Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First American Motor Car Race in 1895

~ John W. Howell
Frank Duryea – Duryea Wagon Company Wikipedia Image

 

This week is the 125th anniversary of the first automobile race in the US. The race took place in Chicago and was a 50 mile round trip between Chicago and Evanston. We should go and at least witness the finish. Don’t forget to take a list of things not to do to protect the time continuum. We will need James’ Oldsmobile, so climb in, and we’ll be off.

James’s 1956 Oldsmobile from Eternal Road – The final stop

Top Ten things Not to Do at the First Motor Car Race in the US in 1895

10 Do not complain when only six of the 89 racers entered actually made it to the starting line. If you do, at best, no one will care. At worse, you’ll be overheard by the editor of the Chicago Times-Herald, the sponsor of the race. ( It seems he is not in a good mood, Miikka. A freak snowstorm dumped ten inches of snow and prevented the other starters from showing up. I see he is handing you a snow shovel. Good luck clearing the first 25 miles.)

9 Do not tell Tiny, the WWF champ, that you would like to ride in his entry. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you above the engine noise. At worst, since he has to have a race official riding with him, he will assume you are trying to overweight his vehicle. (It is easy to explain a perceived slight away with Tiny. Of course, you have to allow him to toss you at least ten feet, Miklos. I know the landing isn’t always perfect.)

8 Do not place your money on the electric car entries. If you do, at best, you only bet what you could afford to lose. At worst, you put up the deed to your ranch. (You see, Millard. The two electrics that made the starting line had battery failure after a few minutes. So much for supporting green technology. It will be interesting to see you explain away a deed from 2019.)

7 Do not mention to the race organizer that you figure the race to last at least an hour. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are kidding. At worst, he’ll think you are drunk. (Although the race was only fifty miles, Milos took over ten hours for the first-place finisher to arrive. I noticed the organizer is pointing you out to a couple of Keystone cops. It might be a long night.)

6 Do not try to sell advertising to the first Benz team. If you do, at best, they will laugh. At worst, they’ll tell their sponsor, Macy’s of New York. (Don’t look now, Min, but I think that is a Pinkerton private investigator looking at you. I’m sure the Macy’s wonder what you are up to by soliciting their driver.)

5 Do not ask where you can get a Bud Lite. If you do, at best, someone will think you are talking about a candle. At worst,  you’ll ask a guy named Bud. (Good going, Minoru. Bud thinks you are mocking him, and now he wants satisfaction. He talks about a bare knuckle fight. I hope you have some boxing experience.)

4 Do not predict that one of the three Benz cars will be the winner. If you do, at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst you’ll make the prediction to Frank Duryea. (Nice move, Misha. Frank was the winner of the race in a car that he and his brother built. He is not happy with you,, so don’t try to get a selfie with him and his car.)

3 Do not belittle the $2000 dollar first prize for the winner. If you do, at best people will think you nuts. At worst, the sponsor will be highly up set. (That $2000 in 1898 is equivalent to over $60,000 in today’s dollars, Miska. That kind of money didn’t grow on trees. The sponsor has decided to toss you out. Good sailing.

2 Do not wait around for the second place finisher. If you do at best someone will buy you a drink. At worst, you’ll miss dinner waiting. (The second place car came in two hours later than the first, Mjolnir. It was a Benz and was the only other care to finish.)

1 Do not congratulate Mr. Macy on his car’s finish. If you do, at best he’ll not hear you. At worst, he will think you are putting him on. You see, Modi. The Macy sponsored Benz collided with a streetcar on the way to Evanston and with a sleigh and then a horse drawn hack on the return trip. It never made it back.)

90 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First American Motor Car Race in 1895”

    1. I think he would be interested enough to find the person who caused his brand new Benz to blow up. (Not to mention the loss of his new racing outfit.) We need Tiny to cover himself for heaven’s sake and someone get some water for that smoking hair. If you have running shoes, GP, now is the time to try them out.😁

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  7. Oh my goodness, “collided with a streetcar” – Yikes! This might be a good event for me to miss, John. Too many people to offend. 50 miles was asking a lot from those early cars. But please don’t tell Tiny I said that.

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  12. Only in Chicago, right, John?? November snowstorm, sleighs, electric cars, and worst of all, 10 hours to complete the race! Yeah, no wonder I don’t like to drive up to see the Domer!

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  14. I keep looking over my shoulder, for Tiny. Can’t believed it snowed…an omen of sorts like…pull over pals, and stay there. Only two got to the finish line? Were the rest of them frozen behind the wheel? Too bad penguins couldn’t enter, well, if they knew how to drive of course, because then I’ll bet more than a half dozen would have taken off. I’m just sayin’ John.

    You don’t see Tiny, do ya? 🙂

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    1. Tiny would love to meet you. He has a soft spot in his heart for thin girls. He. likes the way they sail in the wind after his famous helicopter spin. I haven’t seen him today yet. I think he is still working GP to death. This whole race was typical Chicago weather. I feel sorry for all those who couldn’t even get to the starting line. Fun comments, Susannah.😊

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        2. I kinda knew that. Wonder from where. I read so much that I can never remember sources. I went to the Pump Room once at the Ambassador Hotel with the wall-to-wall framed photos of the rich and famous. I recall it being almost like a museum exhibition. Everyone from Cary Grant to JFK had a place. And it was cold.

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        3. So true about the cold. I was on Michigan Avenue one time (fronts the lake) and the wind blew me off my feet into a slush puddle. We used to do lunches in the Pump Room when I was producing a show on WGN TV. Had many a laugh there. I don’t know the sources of Windy City either. There was a big rivalry between Chicago and Cincinnati in the 1840s for the meat packing business which carried into name calling. Windy was one of the names. The lake breeze was touted in the 1900s for its coolness in the summer. Politicians being long-winded (and crooked) was noticed in the 1900s as well so who knows? 😊

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  24. That was great, John! I know the speeds were much slower, but I truly believe that the early days of racing were far more dangerous than today. Muddy roads, lack of personal protection equipment, sharing the roads with horse and street cars, and the lack of in car designed safety features made it treacherous. Took alot of you ‘know what’ to drive in one of those.

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