Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Are Worshipping the Vampire Queen

As you can see by the headline, I am totally out of my normal comfort level. That is because a friend of mine is launching a new book. I twisted his arm and made him cry uncle and agree to come here today to tell you about it. Charles is a prolific author of some of the best fantasy books on the planet. It pleases me to have him here with his own brand of Top Ten Things Not to do. So without delay here is Charles. Wait we need to see the book cover first.

War of Nytefall - Rivalry

Wow! Beautiful. Now here is Charles.

A big thanks to John W. Howell for letting me be a guest, especially on one of his most famous weekly posts. For those who don’t know me . . . More hands went up than my author ego was prepared for. So, my name is Charles E. Yallowitzand I’ve just released a vampire action-adventure book called War of Nytefall: Rivalry. This is the third of my second series, which follows the players of the Vampire Civil War that happened in the shadows of Windemere. On one side, you had the old-world vampires that wanted their society to stay the same. Against them were Clyde and the Dawn Fangs, who are a new breed that can survive in the sun and live within human society. Now, a third faction is appearing, and this one wants to conquer the entire world. So, what are 10 warnings to keep in mind if you decide to choose the side of the legendary Vampire Queen?

  1. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not make suggestions about the royal dress code. At best, she will laugh at your foolishness and ignore you for a week. At worst, your skin will become her newest shawl.
  2. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not talk when she is making a speech. At best, she will have her Tiny the former WWF Champion throw you out of the room with no dinner. At worst, she will make all future speeches by using you as a semi-living ventriloquism dummy.
  3. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not think any of the jewels lying around the island are public property. At best, you will be summoned to her bedchamber and asked to return what you accidentally stole. At worst, you will be dipped in liquified rubies and repurposed as a garden statue.
  4. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not mention that you know the person who cannot be named. At best, she will kill you instantly in a fit of unbridled fury. At worst, she will kill you slowly over the course of a month in the hopes you telling her something about her hated rival.
  5. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not forget her birthday even though she never told you it in the first place. At best, she will accept your homemade card and a pint of your blood as a present. At worst, she will enslave your mind for the next year and have you do the chores that nobody would wish on their enemies.
  6. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not forget to praise her beauty when she asks for a compliment. At best, she will give you another chance because she’s in a good mood and feels bad about catching you off-guard. At worst, she will be so insulted by your silence that dropkicks you out of her kingdom . . . in pieces.
  7. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not try to seduce her in an attempt to become her king. At best, she will use you for a night and cast you aside with only your pride and clothing in shambles. At worst, you will be made to fight her strongest warrior to prove you are worthy of her hand while naked and armed with a caviar spoon.
  8. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not talk to her about the best way to kill a Dawn Fang. At best, she will answer your question and go on with her day. At worst, she will assume you are a really stupid assassin and have you locked away until she has decided on the best way to torture you for information.  (Note: Since you are not an assassin, you have nothing to tell and will probably be killed.)
  9. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not show up to one of her parties wearing the same dress. At best, you will be given a new set of clothes and made to work with the wait staff as penance. At worst, she will have you spend the rest of the party naked and not be allowed to have any of the food.
  10. If you are worshipping the Vampire Queen, do not talk as if there are other Vampire Queens in existence. At best, she will . . . Wait . . . *reads the title of post* . . . Oops.I’m just going to head out now with no forwarding address.  Grab a copy of War of Nytefall: Rivalry and learn what the Vampire Queen of Windemere is planning.

Thanks again to John and hope everyone enjoyed.  Check out War of Nytefall: Rivalry on Amazon and see you in the comments.

 

About the Author:

Charles Yallowitz

 

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn’t working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. Truthfully, his tales of adventure are much more interesting than his real life, so skip the bio and dive into the action

 

Blog: www.legendsofwindemere.com
Twitter: @cyallowitz
Website: www.charleseyallowitz.com

 

69 comments

  1. Great job, Charles! Congratulations on your latest release. Thanks for hosting, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. Glad to somewhat be back.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you, Jill.

      Like

  2. Thanks for helping out with the promo tour.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always a pleasure, Charles.

