Top Ten Things Not to Do When it’s Your Birthday

~ John W. Howell

This post ran on May 11, 2015. I hope you like it if you haven’t seen it.

The inspiration for this is the fact that all of us have a day of birth, even those of you from another planet. So I thought we could all use a little advice on that particular day.

a bday-cake1

Top Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday

10 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone what you want for a present. If you do, at best, you won’t get what you requested. At worst, you will get all kinds of things that are sort of like what you wanted but not quite. (Yeah, that used Prius doesn’t even look like a Bentley)

9 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone you are feeling older. If you do, at best, a well-meaning someone will plop a post on Facebook asking everyone to cheer you up. At worst, you will get all those people who are older than you telling you things like “you only live once, enjoy,” and “When I was your age…”(Thanks, Pops, that really cheered me up)

8 When it’s your birthday, do not request a special dinner even if asked. If you do, at best, the dinner will not resemble what you thought you wanted. At worst, the dinner will be so complex and require so much prep that you will be forever in the debt of the preparer. (and reminded of same periodically)

7 When it is your birthday, do not let anyone at work know, even if you are in a birthday club. If you do, at best, all the cake and potluck will be made of everything forbidden on your restricted diet. At worst, since you have no idea which one of the dishes was prepared in the home of an Ebola sufferer, you will be playing potluck roulette with anything you try. (Just drink your ipecac and quit complaining.)

6 When it’s your birthday, do not accept an invitation to celebrate after work. If you do, at best, you will only be slightly late to your surprise birthday party at home. At worst, you might forget all about a prior commitment and join in the rest of the work crew for way too many birthday shots that could ultimately end with a late-night karaoke sing-off which you will win just before passing out in the restroom. (You’ve looked better in the morning)

5 When it’s your birthday, do not join everyone and sing Happy Birthday to yourself. If you do, at best, the assumption is you had too much punch. At worst, the party goers will come away with the feeling you could have had your own narcissistic party that would have been cheaper for them. (They may be right.)

4 When it’s your birthday, try to look pleased with your in-law’s gift. If you don’t, at best, you might hurt their feelings. At worst, you will be the center of a raging controversy about what it takes to please you with no good result. ( Can you say the center of attention?)

3 When it’s your birthday, do not tell the restaurant this information. If you do, at best, someone will quietly bring a piece of cake and congratulations. At worst, the entire restaurant crew will gather at your table clapping and singing some rendition of Happy Birthday while delivering a cake with a sparkler that gets the attention of the whole room.(Oh joy, your boss is over there.)

2 When it’s your birthday, do not stop at a store just to see what’s new. If you do, at best, you will only look around and realize you don’t need anything. At worst, you will feel as if your birthday somehow suspends any restraint that you have for overspending. The presents you buy yourself will be way too expensive. (and unnecessary.)

1 When it’s your birthday, do not take the occasion to over analyze the significance of the event. If you do, at best, you may miss the fun of the day. At worst, you may be unkind to yourself and in the process discount much of your success. (This took a nasty psychological turn, didn’t it?)

110 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do When it’s Your Birthday”

  7. When is Tiny’s birthday? I want to ask him how old he is – I keep seeing the big fella at all the spots in history we’ve visited!! 😏

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  10. I agree with Jill. Number three is to be avoided at all costs — although the free dessert isn’t a bad deal, especially if they let you choose which you want!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. John, it strikes me as funny that these rules don’t really apply to kids. One regularly hears little ones break #10, 8, and 5! Any why is it they can’t wait to grow up? A little kid is never 5; they’re 5 and a half, or almost 6. Happy Birthday Week to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ha ha. I think I’ve done all of these, except maybe join in the singing. 🙂 When my husband makes dinner arrangements, he always says it’s his birthday (or mine or our anniversary) so he gets a complimentary dessert. Lol

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  16. Great tips. I write a story a couple of years ago about bdays. Everything good that happens anywhere on your bday is because of your bday, an international celebration, of sorts. But I like your tips about keeping silent and just let the day pass.

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  19. Man … I couldn’t agree more with #3. I get the shakes just thinking about the restaurant staff crowding around my table and singing to me while I have that stupid look on my face.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I had to laugh at number 7, John. I suffered through too many potluck roulette meals at work over the course of 31 years. I’m not sure we had an Ebola-infected chef, but we did have a woman who brought squirrel stew.

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  22. B-b-but the used P-p-prius was all I could afford, J-j-john! I was just trying to show I cared! 😥 At least I didn’t fix you a special dinner, though I had considered my famous Leftyover HodgePodge!

    Happy Birthday, John!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Oh, these are good! Is it your birthday, John? If so, happy birthday! I am a weird one for my birthday. I usually manage to find a way to cry. One time I opened a gift from the gardener and the kids and started to cry. They were traumatized. I loved the gift–it was a rooster cookie jar.

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  25. I think the only time I wanted a restaurant or bar to know it was my birthday was when I turned 21. There aren’t too many occasions when the drinks are free.

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  27. Never tell the restaurant is a rule I follow closely. Great tips Boss.

    This list reminds me of a Marv Albert story. Albert is retiring after fifty years as a HOF broadcaster. He used to prank his friends by telling the restaurant it was their birthday, so they would send out a cake and everybody would serenade the birthday person. Only thing was, it wasn’t their birthday.

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  29. Hmm…why do most of these sound familiar? 🙂 #3..been there, done that, only someone else spills the beans. A free dessert is worth it, kind of, maybe not. :O
    Thanks for the reminders, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I was sure I had commented on this one! Sheesh… and I’m not the one having a birthday very soon like some people… 😉

    The singing in the restaurant has to be the worst!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Pingback: Top Ten Things Not to Do When it’s Your Birthday – Eduardo Silva✓

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