Since a better part of our time has been spent in Appliance and Furniture shopping lately, I have picked up on a few hints of things to avoid. I hope you enjoy them. Again this week there are historical events that don’t really lend themselves to humor.
10 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not try out the cooktop with your favorite pasta recipe. If you do, at best you’ll have to feed the entire store. At worst, the manager will insist that now that you’ve stained it you own it. (Sad thing, Hyatt. You don’t even like this model. Oh well, ten years from now you can change it out.)
9 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that in spite of store policy you insist on rolling the floor sample refrigerator out the front door. If you do, at best Tiny will help. At worst, Tiny just left the store meeting where the manager underscored the need to enforce store rules. (Tiny’s way of handling conflict does not bode well for your health, Hunt. I would make sure you have your health insurance card with you.)
8 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not think you can test the mattress overnight. If you do, at best you’ll be asked to leave at closing time. At worst, you manage to avoid store folks and are locked in for the night. ( Two things wrong with this situation, Huntley. One, the restroom is locked. Two, the motion detector is connected to the alarm which is connected to the SWAT headquarters. How do you like the smell of tear gas in the morning?)
7 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not test out the couch while eating that jumbo hot dog. If you do, at best your napkin is secure. At worst, a small slip of mustard turns into a couch in your living room. (Too bad you didn’t want a white sofa with a mustard accent, Hassan. Think of what a great conversation piece it is going to be.)
6 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not mention the warranty. If you do, at best the clerk won’t follow-up. At worst, you’ll be forced to listen to an hour presentation. (Makes you not want to buy the appliance, Horus. After all, if it needs an additional warranty maybe it’s not worth it.)
5 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not sit on a chair is smaller than you. If you do, at best it is stronger than you think. At worst, your bulk caused the chair to give way. (Lucky you, Hewitt. That chair was one of a kind made in France in the 1700s by the designer to Louis XIV. Better call the bank for a loan.)
4 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not touch the blender. If you do, at best it is unplugged. At worse, you hit the puree button, and the whole thing goes airborne. (At least there was nothing in the blender, Habib. Think if there had been a tomato in the hopper ready for blending. As it is that scratch on the counter looks pretty bad.)
3 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not put your head in the oven. If you do, at best no one is looking. At worst, those coils on the underside of the top have a habit of catching hair. (So now we have the entire store over to the oven, Hadden. Not one person knows how to release you. Oh, wait here comes the fire department.)
2 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not go into the glassware section. If you do, at best you won’t move. At worst, you will turn around to leave and run into the seven-tier Waterford crystal goblet display. (That tragic sound of breaking glass announces doom, Hael.)
1 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not offer advice on things you do not understand. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worse, your suggestions will be taken, and you both will regret your decision. (Just what made you comment on that table, Hafgrim? You know your taste is in your mouth. Should be a friendly reminder to keep your opinions to yourself. Well, for the next twenty years that is.)
Fiction Favorites 
#1 goes for so many things.
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It sure does. Thanks, Charles. 😁
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My favorite vote goes to # 4. That would be hilarious.
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Thanks, GP. 😄
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Sure could have used this one a couple of weeks ago. LOL
Happy Monday John.
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I’ll bet. Have a good week, Andrew.
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Thanks
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This is hilarious, John! Thanks for the Monday morning laughs. 🙂
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Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it. Happy Monday, Jill. (uh that sounds dumb) 😀
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LOL! 🙂 I know what you meant.
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😊
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Appliance shopping looms in my near future, John, Good advice – “close mouth – open wallet” – well, that’s how I read it.
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I think you boiled the Top Ten down to the essence, Dan. 😀
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I’m there in case she needs one of us to be a jerk.
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Ha haha.
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Number 7 is hilarious. That would go for drinking a glass of red wine too. It’s funny how it only seems to tip on white sofas. Now I remember why I don’t like furniture and appliance shopping.
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You are right about the wine. It’s like the sofa is a magnet. Thanks, Darlene
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I have a friend who’s been shopping for appliances, and there have been days when she’s sounded as though she’d like to put her head in the oven — any oven, but preferably gas.
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Ha ha ha. I know how she feels. Thanks, Linda.
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It’s like shopping with Clouseau.
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Ha haha. Thanks, Craig.
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Overheard in a furniture store.
“Now I know where the set designers for Bettlejuice got their stuff.”
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Ha haha. That is classic.
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I was just appliance shopping last week – could have used this list earlier, lol.
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Ha haha. Next time give me a head’s up and I’ll whip one up. 😁
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Oh, the joys! Entertaining with a bit of truth on the side. 🙂
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Shopping for mattresses is a bit weird even if not insisting on taking them home for a try-out. I do feel compelled to lie down on them and try them in my favorite sleeping positions. Ha ha. A fun list, John. 🙂
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We discovered that a firm here allows people to take mattresses home. If they are returned then they are sold as used but not always identified as such clearly. Can you say YIKES
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Yikes! Lol.
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The idea of getting locked inside the store had some appeal . . until you mentioned as how the restrooms will be locked and the store will be alarmed. Way to harsh my mellow there John! 😉
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Sorry about that. Where you want to be locked in is a gourmet food and wine store.
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Sold!
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*shudders* I’m glad it’s you shopping for furniture and appliances, rather than me, John. Seeing all that money go flying out of the bank at one time isn’t high on my list of fun things to do! Hang in there, my friend!
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Thank you, Debbie. Yes better me than you.
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Oh, gosh, dear John! Number 2!!! Ahhh! So true! As well as the rest…Good luck with all new things in your new house. Let them be excellent & long-lasting!
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Thank you, Maria.
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🙂
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I was kinda liking the idea of being locked inside… like in that movie “Where the Heart Is” – at least in her case the bathrooms were not locked! 😉
I, for one, think I’d like to try the bed overnight. I mean, come on. How can you tell by lying on it for two minutes?
Always fun your lists…and a reminder that I will be shopping for appliances come June.
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Bring your jammies when you test out the mattress.
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Was honestly considering it 😉
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Love to be there for that. 😂
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Ha ha! I’m sure you would!!
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🛏
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Ha ha ha!
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A great list, John. I especially liked #3 where Hadden gets his hair stuck in the coils of the oven. Let’s hope the fire department beats Tiny holding a shaving kit to the job. It seems he “really” wants to make good and keep this job. 😀 — Suzanne
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Tiny has his moments. He is very loyal. Thanks, Suzanne. 😀
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And this is why I do most of my shopping online, John. 99% of the time I get the sizes right, but not all the time. Have you ver bought a teapot that holds 30 cups of tea? It looks very out of place next to my grandmothers bone-china cups. 😂
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Ha hah a. 30 cups??? Man that is a big pot. (I know it looked small in the picture.)
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Fun Fact: My late mother’s second husband owned an appliance store.
I was almost the appliance king of Niagara Falls, but I dodged that bullet….
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I don’t know. A crown would look good on you.
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#8 and #3 had me laughing. Hard! Another great Top Ten. Thanks so much, John!
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Thank you, Jennie, 😀
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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No history here to lecture you on, so I reckon I’ll just say a job well done … as usual.
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Most of the history stuff wasn’t very pleasent so I had to devate. Thanks for the comment though. Always appreciated, Andrew.
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