      Like

  3. Reblogged this on Legends of Windemere and commented:
    Looking for a fun list? Well, I don’t have one of those, but here’s something that comes close. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gwen Plano · · Reply

    Congratulations on your new release, Charles. Given the “Top Ten”, it must be a fun read. 🙂 Thanks for hosting, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gwen

      Like

    2. Thanks. It was fun to write, so I believe it’s fun to read. I might be biased.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. A great job, Charles. I will try not to show up at her party wearing the same dress. That never goes down well. All the best with the new book!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah. I’m sure that’s a social oops. Especially when dealing with a host that could put you on the menu.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. A great job, Charles. I will try not to show up at her party wearing the same dress. That never goes down well. All the best with the new book!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Darlene.

      Like

  7. It’s a tall task to fill in for John, but you handled it well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Craig. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. Always a daunting challenge.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. You could not choose a better guest to do this list, John. Congrats, Charles on doing such a great job here 😉 And most especially, for the publication of your book. Looks like I have to add a new series to my “to read” list!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the visit, Dale.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always a pleasure!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. It’s nice to be back after not publishing for so long.

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Congratulations, Charles, on your book’s release! Great list although now I can’t the image of fighting naked with only a caviar spoon as a weapon out of my head. John, thanks for hosting Charles! Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Monday, Marie. Thanks for the support. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. Caviar spoon would make things a challenge. I prefer soup ladles and chopsticks. Maybe those sword-shaped toothpicks.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Ha ha … reminds me of when a friend and I starting “fencing” with chopsticks at a restaurant. I’m right-handed and she’s left-handed and we were sitting next to each other at a crowded table 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Been there. It’s hard to resist.

        Liked by 2 people

  10. Excellent job, Charles. I think only the Marines teach combat with a caviar spoon as a battle technique. Good to see an appearance by Tiny.

    Good luck with the book!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dan. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

    2. It’s a popular weapon in modeling school.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. All the best to you, Charles, on your new release. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Billy Ray

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Congrats on the new release, Charles!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. ☺️

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Charles, many congrats on the new book — isn’t it a wonderful feeling to finally type The End?!? John, you’re such a good friend to let Charles take over your blog for a day! Hope y’all managed to survive the wicked weather, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Debbie. We only got an inch and a half of rain. It was good.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Writing those words are definitely bittersweet. Though I manage to stave off the event by doing series. So, I get to write ‘the adventure continues’ more than ‘The End’. 😁

      Liked by 2 people

  14. The Vampire Queen sounds like my ex. All of them!

    Outstanding job Charles. It ain’t easy stepping in for the Boss, but this was spooky, crazy fun.

    Best wishes on your new book!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Marc. LOL on the ex.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL. It was right there for me. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. They were certainly big shoes to fill. Lots of bite marks on them too.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. LOL. Well it was great fun and you filled in superbly.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. So true, Marc.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. D.L Finn, Author · · Reply

    Congrats on your new release Charles:) I loved learning about it in the top ten format! Sounds like a series I’d enjoy. Thanks for hosting John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. It’s been a lot of fun writing this one.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. How lovely to see the variety of posts. This is a really fun one. Thanks for hosting, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, L. Marie

      Like

  17. Congratulations on the release of your latest book, Charles! Great post … I’m still having a chuckle at the visual imagery in this great one-liner “At worst, you will be made to fight her strongest warrior to prove you are worthy of her hand while naked and armed with a caviar spoon.” I love starting my day with a good laugh. Thank you, gentlemen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Was a funny line for sure. Thanks, Soooz

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. Always happy to hear I’m making some laugh and smile. You’re right that it’s a great way to start the day.

      Liked by 2 people

  18. It’s about time you let someone else do the top ten, Johnny. And, I must say, Charles did bang-up job. Congrats on your new book, Charles, and hope you sell a million copies. And if you do, please remember all the little people. Like me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Charles did a great job. Thanks for the visit, Andrew.

      Like

    2. Thanks. I’m at 2 right now. Almost there. 😋

      Liked by 1 person

      1. But I just got back. 🥺

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Congratulations on the new book, Charles. I’m so pleased you included Tiny in your lineup. Now I’m off to buy the drinks. Anyone for a pint of blood?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha haha. I’ll take a bloody Mary please.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks. Can’t do one of these without Tiny. That’s one way to get him to show up at your doorstep.

      Liked by 2 people

  20. This was wicked, Charles, but I hate the sight of blood… So I’m out.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. By the way, Charles, congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. John, this was terrific! Or I should say Charles, this was terrific! Really!!

    Liked by 1 person

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