Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Are Moving

~ John W. Howell

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do

This post was originally run on April 18th, 2016. If you remember it, I hope you like it again. If not? I hope you like it. (My desires are small)

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Are Moving

10 If you are moving, do not wait until the movers show up to begin thinking of what you want to pack. If you do, at best, you will have a lot of hourly overtime to pay. At worst, your crew is likely to leave to move someone else and suggest you get organized in the meantime. (A little embarrassing to be left alone in the middle of a mess, isn’t it?)

9 If you are moving, do not pack your crystal pieces with your hand weights. At best, you might get some chips. At worst, you will arrive at the new place with a box of crystal snow.  (You were going to take the weights out but forgot, huh Bunky?)

8 If you are moving, do not forget to put your frozen food in a safe but frigid place. If you do forget, at best, you will have a bunch of thawed food on arrival. At worst, the thawing food will be in a place to drip through at least six boxes of your clothes. (Those white things look beautiful with that pot roast branding.)

7 If you are moving, do not be tempted to throw out your old pots and pans just cause you are tired of them. If you are, at best, you will need to replace everything before you can eat at home again. At worst, you didn’t realize the cookware was a precious gift from your parents, and now they are going through the dumpster. (How were you to know that was their first set?)

6 If you are moving, do not try to save and pack that delicious casserole you had last night. If you do, at best, it will be spoiled during the trip, and you’ll know it. At worst, you will ignore the signs of spoilage and dig in. (Those sirens you now hear is EMS. Gotta hope they get there in time)

5 If you are moving, do not think you and your friends have to consume all the liquor the night before the move. If you do, at best, your headache, chills, and nausea will be gone around 3:00 pm. At worst, you will not only be sick but will have to deal with five or six comatose friends. (Pretty hard to carry that dresser over all those bodies, isn’t it, Buster?)

4 If you are moving, do not tell the movers to put stuff “anywhere.” If you do, at best, you will have a living room that looks like a bedroom. At worst, you will have one room filled with furniture. (It’s the first room you enter, right?)

3 If you are moving, do not think your boxes don’t need marking because you remember what’s in each one. If you do, at best, you will be opening boxes and searching for things for a week. At worst, you will finally give up and stack all the boxes in such a way as to imitate the world’s worst hoarder. It (Pretty tough for the sunlight to get in through all those boxes. You say you feel like a rat in a maze?)

2. If you are moving, do not forget to fill out the forwarding cards for your new address. If you forget, at best, you will wonder where your mail went after three months. At worst, you will begin to wonder about all those phone calls regarding your lights, water, cable, and telephone. (That is until they all go dark. Now a rat in a dark and lonely maze.)

1 If you are moving, do not have friends’ help. If you do, at best, there will be only a few dented, scratched, and broken items. At worst, you realize no one knows how to dismantle your bed and couch, and you are forced to leave them behind. (How in the hell did those items get into the apartment in the first place?)

97 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Are Moving”

  1. I remember this post from before. Liked it then and still do. Moving days are not fun. Things do get lost or broken. You wonder why did I bring the doilies grandma made (to keep grandma happy). Most important of all…remember which box has the wine in it. I always need a glass or two at the end of the moving day.

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    1. Good advice, Karen. One time we moved and had some wine in the moving van. They had a breakdown and the van sat in the hot sun for a couple of days. We said goodbye to the wine. 😊

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  3. Our last move was 8 yrs ago, on my birthday. Before that, 35 yrs. we paired down a lot (code for scrapped a lot of junk) but still ended up with a ton of banana boxes, a few of which are still unpacked. Your post is hilarious but very close to reality. 😂

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  4. A great list, but Number 11 should be: If you’re moving don’t expect the moving van to show up at the time they said they’d be there. Just sit on your boxes and wait.

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  5. Great hilarious reminders, John. “…going through the dumpster” had me laughing out loud! I’m packing, preparing for a move, and thankfully our local church is having a big sale of donated goods. I make regular deliveries, and they seem to love what I bring. 😊

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  11. When I moved my mother from Iowa to Kansas City, she managed to disregard numbers 10, 7, 4, 3, and 2, as well as a few rules that aren’t on your list. It was not a pleasant experience!

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  15. Having made more than my share of moves (all in my younger days), I can fully appreciate this list, John. Funny how, the longer it is between moves, the more we forget about how challenging it can be — thanks for the reminder!

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  18. Favorite line…9 If you are moving, do not pack your crystal pieces with your hand weights. Why that made me laugh so, probably because it’s something I really would do. I’ve never read this by the way…it’s very funny.

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    1. My second wife and I had some exquisite Baccarat champagne flutes that never made the trip. The “professional” packer somehow got confused so the box ended up upside down with heavy bowls on the top. A couple of railroad crossings and the flutes were history.

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  24. Great list, John! Having moved house not that long ago…coming up on our 2 year anniversary here already! Anyway, to do it again I would mark my boxes with a wee bit more detail than I did for this move. I am still looking for a few things.

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  28. Having just made a massive move from our house of 35 years, these are all good pointers. Our moving company did take our freezer full of food, but kept it plugged in for us for the week we were stranded in a hotel waiting for the new house to be finished!
    One more point: always make plans for your pets ahead of time!

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  31. Very practical and essential tips. Indeed without them moving will be much harder. I liked in particular the ‘don’t tell them to put it anywhere’ since it must be very common to say that, hoping you’ll figure it out later by yourself where to put each thing, taking you much more time and effort. Writing upon the boxes the room they belong besides what they are, must also be very useful.

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