Top Ten Things Not to do if You Think You Will Win a Contest or the Lotto

~ John W. Howell

This post was originally published on May 4th, 2015. Let’s see if it still has legs.

 

This list was inspired by reading a story about a person who had a dream that they were a Lotto winner and went out and bought new cars before the drawing.

a lotto

 

Top Ten Things Not to do if You Think You Will Win a Contest or the Lotto

10 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not quit your day job until the drawing is over. If you do, at best, your boss won’t take you seriously when you give a reason for resigning. At worst, the Publisher Clearing House Award Team will knock on your door only to discover they have made a mistake, and your neighbor with the barking dog is the actual winner. (Fun stuff, huh?)

9 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not brag to your in-laws before the drawing. If you, at best, they will believe you are a little naive.  At worst, your father-in-law will present an IOU for the amount of money he has loaned to your spouse over the years. (The bill will still be due even if you don’t win.)

8 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not sign the papers for that beautiful new house until after the drawing. If you do, at best, you will be the proud owner of two homes and utterly broke. At worst, the Federal government will want to talk about the amount of income you stated on the bank loan forms of twenty million used to approve the loan. (They keep mumbling vaguely about something called bank fraud.)

7 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not tell all your friends before the drawing. If you do at best, they will want the money back for the drinks they bought you. At worst, they will think you won and are avoiding their requests for a loan. (Might want to leave town.)

6 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not put off saving for retirement. If you do, at best, you will need to keep working until you have enough to retire. At worst, you will retire and find out you needed to work more, and no one is hiring. (Especially an old dumb person.)

5 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not put your house up for sale until after the drawing. If you, at best, you will sell it and need to find another. At worst, you will sell your house and find you don’t have enough money to buy a similar value and no way to qualify for a loan. (That five-person tent looks pretty good about now.)

4 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not tell your boss exactly what you think of them before the drawing. If you do, at best, your boss will send you for a mental evaluation, and all will be forgotten. At worst, you will say things you want to retract, but you know a retraction is impossible even as you pack for your new assignment in North Korea. (Don’t forget the down-filled jacket.)

3 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not avoid setting up a college fund. If you do, at best, your kids will be so bright and talented they will win full scholarships to Ivy League schools. At worst, your kids will have to take jobs and loans to get through college and will eventually find their way back to your basement since they can’t afford a house while paying back the loans. (You would think they would offer to do the dishes just once.)

2 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not invest in that oil well with your brother-in-law before the drawing. If you do, at best, you have given your brother-in-law a gift. At worst, you will need the money you gave the brother-in-law to meet your near-term commitments since you figured you were throwing the money away and wouldn’t need it. Now you need it. (Good luck in getting it back.)

1 If you think you will win a contest or the Lotto, do not finally buy that expensive gift for your spouse before the drawing. If you do, at best, you will be a hero for the thought. At worst, you will have to return the gift and explain why you bought it in the first place. No matter how the excuse comes out, it will still sound like you have lost your mind. ( It would have been good to winterize the dog house.)

64 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do if You Think You Will Win a Contest or the Lotto”

  4. LOL! What a fun list, John. Being the realist type, I never expect to win and rarely ever buy a lotto ticket. That said, I’ve been known to buy tickets for charity sweepstakes on behalf of my kids. Some of them have won! 😁

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    1. A nice thing to do, Gwen. We won a charity sweepstakes once. It was a basket of St Patty day stuff including Bailey’s Irish Cream. Wasn’t one of our favorite things. 😁

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  7. This is so funny. No worries here as I never buy a ticket. In fact, I have probably saved as much money from never buying a ticket as a prize would be. Still not buying another house. LOL

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    1. I think you are right about saving the money. A friend of mine buys a five dollar thicket twice a week. Thats $520 dollars a year and he’s been doing it since 1996. Let’s see 25 X 520 = $13,000.

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  8. I can’t quite put my finger on it. That misstated value and income sound incredibly familiar. I just can’t seem to place the source. Perhaps if I breakdown and buy a ticket it will jar my memory. Hmmm or should I go with letting sleeping dogs lie. With profound apologies to the K9 species…

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  9. I love Number 8. Any time someone tells me they’ve come into money, I always tell them, to do nothing but keep it in the bank till they’re used to having it. I’ve read how Lotto winners bought cars for their family, and went to Vegas to gamble, bought mcmansions in Jersey and suddenly, found themselves broke again. You have to wear money till it really fits you or you’ll find yourself heading back from Vegas thumbing a ride. I do love these John. Very evocative indeed.

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    1. Thank you, Susannah. I’ve grown up around old money (Like a Nick Carraway to Jay Gatsby) and have had a chance to learn some secrets about preservation of same. First rule. Never spend anything that isn’t renewable. The annuity host should never be touched. I’m glad you like my re-runs. 😁

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        1. It is so nice to have you visit. I am doing reruns since normally the history post takes over three hours to construct. I’m trying to finish my next book and really need the time. After my current project is done I’ll get back to the original material.

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  10. Yep, still relevant today, John. And probably forever as long as there are lotteries. What I can’t get over is why people who fit in the low-income categories insist on buying lotto tickets each week, my dad included 🤪

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  16. You know, John, there’s something to be said for active manifestation, but your list brings us back to reality. After all, how many folks actually win the lottery or those big contests?

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  18. Can you imagine the cruelty of Publisher’s Clearing House knocking on your door, only to let you know they are trying to reach your next-door neighbor?😢

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  19. Here’s another one. If you think you’ll win a contest or the lotto, for gosh sakes, don’t visit Grandma, or you’ll get that advice about chickens, counting, and hatching again.

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  20. Great list, John. We don’t play often but we have on rare occasion. The most we ever won was $9 and we were thrilled. 😂 What I can’t help think about is all the lottery money that is supposed to go to schools. I never hear of these benefits, but always hear the worst instead of the state many schools are in to this day.

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  21. Number 10 sounds like my luck. One of my ex co-workers actually won $50 million in the lottery a few years back. He said, “Take this job and shove it!” (don’t blame him)

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