Welcome to Stream of Consciousness Saturday. This weeks prompt is a little different. Here are Linda’s word describing the assignment “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “instructions.” Write instructions for anything you know how to do. As detailed or as rambling as you’d like. Enjoy!”
There you have it. If you would like to have fun with words, go to Linda’s blog and read how. It is real easy. Hee is the link:
Instructions by John W. Howell © 2019
“So what are we doing today?”
“Trying to get this IKEA chest put together.”
“You have the instructions, right?”
“Yeah, but look at them.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“There are no words, only drawings.”
“Take each step. Here let me help.”
“Thank you.”
“Take part A. Put it on chest C with bolt A1.”
“Uh…How do I find part A?”
“There is a sticker on it with an A.”
“Here it is. How about bolt A1?”
“In the diagram bolt, A1 is this one.”
“Okay, now I got it. This wrench is a little difficult to work.”
“They all are. Just keep going.”
“There, finished. What’s next?”
“Repeat with part B and bolt B1.”
“Now I’m getting the hang of it. part C bolt C1.”
“Excellent. You’re on a roll.”
“Then you take part D and attach with bolt D1. First, you put your two knees close up tight you swing ’em to the left, and you swing ’em to the right. Step around the floor kinda nice and light. Twist around, twist around with all your might.”
“Okay, what’s that?”
“Instructions on Ballen’ the Jack. Spread your lovin’ arms way out in space. Do the eagle rock with a style and grace. Put your left foot out and bring it back. That’s what I call Ballin’ the Jack.”
“You finished with the chest?”
“Yup. Let’s stand ‘er up.”
“Goodness.”
“Hmmm. Looks like it is upside down.”
“You put the legs on wrong.”
“I don’t know, I think I like it this way.”
“Only you would.”
“I don’t think I can go through the process again.”
“How you going to fill the drawers?”
“Good point.”
“Tomorrow is another day. Can you help me with my IKEA bed?”
“I think tomorrow I’m going to have the flu.”
“Drink plenty of liquids.”
“Oh. I plan on that.”
Fiction Favorites 
My son put in all the cabinets in his kitchen – Ikea. It looks beautiful, but the cost in blood, sweat, and tears was mighty. I’m sure he had “plenty of liquids” as well. 😀
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Oh my. Sounds painful for sure. Have a super Saturday, Gwen.
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haha – we just had a similar situation with a kitchen cart – when all else fails, follow the instructions!!
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Or try to follow them. “By the way. What is with this left over screw?”
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LOL
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I would opt for attending a flu prevention seminar. They are very much like garden hydration seminars. Only difference is that garden hydration seminars also include internal sun screen applied liberally.
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Can’t be too careful on the fluorescents, John. 😁
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So true! Great job, John. I enjoyed this. Happy Saturday!
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Thank you, Jill. Happy Saturday to you * sung to the tune Wild World by Cat Stevens (Yusuf)
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Great song!
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😊
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Ha ha – plenty of fluids, indeed. I love the diversion to dance, John. That was a nice touch. I hope you have a great weekend.
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Thank you, Dan. I hope the same for you.
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IKEA uses acolytes of the Marquis de Sade when designing all their instruction manuals, there simply isn’t any other plausible explanation.
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I have to agree with you. The acolytes only speak Chinese as well.
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Hilarious, John, this gave me a jolly good laugh.
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I’m glad. Thanks for letting me know.
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My favorite IKEA problem is when the Piece that makes it structurally sound (after much bolting to the earth that is) is mysteriously missing.
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Ha ha ha. So often too. Thanks, Maggie.
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Boss,
You’ve perfectly describe the IKEA post-purchase experience.
I learned quickly not to consult the manual. What I would do is have plenty of adult beverages on hand. Lay everything out and then go all Picasso. My only rule. It had to be able to stand on its own. Probably.
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Maybe. If so you have done your job. (Mine fall over sometimes. I hate that strap idea.)
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I don’t know whether it was a job well done, but it was done, so there’s that. And on the plus side, no collapses.
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Ah, IKEA. The IQ Test of Do-It-Yourself Projects.
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Yes for sure.
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Thanks for the laugh. *Hereby resolving to include Ballin’ The Jack in every DIY project from here on.*
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Thank you so much, Victoria. Great song for getting things done.
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LOL, John, funny story. I remember a project I put together for my mom and dad’s bathroom. It was a wicker chest of drawers for their bathroom. It came in what seemed like a million pieces and only had a diagram. I remember holding back tears, but I got it together! And I swore never again.
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I can imagine tears. Been there myself. Usually midnight is the trigger. Thanks, Mary.
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Enjoyed this so much. Made we want to dance while steering clear of Ikea. Happy Saturday!!
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I enjoyed this so much. Made me want to dance while steering clear of Ikea. Happy Saturday!!
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Yes steer clear. 😀
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DH and I almost come close to divorce whenever we work together, lol. Glad to see you fared better 🙂
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Close but no lawyer.
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Sounds like some of the things I’ve tried to put together…lol.
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😀 Thanks, Denise.
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I am not handy at all. I would opt for plenty of fluids myself.
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Yeah, the fluid route is less pain and the outcome is probibly the same.
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But the attitude is better.
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Much.
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And that’s just about the way it goes! Thanks for the chuckle!
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Thank you, Jan
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Ikea furniture… Where one learns of the other’s patience. Probably a good test BEFORE saying “I Do”…
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LOL! Once long ago He-Man bought a gas grill, and the salesman told him to stop and pick up a 6-pack before getting home and tackling the assembly.
He-Man got it home opened it up saw all the parts, and the poorly written and diagramed instructions then gathered it all back up and returned it to the store.
Sometime later he bought another one only this time he paid to have it assembled and delivered. No drinks required. 😀🍻
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Hahaha,
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Brings back memories of the Hokey Pokey and furniture projects. Both were good…and bad. 🙂
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😁
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