This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. February 10th marks the anniversary of the beginning of the Mormon exodus from Nauvoo, Illinois to the Salt Lake Valley in Utah. The year was 1846, and the first Mormons began the long trek led by Brigham Young. If you have the ability to time travel, please take this list before joining the expedition. It could keep you out of trouble.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on the Mormon Exodus to Utah in 1846.
10 If you are on the trek, do not ask to borrow a cup of flour from your fellow traveler. If you do, at best they will pretend not to hear you. At worst, the trail captain will assume you have not rationed your supplies. (Everyone was told to be careful, Gizur. You now are ordered to the end of the line where it is rumored the mountain lion does her food shopping )
9 If you are on the trek, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can ride in his handcart. If you do, at best he will think you are joking. At worst, Tiny, who just spent time in a group session on compromise, cannot refuse you. (In fact, Tiny insists that you take turns riding and pushing the cart. Let’s see, Glyn. You weigh 150 pounds and Tiny 300. This may be a long walk.)
8 If you are on the trek, do not think you can skip church service. If you do, you’ll be given a second chance. At worst, the elders will decide your fate. (You have found the elders do not have a sense of humor regarding missing church, Godofredo. It may be time to merely attend rather than have to pull that heavy wagon alone.)
7 If you are on the trek, do not ask, “Are we there yet?” just after leaving Illinois. If you do, at best no one will answer you. At worst, your wagon driver will require you to sit down a be quiet for the rest of the trip. (Talk about boring, Godwin. There is no license, or I Spy game to play either.)
6 If you are on the trek, do not start singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall. If you do, at best your driver is not a Mormon. At worst, you are in Brigham’s wagon, and now you have to walk. (Isn’t it strange, Goodwin how one man’s feast is another’s poison. Next time sing 99 bottles of sarsaparilla on the wall.)
5 If you are on the trek, do not wish out loud for a stop at Stuckey’s for a pecan roll. If you do, at best folks will think you have the spotted fever. At worst, you will be asked to describe a pecan roll. (Now you’ve done it, Gorka. Once you start talking about a pecan roll, you’ll be on your own with your next adventure trying to outrun the great American Brown bear.
4 If you are on the trek, do not think you need to tell ghost stories around the campfire. If you do, at best most will go to bed early. At worst, you’ll be stuck with old Zeke. (Wouldn’t you know it, Gothfraidh. Old Zeke tells stories that cause your hair to stand on end. No sleep for you tonight)
3 If you are on the trek, do not suggest a side trip to Yosemite Falls. If you do, at best you’ll get some strange looks. At worst, you will be able to take the side trip by yourself. (You only have 600 more miles, Govannon. Don’t worry about the bottoms of your shoes wearing out. You can always wear wooden sandals. Oh, that’s right. You left the ax behind.)
2 If you are on the trek, do not let your sourdough die. If you do, at best you might be able to get new starter. At worst, you will be without bread for the rest of the trip. (You were supposed to keep that dough going, Graeme. No one is going to give you their precious mixture. At least you can make porridge out of flour and water. UGH)
1 If you are on the trek, do not try to drive ahead of Brigham to enter the Salt Lake Valley ahead of him. If you do, at best others will see what you are trying to do and stop you. At worst you enter the valley ahead of Brigham (Can you imagine history recording that you were one of the first into the valley huh, Grandville? How would you feel having altered history in such a way? You would be the time traveler equivalent of a litterbug.)
Fiction Favorites 
Keep an eye on that sourdough because there will be no stop for a pecan roll any time soon! LOL
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So true. Thanks, Darlene.
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HEY – everybody has to stop at a Stuckey’s, it’s tradition!!
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I know right? Need me some pecans. Thanks, GP
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I’m a little lost on something. Do Mormons all have g-names?
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No. I use a convention. Until I run out of names we are on G. Next will be H. I got tired of trying to think up names for the post.
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Huh. Didn’t even notice that.
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I started it a while back. 😀
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Nice piece please feel free to check out my blog through my eyes and comments ❤️
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Nice piece
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Thank you, Naoymie.
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Well, if we can’t stop at Stuckey’s, can we stop at Howard Johnson’s? At least HoJo has ice cream.
