 9:39 am ·

I’ve been there before.

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 12:18 pm ·
  
  😀
  
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Let's CUT the Crap! · February 18, 2017 - 1:43 pm ·

You’re fast on your feet, John. Entertaining and snappy banter. Too funny.
😀

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 2:21 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Tess
  
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Mae Clair · February 18, 2017 - 3:34 pm ·

Entertaining as always. Weird too, as I just whipped up a ham stew for lunch a few hours ago 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 3:44 pm ·
  
  Thanks, Mae Clair. Ham stew mmmm.
  
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LindaGHill · February 18, 2017 - 4:16 pm ·

Ha! Poor manager! I hope he was paid well.

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 4:54 pm ·
  
  Probably all he could eat.:-D
  
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  1. LindaGHill · February 18, 2017 - 7:41 pm ·
    
    Or all he could bear eating. … or maybe it was the other way around…
    Now I have a headache. 😛 😉
    
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    1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:43 pm ·
      
      Ha ha h. Headache indeed.
      
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    2. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 7:57 pm ·
      
      🙂
      
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mltrautz@yahoo.com · February 18, 2017 - 5:06 pm ·

Now that is somewhere I don’t want to eat. I would probably end up with a knuckle sandwich.

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1. John W. Howell · February 18, 2017 - 5:40 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha. One of my favorite adjective/noun combos. 🙂
  
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Juliet Waldron · February 19, 2017 - 1:07 pm ·

Love the bear…:)

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1. John W. Howell · February 19, 2017 - 1:30 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Juliet. Nice to have you visit.
  
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Cayman Thorn · February 19, 2017 - 6:40 pm ·

I guess when you serve up Bear, the entree of the day can work both ways huh?

Love ya funny man.

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1. John W. Howell · February 19, 2017 - 7:41 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha. You gets to be the eator or the eatee.
  
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  1. Cayman Thorn · February 20, 2017 - 1:48 am ·
    
    True thing!
    
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    1. John W. Howell · February 20, 2017 - 7:08 am ·
      
      🙂
      
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Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 21, 2017 - 5:45 pm ·

Belle. Didn’t see that coming. I don’t believe I’d have had the bear.

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1. John W. Howell · February 21, 2017 - 7:17 pm ·
  
  I think iI would have avoided the place totally. Thanks Audrey.
  
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  1. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 22, 2017 - 2:58 pm ·
    
    Haha
    
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    1. John W. Howell · February 22, 2017 - 3:34 pm ·
      
      Look at the floors for heaven’s sake.
      
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    2. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 22, 2017 - 9:02 pm ·
      
      And the wallpaper peeling away from the walls…all signs.
      
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    3. John W. Howell · February 23, 2017 - 7:37 am ·
      
      Windows could use a wash as well.*looks into the cup of coffee* What the hell is that in my coffee?
      
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    4. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 23, 2017 - 10:58 am ·
      
      What color was that waitress’ hair.. You smell that?
      
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    5. John W. Howell · February 23, 2017 - 12:27 pm ·
      
      Bright orange with a green stripe. Yes I smelled that two years ago.
      
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    6. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 23, 2017 - 3:21 pm ·
      
      We’ve been here two years?
      
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    7. John W. Howell · February 23, 2017 - 7:31 pm ·
      
      Longer than that. The smell has been here two years.
      
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    8. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 23, 2017 - 8:39 pm ·
      
      I don’t think Fritz is sleeping anymore.
      
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    9. John W. Howell · February 24, 2017 - 7:34 am ·
      
      I’m not going to check to see. You go.
      
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    10. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 25, 2017 - 10:06 am ·
      
      Get out from under the table. The floor remember?!
      
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    11. John W. Howell · February 25, 2017 - 10:39 am ·
      
      Oh yeah. I was looking at the underside of the table. You know there is some good looking gum under there.
      
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    12. Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister · February 26, 2017 - 3:09 pm ·
      
      Chew with your mouth shut. People are staring at us.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    13. John W. Howell · February 26, 2017 - 7:39 pm ·
      
      Huh? Oh yeah.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person

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