Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Margarita Day (Which is Today)

~ John W. Howell
Unsplash Image – Jack Bender

 

It is National Margarita Day today, and I would be remiss in allowing that kind of day to pass without providing some helpful advice. The top ten list won’t help prevent a time continuum disruption, but it might keep you out of jail.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Margarita Day © 2021

10 On Margarita Day, do not begin the celebrations with breakfast. If you do, at best, you are still working at home and have no meetings. At worst, by ten o’clock, it is clear on your Zoom calls that something is amiss. (Your boss keeps asking you to be quiet, Mar. Might be a tip-off that the old tequila friendship is about to go south.)

9 On Margarita Day, do not stand between Tiny, the WWF champ, and his first margarita. If you, at best, he will go around you. At worst, he’ll think of you as a strip of asphalt. (When you get up off the floor, Marceau, do yourself a favor and go sit in the corner. Tiny has skipped several of his anger management classes, and he looks like he is one margarita over the line.)

8 On Margarita Day, do not ask for a virgin margarita.  If you do, at best, the bartender will think you are kidding. At worst, the server will give you what is thought to be the right drink. (After your lips unpucker, Marcellin, and your hair returns to its normal flat on your head position, you will realize you were given a glass of pure lime juice. The thought was you were deficient in vitamin c.)

7 On Margarita Day, do not forget to tip the mariachi band. If you do, at best, they will play across the room. At worse, they will keep playing next to you until you cough up a tip. (You see, Marcely, this is how they make their living. If you don’t tip, they won’t get paid. No, a quarter is not enough.)

6 On Margarita Day, do not think you have to eat one taco for every margarita. If you do, at best, you’ll only have two. At worst, you managed to eat six tacos and drink six margaritas. (You don’t have much to worry about, Mardel. In a few minutes, your taco’s and Margarita’s will be joining each other in what is called a technicolor yawn.)

5 On Margarita Day, do not challenge everyone to guess which plant tequila comes from. If you do, at best, the room is too noisy for anyone to hear you. At worst, everyone knows it is the blue agave. (Don’t look now, Mardon, but people are starting to move away from you. Try not to go to your next quiz on agave nectar.

4 On Margarita Day, do not challenge everyone to a tequila shooter contest. If you do, at best, you will be ignored. At worst, someone will take you up on it. (Just your luck, Mariam, you have challenged the only guy in the room who has an immunity to the effects of alcohol. I see you are starting to drool and calling for the tender bar. It might be time to capitulate while you are still conscious.)

3 On Margarita Day, do not bother the bartender with your recipe for the perfect margarita. If you do, at best, they may be too busy to listen. At worst, they have been instructed to make the margaritas according to the house formula. (I can see they are getting a little irritated with you, Marino. If those daggers coming from the eyes are an indication of displeasure, just take the margarita as offered and go away.)

2 On Margarita Day, do not go into the health risks of salt on the rim. If you do, at best, the bartender will not be listening. At worst, the bartender is a very busy person right now. (They want to know with or without salt, Marji. Any other information is likely to earn you the status of cut-off.)

1 On Margarita Day, do not even think of having a good time with your margaritas and then getting behind the wheel. If you do, at best, someone will stop you. At worst is not something any of us want to think about. (Get out of that car, Marland before someone gets hurt. Let me call you a cab, and don’t say, “Okay, I’m a cab.”)

87 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Margarita Day (Which is Today)”

  5. It all sounds like good advice, before the first one is down the hatch. After two, I might be bumping into Tiny. After three, I might be asking him to apologize…I guess there won’t be a fourth one 😉

    Good list, John, especially #1.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Me: Laughed out loud. Hubby: What’s so funny? Me: A technicolor yawn. Hubby: What are you talking about? Me: It’s John making me laugh out loud. Hubby: Tell him I said Hi.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. “One Margarita over the line” made me laugh. That’s a great play on the old, other song. I’ll stick with the Margaritas, thank you very much. I see even you weren’t brave enough to tackle the frozen-or-on the rocks controversy!

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    1. Yes indeed. When I used to go to Cabo (in the 80s when there were no phones) we always got a margarita upon check-in. Never frozen. That was enough for me on the classic offering. Thanks, Linda.

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  14. Save me a seat at the bar, John. We both love margaritas done just right!
    I would not dream of doing anything else but hang out with y’all and not drive anywhere!

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  15. Gotta love Ton — you’d think those anger management classes would have done some good by now! I didn’t know there was such a thing as National Margarita Day; thanks for educating me, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Good list, John. Is there a National Scotch Day? Hmm?

    On an unrelated subject, is this the TextWP WordPress theme? I have to switch my theme, considering TextWP. It looks good in the preview! If this is, do you like it?

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  21. In the days when I drank daily at the Carlyle, a Margarita, that rivaled my ConEd bill when the check came, was a favorite of mine. Tommy, the late great barman, made the best Margies, as me and my pal Camille called them, and you really only needed one. But you know how girls are, living with 3. Lucy, Twiggy and your Missus, not necessarily in that order. Twiggy’s a gal, right? I can see one now the salt glimmering around the glass, that if it could only talk. Did you hear that? It’s Tommy, from the ether’s eternal bar, asking if we want another.

    I love your Mondays. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Twiggy is a gal. Speaking of margarita moments, I remember sitting in the Hotel Cabo San Lucas bar overlooking the Sea of Cortez waiting for our room. Warm sun, margaritas on the house, and munchies. I would have liked time to stand still and stay there forever. Yes, Tommy, I’ll have another and one for m’lady too. Thanks for the memory, Susannah. 😁

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        1. Hahahaha. I was doing some kind of tequila fueled dance one time and someone came out on the floor and suggested I quit. Talk about redfaced. I thought I was doing so well. I picked up my pants and left the place.

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