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And fried tender sweet clams. Yes, let’s go there.
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Don’t suggest an event similar to The Bachelor using the abundance of extra wives that seem to be everywhere.
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Brigham had 50 wives. By 1900 he had 1000 decendents. Amazing.
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I hope he had a good workshop or someplace to hide.
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Think of the anniversarys and birthday’s forgotten.
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Wow! What would Valentine’s day cost?
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Gotta negotiate some kind of minimum.
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I wonder if Henny Youngman was a Mormon? “Take my wife… please.”
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“Or a dozen”
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Anyone wanting to stop at Stuckey’s must have brought along modern money. That’s going to cause more of a problem than Stuckey’s. Gorka may be considered some kind of weird spy for the non-Mormon persecutors and be left alone on a prairie somewhere along the way. He better try to find a tree to climb at night to escape wolves, etc. who still live there until he can travel back. 😦 — Suzanne
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You have created a whole new story, Suzanne. I like it. 😊
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Six hundred mile…piece of cake! Great list, John. Happy Monday!
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Thank you, Jill. Piece of sourdough. 😀
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🙂
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Another good one, John. Where’s a healthy sense of humor when you need one? I hope no one gave Tiny a whip.
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Ha ha ha. Yes a whip for Tiny would be too tempting. 😀
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“Are we there yet?” If I had a dollar for every time I heard that!
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I know right? Thanks, Teri
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The sourdough, save the sourdough!
Fun stuff.
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Yes. The most importand thing for sure.
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No pecan roll?
Oh! Oh! How about a month old gas-station wiener? I’d walk to Utah for one of them.
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How about a gas station taco. After that you can get an EMT transport to Utah.
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The sourdough starter story brought back memories. I learned the hard way…once upon a time. 🙂
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I used to do sour dough long ago. I seemed to end in in the sour dough ER regularily.
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I cannot imagine a long road trip with Mormons. Somehow, you are able to make it fun though.
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Thank you , Marc. I hope so.
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Time travel litterbug is a awesome new term John!
Another great list for that day I figure out how to time travel:)
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Ha ha ha.
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I laughed out loud when I read: “the end of the line where it is rumored the mountain lion does her food shopping.” And you were on a roll with the pecan roll, weren’t you?! Glad I’m not time traveling today, John.
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A time travel nightmare would be ending up on that trip.
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Hilarious, John! I burst out laughing at #6, and now I have the song stuck in my head. Loved the pecan rolls and sourdough starter – really funny! 😅
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😀
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I’m down to “…49 bottles of beer on the wall” 😅
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You have to be finished by now.
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😀
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Yikes! Running out of sourdough starter would not be good! The idea of flour and water porridge does not sound appetizing. But, are we there yet? 🙂
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Porridge sounds awful.
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Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out this post from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites blog with the Top Ten Things Not to Do on the Mormon Exodus to Utah in 1846
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Nice. Thank you, Don
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You’re welcome.
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Interesting insight! That request for sourdough starter would have been a non-starter for me, if I’d been asked. I once spent an entire summer caring for a sourdough culture for a student. It grew like blazes, and I had to get rid of half of it from time to time (I’m not into breadmaking, you can probably guess).
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I had a sour dough started that almost took over the kitchen. Thanks for the story, Noelle
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So glad I never made that trip,as I don’t know how to make sourdough in the first place.
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Me too, Joy. It woud have been a harship for sure.
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I wonder if they were into cardio in 1946?
It certainly would’ve come in handy.
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I think hauling a wagon around was all the cardio they needed.
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Indeed!
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Another good one. (Just as a history buff, are you familiar with ” The Mountain Meadows Massacre?”)
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I sure am. The Utah militia attacked a group of non-Mormons from Arkansas and killed all the men and women. A few kids were spared. The Mormons got some Paiute Indians to help. This was in 1857. Seems the Mormons were acting on some belief that outsiders were evil. I think they killed over 100
This all took place at Mountain Meadows, Utah.
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Damn you … I’ll stump you yet!!!
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When I do these historical post I get pretty deep. I stumbled across that one and was fascinated by the arrogance of the Mormons given the fact that they were persecuted originally.
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