Last week I replayed what not to do on a Sunday. This week’s post is from August 9th, 2015, which ran one week after the Sunday post. (of course) I hope you like it.
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This list was inspired by facing Monday over 3800 times so far. Everyone was a little different, and it was not because of the day but rather because of the day before. Hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do On a Monday
10 On Monday, do not bustle into the office as if you don’t have a hangover. If you do, at best, you will broadcast your desperate condition. At worst, you may just burn out by ten o’clock and will have a rough time explaining how you managed to sleep at your desk until after everyone went home. (And you were drooling too)
9 On Monday, do not go into your boss’s office with a demand for higher pay. If you do, at best, you can expect a locked door next time. At worst, your boss is fighting a bad headache, and you are now considered a pain in another part of the body. (We are too gentrified to mention what that part is)
8 On Monday, do not get near fellow workers. If you do, at best, they will thank you for moving further away, given the garlic fumes from your midnight Caesar salad. At worst, you will confirm that you just had to have one more round of firewater before the last call at 2:00. (Funny how two hours of sleep and gallons of coffee won’t get rid of the alcohol vapor)
7 On Monday, do not use a laser pointer during your presentation. If you do, at best, your shaking hands will be magnified by the frantic little dot moving around the screen. At worst, you will accidentally point the laser out the window just in time to catch the eye of a 747 pilot on the final approach to the airport. (The next thing you will face is an interrogation by Homeland Security)
6 On Monday, do not volunteer to be a homeroom parent. If you do, at best, the kids will whisper to the teacher you smell funny. At worst, as you realize you need to visit the restroom, quick, you stumble over little Johnny sliding into the hallway and involuntarily render the trip to the restroom redundant. You also notice how each child can say “eeewww” at a different pitch. (And you thought there would be no teaching moment out of the situation)
5 On Monday, do not meet with friends unless they were with you the night before. If you do, at best, they will not understand your current state. At worst, since they are friends, you can expect an interdiction even though you think you will live. (As luck would have it, you decided you were going to live after that first glass of wine)
4 On Monday, do not operate any dangerous equipment. If you do, at best, you will harm the machinery and not yourself. At worse, you will be screaming for help as the piece of equipment you forgot to turn off heads down the street. (Don’t worry, a runaway forklift can’t cause much harm. Or can it?)
3 On Monday, do not walk the dogs. If you do, at best you will forget where you live. At worst, the dogs will sense some weakness and will take the opportunity to haul you on your stomach through the neighborhood in pursuit of the neighbor’s cat. (Too bad you put on your best outfit for the presentation this morning)
2 On Monday, do not take the carpool to work. If you do, at best, you will be asked a hundred questions about your appearance. At worst, your fellow carpoolers will decide to let you off after a couple of miles, and you’ll have to make your way to work anyway. (And you thought that dime-store cologne was going to cover up your night before reek)
1 On Monday, do not get out of bed. If you do, at best, your college try will get you an F. At worst, you will expose yourself to any one of the nine things on this list. (Trust me, it is safer in bed)
Fiction Favorites 
Hmm, I worked with that guy in my previous job.
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Hahaha. Thanks, Liz.
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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I’m with you, it’s best to stay home on Monday.😉
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I’m glad I get to do that. 😁
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I think staying in bed is the best idea of all. Then why am I awake and up on a Monday morning? 😉
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I blame my dogs but know there are just so many hours I can sleep. Thanks, Joan.
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I’m the same way, John. If I sleep until 6:30 or 7:00 that’s late. (And rare.)
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Me too. Of course I’m an old fart. 😁
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Good list, John. I remember many meetings where the presenter should not have been given a laser pointer.
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An old boss of mine told me his secret of looking okay was to never use a saucer with his cup of coffee. That way he avoided the clatter of shaking hands. 😁
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Good advice.
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PS – I never thought of measuring life in Mondays – that’s a scary stat.
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There are about 300 + more since I wrote that. Yes, I did the math. 52 X 80 = 4160
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And always one fewer Friday…it’s not fair.
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haha, ya gotta hate those laser pointers!! They give all sorts of tell-tale secrets away!
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So true. Thanks, GP.
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#1 is really the only rule you need here.
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I must have run out of steam back then.
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Hilarious, John. Now I know that craziness is not a recent phenomenon for you. 🤣 I loved #3 especially. Being the visual type and one who knows all the dogs on my street, I had fun thinking about that one. Have a fantastic day!
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With #10, I don’t have a hangover, but i might as well because with only two hours of sleep I’m pretty incoherent right now. Which is why I should just do #1.
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The laser pointer had me chuckling, John. Most definitely, it’s safer to stay in bed! Good one!
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Thanks, Jan
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John, you really made me laugh out loud. The runaway forklift is a case in point. Thanks!
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Thank you, Jennie.
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You’re welcome, John.
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Dear John,
we love best no. 1 and no. 7.
Thanks for making us remember the times when we were working and for making us laugh.
Wishing you an easy and wonderful week
The Fab Four of Cley
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Thak you, Klausbernd. Have a great week as well.
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Great ones, John. On Monday, don’t think about the rest of the week. If you do, you will become depressed. At worst, especially with a hangover, you might 9, 4 and 3!
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Thanks, Noelle. 😁
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#1 is what came to my mind as soon as I read your topic for today! 😉
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Would be nice if it could happen. Thanks, Pit. 😊
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LOLOL! Very funny John!
I’m enjoying these NOT lists!
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Thank you, Resa. I’m so glad you are. 😁
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I agree it is safer to stay in bed!
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Yup.
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I wish I could stay in bed! Great list, John, and Happy Monday! 🙂
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Thank you, Lauren.
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No. 3 is the best! Do I know from experience? Maybe.
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Maybe? Ha ha ha. Thanks, Darlene.
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Reblogged this on NEW OPENED BLOG > https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thank you for sharing my post, Michael. 😁
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You are welcome, John! Thank you for the information. xx Michael
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😊
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Thank you for the advices, John! These are very important. I hope you managed a good Monday. Best wishes! xx Michael
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I did, Michael. Thank you. Hope you had a good Monday as well.
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Great! Oh, here its most times the same. Silence with clouds. Lol xx Michael
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Hahaha.
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Oh Lordy… this would apply to da yutes coz, I am way past partying on Sunday… Saturday? That’s a whole ‘nother story!
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I’m with you. I love the word yutes. I also love the movie My Cousin Vinny. 😁
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O’ course you’re with me 😉
It’s one of my favourite movies. How can you not love Joe and Marisa?
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Especially Marisa. Fred Gwinn was great too.
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I had to google him… And as soon as I saw his face… LOVE him!
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I know right?
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He’s great!
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[…] Read more … […]
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Thanks for sharing.
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When you work for yourself, Mondays are just about like the other weekdays! Nevertheless, this one brings back those times when I worked for The Man — well done, John!
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Thank you, Debbie. 😁
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#6 brought back a memory from my teaching days. I had a parent come in to volunteer one day in my room and I set her up at a station to listen to kids read. I was behind a divider, so I couldn’t see what was going on. After a little while, one of my little second graders came over and just stared at me while I was working with a small group. When I asked her what was wrong, she said the parent who was supposed to be listening to her read had fallen asleep.🤣
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🤣 Great story, Pete.
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The drool was a great touch!
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😂
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Number 1 makes the most sense to me. Sometimes, you just have to take the mulligan and move on to Tuesday . .
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The mulligan is key.
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You understand.
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I don’t know how you come up with these but they’re all brilliant. I was going to say especially #1. However, a lot of people beat me to it.
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Thank you, Andrew
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